₦airaland Forum

Mizwisdom:
That's a man that has intimidated his wife for Donkey years, there's nothing to emulate here

More like *may have intimidated*

Sterope:
Lol. Are you from Mars?

No.

Are u?

missimelda01:
These days both men and women want to play smart, no one wants to be at the loosing end. Abi is it too much sense that is killing our generation? Marriage is a beautiful thing but that's gradually changing, the women love their children more and forget their husbands, the husbands chase after ladies and forget their wives, people are stabbing each other to death, and so much more. God help us.
40 years of being together is huge, I tap into the blessing.

Too know which sometimes breeds irresposibility i feel that is wat we lack in this present time whereby bad can't be differentiated from good any more.

Mzflexydeeva:
Over the weekend I had the privilege to attend a couple’s wedding anniversary. It was over 40 years of marriage. While the couple and kids danced and had merry I kept an observant eye trying to figure out within me how 2 strangers managed to live that long together looking all happy and equally having their kids all around them looking like this one big family.

Then something happened. This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

It was time for dance, dance, dance and lots of people came out to spray the couple just to appreciate them. Since I was close to the family, I was part of the money picking committee. In fact I was the coordinator. At the end of it all I counted the total money realized and was about to hand over to the daughter of the celebrant when she whispered.

“Who do I hand over the money to? My mum or my dad”?

I quickly answered your mum of course. The men don’t know how to manage money more so women are better at financial matters. She laughed and looked at me saying “I would have given my mum but I know she will give it to my dad who may just keep it all to himself so I have decided to share it into 2 half and give them both their share. I was amazed at such wisdom as I walked away to my seat thinking how fair that decision their daughter had made was. Later that day I called my friend to congratulate her again and praise her for being so wise but to my surprise she had something else to say.

Just as I finished praising her she said, I did as I thought was just for my parents but to my greatest surprise as I handed over the money to my mum and explained to her she rejected it. I heard myself shout “what” over the phone. Just then my friend said, my mum refused half the money and asked me to hand everything over to my dad at this point my voice could be heard by others around me. See me see wahala, what’s my own? Na me get money?

Then my friend continued, my mum said she wasn’t going to be a part if that sharing. Give it to your dad she said, what ever he gives me I would take and if he gives me nothing so be it. He is my husband after all. On hearing this I told my girl I would call her back as I need to check on somethings.

This really got me thinking... what is happening to marriages today?

Now I am summarizing some of the things destroying our marriages inspired by the woman in this encounter.

Love is not enough to take that life decision called marriage. Marriage should be a decision carefully thought out. Not something rushed into out of peer pressure or social intimidation. Not a decision made by friends or family but one for which one has carefully sat down to weigh the cons and pros. Having said that, it is still scary to see the level of broken homes arising each day.
Divorce is not a solution to marital problems but in itself can cause more harm than good. Although I am not a fan of divorce but when sanity and safety is at stake I fully Stan.

1. Finance: most times the issues caused by finances in a home is out of greed, social validation and peer pressure. A woman should understand her husband’s financial capability and live within such. Do not be tempted to live like your mates are living resulting in unhealthy pressure of your spouse. Men should be hard working and proactive. Do not be the type that believes I own my wife and all she owns. The easiest way to loose a woman’s respect is to misuse her finances.

2. Patience: This is by far the life one of marriages. Patience from either man or woman. Patience is what will keep you when she is nagging, what will keep you when he starts keeping late nights

3. Understanding: To be able to live together,there has to be a certain level of understanding of which once the understanding is compromised the marriage can as well be over.

4. Love: what exactly is Ione? Love isn’t what keeps 2 people together. Love is what brings them together

5. Forgiveness: once you have the spirit of forgiveness,your marriage is bound to sail with less friction. Forgiveness is so important in marriage that if partners can’t forgive each other they can not be cohabiting. Infidelity, disrespect,lack of control and all what may become irrelevant once the spirit of forgiveness visits you.

6. Interpersonal relationships : this involves the level of friendship. Once you consider your partner a friend you will never feel cheated rather you will see you both as equals not also neglecting the place of each one.

7. Sensitivity to the feelings of your partner: the ability to tell what your partner is feeling is a special gift. A gift that allows you to leave in harmony with everyone. The feelings of your partner should never be taken for granted. Women like it when you can tell at every point how emotionally stable they are. Men love to be seen and treated like babies. Do it and when it’s time to be happy, your home will know no bounds for love and happiness.

Let’s help save marriages and teach people to remain married unless in cases of domestic violence by either party.

