seanwilliam:
always put ? At the end of a question..

there Was No Point Insultin The Lady

Brazenbabe:


My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

Are you the woman?.....

Why crying more than the affected.
moreover I am not a fan of that.

I am meant to provide for my family, whatever my wife will do, is willingly and out of her own free mind.

And it will be like a bonus for me.

Then, again their is nothing wrong in a woman teaming up with her man to make life easy for both. Infact it settles unnecessary side talks and hear say.


All fingers are not in equal, it tAkes conscience and maturity for a lady who earns cool amount than her man to assist him so they both stand firm in the society.

Well, there are many women, but few wives.

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

Tah go get rich or else

U should have ask her opinion on that not direct her to take half responsibility, no , women are not like that and also its not her responsibility only if she is so desperate. Or she suggest to do that herself

JosephXavier:

Then let remain unmarried, after all no be every woman go marry
I get plenty auntie's wey because of their shakara no marry again
Le

Lol well I think when it’s quite obvious the man can’t handle the expense like in this case cos he’s done so much during the traditional the woman shud be understanding and step up. So I wud conclude the op didn’t do anything wrong bt maybe he shud have explained it better to her or Smtn I don’t know if he did that.

Please gimme her number

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

postpone the wedding till you are ready to pay for everything in the bill

sylvestersamuel:
am self employed.

You're not wise.
This is the kind of thing you get when kids that are supposed to still be under their parents instructions are claiming maturity.
You don't go direct in this kind of situation. You use your number six to handle issues like this.
For instance, you can tell her you're not doing big wedding and you budgeted just 300 to 400k for the wedding and that's all you wish to spend. If she's the big wedding dream type she will object to it, you drag this for some times and you'll see her asking you if the issue is finance related, and she'll tell you she'll foot some of the bills......then you take it from there.
You must have presented yourself as the all in all, spoil her with money, so now she will believe/know that you have the money to spend on every damn expenses.
Biko, carry your problem. Discuss with her and stop being a weakling and doing pass yourself.

When I say these feminists can't bear responsibilities,they argue it but now see. Small money issue,she don jepa. Funny. Oga abeg stop the white wedding and do a small mass wedding.

Brazenbabe:


My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

So if you are married and you ended up getting a house help which your husband pays for, would you say he's helping with domestic duties or not?

seanwilliam:
you have said it all..
1. you are submissive , I'll take your full responsibility.
2. You are not submissive, you take care of your responsibility
3. You want gender Equality, then we practice Equality in financial contributions too

Practice it in chores as well.

faithfull18:

And equality as regards everything domestic in their home, cooking, cleaning etc. since they're already sharing wedding bills equally.

@OP, If you can't afford a big wedding, let her know if she's the type who loves big weddings. Why put yourself through unnecessary strain

So you didn't see the part where he mentioned he has already spent on the traditional wedding?

Lol, bro you did absolutely nothing wrong!
There's nothing wrong with an adult shouldering some of the financial responsibilities of her own wedding. You're totally in order, if modern women are serious with their quest for equality then they should be prepared for the attendant equal responsibilities. There's no tangible reason why she should expect you to foot the wedding bills alone when she's earning up-to 200k as monthly salary. You're lucky this incident happened before the marriage certificate is signed, it'll give you a clear insight into the kind of partner you're entering into a marital union with, one who'll be exasperated with bearing the financial burdens of the family with you.

Gender equality. Makes sense.

jaxxy:


Lol well I think when it’s quite obvious the man can’t handle the expense like in this case cos he’s done so much during the traditional the woman shud be understanding and step up. So I wud conclude the op didn’t do anything wrong bt maybe he shud have explained it better to her or Smtn I don’t know if he did that.

No I no mean my fellow guy man o
Na the lady wey dey do shakara

God bless you my dear. But what about Husbands that keep imposing on their wives to do as asked by him(husband) wether she is happy or not, all he is bother about is that the wife should be bringing to their table but she has no right to spend it? When she want to do against him he tagged her evil or a devil or she is greedy or selfish, he doesn’t care how she feels his own to just to be the head of the home at all cost. What would you say about that?

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

Davash222:
She’s earning 200K monthly
Where she dey work?



Assuming this story is legit, her 3 months salary should cover for her gown and the catering. But, that doesn’t mean you have to impose that on her unless she forced you to marry her.

No one is forcing you to wed. if you don’t have the funds for that, since you’re done with the traditional wedding and rites, go to any magistrate court close to you and certify your wedding.

I don’t even know who brought this issue of white wedding to Africans.

And who brought the issue of court wedding to Africa?
Her 3months salary that is 600k just for gown and catering, Say after the spending the marriage no go get issues abi?
@Op, if u no get money for white wedding forget it abeg, how u go just impose the fine on her.
You should have make it a subject of discussion so both of you can discuss about it and she will come up with her own help.
If she eventually pay for it, no come wan form head of the house for her oo.

JONNYSPUTE:
When I say these feminists can bear responsibilities,they argue it but now see. Small money issue,she don jepa. Funny. Oga abeg stop the white wedding and do a small mass wedding.

Pardon sir but how did you know that she's a feminist?

