Mrzfavour:
Thank you sir , am not working at de moment but am looking forward to get a job like sales girl when my daughter turns 1

What educational qualification do you have?

True. But this is a new generation. Most men cannot take responsibility for a family until they reach 30 or near. Of course not excluding the minority who mature fast, but most don’t. At 24, you’re still a baby mentally, esp for a man, I’m sorry to say. I wouldn’t advise a lady of 22 to settle with a 24 year old man unless she wants to waste her time and wait for him to man up.

Efewestern:


We have so many men who are above 30 but still act same way as OP's husband, 24yrs ain't no baby, our forefathers started having families at 20.

The guy should man up, he is simply irresponsible, he doesn't even care about his own child, what nonsense.

I can only imagine what you're going through.. please take your daughter and leave him, you can't force yourself on a man, focus on fixing your life and your daughter's.

Mrzfavour:
Am 22yrs n married with a kid . We dated 4 just two months n I got pregnant my family forced him 2 marry me coz of de pregnancy, we didn’t even get time to know ourselves very well. He later did introduction n paid my bride price I moved with him in his family home , we stay like stranger he doesn’t talk 2 me unless it’s necessary ,he keep late night he goes out every weekends n comes back in de morning , he has other girlfriends he has given dem my number 2 insult me , he has no love for our baby 8 months old he doesn’t play with her n he has never put her pictures on Facebook or WhatsApp but he put his nephews n nieces and his friends children there but no his own daughter, since September 2019 he traveled 2 Abuja to work 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop he doesn’t call me but he calls his moda every single day dey will talk for hours without him asking 4 me , when I call or texted he will ignore , his bro, his wife , kids n him visited us for Christmas festival he didn’t even talk to me until dey left on de 3rd of January. his family are not saying anything and dey blamed me saying I put myself in dis mess coz I was supposed to focus on my education n not following him n my family are also saying de same dt i run faster than my shadow n I wanted 2be married so I should endure , I’m just tired of dis marriage I cry everyday not knowing what to do. De reason I brought my problem here is coz he is also a member in dis platform he gives people good advices about marriage but he doesn’t practice de same in our marriage n pls help both of us with advice on how to work with our marriage. Thank you

@bold:

Hilarious.

I think he is yet to adjust to the fact that he is a father and husband because you both pulled the cart before the horse.

Good points:
He took responsibility and married you despite you just met for two months. He trusted/trusts you that the baby is his.

Observation: He is in his family home meaning he is not earning a lot/ still finding his feet

Mrzfavour:
Thank you sir , he is 24yrs he works 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop in Abuja , Am in Enugu n his in Abuja. My parents lives in Cameroon, it was my aunt when she got married she brought me to Nigeria with her when I was 13yrs, she said I have to endure the pain because I put myself in dis condition. his family are treating me well n his bro pays him 50k a month he doesn’t send any money for our upkeep n it is my moda in law who take care of everything but am not happy with her coz she doesn’t want to advice my husband when he is acting bad towards me

He is 24yrs old, still a guy and he did not marry according to the timetable in his head.

Your MIL takes care of you and baby financially and frankly, she is doing a good job.

As per advising your husband, have you noticed how her husband behaves to her? Do you know if she doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour? Please appreciate her and cut her some slack.

Since your husband gives people good advice, he knows the right thing(s) to do.

Sit with him and ask him the way forward.

If he still wants the marriage, then he has to clean up his acts. If he doesn't want the marriage, you both decide on terms of seperation/divorce and move on.

Efewestern:


We have so many men who are above 30 but still act same way as OP's husband, 24yrs ain't no baby, our forefathers started having families at 20.

The guy should man up, he is simply irresponsible, he doesn't even care about his own child, what nonsense.

Times have changed. 90percent males won't want to be married at that age,life is just beginning for them.