My reply was used few days ago but its still relevant in this case..so I shoot again. Women of now a days be like, i can't cook,let him employ a cook. I can't do chores,let him employ a maid. I can't take care of kids,let him employ nanny. I can't give birth, let him employ baby mama. I can't have sex, let him employ prostitute.

How will such a woman whose intuition about things ment to be done in love is slavery. How can we have decent women when most girls now are slay queens and just want money. Women even leave their husbands with kids to marry another man because of money.
On the part of men, when all you do is sticking your tongue in the vagina of women how will you have sense.

You don't get an award for not telling the truth.

In many homes in Nigeria, women contribute as much as men even when they earn less. Where some may not contribute in lump sums, the daily expenses are on their shoulders.

Afamed:
I have nothing to add. You said it all. The wives of these days, everything must begin and end with them. Their submissive is zero despite the fact , they have nothing to contribute to the family upbringing

So how come you don't know this?

Oracle23:
No.

Are u?

Oracle23:
More like *may have intimidated*

Yea, I should have used 'may', but for a woman to refuse her own share of money that way after many years of marriage, seems more likely that she is scared than she willingly did it out of her free will...
.

Mzflexydeeva:
Over the weekend I had the privilege to attend a couple’s wedding anniversary. It was over 40 years of marriage. While the couple and kids danced and had merry I kept an observant eye trying to figure out within me how 2 strangers managed to live that long together looking all happy and equally having their kids all around them looking like this one big family.

Then something happened. This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

It was time for dance, dance, dance and lots of people came out to spray the couple just to appreciate them. Since I was close to the family, I was part of the money picking committee. In fact I was the coordinator. At the end of it all I counted the total money realized and was about to hand over to the daughter of the celebrant when she whispered.

“Who do I hand over the money to? My mum or my dad”?

I quickly answered your mum of course. The men don’t know how to manage money more so women are better at financial matters. She laughed and looked at me saying “I would have given my mum but I know she will give it to my dad who may just keep it all to himself so I have decided to share it into 2 half and give them both their share. I was amazed at such wisdom as I walked away to my seat thinking how fair that decision their daughter had made was. Later that day I called my friend to congratulate her again and praise her for being so wise but to my surprise she had something else to say.

Just as I finished praising her she said, I did as I thought was just for my parents but to my greatest surprise as I handed over the money to my mum and explained to her she rejected it. I heard myself shout “what” over the phone. Just then my friend said, my mum refused half the money and asked me to hand everything over to my dad at this point my voice could be heard by others around me. See me see wahala, what’s my own? Na me get money?

Then my friend continued, my mum said she wasn’t going to be a part if that sharing. Give it to your dad she said, what ever he gives me I would take and if he gives me nothing so be it. He is my husband after all. On hearing this I told my girl I would call her back as I need to check on somethings.

This really got me thinking... what is happening to marriages today?

Now I am summarizing some of the things destroying our marriages inspired by the woman in this encounter.

Love is not enough to take that life decision called marriage. Marriage should be a decision carefully thought out. Not something rushed into out of peer pressure or social intimidation. Not a decision made by friends or family but one for which one has carefully sat down to weigh the cons and pros. Having said that, it is still scary to see the level of broken homes arising each day.
Divorce is not a solution to marital problems but in itself can cause more harm than good. Although I am not a fan of divorce but when sanity and safety is at stake I fully Stan.

1. Finance: most times the issues caused by finances in a home is out of greed, social validation and peer pressure. A woman should understand her husband’s financial capability and live within such. Do not be tempted to live like your mates are living resulting in unhealthy pressure of your spouse. Men should be hard working and proactive. Do not be the type that believes I own my wife and all she owns. The easiest way to loose a woman’s respect is to misuse her finances.

2. Patience: This is by far the life one of marriages. Patience from either man or woman. Patience is what will keep you when she is nagging, what will keep you when he starts keeping late nights

3. Understanding: To be able to live together,there has to be a certain level of understanding of which once the understanding is compromised the marriage can as well be over.

4. Love: what exactly is Ione? Love isn’t what keeps 2 people together. Love is what brings them together

5. Forgiveness: once you have the spirit of forgiveness,your marriage is bound to sail with less friction. Forgiveness is so important in marriage that if partners can’t forgive each other they can not be cohabiting. Infidelity, disrespect,lack of control and all what may become irrelevant once the spirit of forgiveness visits you.

6. Interpersonal relationships : this involves the level of friendship. Once you consider your partner a friend you will never feel cheated rather you will see you both as equals not also neglecting the place of each one.

