Am 22yrs n married with a kid . We dated 4 just two months n I got pregnant my family forced him 2 marry me coz of de pregnancy, we didn’t even get time to know ourselves very well. He later did introduction n paid my bride price I moved with him in his family home , we stay like stranger he doesn’t talk 2 me unless it’s necessary ,he keep late night he goes out every weekends n comes back in de morning , he has other girlfriends he has given dem my number 2 insult me , he has no love for our baby 8 months old he doesn’t play with her n he has never put her pictures on Facebook or WhatsApp but he put his nephews n nieces and his friends children there but no his own daughter, since September 2019 he traveled 2 Abuja to work 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop he doesn’t call me but he calls his moda every single day dey will talk for hours without him asking 4 me , when I call or texted he will ignore , his bro, his wife , kids n him visited us for Christmas festival he didn’t even talk to me until dey left on de 3rd of January. his family are not saying anything and dey blamed me saying I put myself in dis mess coz I was supposed to focus on my education n not following him n my family are also saying de same dt i run faster than my shadow n I wanted 2be married so I should endure , I’m just tired of dis marriage I cry everyday not knowing what to do. De reason I brought my problem here is coz he is also a member in dis platform he gives people good advices about marriage but he doesn’t practice de same in our marriage n pls help both of us with advice on how to work with our marriage. Thank you

It's well if you believe. Find a way to talk sense into him. Apologies on any offence or for what you may have caused him without saying a word or knowing. Put on the best attributes of decent women in practice. With time if time be, you will gain. Reduce complain and increase understanding of him.
There are many people that have passed worst stage of yours and now counting their gains. Remember to have something to earn income.

Mrzfavour:
Am 22yrs n married with a kid . We dated 4 just two months n I got pregnant my family forced him 2 marry me coz of de pregnancy, we didn’t even get time to know ourselves very well. He later did introduction n paid my bride price I moved with him in his family home , we stay like stranger he doesn’t talk 2 me unless it’s necessary ,he keep late night he goes out every weekends n comes back in de morning , he has other girlfriends he has given dem my number 2 insult me , he has no love for our baby 8 months old he doesn’t play with her n he has never put her pictures on Facebook or WhatsApp but he put his nephews n nieces and his friends children there but no his own daughter, since September 2019 he traveled 2 Abuja to work 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop he doesn’t call me but he calls his moda every single day dey will talk for hours without him asking 4 me , when I call or texted he will ignore , his bro, his wife , kids n him visited us for Christmas festival he didn’t even talk to me until dey left on de 3rd of January. his family are not saying anything and dey blamed me saying I put myself in dis mess coz I was supposed to focus on my education n not following him n my family are also saying de same dt i run faster than my shadow n I wanted 2be married so I should endure , I’m just tired of dis marriage I cry everyday not knowing what to do. De reason I brought my problem here is coz he is also a member in dis platform he gives people good advices about marriage but he doesn’t practice de same in our marriage n pls help both of us with advice on how to work with our marriage. Thank you

If he is a member of this forum, kindly call him out by mentioning his Monika so that we can sit both of you down and counsel you at once.

WebLab:

If he is a member of this forum, kindly call him out by mentioning his Monika so that we can sit both of you down and counsel you at once.

Yes oh, please call him out.

22 years oh lord

How old is your husband?

What does he do for a living?

Married you and kept you in family house in the (village) I guess?


The bitter truth is your husband is never ready for marriage he was forced to do it don't expect love and care from forced marriage especially from a guy that's not working or has something doing yet most people will say why didn't he use his brain then when he was releasing inside he didn't know
Most people are guilty of this same thing, because some abort or some take postinor 2 it looks as if they're wise

My only advice is I don't know about your parents I would've advised you take your child and go to your parents house when his senses are back he will come begging



Quick question how are his family treating you in times of upkeeps, baby foods and clothing and hope he do send you money

since you just did introduction alone, I think the best thing to do now is to separate, because I don't see any sense of responsibility of him to you and his own daughter.

