₦airaland Forum

I will never buy phones for my children until they finish secondary school.

Aru n'emezi these days

MartinCorridon:


Your daughter is on her way to become an :

What a pathetic human being you are. Someone shared her story and this is all you have to say ?
Am guessing you are still young. Remember to come back here in years to come and tell us how your own daughter(s) turn out.

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

I have gone through your post.

I have 2 suggestions which can be applied after sitting them down and advise them thoroughly. Not violence abuse or beating.

1. If they have finished their secondary school, send me their result WAEC or NECO so they cant come and study in rwanda, i live here. I have studied in Nigeria, Precisely FUTMinna. Now I'm studying for a degree in Enterprise Management.

Here the environment is tightly controlled, vices are almost rare and the environment is very suitable for learning. Lastly it is affordable.

2. If they are yet to finish secondary monitor them, engage them daily or weekly and watch them change.

Then apply Number 1 above.

You can reach me on +/2/5/0/7/8/4/9/9/0/5/4/1.

Good luck.

Have you considered enrolling the two girls in different boarding schools preferably ones run by catholic nuns? If you haven’t, consider it.Only you can pick them from school & they won’t have a chance to fool around or else they’ll be tasting the cane.

MartinCorridon:
Do you quote when not referred to, just to seek attention?

And yes, she would soon be an olosho if the mum doesn't buckle up. Only someone with a microscopic IQ wouldn't see that.

So, you agree you were looking for attention?

I rest my case

Drakkernoir:
So, you agree you were looking for attention?

I rest my case

No. You could have continued looking for attention while asslicking.

DrakkarNoir is the right spelling by the way. I was right about the microscopic IQ thing.

Houseofglam7:
This girl ain't good bro.
I can tell you that fo sho.

i like you already.

I didnt see in the OP where you told us about her educational ability?

Is it that she doesnt like school because she finds it difficult or that she is not inspired? 12 years old is the transition to secondary school, maybe she couldnt cope well with the change or the type of people in her class.

By the way why couldnt you enroll her in dance/music classes over the weekend on the condition that she improves her behaviour? Whats wrong with dance and music Most girls like doing that, I did it at primary and secondary school and it was great. "Education" doesnt stop at Maths and English.

Maybe you should try to change her settings to a stricter school with more structure. And send the 17 year old to another.

Some counselling (not necessarily religious)

And probably get her to volunteer at a farm or agricultural setting/ hospital/ care home so she can see how other people live. She needs some perspective since you think she is spoilt. If her grandparents are still alive and you trust their judgement it would be nice for her to spend some time with them

Madam, I am not a prophet but I think God will help your family, because with the little responses I have read, only few threads get positive and serious responses as yours.
Keep engaging your daughter and always pray for her because only Holy Spirit can change a person. Move her closer to God. God bless your family.

I know a man that can help with your fertility problems, he's helped so many people, he's a physician and quite affordable, but resides in Nigeria. There's been so many testimonies of him helping couples procreate. If that's what you and your husband would want.

Just send her to the military.

The military is the only institution on the planet that has the expertise in resetting any malfunctioning senses.

You will be so proud you did so after seeing your daughter coming back to you so highly disciplined after the military training.

This same things goes out to all you parents out there having one or two kids giving you hell at home.

Just package them and send them to the military.

Queenellahrose:
I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

I pray at the bolded, HOPE THEY ARE NOT LESBIANS ALREADY.

NOW I SEE WHY MY WIFE REFUSED US HAVING ANYONE LIVING WITH US.

Truth is once teenagers start w.horing at young age, it's hard to stop.
They will want to do everything to satisfy themselves, even when locked up together in a closet.
Pray to God or deliverance for them.
It would be best if you separate the two of them.

Send the 17yr old back to her parents, before water pass garri

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

The female child needs an iron-fisted parenting style, not pampering! When I say this, some people will shout: "Crucify him! Crucify him!! Crucify him!!!"

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

Separate their rooms or separate one of them totally before they become a full blown bisexual.

Gaggi:
Every parents greatest nightmare. I still find it difficult blaming parents for the behaviour of their wayward kids. We have seen kids from very good home become bad and kids from very dysfunctional homes become good.

Giving them gadgets doesn't translate to spoiling them per say. Sometimes you also want your kids exposed and to have access to stuff.

I advise you keep talking and praying. Also lead by example. Always counsel, be a listening ear and be a friend.

However, pikin wey wan spoil go still spoil, hopefully all you taught them will likely be at the back of their mind and lead them back to the right path. Some kids can resist peer pressure and some cannot. We have seen cultists become pastors and pastors kids become cultists.

Be hopeful.

Inattentive parents are not good parents.

Africans seem to have a very difficult time understanding this.

Until the emotional intelligence level of parents rises such things will keep catching you all unawares.

The fact that the OP thinks that is the possessions that the father purchased that turned the child into what she is tells me a lot.

Plebian:
I know a man that can help with your fertility problems, he's helped so many people, he's a physician and quite affordable, but resides in Nigeria. There's been so many testimonies of him helping couples procreate. If that's what you and your husband would want.

Her problem here, is not about fertility; but, her irresponsible daughter!

Send the niece packing. Put the girl in boarding school or send her to military school. You have to treat her harshly before she comes home with a baby

I can't imagine what you're passing through. Just try and take things easy

bluefilm:
Just send her to the military.

The military is the only institution on the planet that has the expertise in resetting any malfunctioning senses.

You will be so proud you did so after seeing your daughter coming after so highly disciplined after the military training.

This same things goes out to all you parents out there having one or two kids giving you hell at home.

