₦airaland Forum

Jenny44life:
I have been visiting this forum anonymously, I just created an account to get this off my chest.
I am not necessarily looking for advice, I just want to get the story out and maybe get some other perspectives. This is a long one and I will be talking about some the issues I’ve had with my mother in law.

I and my husband live in the US, we’ve been married for four years. We both work the same hours and make almost the same amount of money. We both contribute 50:50 to our expenses and savings. I do most of the house chores: cooking, laundry and general cleaning. I don’t mind doing it since it’s just the two of us and we clean up after ourselves, and he steps in whenever it is overwhelming (often without me asking). We are very alike, we have the same values and we never fought. We have disagreements but they were always settled without shouting.

About a year ago I had to take a very important professional exam. We discussed about my study plan and agreed that I should dedicate two weeks before the exam and focus on my studies. The plan was to work half days and then use the rest of the day to study in the library. We met as students, so we are both used to studying at a particular library till very late. Everything was going great until his mother said she wanted to visit from Nigeria. The time of her visit included my study and exam dates. I told my husband that I will be unable to host his mother properly while she is here and that it would be better if she comes after that exam. My husband thought about it and said he wants her to come, that he will take care of her when she is around. He said since we married, she usually spends time with me, and he has not had alone time with his mum so he will take this opportunity to do so. I agreed.

When she arrived, I discussed with her how I am studying for my exam and will not be home often. That she should enjoy her son. While I was studying, I would leave very early and comeback after everyone had slept. I was surviving on 4 hours of sleep. I eventually wrote the exam and passed (Woohoo!) and things came back to normal. She left a day after my exam and before she left, she called me and my husband to pray for us. That was when she started telling me how I am a bad wife, I am not taking care of her precious son, my work is not more important that feeding my husband, this is the reason why we don’t have kids and so on. I was shocked. My mother in law has visited us 3 times before in the past and has seen me cooking and cleaning. During those other visits, I was the one that did everything for her. She also called her two brothers and sister that live in US to tell them she was on her way and also reported me to them. I respect those people so much and have never had an issue with them. I hated that my reputation was being tarnished. They talked to me over the phone and asked me to be a good wife. I did not say anything and neither did my husband. I fully expected my husband to stand up for me, but he did not. When his mother left, we had the first and biggest fight we have ever had in all the years we’ve been together. We dated for 3 years before marriage. It was explosive but we eventually settled and even got counseling from church. We apologized to each other and moved on. But my relationship with my mother in law never recovered. I just couldn’t go back to being close to her like I was before. It dawned on me that she did not have my interest at heart. She is a career-oriented woman and retired as a director in the civil service, so I expected her to be understanding. We still talk on the phone but not as often as it was.

The present issue is that I am pregnant. After talking to our doctors and my sister in law, me and my husband have decided that we don’t want any live-in visitors the first month after the baby is here. We want to spend that month just as a family and bond with our baby. Then we can have his parents and my parents come stay at different times. His parents were going to come first and stay for 4-5 months, my parents would come later and stay for another 4-5 months. I have applied for my maternity leave and he also took time off work so that we are both home when baby gets here. All our family members are on board with this plan… except my mother in law.

When we told her, she started crying on the phone, saying she wants to see the birth of her grandchild. She was present in the hospital for the birth of my sister in law’s baby and she had assumed she would be with us in the hospital for our baby’s birth. Even if she is around when I give birth, I am sure I do not want her in my room while I have vag.ina wide open and in a vulnerable state. I have left my issue for my husband to deal with. They have had numerous discussions about it, and it is going nowhere. My mother in law has told other family members about it and just this past weekend, I received two calls from his aunties in Nigeria. I am not sure what she told them, but they told me that I should not try to separate a grandparent from their grandchild. She also called my mother and tried to get her on-board saying that they can both come and witness the birth of their grandchild together. We heard from my sister in law that my mother in law has already started looking at flights and will book one soon.

My husband and I are tired. We are unwilling to compromise as it appears mother in law believes she can override our decisions, we think this is the time to start exercising out authority as parents. Father in law has promised to talk to his wife but I am not sure what will come of it. The whole thing is causing us stress.