7. Sensitivity to the feelings of your partner: the ability to tell what your partner is feeling is a special gift. A gift that allows you to leave in harmony with everyone. The feelings of your partner should never be taken for granted. Women like it when you can tell at every point how emotionally stable they are. Men love to be seen and treated like babies. Do it and when it’s time to be happy, your home will know no bounds for love and happiness.

Let’s help save marriages and teach people to remain married unless in cases of domestic violence by either party.

All this ecause a woman gave the man money. If she didnt give him money she will be termed foolish abi and that will be terms for him To divorce her. SMH

Michellekabod2:
To a man,a good wife is one that submits to him,tolerate him,compromise for him. Just he,himself and him.

What men call good in a woman is what benefits them not the woman themselves.
You can never see a man praise his wife saying "she is a strong woman,pursued her dreams and goal,made a name for himself. I admire her confidence,her diligence and how she takes Care of herself". It always has to be "I love her so much,she sacrificed for ME,made compromises for ME, stood by ME and endured MY excesses"

A woman's need is never in a man's agenda.

Today a man opened a thread praising his wife, all I saw was celebrating self centeredness and encouraging women to settle for the less(when men aren't willing to settle for less).


Self duty is the best form of sacrifice.

So what then does women call good in a man? Being responsible? A good provider? Remembering anniversaries, valentine & birthdays? Forsaking other women? Putting her above his own family? A man being all these things is it a benefit to only himself or for the woman as well? What if a man just wants to be average, live modest life? Would most women be okay with that?

Ana-akọgheri.

Biko ka m gwa gị, ihe dịrị Mgborie mma agaghị adịkwa Mgbafọ otú a.

Lol.

Getting married is like being a child again. .

efembaba:
I think you are missing the point here.. The idea is not about who gets to keep the money or who gets which amount.. The lesson which is a general one is the fact that the woman recognizes the role of her husband as the head and willingly submits to him.. If the husband doesn't want to keep the money it would be his decision and not the wife's

Trash. Why are you judging and advising from only one angle? Learn to see things from all facets of life.

Whatever worked for them might not work for the other couple next door. Submission means different things to different people.

Let everyone do what works for them, abeg.

Add an tolerance. 90% of marriages are surviving on it.

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

I agree

Wow

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

Finally someone with understanding of how a relationship should work. Your wife is very lucky to have you.

It is like a relationship of two siblings who goes to school together, The elder one keeping the money till break time everyday and the younger one doesn't mind because the elder one does take good care of the money and when she needs it, she gets it. On days when mummy forgets and split the money amongst them, the younger one will even voluntarily go ahead and hand over the money to the elder one because it's in safe hands. He has proven worthy of her trust (This narration could be in reverse, careful younger one keeps the money and careless elder one gets it every break. (All is about understanding) ... Also, both siblings could decide it's best if they both kept their money individually.

If the reverse was the case of the story, most people will jump in to say he is a weak man, forgetting that understanding, communication and dedication for the marriage to work is what really keeps a marriage. Not bullying, cheating and exercising unnecessary control freaky behaviour.

The bolded is everything!

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

Equal rights and shii...

Well said. You are full of wisdom.

Michellekabod2:
To a man,a good wife is one that submits to him,tolerate him,compromise for him. Just he,himself and him.

What men call good in a woman is what benefits them not the woman themselves.
You can never see a man praise his wife saying "she is a strong woman,pursued her dreams and goal,made a name for himself. I admire her confidence,her diligence and how she takes Care of herself". It always has to be "I love her so much,she sacrificed for ME,made compromises for ME, stood by ME and endured MY excesses"

A woman's need is never in a man's agenda.

Today a man opened a thread praising his wife, all I saw was celebrating self centeredness and encouraging women to settle for the less(when men aren't willing to settle for less).



Self duty is the best form of sacrifice.

I read the first post of that thread and was too nauseated to continue reading. The selfishness and entitled nature of the husband was so glaring but people came to praise their marriage because in Nigeria a happy home entails the woman facing all sorts of inconveniences and sacrificing sacrificing sacrificing to please the husband.
I didn't want to spoil the womans birthday thread so I didn't comment.


Men are just selfish and self centered creatures. The worst part of it is that they don't see anything wrong with their behaviour so they can't change.

Mizwisdom:
That's a man that has intimidated his wife for Donkey years, there's nothing to emulate here

Intimidated you say ?

Michellekabod2:
To a man,a good wife is one that submits to him,tolerate him,compromise for him. Just he,himself and him.