Just package them and send them to the military.

The outcome may be pregnancy too! Military men are the highest womanisers on earth!

SpartanKing:
The female child needs an iron-fisted parenting style, not pampering! When I say this, some people will shout: "Crucify him! Crucify him!! Crucify him!!!"

My 5yr old daughter has a cane!!!

My 2yr old twins have theirs as well.

No time for 21st century training, the same way I was raised is the same way I will handle them....

Bible said, spare the rod and spoil the child.

"Trust some of us raised in the village, no time for nonsense.
The only difference is I will always provide whatever is needs, not wants
QED

SpartanKing:
The outcome may be pregnancy too! Military men are the highest womanisers on earth!

Exactly; military approach is out of date now. Except the OP is in a developed country her daughter may come back even worse than she left

budaatum:
Sounds like your 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. If I were you, I'd send her back home to start with, then me and hubby have to sit down and be honest about how we both produced this or lie and rue the consequences of our errors.

How could you say that?

The niece is 17yrs. But started living with them 8 yrs ago. Which means. A 9 year old child if properly trained well, cannot lead another child Astray.

Happyguy201:
and you think its okay?

Its the law in most part of the world.
What I think is irrelevant

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

This is a pathetic but not uncommon story. Unlike so many here, I will not sugar coat anything for you.

You are running out of time to make any positive change in her life. You can continue as is until she turns 18, then you kick her out.
You lost the opportunity 8 years ago to instill a combination of respect for strict house rules and fear of consequences of breaking those rules. You chose to be her best friend to be liked, instead of her mother to be feared and respected. Did you not fear your parents growing up? Did you not turn out okay?
The only thing that keeps a child in line is the fear of repercussion for straying. Do you think you went to school and graduated because you knew it was best for your future? Hell no! It was the fear of your parents who would send hell down your way if you dropped out. That is what we are missing with raising our children today. All the mobile phones and computers and time spent on the internet are perks you should have gradually provided as reward for sustained good behavior and excellent grades in school. They are not basic amenities - most modern day parents will argue with their ancestors over this. You turned out well without a phone in your pocket in secondary school. What the f.uc.k has changed since then? Algebra? Literature? Science? Physics? What? The basics remain the same. We still need to study to pass exams to advance to the next class; still get pregnant if you mess without condom. AIDS is still here. The basics remain the same.

What to do?
It's probably too late to do much. 14 is puberty. They don't think anyone else knows better than they do especially their old school parents. But you have something she does not - a job and the financial means of sustenance. You have the power - use it NOW. No more TV, phones, computer etc. You take them all. Back to the basics - food, shelter, basic clothing, education and healthcare. That is all that even the western government expects of you. She has to earn the privilege to have the rest. And what will her reaction be? She will do one of two things - fall in line painfully while acknowledging you as the most wicked parents one earth; or run away with her friends. But that gives you a 50% chance of saving her. You can also choose to use the softie method - prayers, persuasion, begging etc. You will still lose her - guaranteed, except she will also leave you with a broken heart and an empty pocket. Do you think the guy banging your daughter in the hotel room was soft on her? You cannot go wrong with being strict with your kids. That's the same thing they get when they join secret cults. You can combine being strict with reward for good behaviour.

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

I hope this African country you are talking about is not South Africa ooh. If it is, then , both of you messed your children lives up. I live here, but may God forbid me to raise a child in this country that is morally bankrupt. Anyways, this is not what I want to tell you.



You allowed the corrupt and stupid society raise your children for you. The remaining training, they got it from the media. Whatever they see on the media, they put it to practice.

Because you and your husband never really loved your kids.


You leave home 6:00am and your husband leaves before you. Which means, when you are both gone, the girls are left on their own.

You love your job more than your kids. You never gave them your time, you never bonded with them , your were never a mother to them, you were never a friend they could confide in, you were never a friend they could ask questions.

Whatever that confuses them or they need answers to, they get it from the Society even before you both come back from work, and by early morning, you are both gone.


You loved your job morethan your kids.


I agree with your husband for blaming you, only that he should also be blamed too.


Na only two of them una get, if what need is those money you are both pursuing when the two most important things in your lives gets messed up?


Choose between your job and your girls.

kunlesmiles:
Ur daughter is in her formative period, please find ways of spending more time with her. Since ur daughter loves music, maybe you sud av an arrangement with her whereby she goes for music classes after school like twice in a week. Use music as an incentive for doing well in school.

Spot on.

MumuCountry:
Look bad children will b3 bad children. It doesn’t matter whether they are in Ghana, Timbuktu or wherever. Why do nigerians like to so hypocritical? Are you saying children in Ghana are sexually exposed and those in Nigeria are not? I have children in Ghana and they are not “sexually exposed” as you want to claim.

good that your children in ghana are good. But I just said my mind .I don't know why you decided to quote me at the same time calling nigerians hypocritical. Please I don't want to fight you ooo

Why are many ppl opting for her to go and dedicate to music.
No be this kind music wey them dey shake nyash up and down?/twerking and all that?
Abeg make una no go pour petrol to fire o.

One of the parents biggest mistake is not being thier kids friends. Just bring them close to you

Really

Where are the days when you'll go to bed crying and having thoughts like "I'm not sure she's my mother" "my mother cannot treat me this way".... All those factory reset beatings���
But thank God, in as much as I'm against corporal punishment, I think it actually did help me to be who I am today.... Chai!! My mama too flog me even though I was the only girl. The freedom I was craving to get then, now I have it, but I still find my sef lazy-ing around the house to get to just the gate