Why are you bothered? You got yourself a live in midwife plus nanny.
This is how you can handle the situation:
Call your mother in law, ask her when she will be visiting, I'm sure she will tell you she will be around for the birthing. Say thanks Mummy.
Once she arrives, behave like you can't do anything, let her pamper you, complain of every sort of pain in the world, thank God it's your first baby. Do like JJC. No matter how hard you work at home, she won't be impressed, she's been there.
On your due date, scream like a banshee, keep mother and son on their toes, let her enter the labor room.
Once your baby is delivered, let mama take over, let her clean, cream, dress, and bathe the baby and wake up at night, keep your baby in the nursery, put your feet up, let her do all the work.
This is the result:
She will not stay for long, she will report you to everybody, she will not come running next time you are pregnant.
Do these:
Compliment her a lot, call her the best mummy, call all your family and his, tell them your MIL is the best, she allowed you to rest a lot, she did everything for you. Praise her a lot.
This is how you handle a nosy MIL.

cococandy:
Take it easy.

lol OK.

Saintmary:
Why are you bothered? You got yourself a live in midwife plus nanny.
This is how you can handle the situation:
Call your mother in law, ask her when she will be visiting, I'm sure she will tell you she will be around for the birthing. Say thanks Mummy.
Once she arrives, behave like you can't do anything, let her pamper you, complain of every sort of pain in the world, thank God it's your first baby. Do like JJC. No matter how hard you work at home, she won't be impressed, she's been there.
On your due date, scream like a banshee, keep mother and son on their toes, let her enter the labor room.
Once your baby is delivered, let mama take over, let her clean, cream, dress, and bathe the baby and wake up at night, keep your baby in the nursery, put your feet up, let her do all the work.
This is the result:
She will not stay for long, she will report you to everybody, she will not come running next time you are pregnant.
Do these:
Compliment her a lot, call her the best mummy, call all your family and his, tell them your MIL is the best, she allowed you to rest a lot, she did everything for you. Praise her a lot.
This is how you handle a nosy MIL.

She said her mother-in-law is a retired director with cash to burn. Thick madam. Used to giving orders?? Kai ma na...
Ain't you reading the whole stuff
Na that kain mama go they do those sh!ts,...ha!!! odiegwu
OP, be kiafu !!

TheArchangel:
She said her mother-in-law is a retired director with cash to burn. Thick madam. Used to giving orders?? Kai ma na...
Ain't you reading the whole stuff
Na that kain mama go they do those sh!ts,...ha!!! odiegwu
OP, be kiafu !!

Look at this one, how can you order a new mother around?
If she sends her errands, she should start crying now, hubby will come to the rescue.
You never see maniplation tactics.

Saintmary:
Why are you bothered? You got yourself a live in midwife plus nanny.
This is how you can handle the situation:
Call your mother in law, ask her when she will be visiting, I'm sure she will tell you she will be around for the birthing. Say thanks Mummy.
Once she arrives, behave like you can't do anything, let her pamper you, complain of every sort of pain in the world, thank God it's your first baby. Do like JJC. No matter how hard you work at home, she won't be impressed, she's been there.
On your due date, scream like a banshee, keep mother and son on their toes, let her enter the labor room.
Once your baby is delivered, let mama take over, let her clean, cream, dress, and bathe the baby and wake up at night, keep your baby in the nursery, put your feet up, let her do all the work.
This is the result:
She will not stay for long, she will report you to everybody, she will not come running next time you are pregnant.
Do these:
Compliment her a lot, call her the best mummy, call all your family and his, tell them your MIL is the best, she allowed you to rest a lot, she did everything for you. Praise her a lot.
This is how you handle a nosy MIL.

Amazing...

I never thought I would live to see the day where some sense would come out of the owner of this moniker.

crackkhaus:
Amazing...

I never thought I would live to see the day where some sense would come out of the owner of this moniker.

Take this

Saintmary:
Take this

Lol, what in heaven's trumpet would I need your attention for in my life?
All these small girls sef.

Just take a compliment and move on, instead of feeling fly over nothing.

