By TonyeBarcanista

One of the major problems bedevilling the society is the collapse of relationships, courtships, marriages and family system. Although people in these failed relationships do credit their partners as those responsible for the collapse, but I believe that most marital relationship collapse due to the failure of men to be men! Being a man comes with some burden of responsibilities that nature in her wisdom has placed on male folks. The way and manner men, as family heads, realise and discharge these responsibilities will ultimately determine the fate of the relationship/marriage, and the beginning of this start at the foundation of the relationship. To have successful relationship, men should note the following;
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Starting A Relationship:
Before starting a relationship, it is expected of the man to determine his life's vision, as well as and his expectations from himself first and his would-be partner. He has to also determines physical and non physical features of his would-be partner in terms of beauty, physique, character, medical, ethnicity, faith, age, education, ideology, etc. Every man must determine his according to his heart desire and must not be coerced or bullied by societal or peers narratives to accept any standard other than his.

The next stage is to approach/woo only ladies that appeals to them and also pass character test according to their expectations. The character of a would-be partner is the very key as it determines the happiness or otherwise of the budding relationship/marriage/family. This is one step that no man can afford to gamble with. The ideological, faith, medical, and others must not be gambled with. The truth about relationship is that good character is not enough qualification for a man to decide to settle with a woman. A woman's ideology, perspective towards life, family, genotype, faith, culture, tradition, family, sex and other sociocultural issues goes a long way to determine her compatibility or otherwise with the man. For instance, a man that believes in the traditional hierarchial headship of a husband has no business getting married to a woman that doesn't hold such ideology sacred. Partners with fundamental ideologies different from each other have no business marrying each other. Doing so will only be laying foundation for an inevitable doom era. May I emphasize that NO MAN should relegate his ideology in order to accommodate any woman for any reason.

Set Ground Rules And Stick To It
Every man should lay basic ground rule governing the relationship from the onset and ensure strict compliance. One important area that should not be overlooked is the subject of privacy. There is no privacy between a pair as long as relationship is concerned. Each should have unrestricted access to the other, including knowing passwords of phones; it is not a sign of insecurity contrary to what society would want to make one belief, it is simply a testament of oneness. As a man, any woman that doesn't believe in "No Privacy" relationship is most likely hiding something from you and should be a no-no.

Post-Proposal/Marriage Stage
With all the aforesaid in check and confirmed, men in relationship should proceed to take only women that match their criteria and meet their respective physical, character, ideological and other fundamental requirements to the "village" and altar, and do the needful. The purpose of courtship is not just for "free sex", it is a platform for would-be couple to confirm compatibility.

Once married, men should be prepared for greater task as family head, and ensure he leads by example, while their partner (and kids) also live by the family standard. Men shouldn't be slow to assert authority, appropriate sanctions and discipline on whoever that derails from the path, including himself.

Some Key Responsibilities And Expectations For Men
Having established the above, a man must recognise that as the hierarchical head and burden bearer of the relationship and marriage, he is saddled with greater responsibilities and expectations than his partner and/or any other member of the household.
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Some key responsibilities/Expectations include;

Fairness: Being head of family doesn't mean the man is a higher human to the wife or the children. It only put him at the top of authority within the family. He must be fair in his dealings with his wife at all times, knowing that he is accountable to God and nature. In fact, a man that isn't fair in his dealings will never know peace in the home.

Leadership: As a man, you can't flout rules and regulations and expect the woman to abide by it. It doesn't work that way! Leadership is by example, and men who aren't living exemplary lose every moral justification to address err by his woman or even his children.

Independent Mind: A man should have an independent mind that is not influenced by peers or societal narratives. He must realise that issues that concern relationship and home affairs are unique and he doesn't need popular opinion of relatives and strangers (on and off social media) before taking decision.

Openness To Ideas; Although a man is expected to possess independent mind, he is bound to open his mind to opinion and ideas of his woman on virtually all issues without having an impressionist mind. Though a man is the head and final authority, he is not omniscient. He may not even be the most knowledgeable between the pair. Even if he is the most knowledgeable, he may not be the most knowledgeable on the issue in question. Also, there is a wise saying that no idea is a waste, this applies to relationship. His final decision must be in the overall interest of the union irrespective of whether it comes from him or his wife.

NB: Without prejudice, a man must insist on decisions and actions that he is of a strong conviction that is of the benefit of the union/family even if his partner insists otherwise. But he should be prepared for the consequences should the action/decision yield unfavourable outcome.

Responsibility: A man must be first be responsible to himself and the woman in his life. A responsible man is one that knows his onion and live a life worthy of emulation. An irresponsible man cannot lead a woman not to talk of family.

Accountable: Although his woman is accountable to him in all things, the man is expected to first account to himself and the woman in his life. That way he shows a pathway for the woman to follow.

NB: A woman that is not prepared to be accountable to the man is a no-no irrespective of other factors.

Financial Stability: While no one expect a man to be very wealthy or live in affluence before meeting a woman, it is expected that he should at least have source of livelihood that to be able to cater for his needs and that of his partner/family. Any man that is yet to have good source of livelihood should suspend the idea of marriage altogether until he is ready. It is not a crime to be broke, but it is a sin for a grownup man without anything doing to be talking of relationship and marriage. The reason is simple, the woman is not meant to take care of financial any burden! It is the man's responsibility to cater for the woman and the home while the woman gives helping hand. I repeat, the woman is meant to give helping/supporting hand and not to inherit the main burden.

Chief Planner: The man in the relationship is chiefly responsible for making short and long term plans to ensure that his relationship and home doesn't suffer; and ensure that he sticks to it. This is very important as those who fail to plan end up losing it. Although a woman is expected to partner her man, it is still the man's responsibility to ensure things work as the Planner in Chief.

