Oga husband, I know say you dey read this. This lady is now your wife since you already paid her bride price, there’s no need running away from your shadows or you might end up regretting your attitude towards her in the long run. You need to learn to love and respect her, the deed is already done, reignite the passion that made you mount and impregnated her in the first place. She has a feelings too, and you are better off treating her right and loving your daughter too.

Belafonte:


He has been forced to marry her. He cannot be forced or persuaded into loving her.

Every man has his soft spot...she has to find it to fix the issue

Even in proper marriage with this kind of situation, both can take a break from each other talk less of ordinary introduction. Take your baby without his notice and run away (would have said to your family but they too have sort of abandon you) to a place where nobody can reach you. Start afresh. Get a job, look beautiful, love again and who knows you can get lucky. That guy has no plan for you. Don't waste your time with him. And don't feel guilty about the child. You are doing what's best for the child by taking her away from such a loveless relationship.

since you just did introduction alone, I think the best thing to do now is to separate, because I don't see any sense of responsibility of him to you and his own daughter.

Read again. She said he did introduction and also paid her bride price.

Thegeneralqueen:
Hey you're not yet married to him so take the the child and leave

They are already married, since she said he did introduction and paid her bride price.

The earlier her husband comes to term with reality, the better for both of them. But he's there forming absentee husband.

You expect him to love you when your family forced him to marry you my dear you are in that marriage alone if you like yourself just walk out of that marriage maybe he will come around when he reason you well but for now dear he dey reason something else

Mrzfavour:
Am 22yrs n married with a kid . We dated 4 just two months n I got pregnant my family forced him 2 marry me coz of de pregnancy, we didn’t even get time to know ourselves very well. He later did introduction n paid my bride price I moved with him in his family home , we stay like stranger he doesn’t talk 2 me unless it’s necessary ,he keep late night he goes out every weekends n comes back in de morning , he has other girlfriends he has given dem my number 2 insult me , he has no love for our baby 8 months old he doesn’t play with her n he has never put her pictures on Facebook or WhatsApp but he put his nephews n nieces and his friends children there but no his own daughter, since September 2019 he traveled 2 Abuja to work 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop he doesn’t call me but he calls his moda every single day dey will talk for hours without him asking 4 me , when I call or texted he will ignore , his bro, his wife , kids n him visited us for Christmas festival he didn’t even talk to me until dey left on de 3rd of January. his family are not saying anything and dey blamed me saying I put myself in dis mess coz I was supposed to focus on my education n not following him n my family are also saying de same dt i run faster than my shadow n I wanted 2be married so I should endure , I’m just tired of dis marriage I cry everyday not knowing what to do. De reason I brought my problem here is coz he is also a member in dis platform he gives people good advices about marriage but he doesn’t practice de same in our marriage n pls help both of us with advice on how to work with our marriage. Thank you

I think you are the one that need advice

You know why ❓, he is complacent with the way he us handling you but your the recipient of his stupid attitude

The truth is, that he was dating you, never made you his intending wife

Your family, lost it forcing you in, yes you are in but your happiness is outside

My advice for you us to be strong, stronger than him, emotionally, spiritually, stop looking at his face expecting love, he is not really satisfied having you as a wife

Get something doing, focus on your children and find solace in them

Stop breading kids it's not a criteria to pin a man down

Be busy so that you can start earning income and you will realise that you no longer feel anything about him

Generate your happiness, no one should determine what makes you happy and when you should be happy, but you

Leave him to with his ways on his siblings, na him go tire

Stop reporting him to his family, they are laughing at you for Loosing your legs too early to trap him with pregnancy

Be strong and face your self with your children

Thank you everyone for your advice

This story cant be real jo

24kmagic:
I can't believe I'm saying this but I will do worse than this to any girl that decides to keep a pregnancy I didn't approve of.

The only thing is I will love the child. But the mother? No chance! I will frustrate her life I swear.