You’re very very very stupid and useless for wishing a pregnant woman dead, may that your Allah punish you and everything you hold dear.
Most of you foolîsh men with poor upbringing come online to misbehave, who gives a fuçk about your mother’s sacrifices if she didn’t instill good manners in you. GTFOH pig.

mimimile93:
This ur response shows the kind of a woman u are. I pity that innocent man.

This is your child, not hers.

Your Children, your rules. If you allow her now, you will continue to endure her excessiveness.

You owe her nothing biblically. She can come after your bonding timeline. Face your marriage, let her face hers.

mimimile93:
my mom over my wife anytime any day.

Of course .

You are just too stipid to realise that there is no comparison between your wife and mother.

Two very different people with different roles and positions in your life.
You have to learn to put each person in their places while as well building a firm bridge between them and maintaining respect.

ImaIma1:
Maintain your stand. You and your husband should be able to make decisions and stand by it. When you start compromising and relaxing your decisions, you will have to continue because she will always try to overturn it; when she knows that all she has to do is call everyone to call you.

It's manipulation, and it shouldn't be encouraged. She should respect your decision and not try to have her way. You and your husband make the final decision

I couldn't agree more.

Please let your husband lead especially since you say he is adamant that you both do things the way you have planned.

Wow,you are such an Angel, your mother in law is the devil,from what you wrote up there. Are you happy now?
Those telling the story are always the saints,the other guys are devils.

It's like this.

If you insist and maintain on your mother inlaw not being around to witness the birth of your child,then you are winning the battle.
But i can tell you for a fact that you will eventually lose the war.
Life's all about compromises.

mimimile93:
This ur response shows the kind of a woman u are. I pity that innocent man.

Sooooo you curse her, she curses you in return(in many folds lol) and that has made her a bad woman

My father, My father... may I never encounter boys like this in my life.

Amen!

ImaIma1:
Who else was meant to train you? The nurse?

You didn't land on this earth by mistake. Your parents probably prayed for a child and you were born. So who else will now care for you?

Plus, I'm not sure a very good job was done on training the boy. His English says it all

themayor4542:
It's like this.

If you insist and maintain on your mother inlaw not being around to witness the birth of your child,then you are winning the battle.
But i can tell you for a fact that you will eventually lose the war.
Life's all about compromises.

Is marriage even supposed to be a battlefield?? Make mama sef compromise this time around na

Jenny44life:
I have been visiting this forum anonymously, I just created an account to get this off my chest.
I am not necessarily looking for advice, I just want to get the story out and maybe get some other perspectives. This is a long one and I will be talking about some the issues I’ve had with my mother in law.

I and my husband live in the US, we’ve been married for four years. We both work the same hours and make almost the same amount of money. We both contribute 50:50 to our expenses and savings. I do most of the house chores: cooking, laundry and general cleaning. I don’t mind doing it since it’s just the two of us and we clean up after ourselves, and he steps in whenever it is overwhelming (often without me asking). We are very alike, we have the same values and we never fought. We have disagreements but they were always settled without shouting.

About a year ago I had to take a very important professional exam. We discussed about my study plan and agreed that I should dedicate two weeks before the exam and focus on my studies. The plan was to work half days and then use the rest of the day to study in the library. We met as students, so we are both used to studying at a particular library till very late. Everything was going great until his mother said she wanted to visit from Nigeria. The time of her visit included my study and exam dates. I told my husband that I will be unable to host his mother properly while she is here and that it would be better if she comes after that exam. My husband thought about it and said he wants her to come, that he will take care of her when she is around. He said since we married, she usually spends time with me, and he has not had alone time with his mum so he will take this opportunity to do so. I agreed.