Wahala!!!! Nairaland abeg wetin they lannisterize? It seems 7 out of every 10 families below 10yrs of marriage have issues. With this trend I think our society is fast turning to the western world that has no values in marriages/building a happy family. Well, what do I know

olabrinks:
True. But this is a new generation. Most men cannot take responsibility for a family until they reach 30 or near. Of course not excluding the minority who mature fast, but most don’t. At 24, you’re still a baby mentally, esp for a man, I’m sorry to say. I wouldn’t advise a lady of 22 to settle with a 24 year old man unless she wants to waste her time and wait for him to man up.

I get your point sister, but I still believe you shouldn't stress on the age part, the reason most men settle at 30 is because of the present state of the economy, age doesn't make one a man, but life challenges.

24, baby mentality? I wonder the type of 24yrs old guys you have met over the years, if at 24 one still thinks like a baby, I wonder when he'd start thinking like a man.

What OP is presently experiencing with his man, he can experience with majority of men above 30, no love between them, few sex lead to pregnancy and then marriage, everything was just too quick. I'm not trying to absolve the man of his irresponsible act, but one shouldn't marry a lady all because she got pregnant, it never ends well.

First of all, never see your baby as a mistake, it's God gift that money can never buy, some of us are still praying for that gift. Secondly as soon as u r strong enough pls look for something to support yourself with, that way u will never feel vulnerable. I sure cannot advise you to leave because u are not financially capable for now so keep praying n believing God for a change of story. Remember u have God love, that is enough.

LadySarah:


Times have changed. 90percent males won't want to be married at that age,life is just beginning for them.

Agreed, But we just have to agree that OP's husband isn't acting this way because of age, because most men above 30 will still act same way under similar circumstances.

I hope the man is reading this thread now,

Mr man, its utter wickedness to refuse to show love and care for an innocent child you brought to this world, even of you hate the mother can you not bring the child up with love and act like a father towards her? What kind of selfish behaviour is this for heavens sake?

The way Nigerian society overlooks irresponsible behaviour in men is just too extreme and appalling. In same societies you will be forced to provide child support for the child or get arrested. What nonsense.

Two of you are to blame for birthing that child, the kid had nothing to do with it so why depriving her of fatherly love? And to think this person comes here to dish out advise like a typical hypocrite.
If not that getting well paid jobs is hard o would have advised you, op to get a job and start supporting yourself so you can move out and take that innocent baby from that toxic environment with her lackadaisical immature selfish father. I would have said worse insults but knowing how immature the fellow is, he might take out his anger on op because people here called him names.

What nonsense. And the most annoying part is that if OP finally breaks free and starts training that child on her own to be successful, the same irresponsible fellow will come back in future and try to plant himself in the girl's life.

24 is still early twenties. Still very young and a complete different stage to let’s say 29 or 30. That’s like a 6 year difference which is half a decade. I know what I’m saying, you're not the same person at 24 that you are at 30, there’s a huge growth spurt especially mentally. Men also mature a lot less slower, but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Efewestern:


I get your point sister, but I still believe you shouldn't stress on the age part, the reason most men settle at 30 is because of the present state of the economy, age doesn't make one a man, but life challenges.

24, baby mentality? I wonder the type of 24yrs old guys you have met over the years, if at 24 one still thinks like a baby, I wonder when he'd start thinking like a man.

What OP is presently experiencing with his man, he can experience with majority of men above 30, no love between them, few sex lead to pregnancy and then marriage, everything was just too quick. I'm not trying to absolve the man of his irresponsible act, but one shouldn't marry a lady all because she got pregnant, it never ends well.

Dande55:

She should keep the child with them. It's also their child.

No good mother will abandon her child, let alone an eight month old baby.
@OP, you are neither loved nor wanted. Take your child and leave. Stand up for yourself and make something of your life. Your husband may come back to his senses and look for you, and if he doesn't, someone better will come along. But it is imperative that you realise you deserve better than what you are getting and act accordingly.

Oh, and please don't call him out by revealing his moniker. It is immature and will do more harm than good.

As much as I laughed and laughed when you said that the dude has a monicker here, anybody who advises you to mention him in this thread is a thief who is trying to destroy your home, kpom kwem

Oma307:
since you just did introduction alone, I think the best thing to do now is to separate, because I don't see any sense of responsibility of him to you and his own daughter.