Shebi you want trap am? E don shock you.
22 and 24 years? Kids everywhere!

To the 24years old Kid....

Love your child. She's innocent of this mess her mother has put you. Always try to check up on her. Once she's of age, collect her and boot her mother out of your life so that you can refocus.

God punish any girl that wants to slow down my life with pregnancy.

Rubbish!

What does this even mean? "Trap him"? Both were parties to it. There's no trapping anywhere. Or why did he not buy condoms? Why did he not ensure she took morning after pills? Why was he that irresponsible?

Oga, make you sef use wisdom... If you don't have sex, no lady will get pregnant by you.. So don't blame any woman for getting pregnant. Heaven and earth know that when sex happens, there's a chance for pregnancy, no matter how slim it is. If you don't want it, then don't do it. Chikena!

Mrzfavour:
Thank you everyone for your advice

Stop seeking his or anyone's attention even though it hurts so bad.
Focus on rebuilding yourself for yourself and your child.
Take charge of your happiness.
Don't depend on anyone to make you happy, unless your baby.
See your pretty baby, look into her pretty little eyes and say to her "you're mine and I'm going to make you the happiest baby girl"
Sing to her and dance with her.
Shower her with all the love that you have on the inside, don't waste it on someone who does not care.
Love your baby with all of your might, and she'll love you back.
Never make her feel unloved.
Never leave her crying.
Never let depression make you resent her, she's not the problem.
Do things together, talk to her ( she understands)
If you feel like crying and you need a hug, hold your daughter tight and feel her unconditional love for you.

See Kylie Jenner, she's about your age and has a beautiful daughter too, who's her best friend ( she even found strength in her daughter when her childhood friend betrayed their friendship)

When she got pregnant, so many people said she wasn't going be a good mother, but she's proved them all wrong.
She and her daughter even have a business together.
Be inspired by her and make something out of yourself, and watch your daughter's father make a turnaround and respect you.

Better zip up or keep a pack of condoms handy.

Some of you guys are ridiculous. honestly. you just say things without thought or any kind of in-depth analysis.

Stay celibate? no. You want to have sex. Use protection?. No .you want to make it the woman’s responsibility alone.

Hence she’s expected to pump her body full with synthetic hormones that often have nasty side effects so that you won’t be “trapped”.
If pregnancy does happen , you don’t want anything to do with it. Yet... you are the most opinionated against abortions.

You’d think with these kinds of opinions some of you have on women’s sexual health and it’s consequences, you would be doing your part to not contribute to it. But No.
Dump all sense when it’s needed and be the loudest when it’s not required.

Check up on the kid and then collect her like a toy when it’s time. right?

24kmagic:
I can't believe I'm saying this but I will do worse than this to any girl that decides to keep a pregnancy I didn't approve of.

The only thing is I will love the child. But the mother? No chance! I will frustrate her life I swear.

Shebi you want trap am? E don shock you.
22 and 24 years? Kids everywhere!

To the 24years old Kid....

Love your child. She's innocent of this mess her mother has put you. Always try to check up on her. Once she's of age, collect her and boot her mother out of your life so that you can refocus.

God punish any girl that wants to slow down my life with pregnancy.

Rubbish!

Just get a job or start a small biz so u can take care of urself and ur baby. Once he notices dat u no longer depend on him for survival, he will start giving u ur respect as the wife. It may not make him to change and start loving u, but at least u will have ur respect in the house and dat's what u need right now. Stop folding ur hands and sitting at home complaining, get up and do something. Even if u hav no money or where to work, talk to ur people. There is no how u will explain ur predicament to at least 3 persons and u will not find help. God will surely use somebody to help u. The worst thing dat can happen to u is keeping silent. Open up!