When she arrived, I discussed with her how I am studying for my exam and will not be home often. That she should enjoy her son. While I was studying, I would leave very early and comeback after everyone had slept. I was surviving on 4 hours of sleep. I eventually wrote the exam and passed (Woohoo!) and things came back to normal. She left a day after my exam and before she left, she called me and my husband to pray for us. That was when she started telling me how I am a bad wife, I am not taking care of her precious son, my work is not more important that feeding my husband, this is the reason why we don’t have kids and so on. I was shocked. My mother in law has visited us 3 times before in the past and has seen me cooking and cleaning. During those other visits, I was the one that did everything for her. She also called her two brothers and sister that live in US to tell them she was on her way and also reported me to them. I respect those people so much and have never had an issue with them. I hated that my reputation was being tarnished. They talked to me over the phone and asked me to be a good wife. I did not say anything and neither did my husband. I fully expected my husband to stand up for me, but he did not. When his mother left, we had the first and biggest fight we have ever had in all the years we’ve been together. We dated for 3 years before marriage. It was explosive but we eventually settled and even got counseling from church. We apologized to each other and moved on. But my relationship with my mother in law never recovered. I just couldn’t go back to being close to her like I was before. It dawned on me that she did not have my interest at heart. She is a career-oriented woman and retired as a director in the civil service, so I expected her to be understanding. We still talk on the phone but not as often as it was.

The present issue is that I am pregnant. After talking to our doctors and my sister in law, me and my husband have decided that we don’t want any live-in visitors the first month after the baby is here. We want to spend that month just as a family and bond with our baby. Then we can have his parents and my parents come stay at different times. His parents were going to come first and stay for 4-5 months, my parents would come later and stay for another 4-5 months. I have applied for my maternity leave and he also took time off work so that we are both home when baby gets here. All our family members are on board with this plan… except my mother in law.

When we told her, she started crying on the phone, saying she wants to see the birth of her grandchild. She was present in the hospital for the birth of my sister in law’s baby and she had assumed she would be with us in the hospital for our baby’s birth. Even if she is around when I give birth, I am sure I do not want her in my room while I have vag.ina wide open and in a vulnerable state. I have left my issue for my husband to deal with. They have had numerous discussions about it, and it is going nowhere. My mother in law has told other family members about it and just this past weekend, I received two calls from his aunties in Nigeria. I am not sure what she told them, but they told me that I should not try to separate a grandparent from their grandchild. She also called my mother and tried to get her on-board saying that they can both come and witness the birth of their grandchild together. We heard from my sister in law that my mother in law has already started looking at flights and will book one soon.

My husband and I are tired. We are unwilling to compromise as it appears mother in law believes she can override our decisions, we think this is the time to start exercising out authority as parents. Father in law has promised to talk to his wife but I am not sure what will come of it. The whole thing is causing us stress.

My dear sister, your husband doesn't have a firm grip on jus mother

Just relax and don't take your mother inlaw actions personal

If she insisted on coming before the arrival of your bay pls allow her, she won't be there forever

In as much as you are nit the one paying for the ticket pls give her the chance

Better still, let your own mother be around tgat same period so that she will witness her actions and decisions

If they start quarrelling, leave both if then to face themselves in as much as you have already told her about your mother inlaw attitude

By right, it's your mum that us supposed to be with you so send money to her for her preparation and ask her to get the things needed

You don't need to talk too much to send a signal

The more you talk the more you implicate yourself

Silent speaks and action works faster than words

Jenny44life:
It is you and your entire lineage that will stricken with death. Painful deaths at early ages too.

amen

mimimile93:
may ur child be a male and if uact funny with ur son's wife, may Allah strike u to death.

But why?

Jenny44life:
It is you and your entire lineage that will stricken with death. Painful deaths at early ages too.

Please just overlook the response

Saintmary:
Why are you bothered? You got yourself a live in midwife plus nanny.
This is how you can handle the situation:
Call your mother in law, ask her when she will be visiting, I'm sure she will tell you she will be around for the birthing. Say thanks Mummy.
Once she arrives, behave like you can't do anything, let her pamper you, complain of every sort of pain in the world, thank God it's your first baby. Do like JJC. No matter how hard you work at home, she won't be impressed, she's been there.
On your due date, scream like a banshee, keep mother and son on their toes, let her enter the labor room.
Once your baby is delivered, let mama take over, let her clean, cream, dress, and bathe the baby and wake up at night, keep your baby in the nursery, put your feet up, let her do all the work.
This is the result:
She will not stay for long, she will report you to everybody, she will not come running next time you are pregnant.
Do these:
Compliment her a lot, call her the best mummy, call all your family and his, tell them your MIL is the best, she allowed you to rest a lot, she did everything for you. Praise her a lot.
This is how you handle a nosy MIL.