Physical/Mental/Emotional
/Sexual Fitness: Every man should always take priority of physical, mental and sexual fitness. A man who is weak physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually is not appealing to a woman. In fact, no woman wants, deserves nor desires one who is physically weak, emotional wimp, mental retard and one who cannot perform sexually (not saying men should start using drugs). Men that fall short in these areas will have serious problem in their relationship/family. It is the duty of the man to work on his weaknesses!

Discipline: A man should discipline himself as by doing this he creates precedent for his partner and children to follow. No man should tolerate or forgive indiscipline in his home, not from himself, his woman/wife/girlfriend or children. Discipline is one of the way of expressing love.

Godfearing And Godly: All said, this is the most important. Any man that fears God will love and honor His Words, and will want to live godly life; and thereby be the best man any family would have. By this I don't mean outward religiosity (like many) or mere churchgoer, but for one to have reverence towards God Almighty and to follow His word.

Finally, marriage is not a bed of roses but it is a union ordained by God meant for human pleasure and not for humans to endure. But it is the duty of the man to seek and insist on woman that meets his desires and matches his expectations to have his dream home.

May God Bless Us All...

I don't think the article is too long

Thank you for sharing

TonyeBarcanista:
I don't think the article is too long

Your writing maturity continues to blossom. It's been years and I see the evolvement. Kudos to the hardwork. Turn this to a book. You'll be surprised

healthserve:



Your writing maturity continues to blossom. It's been years and I see the evolvement. Kudos to the hardwork. Turn this to a book. You'll be surprised

Oops, thanks a lot. I am actually working on a book

TonyeBarcanista:

Oops, thanks a lot. I am actually working on a book

Fantastic. Still expand this too into a book. I see potential in it

healthserve:



Fantastic. Still expand this too into a book. I see potential in it

I will do that bros... Thank you so much for words of encouragement

Though I didn't read all you wrote, but I must say kudos to you Op.

Women should be submissive and respect the man that asked them to come share his stuffs with him.


Only a stupidly foolish idiot would abuse a submissive and respectful woman.

Yohans:
Though I didn't read all you wrote, but I must say kudos to you Op.

Take your time to read all

Authoreety:
Women should be submissive and respect the man that asked them to come share his stuffs with him.


Only a stupidly foolish idiot would abuse a submissive and respectful woman.

Submission isn't the only issue bro. Take your time and read if you haven't

TonyeBarcanista:
Take your time to read all

Ok.

TonyeBarcanista:

Submission isn't the only issue bro. Take your time and read if you haven't

Yea, u wrote well.. Weldone

Olden days teaching......there's no theory or rules in relationships or marriage....what works for mr a might not work for be... .....

asahnwaKC:
Olden days teaching......there's no theory or rules in relationships or marriage....what works for mr a might not work for be... .....

Read very well.

There is actually no specified rule. It is all man determining his

Authoreety:


Yea, u wrote well.. Weldone

Glad you found it worthy

Read and on point.

iLegendd:
Read and on point.

You are welcome bro

Nice one Tonye and to add everyman must submit to Christ as his head by obeying his word then your life will be protected and live in peace.

solite3:
Nice one Tonye and to add everyman must submit to Christ as his head by obeying his word then your life will be protected and live in peace.

True! That was why I added Godfearing and Godliness

I love this "tree" ...fantastic read.

So deep and blunt in message..
I must bookmark this..

Wia are those feeble men for crying out loud

That zero privacy among couples is spot on ....or how can one touch his fiances private part ,but can't have the same freedom to touch his or her phone because its PRIVATE

Well said!

Also, there should be very good and satisfying vitamin "S"

You can always use Mr Flex Herbal Tea for that.

This piece is timely and I most confess, they aren't far from my opinion as to how my marriage ll be.
Thanks ops

Beautiful Tonye. I am glad to see you also write on relationship and family

TonyeBarcanista:


Submission isn't the only issue bro. Take your time and read if you haven't

That's the only criterion for many men.... that's all they look for... and that's what women float in their face.... ....until after the wedding.

Didn't read all..... but read what Inthink is most important..... looking well for all you need at the beginning....making that choice. Good read... goodnadvice... good guidance.

TonyeBarcanista:
Glad you found it worthy

Bro, before I lend you my ears are you married or, have you ever been married?

blackjack21:

Bro, before I lend you my ears are you married or, have you ever been married?

How necessary is this? This is going personal which I may not oblige unfortunately

TonyeBarcanista:

How necessary is this? This is going personal which I may not oblige unfortunately

Pardon, isn't relationship and marriage a personal matter? advising people on it is a personal matter too.

I once took my laptop for repair to a man who by all indications look like a repair, and he gave me a good deal too, it was too late when I discovered that he actually specialised on radio and television repair not computers.
A painful lesson, but learn it did I.

So forgive me, when I take give repair jobs or, in this case, take advice I like to ascertain how qualified the person giving the advice is.

Damn! That is a long write up you have

blackjack21:

Pardon, isn't relationship and marriage a personal matter? advising people on it is a personal matter too.

I once took my laptop for repair to a man who by all indications look like a repair, and he gave me a good deal too, it was too late when I discovered that he actually specialised on radio and television repair not computers.
A painful lesson, but learn it did I.

So forgive me, when I take give repair jobs or, in this case, take advice I like to ascertain how qualified the person giving the advice is.

Damn! That is a long write up you have

This mindset is flawed Sir but I respect your opinion!

This is all I can say!

TonyeBarcanista:

This mindset is flawed Sir but I respect your opinion!

This is all I can say!

Flawed? We may as well take a medical prescription from a laundry man.