He needs to man up and accept his responsibilities. He should stop acting like it's all your fault. When he had unprotected sex, what was he expecting? A pumpkin?

His family is just being bias. They blame you for not concentrating on your studies. Fine! That's true. But do they also blame their son/brother for not controlling his manhoood?

Both of you are at fault. He should suck it up and face his responsibilities. He should come up and say he is not doing again or that you both should work on the marriage instead of acting like a demon.

May the Lord be your strength in your loveless marriage,I can imagine,it must be a nightmare,I don't even know what advice to give

you can divorce him and move on to a better life

WebLab:

If he is a member of this forum, kindly call him out by mentioning his Monika so that we can sit both of you down and counsel you at once.

DONT TRY IT

I will be very angry if my wife dies that. So, don't break your already fragile home.

Hey you're not yet married to him so take the the child and leave

Keep the child in his family house and go sort yourself out. You are still young for this rubbish.

Thegeneralqueen:
Hey you're not yet married to him so take the the child and leave

She should keep the child with them. It's also their child.

efighter:


DONT TRY IT

I will be very angry if my wife dies that. So, don't break your already fragile home.

Which home kettle calling pot black op spell his moniker add dot in between so he won't no let's drag him out

Thank you sir , he is 24yrs he works 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop in Abuja , Am in Enugu n his in Abuja. My parents lives in Cameroon, it was my aunt when she got married she brought me to Nigeria with her when I was 13yrs, she said I have to endure the pain because I put myself in dis condition. his family are treating me well n his bro pays him 50k a month he doesn’t send any money for our upkeep n it is my moda in law who take care of everything but am not happy with her coz she doesn’t want to advice my husband when he is acting bad towards me

JeffreyD1:
22 years oh lord

How old is your husband?

What does he do for a living?

Married you and kept you in family house in the (village) I guess?


The bitter truth is your husband is never ready for marriage he was forced to do it don't expect love and care from forced marriage especially from a guy that's not working or has something doing yet most people will say why didn't he use his brain then when he was releasing inside he didn't know
Most people are guilty of this same thing, because some abort or some take postinor 2 it looks as if they're wise

My only advice is I don't know about your parents I would've advised you take your child and go to your parents house when his senses are back he will come begging



Quick question how are his family treating you in times of upkeeps, baby foods and clothing and hope he do send you money

In his head, you probably tried to trap him with pregnancy, hence the behaviour.

See, I've said it before, and I will say it again.... "the society is not fair on women". Single women need to get a hold of themselves, cos if you both make a wrong decision, with the male spearheading it, the society will still blame the woman. Unfortunate, but that's the reality.

Your family didnt force you into marriage. You forced yourself by allowing an irresponsible man get you pregnant.

As it stands, you're the one sad and depressed, while he makes mockery of you with his numerous girlfriends.

What do I advise now?

Separate and face the consequences thereof, or keep praying as usual.

Make your decision fast, as you're still young. Whatever decision you make now will decide how you lead your future.

Question... What do you do to support yourself financially? Hand work? Education?

Both of you simply weren't prepared for what you got yourselves into. This is the result. I would kindly advice you to look for work, make money and try to be okay financially, cause this is only phase 1. Do all you can to get something doing fast, to live well, dress well and look really good, like say u no send. Maybe, then he might start taking you serious.

Mrzfavour:
Thank you sir , he is 24yrs he works 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop in Abuja , Am in Enugu n his in Abuja. My parents lives in Cameroon, it was my aunt when she got married she brought me to Nigeria with her when I was 13yrs, she said I have to endure the pain because I put myself in dis condition. his family are treating me well n his bro pays him 50k a month he doesn’t send any money for our upkeep n it is my moda in law who take care of everything but am not happy with her coz she doesn’t want to advice my husband when he is acting bad towards me

Hmm a Cameroonian
Hope they won't push you out once you're done training the child

I'm just thinking

Lets wait for elders to talk sha I'm almost at same age with him self

Thank you sir , am not working at de moment but am looking forward to get a job like sales girl when my daughter turns 1

Femsyn:
In his head, you probably tried to trap him with pregnancy, hence the behaviour.