What men call good in a woman is what benefits them not the woman themselves.
You can never see a man praise his wife saying "she is a strong woman,pursued her dreams and goal,made a name for himself. I admire her confidence,her diligence and how she takes Care of herself". It always has to be "I love her so much,she sacrificed for ME,made compromises for ME, stood by ME and endured MY excesses"

A woman's need is never in a man's agenda.

Today a man opened a thread praising his wife, all I saw was celebrating self centeredness and encouraging women to settle for the less(when men aren't willing to settle for less).



Self duty is the best form of sacrifice.

It's really so pathetic, dear. It usually about them. It's always them wanting to be at the receiving end. I think if we channel that energy of propriety and superiority that we try to exert in our relationships into just making each other happy without guilt, doubt and thinking what the next person thinks or says, we'll begin to understand each other better.

I've just come to realize that, these days, no one truly loves the other. They're only there for what they can sap and get from the other. I wish I can get another word for PATHETIC. If you're really lucky to find someone who loves you unconditionally without all these self-centredness and useless standards, just hold him tight. True love died a long time ago.

Marriages unfortunately to me are doomed to fail seen so many first hand smile outside fight inside. To me it's a waste of resources and strength I prefer cohabitation or if na pikin I want adoption straight.

Then something happened. This in itself helped me conclude that indeed for a marriage to be successful a woman had 99% of the hard work to do and this is also guiding my conclusion in this write up.

This OP is clearly in search of a husband from Nairaland.
Look at the unabashed craving of Male validation.
99% ko, 100% ni
This is the type of nonsense nairaland boys get excited for, two people are in a relationship but the responsibility of sustaining the relationship is on only one persons head.
Complete bullshit

Now I can actually see the allure of female child marriage

emmadejust:
Our digital wife of nowadays is not concern in that obedience and summit to their husband .
The whole world revolves around them and their happiness

My thoughts about marriage.
One of the things needed in marriage is marrying the right person. For you to marry the right person, you need to be what you want. Most times we pointed one accusing finger while the other four were pointing at ourselves.

When you do things to your spouse, you expect the person to forgive and move on but when the same thing comes back to you, you take it personal and refuse to forgive. It’s easier to complain about someone except yourself. That’s why we only think we are perfect and our partners aren’t.

Another most important thing I discovered is that we want our spouses to love our parents and siblings the way we love them but the sad truth is it’s not possible. I was always angry with my wife because she wasn’t showing the amount of love and care I have for my family to them until one day I asked myself if I love hers the same way she does and the answer is NO. I’ve spent all my life with them and it’s going take her some quality time before that changes come. Let’s be patient with our partners and try to understand from their perspectives.

Lastly don’t take signs that appear during courtship for granted. Reject the ones you can’t take and make sure the person shows you changes before you start forever journey.
A failed relationship is ever better than failed marriage.

When you Marry the right person, you are with your prayer partner but if you marry wrong, you are blessed with prayer point. God bless us

Staying married is hard. Super hard.

xammax:
Intimidated you say ?

Yes. She's acting out of fear. After 40 years of marriage both couples should be more like siblings now, but this isn't the case, he got his share she was given hers but she can't keep it, why? because Baba has been intimidating and manipulating her over the years, she's still scared of him

Nnaabros:
One of the major problems bedevilling relationships and marriages today is the epidemic known as 'feminism'.

Your head dey there

The woman is a good woman and probably from the 19s, women from those years are submitted to their husband, support them financially even when d man is broke to d extreme and respect dem but u see women of nowadays if 200 of nowadays women are looking for husband, I can sure that only 10 is capable and ready for marriage.. nowadays women are really spoilt

Femsyn:
To buttress the OP's views...

I read this story and i laughed... i laughed hard because marriage is complex and is often more that what meets the eye.

Do you know the couple's story? They alone, know why they act in the manner they do. Look! how a woman or wife react in marriage is borne more of the input of the husband. What you see is what you get.

Let me ask you a question? Do you think the woman would've reacted the same way, if the man is often of the habit of squandering family cash on irrelevant things, stays away from the house with girlfriends, ignores the wife, does not carry the wife along in major decisions and does not take care of the home?

Young men, don't read hastily. The man the OP depicted up there is a responsible man. Most women align with their husbands easily, when the man is doing the needful.

The man has done enough for the reward you saw for few moments. Men, that reward doesn't come automatically. You work for it!!!

My response is not for the OP, because s/he has done justice with the points given thereafter. My response is for men who might read hastily, and assume the wife's behaviour is follow-come.

Guy God bless you! You saw the big picture that's quite easy to miss!