Over the weekend I had the privilege to attend a couple’s wedding anniversary. It was over 40 years of marriage. While the couple and kids danced and had merry I kept an observant eye trying to figure out within me how 2 strangers managed to live that long together looking all happy and equally having their kids all around them looking like this one big family.

Then something happened. This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

It was time for dance, dance, dance and lots of people came out to spray the couple just to appreciate them. Since I was close to the family, I was part of the money picking committee. In fact I was the coordinator. At the end of it all I counted the total money realized and was about to hand over to the daughter of the celebrant when she whispered.

“Who do I hand over the money to? My mum or my dad”?

I quickly answered your mum of course. The men don’t know how to manage money more so women are better at financial matters. She laughed and looked at me saying “I would have given my mum but I know she will give it to my dad who may just keep it all to himself so I have decided to share it into 2 half and give them both their share. I was amazed at such wisdom as I walked away to my seat thinking how fair that decision their daughter had made was. Later that day I called my friend to congratulate her again and praise her for being so wise but to my surprise she had something else to say.

Just as I finished praising her she said, I did as I thought was just for my parents but to my greatest surprise as I handed over the money to my mum and explained to her she rejected it. I heard myself shout “what” over the phone. Just then my friend said, my mum refused half the money and asked me to hand everything over to my dad at this point my voice could be heard by others around me. See me see wahala, what’s my own? Na me get money?

Then my friend continued, my mum said she wasn’t going to be a part if that sharing. Give it to your dad she said, what ever he gives me I would take and if he gives me nothing so be it. He is my husband after all. On hearing this I told my girl I would call her back as I need to check on somethings.

This really got me thinking... what is happening to marriages today?

Now I am summarizing some of the things destroying our marriages inspired by the woman in this encounter.

Love is not enough to take that life decision called marriage. Marriage should be a decision carefully thought out. Not something rushed into out of peer pressure or social intimidation. Not a decision made by friends or family but one for which one has carefully sat down to weigh the cons and pros. Having said that, it is still scary to see the level of broken homes arising each day.
Divorce is not a solution to marital problems but in itself can cause more harm than good. Although I am not a fan of divorce but when sanity and safety is at stake I fully Stan.

1. Finance: most times the issues caused by finances in a home is out of greed, social validation and peer pressure. A woman should understand her husband’s financial capability and live within such. Do not be tempted to live like your mates are living resulting in unhealthy pressure of your spouse. Men should be hard working and proactive. Do not be the type that believes I own my wife and all she owns. The easiest way to loose a woman’s respect is to misuse her finances.

2. Patience: This is by far the life one of marriages. Patience from either man or woman. Patience is what will keep you when she is nagging, what will keep you when he starts keeping late nights

3. Understanding: To be able to live together,there has to be a certain level of understanding of which once the understanding is compromised the marriage can as well be over.

4. Love: what exactly is Ione? Love isn’t what keeps 2 people together. Love is what brings them together

5. Forgiveness: once you have the spirit of forgiveness,your marriage is bound to sail with less friction. Forgiveness is so important in marriage that if partners can’t forgive each other they can not be cohabiting. Infidelity, disrespect,lack of control and all what may become irrelevant once the spirit of forgiveness visits you.

6. Interpersonal relationships : this involves the level of friendship. Once you consider your partner a friend you will never feel cheated rather you will see you both as equals not also neglecting the place of each one.

7. Sensitivity to the feelings of your partner: the ability to tell what your partner is feeling is a special gift. A gift that allows you to leave in harmony with everyone. The feelings of your partner should never be taken for granted. Women like it when you can tell at every point how emotionally stable they are. Men love to be seen and treated like babies. Do it and when it’s time to be happy, your home will know no bounds for love and happiness.

Let’s help save marriages and teach people to remain married unless in cases of domestic violence by either party.

One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

When 1 learns to fear and love God, then u can lo r your fellow Human beings. Same applies to marriages.

The woman deserves an Accolade, her type is rare to find.

Cool

Our digital wife of nowadays is not concerned in that obedience and submit to their husband .
The whole world revolves around them and their happiness

emmadejust:
Our digital wife of nowadays is not concern in that obedience and summit to their husband .
The whole world revolves around them and their happiness

That where we found ourselves.........the notion that happy wife is a happy home........


Meanwhile, Husband rest of mind is really a peaceful home...

That’s a woman who acknowledges her husbands headship over her.

Yes o.... I dey pray for that kind grace

eazzzy1:
That’s a woman who acknowledges her husbands headship over her.

Freestainworld:
The woman deserves an Accolade, her type is rare to find.

rare doesn’t even do justice

We should avoid generalization when looking at marriages. That is a recipe for unhappiness. In some situations the man might insist that the money be handed to his wife and in others they might decide to share or spend jointly on an existing projects. And they can all be right, depending on what works for them. People should do what works for them to attain success without seeing things only from one angle.

To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

These days both men and women want to play smart, no one wants to be at the loosing end. Abi is it too much sense that is killing our generation? Marriage is a beautiful thing but that's gradually changing, the women love their children more and forget their husbands, the husbands chase after ladies and forget their wives, people are stabbing each other to death, and so much more. God help us.
40 years of being together is huge, I tap into the blessing.

Mzflexydeeva:
rare doesn’t even do justice

That woman is not from this generation remember,

what is killing marriage now is dat we re clamouring to have two captains sailing together, how wil d journey b accident free??
Women dont want to behave like those of old while men are not what they re supposed to b again.

OlawaleBammie:


That woman is not from this generation remember,

what is killing marriage now is dat we re clamouring to have two captains sailing together, how wil d journey b accident free??
Women dont want to behave like those of old while men are not what they re supposed to b again.

flesh and blood didn’t reveal this to you

Just Yesterday, we came across this post below on a thread talking about how are you going to share 100K between your parents.
We answered and posted an image of sharing it 50/50 to our mothers and fathers @[color=#006600][/color].

But later in the day, the post below from this very wise lady almost changed our perspective to this matter.

Enjoy The GOLDEN words below....

freshvine:

There are gender roles no matter the excuses you make for the inequality. Women bond with their kids even right from the womb and fathers are just introduced. Without the toil of the father, the child has no future. It's the duty of a good wife to always make the children understand that their father is the bedrock of the family.

A dad gave his wife money to get clothes for the children, ask the children afterward who got them the clothes, its always mummy. A wise woman would create a balance for the children to acknowledge their dad.

or do you expect daddy to explain to his children he provided the clothes...oh no, he's out again looking for what they'll survive on next.

Wow, this is a Frontpage material.
You are blessed among women Freshvine!
You are a woman of virtue.
It is sooo refreshing to know that we still have reasonable and sensible people like you on this forum sis.
This is a breathe of fresh air, Freshvine.
Hugs Hugs Hugs dearie...

Again, Stay blessed Freshvine,
You are truly a breath of fresh air.

FTC

After Madrid vs mancity...we will be back for comments!

You forget knowing where to put social media usage in the marriage........many are living together but in reality are separated by additions to social media

oj

You say..


These are the types of ladies nairaland guys are looking for

But the truth of the matter is...





You won't see them except in your wildest imagination

Must one marry

Most peaceful marriages you see, the woman is always right.


Period!!!

There's no manual or handout to marriage. Anything wey anybody see, e go take am.

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

More like irresponsibility

We have so many irresponsible adults

Social media is the number 1 problem of marriages these days

Ok

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

Summary of the story

A man who is responsible will get all the goodies ceteris paribus

If the woman does anyhow
She knows another woman is there to replace her.
And no one wants to lose better thing