cowardice from a mouthy lady. Online you run your mouth like one with balls then offline you go back to the low-life that you are,pretendce towards MIL.


internet is a place where people dejected in real life get the balls to sound intellectual (when you are deficient of intelligence). Offline they result to pretence to save their shameful a$$

mimimile93:
my mom suffered, trained me. denied herself some good tins of life just to give me the best. then i made it. a gold digger came in and u say i should choose her over my mom? miswisdom u dont hav an atom of wisdom

Who will train you if not your mother, who asked her to give birth to you? she didn't train you well, she failed

donstan18:
I'm a traditional person who believes every reasonable person should understand the norms of his/her society and culture regardless of where he/she lives.

From your story, your husband respects almost all your decisions, he's not a controlling or arrogant type, he understands and know how to treat you well.

But I tell you, the moment you start making decisions that will make it look like you want to separate your husband from his mother will mark the beginning of your problems with your husband's family.

I'll advice you to adjust some decisions with your husband and allow your MIL visit.

Make I give you small expo......

As a wife in a family, don't ever cause a fight between your husband and his family members or PUBLICLY support your husband during any quarrel or argument with his family members. Because at the end of the day, they'll reconcile and forgive him as a son and brother, but will NEVER forgive you, his supporter

Kindly allow her come pay a visit, she's not coming to live forever with you or to snatch your husband away. She'll come, go and you'll have your peace.

So you did not read where she said she wants to be present in the delivery room??!

Oga you are single. Leave advice for the married and experienced people

Amanee:
Attention seeker, post your own comment and leave my opinion


Ediots like you live for nairaland likes that's why you're waiting for the post to reach fp before joining the bandwagon to comment.

Olodo oshi, empty skull with no original thought, biko carry your coconut head and shift

You that is telling us about your sugar daddy, aren't you also looking for attention?

Saintmary:
Why are you bothered? You got yourself a live in midwife plus nanny.
This is how you can handle the situation:
Call your mother in law, ask her when she will be visiting, I'm sure she will tell you she will be around for the birthing. Say thanks Mummy.
Once she arrives, behave like you can't do anything, let her pamper you, complain of every sort of pain in the world, thank God it's your first baby. Do like JJC. No matter how hard you work at home, she won't be impressed, she's been there.
On your due date, scream like a banshee, keep mother and son on their toes, let her enter the labor room.
Once your baby is delivered, let mama take over, let her clean, cream, dress, and bathe the baby and wake up at night, keep your baby in the nursery, put your feet up, let her do all the work.
This is the result:
She will not stay for long, she will report you to everybody, she will not come running next time you are pregnant.
Do these:
Compliment her a lot, call her the best mummy, call all your family and his, tell them your MIL is the best, she allowed you to rest a lot, she did everything for you. Praise her a lot.
This is how you handle a nosy MIL.

You go fear 'advice'.

toplinetrtrend:
You that is telling us about your sugar daddy, aren't you also looking for attention?

I don't entertain nitwits

Bye

Amanee:
I don't entertain nitwits

Bye

Little do you know that having a sugar daddy is itself a sign that you are a dumb idiot

Arthur21:
cowardice from a mouthy lady. Online you run your mouth like one with balls then offline you go back to the low-life that you are,pretendce towards MIL.


internet is a place where people dejected in real life get the balls to sound intellectual (when you are deficient of intelligence). Offline they result to pretence to save their shameful a$$

Sit down there and be feeling yourself, iwo ti soro naa niyen loju ara e.
Its not your fault, its because you don't have to take intelligence tests before you post online.

donstan18:
Just shut up and stop looking for people to scatter their home.

Kindly focus on your sugar daddy business and stop interfering on marital matters.

You people like acting childishly sha. She gave her opinion why not just make yours and respect her space? Why dug out nonsense to make unnecessary points?

travelland:
Who will train you if not your mother, who asked her to give birth to you? she didn't train you well, she failed

Good evening