Thank you sir

Kenoxman:
Just get a job or start a small biz so u can take care of urself and ur baby. Once he notices dat u no longer depend on him for survival, he will start giving u ur respect as the wife. It may not make him to change and start loving u, but at least u will have ur respect in the house and dat's what u need right now. Stop folding ur hands and sitting at home complaining, get up and do something. Even if u hav no money or where to work, talk to ur people. There is no how u will explain ur predicament to at least 3 persons and u will not find help. God will surely use somebody to help u. The worst thing dat can happen to u is keeping silent. Open up!

24kmagic:
I can't believe I'm saying this but I will do worse than this to any girl that decides to keep a pregnancy I didn't approve of.

The only thing is I will love the child. But the mother? No chance! I will frustrate her life I swear.

Shebi you want trap am? E don shock you.
22 and 24 years? Kids everywhere!

To the 24years old Kid....

Love your child. She's innocent of this mess her mother has put you. Always try to check up on her. Once she's of age, collect her and boot her mother out of your life so that you can refocus.

God punish any girl that wants to slow down my life with pregnancy.

Rubbish!

Loads of bullocks. Pregnancy you don't approve of? So she should keep risking her life and committing murder till you approve? You're even sicker than the 24 year old you're advising.

The moment you have unprotected sex, you've indirectly approved of pregnancy. You have no rights to put the blame on anybody other than yourself if you're saddled with an unwanted pregnancy. If you're too daft to protect yourself, then abstain from premarital sex completely. The moment you consciously have unprotected sex, you've trapped yourself with pregnancy.

Birth control is NOT a female's responsibility alone

Thank you

dominique:


Loads of bullocks. Pregnancy you don't approve of? So she should keep risking her life and committing murder till you approve? You're even sicker than the 24 year old you're advising.

The moment you have unprotected sex, you've indirectly approved of pregnancy. You have no rights to put the blame on anybody other than yourself if you're saddled with an unwanted pregnancy. If you're too daft to protect yourself, then abstain from premarital sex completely. The moment you consciously have unprotected sex, you've trapped yourself with pregnancy.

Birth control is NOT a female's responsibility alone

I don't know where to begin to give this advice
Your husband knows the right thing to do, it is just for him to man up
Things will fall in line in due time, hopefully

For the young women,abeggi mek una shine una eyes wella

My father continued to warn me against boys until I got married,emphasis on father because he is equally a man

I have been married for over 13 years but still remember his words

He told me to be mindful of boys with sugar coated tongue.
That is the woman that bears the brunt in any relationship when the shit hits the fan
If you carelessly get pregnant he will start with making you to swallow harmful pills for abortion and proceed to a quack for D&C. It is the young woman that might still die or live with a damaged womb unable to conceive again and have children for the rest of her.
It is still the woman that will drop out of school due to unwanted pregnancy, not to mention the shame

We read on this forum how a boy of 19 stabbed his pregnant girlfriend,according to him he didn't want to disappoint his parents. She only survived because a police officer,their neighbor came to pick what he forgot, heard her scream,rushed and caught the boy on his way out after stabbing and leaving the girl to bleed out .

Just this week we read about the one that beat the pregnant girl to death like a dog and threw her body from five storey building into another compound

And so on.........

Mrzfavour:
Am 22yrs n married with a kid

To the man (your husband): How would you feel if your dad neglected your mom like you are doing to your wife? If you knew you was not ready to get married, why have sex without protection? You are the very definition of a simp. You let pussy rule and now where has it got you? You've got a pussy to pound every time you want, why go outside? And to think you out advice to people on this forum. You are the very reason women on this forum misread us the red pillers for a weak asshole you are.

To the woman: did you know all these could have been avoided if you stood your ground and used protection eg condom, contraceptive?

Why do people put themselves in a spot and tend to blame others?

I am asking the ladies here, why can't you stand by your words of no protection no sex and of the man insist walk out?

Finally verdict: divorce and sue his ass out. These kind of men I do not have pity for. Tueh!