Well as a woman that has years of experience on marriage, I will tell you this:
You and your fiancee have different orientation about money. Most crashed marriages are as a result of financial disagreement. I always believe that traditional rite of marriage falls on the guy but if i earn 200k a month, I will be the one to tell him that this and that I will shoulder after all, posh weddings are mostly girls thing not guys
. As it is now, Go to the girl and tell her simply that the wedding would hold Bros of fund but that you are ready for a court wedding with minimal reception. But first of all tell her that you are sorry for sharing the expenses without her opinion first. If she doesn't have a problem with your suggestion, you have found a wife in deed but if she still insists on having her lavish wedding without contributing upto 50% when she can afford it is a serious red flag. Marriage is a serious business so everything should be duly discussed . Goodluck

Young man, lesson no.1 in a good relationship is to understand that women, no matter how much money they make, will always want you to be the spender. Men are called breadwinner for a reason, women always want you to spend. Therefore, approach money matters tacitly otherwise, your marriage will be doomed "ab initio" (from the beginning). You proposed, she accepted, implying that you are ready to undertake the unequal family responsibility. Lesson no. 2, one philosopher said that 'in every relationship, someone must play the fools part", otherwise, it will not grow. Particularly in matrimony. You will be amazed how much you make your partner think she is in charge. It is a thing of pride for them even if you actually end up making the decision, give room for the "fools part" and make her think she is the boss. Besides, if you want this fifty fifty thing, will you share pregnancy fifty fifty when the time comes, will you be the primary child minder when the time comes? You are starting off on the wrong footing and scaring the poor girl. Her reaction is understandable and most women will probably react the same. Go and tell her that you were pulling her legs and that you were kidding. Tell her that you will borrow to give her the best wedding if need be etc. look her in the eyes and tell her how much she means to you. To be blunt, borrow if you have to unless you are not ready to marry. Even in pro independent and ultra radical and gender equality societies, men still bear wedding expenses. Don't be a penny pincher. She is wondering how the marriage is going to be if you are already acting as a dick. You told her how much she was going to contribute, it wasn't discussed. Who does that. Are you a dick-tiger? Be a teddy bear and you will experience a blissful marriage otherwise, stay a bachelor for now until you are ready. A word is enough for the wise.

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

Except this piece is your attempt at writing short stories, you seem to be heading for troubles even if she agrees to carry the burden of the wedding you're forcing her to carry.

Before your so called expensive traditional wedding, did both of you sit down to discuss how to fund this wedding?

This is the mistake most of us used to make. How on earth you left this crucial issue undiscussed?

It is also very clear that both of your are not matured enough for marriage! We always equate marriage with wedding. What a calamity we build for ourselves. Hope I'm not sounding too hard on you both.

Also, are you serious that her wedding gown is yet to be sewed 3weeks to the wedding ceremony?

Like someone advised here, must you go to church if you don't have money for church wedding?

The reason you even mentioned for asking her to shoulder the part of the wedding expenses is too dangerous. Her salary! So, it means both of you will begin to share bills as soon as you marry? Eeyah, you are looking for high blood pressure too early in marriage.

3weeks to wedding, you still need a solid marriage counselling, I'm so sure you never got anyone towards this lifetime business you're about stepping into.

My prayer for you is that you'll grow up in the next 3weeks to be a man that a husband is meant to be, as a matter of fact, a husband must be a leader.

If your story is true, go fast and look for her before both of you emabarases your parents and families before its too late.
Swallow your pride, find a way to open up discussion and resolved on how she will support you in the expenses and mean it from your heart.

If nothing else, as a man foot 100% of your wedding bill.

Do a smaller wedding if you can't afford a big one.


Touching a woman's money ends in lifetime insult

LordShiva97:


Pardon sir but how did you know that she's a feminist?

. You can smell them from afar. They want everything good thing apart from responsibilities.

Brazenbabe:


My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

Your type of dirty mentality is why i dont allow any lady do anything for me.
Even my food i make it good too

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

this is the bomb

pocohantas:
You did nothing wrong. She should contribute, but I don't think people just spell out percentages like that.

Anyway, I will like to hear her side of the story. I believe there are other things you both discussed that is not captured here. Men play victim a lot.

He went about it in a wrong way and the motive was also wrong, he should have tactically done that not directly. Wisdom is profitable to direct.

Ishilove:

In this 21st century?

You need deliverance

Yesso, my girlfriend kneels down to serve me food, if she forgot to bring water the first time, she kneels down again & gives it to me

Then after eating she brings water for me to wash my hands conveniently, that's how we roll here.

Brazenbabe:


My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

Babe, a lot of working class ladies pay for their wedding these days. Forget those smiles and poses. The ladies pay through their nose, especially if the guy is still hustling and never blow yet.
Marriage is no beans o.

Women are trying, I swear.

Brazenbabe:


My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

There are different ideologies in/of marriage. I cud call them left, moderate and right.

Right being where the man is all Controlling and the woman totally subjugated. I use the word subjugated not submissive cos in every type of marriage women need to be submissive to a certain degree bt not subjugated.

Brazenbabe:


My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

Babe, a lot of working class ladies pay for their wedding these days. Forget those smiles and all. The ladies pay through their nose, especially if the guy is still hustling and never blow yet.
Marriage is no beans o.

Women are trying, I swear.

kutitosin:
Gender equality. Makes sense.

Lots of sense.

1x2x3:


So if you are married and you ended up getting a house help which your husband pays for, would you say he's helping with domestic duties or not?

Even with househelps, wives still do chores. Will he do half of the remaining chores the wife will do?