See, I've said it before, and I will say it again.... "the society is not fair on women". Single women need to get a hold of themselves, cos if you both make a wrong decision, with the male spearheading it, the society will still blame the woman. Unfortunate, but that's the reality.

Your family didnt force you into marriage. You forced yourself by allowing an irresponsible man get you pregnant.

As it stands, you're the one sad and depressed, while he makes mockery of you with his numerous girlfriends.

What do I advise now?

Separate and face the consequences thereof, or keep praying as usual.

Make your decision fast, as you're still young. Whatever decision you make now will decide how you lead your future.

Question... What do you do to support yourself financially? Hand work? Education?

You need to find a way to make money so you can take care of yourself and your kid. Not everyone is cut out for marriage, that people have sex doesn't even mean they love each other. The guy doesn't love you. Gain financial independence and move on.

so sorry! he is not ready for commitment he still needs to enjoy his youthful age..................

WebLab:

If he is a member of this forum, kindly call him out by mentioning his Monika so that we can sit both of you down and counsel you at once.

So that you can have fun by embarrassing them

Hey Lady, honestly there is nothing to advise you two cos you guys were never prepared for what you got yourselves into. Now for the way forward, i will advise you endure for a while, as soon as your daughter turns one, drop her off with her grandma and go fix your life. You can either go back and finish school or go learn a skill you are passionate about. When you are stable, go take your daughter and raise her right. There are lots of single mums out there making waves in the society, pick one and make her your idol and aspire to surpass her achievements. Unfortunately for ur guy, he is a lost cause cos i can understand him not loving you but i can never wrap my mind around him hating a child he brought to life. Be strong and most importantly learn from your mistakes.

At 24 he is not ready to stay in the marriage. Most men cannot be good husbands until 31+ . They need to get that youthful exuberance out of their system.

How i wish people can for once sit down and think about the consequences of the actions they are about to take...
You and ur man brought this upon yourselves..
Too bad u choose this way...

Mrzfavour:
De reason I brought my problem here is coz he is also a member in dis platform he gives people good advices about marriage but he doesn’t practice de same in our marriage

MAD O!

Gather here if you want her to mention who this good nairaland marriage advisor is? In order for us to advise them better?

Both of you shouldn't be encouraged to continue this punishment you call marriage.

You guys should call both parents tell them it's not working and work out something for your daughter. Everybody to their house. You tjen go and sort out your life.

Unless Jehovah intervenes, you are in for a long sad life.
There's nothing to advice ur husband abt. You can't force him to love you, a 24 yr old bobo at that who might be In Romance Section reading Ubunja's miseducations.

Bobo that gives marital advice but won't follow it weldoneoo.

Your community penis has resulted in a child and you have to man up and be a father to her.

olabrinks:
At 24 he is not ready to stay in the marriage. Most men cannot be good husbands until 31+ . They need to get that youthful exuberance out of their system.

We have so many men who are above 30 but still act same way as OP's husband, 24yrs ain't no baby, our forefathers started having families at 20.

The guy should man up, he is simply irresponsible, he doesn't even care about his own child, what nonsense.

You didn't know yourselves very well but you agreed to date him, you still hadn't known yourselves during the short dating phase, then you had sex with him...as if that was not enough, you allowed yourself get pregnant. You then went ahead to keep the pregnancy, and then you married him knowing very well he went along with it only because your family forced him.

I'm sorry, but I have no pity for you.

The guy seems like a typical playboy with a sweet tongue, and honestly he has done well to put you in the family way...yet for some inexplicable reason, you expect a miracle to happen so that he will start seeing you as more than that woman whom he was forced to get married to.

I don't know what you're looking for exactly, pity or love? Because I can assure you, you can only have one and it's certainly not love.
And the pity will still not make him stop cheating on you.

Your only option is to back out of the marriage while you still can.
At 22, you're still very young and nubile to attract men despite having a child. The only question is how much of these men would be interested past just dating and want to marry you, the answer is up to you.