Bride price has been paid.

LadySarah:
Bobo that gives marital advice but won't follow it weldoneoo.

Your community penis has resulted in a child and you have to man up and be a father to her.

Why you no just go back go modify your first comment? Why only you de book two spaces?

Mrzfavour:
Am 22yrs n married with a kid . We dated 4 just two months n I got pregnant my family forced him 2 marry me coz of de pregnancy, we didn’t even get time to know ourselves very well. He later did introduction n paid my bride price I moved with him in his family home , we stay like stranger he doesn’t talk 2 me unless it’s necessary ,he keep late night he goes out every weekends n comes back in de morning , he has other girlfriends he has given dem my number 2 insult me , he has no love for our baby 8 months old he doesn’t play with her n he has never put her pictures on Facebook or WhatsApp but he put his nephews n nieces and his friends children there but no his own daughter, since September 2019 he traveled 2 Abuja to work 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop he doesn’t call me but he calls his moda every single day dey will talk for hours without him asking 4 me , when I call or texted he will ignore , his bro, his wife , kids n him visited us for Christmas festival he didn’t even talk to me until dey left on de 3rd of January. his family are not saying anything and dey blamed me saying I put myself in dis mess coz I was supposed to focus on my education n not following him n my family are also saying de same dt i run faster than my shadow n I wanted 2be married so I should endure , I’m just tired of dis marriage I cry everyday not knowing what to do. De reason I brought my problem here is coz he is also a member in dis platform he gives people good advices about marriage but he doesn’t practice de same in our marriage n pls help both of us with advice on how to work with our marriage. Thank you

once your baby is two years old, drop her with his mum, go back to school, be faithful to yourself because you are married already by customary law, do good for yourselve he will later come for you begging, but if you continue like this he will consider you as a liability, finally apologize to your parents for dusappointing them

I can't believe I'm saying this but I will do worse than this to any girl that decides to keep a pregnancy I didn't approve of.

The only thing is I will love the child. But the mother? No chance! I will frustrate her life I swear.

Shebi you want trap am? E don shock you.
22 and 24 years? Kids everywhere!

To the 24years old Kid....

Love your child. She's innocent of this mess her mother has put you. Always try to check up on her. Once she's of age, collect her and boot her mother out of your life so that you can refocus.

God punish any girl that wants to slow down my life with pregnancy.

Rubbish!

If I can add to what you've been told, here is what I can say. Igbos don't truly love to marry from other tribes, 90 percent of success rate is when an Igbo man marry an Igbo woman. You are a foreigner in another man's land, 22 with a baby, school dropout and a baby mama. Fuvk introduction. Here is my only advice, you still have more years to go in life. Take your kid to your family, and further your education. You can get marry when you are 24 or 25. The sky is your limits. Take the risk and move on with your life. Listen... You will suffer in the marriage. Even if we settle the both of you today, it's going to continue tomorrow. Am so sure that he's mad at you for bring this topic here and exposing him and his private life. If you like to suffer, keep up with the marriage.

He can't love you,

He is just 24.
He only wanted to knack.
You got pregnant.
Knacking must not lead to pregnancy.
Your people forced you on a 24yrs old guy.

He can never love you. He may only begin to appreciate or tolerate you. Which doesn't seem like the case.

Leave blame games and emotional tantrums. Your best bet is to leave.

If you wanna be a single mother in Nigeria, better be a Linda Ikeji or Tiwa Savage.

Thank you all 4 giving me some strong advice some of it was hard 2 hear , I really appreciate

Mrzfavour:
Thank you all 4 giving me some strong advice some of it was hard 2 hear , I really appreciate

His family are very stupid. If they have an irresponsible son fucking around, it is his fault for getting you pregnant. Don’t get gamed into them blaming you for getting pregnant. Their son can impregnate, he can get married and take care of his family. Right now, don’t move an inch. Develop a thick skin and use this time to go back to school and build yourself completely. Leave that fool to keep deceiving himself. Focus on yourself and ignore all of them. As long as you have food and shelter for your baby, then that should be your only concern.