Doubleoh7:
Hey Lady, honestly there is nothing to advise you two cos you guys were never prepared for what you got yourselves into. Now for the way forward, i will advise you endure for a while, as soon as your daughter turns one, drop her off with her grandma and go fix your life. You can either go back and finish school or go learn a skill you are passionate about. When you are stable, go take your daughter and raise her right. There are lots of single mums out there making waves in the society, pick one and make her your idol and aspire to surpass her achievements. Unfortunately for ur guy, he is a lost cause cos i can understand him not loving you but i can never wrap my mind around him hating a child he brought to life. Be strong and most importantly learn from your mistakes.

You just said it all. Exactly what I wanted to say.
No need of beating about the bush. He doesn't love you and it is always difficult to love a woman one was forced to marry.

Maybe you are still in that house because you are helpless and don't know where to move to

If not, abandon that thing you called marriage and go and pick the pieces of your life and make it in life.

You are still very young and have a beautiful life ahead of you with enough time to find who God made for you.
to marry.

Things might not be better, the more you are there, the more it worsens. No need of deceiving you and giving you hope.

Red flag everywhere. Follow your instinct!

Why should he?

When you can find an answer to this question, you will find your solution.

dominique:


Loads of bullocks. Pregnancy you don't approve of? So she should keep risking her life and committing murder till you approve? You're even sicker than the 24 year old you're advising.

The moment you have unprotected sex, you've indirectly approved of pregnancy. You have no rights to put the blame on anybody other than yourself if you're saddled with an unwanted pregnancy. If you're too daft to protect yourself, then abstain from premarital sex completely. The moment you consciously have unprotected sex, you've trapped yourself with pregnancy.

Birth control is NOT a female's responsibility alone

@bold:

What happens if a man wants the pregnancy and the lady doesn't?

Can she abort it?

Mrzfavour:

Thank you

How far?

Has he changed? Are you divorced? Still together?

Two months of dating is quite little.

Love can not be forced. Make sure that you do not have another baby.

Try to continue your education which ever way that you can.

You have made this big mistake but you must correct it. Do not clamour for love that you may never receive. Focus on getting your own money.

Do not spend too much time going to church or praying away the problem. Be focused on improving yourself.

Make sure that the house is tidy and you cook delicious meals and keep yourself near. Watch educative programs on television and don't get carried away watching soap operas or Nigerian films.

The only way out of this news is to empower yourself. Be courteous to your neighbours and be a hands on mom to your daughter. Do not feel entitled to your husband's money. Manage whatever he gives you and do not complain.

You must get a degree and learn a skillful trade at the same time. Do not think having another child would alleviate your problems.

Stop deceiving yourself and still calling him your husband.Is marriage with an irresponsible man an investment.So sad that time in time your girls fall into the same quamiry situation. Mind you with all advice you would still open ur legs and get pregnant a second time with ur present situation. the truth is that he manipulated you knowing ur vulnerable situation. he has dumped you with his family and moved on with another lady in abuja whether you like it or not. And as you stated HE INDEED DOESNT LUV YOU AND CAN NEVER. What i would advice you move back to ur country and pick up ur life pieces together.I can refer you to my cousin in Cameroun(my aunt a Nigerian has a daughter for a camerounian man).The issue is that she is a staunch christian and would not tolerate a wayward and immoral life.She can harbor you till you find ur feet. best wishes...

Mrzfavour:
Thank you sir , he is 24yrs he works 4 his elder bro in his appliances shop in Abuja , Am in Enugu n his in Abuja. My parents lives in Cameroon, it was my aunt when she got married she brought me to Nigeria with her when I was 13yrs, she said I have to endure the pain because I put myself in dis condition. his family are treating me well n his bro pays him 50k a month he doesn’t send any money for our upkeep n it is my moda in law who take care of everything but am not happy with her coz she doesn’t want to advice my husband when he is acting bad towards me

you still have age by your side, use your brain. Don't destroy your destiny

Mrzfavour:
Thank you all 4 giving me some strong advice some of it was hard 2 hear , I really appreciate

Run for your life before he will infect you you with an incurable disease since you said he has other girls outside