Go back to school and get yourself a job or something to do. Slowly build yourself and plan for the next stage in life. Protect your daughter fiercely and ensure that idiot use a condom before coming close to you. Don’t let anyone blame you for their failure as parents and a 24yr old man’s irresponsibility.

pocohantas:
He can't love you,

He is just 24.
He only wanted to knack.
You got pregnant.
Knacking must not lead to pregnancy.
Your people forced you on a 24yrs old guy.

He can never love you. He may only begin to appreciate or tolerate you. Which doesn't seem like the case.

Leave blame games and emotional tantrums. Your best bet is to leave.

If you wanna be a single mother in Nigeria, better be a Linda Ikeji or Tiwa Savage.

Adventure gone wrong.

STARGREEN:
It's well if you believe. Find a way to talk sense into him. Apologies on any offence or for what you may have caused him without saying a word or knowing. Put on the best attributes of decent women in practice. With time if time be, you will gain. Reduce complain and increase understanding of him.
There are many people that have passed worst stage of yours and now counting their gains. Remember to have something to earn income.

He has been forced to marry her. He cannot be forced or persuaded into loving her.

Thegamingorca:




Adventure gone wrong.

Na small boy be that na. Let's be realistic, what do they expect from him?

I'm not an advocate of broken homes but leave the guy and go have a life. Go back to school or start a trade and leave the child with his mum.

Truth be told you will end up leaving him. The question is when is the right time to take action? I will answer for you "NOW".
He is not mentally ready to be married and you will end up mentally draining yourself and depression might set in.

Nowadays men marry girls that already have kids so no need to fear not being to marry in future.

You are even 22 my mum was 17 when she had me and one of the best decisions she made was to leave my dad and today she is very independent and doing good in her career and moved on to have my sisters and are both professionals. So a child is not the end of the world.

Terryindeed:
If I can add to what you've been told, here is what I can say. Igbos don't truly love to marry from other tribes, 90 percent of success rate is when an Igbo man marry an Igbo woman. You are a foreigner in another man's land, 22 with a baby, school dropout and a baby mama. Fuvk introduction. Here is my only advice, you still have more years to go in life. Take your kid to your family, and further your education. You can get marry when you are 24 or 25. The sky is your limits. Take the risk and move on with your life. Listen... You will suffer in the marriage. Even if we settle the both of you today, it's going to continue tomorrow. Am so sure that he's mad at you for bring this topic here and exposing him and his private life. If you like to suffer, keep up with the marriage.

I'm sure her man no look like you. See as you look decent and drop decent comment.

Op let me use this gentleman I quoted as an example... Men with decency are still out there. Forget the guy and move on.

Let me teach you oyinbo style, get something to do and save up for an accommodation and then use style go carry you child from them. They don't have any right to fight you for the child because you are not legally married to him so he will loss in court since customary marriage is not legally binding.

bolayei:


I'm sure her man no look like you. See as you look decent and drop decent comment.

Op let me use this gentleman I quoted as an example... Men with decency are still out there. Forget the guy and move on.

Let me teach you oyinbo style, get something to do and save up for an accommodation and then use style go carry you child from them. They don't have any right to fight you for the child because you are not legally married to him so he will loss in court since customary marriage is not legally binding.

My guy you be correct guy. Where you dey make we share one bottle of shayoo. That's the truth o. She will suffer. At the age of 22 why go through pain? Darling please take correction from the options here.

The Man is AIRFORCE1

Liftkid:
The Man is AIRFORCE1

Stop spreading rumours Airforce1 is far older than 24.

You can't force someone to love you. It won't b easy faviur, but with focus, determination and luck you'll smile at d end of d day. You still got much ahead of you, don't let any man dim your shine and essence with unhappiness.

God will help u....
Keep enduring...
But dem suppose slap sense into U...
The signs were dre... But blinded by love