Good day nairalanders,

I have a question bothering me. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for almost 3 years. Our wedding is this Easter. So we got a new apartment and he has been living in that apartment .

I visit almost every day and we both cant wait to get married. We moved some of his stuff in one of the rooms and I was trying to clean up and arrange some of the items when I saw some pictures of my fiance and his ex.

Personally,I was surprised he still kept pictures of his ex. (I discovered this ex is in the same church with him. I recognized her cos she is a church worker but he never mentioned they were ever together until I found these pictures). I put them together and my intention was to confront him and later,maybe burn the pictures. So I packed them in a bag waiting for him to return so I can show them to him.

I continued cleaning but I also saw like old CDs and I was wondering which ones to keep or throw away so I had to play them one by one in the DVD to determine which one was still good or which ones are bad so I can throw them away.

Just as I continued playing the CDs,I played one that I was not expecting. It was a sx tape of my fiance and his ex (his church member o) and another woman. I recognized the ex from the photos that I saw earlier on. I was stunned and shocked. Why did he make sx tape of himself having a party with his ex and someone else?
At this point,I lost it and couldn’t wait for him to return. He of course lied that he did not know he still had the pictures and video. He said the video was a mistake. He was young and stupid. The video was made when they were drunk.

I met my fiance through a mutual friend. Never for once did my fiance mention that his ex is still in the same church with him. In fact,he never mentioned her. I go to his church once in while but I never got any hint…I feel so fooled.

For me,its bullshit. All I can picture is him and his ex and that LovePeddler. Who is she,that ex…who is the other woman?…why is the ex pictures and videos still with the man I am getting married to in a few weeks.
My fiance has been begging me,saying he has destroyed the pictures and video.But that is not comforting me,my gut is telling me there is something about this ex. I mean,I know my guy is not a virgin,I know he has been with other girls in the past but never in a million years did I picture him as the kind of guy who would sleep with two women at the same time and even film it.

Plus filming it..he kept the tape…We have been together for 3 whole years…why does is that tape still in existence?Maybe he is still in love with the ex or maybe they are still seeing behind my back.

Or maybe he kept the tape as a reminder of the kind of s*x he likes…I am confused and I truly feel like there is something he is not telling me but he says I am just paranoid for nothing,that there is nothing going on. That he has not spoken to this ex for over 4 years.
Please advise me…is he telling the truth…his motive for making the tape too is scaring me…is he that type of guy or was this just one time stupid mistake?

Abeg nairalanders,make una advise me on what to do?

Here we go again

Timson01:
Good day nairalanders,

I have a question bothering me. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for almost 3 years. Our wedding is this Easter. So we got a new apartment and he has been living in that apartment .

I visit almost every day and we both cant wait to get married. We moved some of his stuff in one of the rooms and I was trying to clean up and arrange some of the items when I saw some pictures of my fiance and his ex.

Personally,I was surprised he still kept pictures of his ex. (I discovered this ex is in the same church with him. I recognized her cos she is a church worker but he never mentioned they were ever together until I found these pictures). I put them together and my intention was to confront him and later,maybe burn the pictures. So I packed them in a bag waiting for him to return so I can show them to him.

I continued cleaning but I also saw like old CDs and I was wondering which ones to keep or throw away so I had to play them one by one in the DVD to determine which one was still good or which ones are bad so I can throw them away.

Just as I continued playing the CDs,I played one that I was not expecting. It was a sx tape of my fiance and his ex (his church member o) and another woman. I recognized the ex from the photos that I saw earlier on. I was stunned and shocked. Why did he make sx tape of himself having a party with his ex and someone else?
At this point,I lost it and couldn’t wait for him to return. He of course lied that he did not know he still had the pictures and video. He said the video was a mistake. He was young and stupid. The video was made when they were drunk.

I met my fiance through a mutual friend. Never for once did my fiance mention that his ex is still in the same church with him. In fact,he never mentioned her. I go to his church once in while but I never got any hint…I feel so fooled.

For me,its bullshit. All I can picture is him and his ex and that LovePeddler. Who is she,that ex…who is the other woman?…why is the ex pictures and videos still with the man I am getting married to in a few weeks.
My fiance has been begging me,saying he has destroyed the pictures and video.But that is not comforting me,my gut is telling me there is something about this ex. I mean,I know my guy is not a virgin,I know he has been with other girls in the past but never in a million years did I picture him as the kind of guy who would sleep with two women at the same time and even film it.

Plus filming it..he kept the tape…We have been together for 3 whole years…why does is that tape still in existence?Maybe he is still in love with the ex or maybe they are still seeing behind my back.

Or maybe he kept the tape as a reminder of the kind of s*x he likes…I am confused and I truly feel like there is something he is not telling me but he says I am just paranoid for nothing,that there is nothing going on. That he has not spoken to this ex for over 4 years.
Please advise me…is he telling the truth…his motive for making the tape too is scaring me…is he that type of guy or was this just one time stupid mistake?

Abeg nairalanders,make una advise me on what to do?

Pretty sad. Buh play cool. Act like you've forgiven and forgotten. Don't say a word or show any emotions. Then secretly monitor him,maybe thru a third party,like a secret detective,like Joey of "cheaters".
Do it codedly

Firstly, for you to type this by 12:44am means you are deeply troubled and can't sleep. For me, I think I'ld judge his actions towards me for the last 3 years we've been together to know if I was cheated on or not. See ehen! If you begin look inside the both of you, you might have done something stupid but that was in the past. No body holy pass. So if that man has always been with you and by you, just don't loose this opportunity that linda ikeji missed so many years ago.. these words are enough for you if youre wise. Not sounding cocky

Meanwhile viewing this thread ,the other way man,uni69.
Na joke o

This matter hard o. Just be very careful with him. He said is his past, why are d pictures and d video still with him.

Relax, man may behave funny until they are ready to settle down and they change. Those pictures and videos are memories he had so because you came into the picture does not mean those memories will be erased. Why were you going through his things? You only see what your eyes want to see. Better continue to plan your marriage before loosing everything on mere paranoia!

Just passing by...
*Whistles away *

DMerciful:
Relax, many me behave funny until they are ready to settle down and they change. Those pictures and videos are memories he had so because you can into the picture does not mean those memories will be erased. Why were you going through his things? You only see what your eyes want to see. Better continue plan your marriage before loosing everything on mere paranoia!

This is how people reason that baffles me. So u mean there is no possibility in the world that that man has things to hide? You mean there's no possibility whatsoever that he's still seeing his ex? You mean there's absolutely nothing fishy that he didn't mention her to his fiance? So this is what you will tell every lady that comes with this problem? And you feel for everyone of them this advice will suffice as your head told u that all their husbands or fiances will all be faithful? Did you use one side of your brain to reason? Cos for you to just advice her to go ahead without even considering other possibiltites shows you are either foolish enough to go ahead with a relationship even when there are obvious red signs or you are just doing what most females do, support their fellow females even when they see they are wrong. You must still be a child since your reasoning is so one-sided. And to think that you feel it's wrong to go through a partners phone...it's people like you who feel wise that end up with a who.re who's obviously cheating but will still be the only one in the neighbourhood who's oblivious of that cos you refuse to go through the only evidence that presents itself.

@op I totally understand and feel the pain you are going through. And I'm glad about two things from your post. First you have not been blinded totally by love unlike that lady in a thread I just read now who is dating herself at 27 but thinks she's dating a man who's 40 and is not ready to settle down with her even with all the nonsense he's doing to her...
And 2nd you are smart enough to seek advise from people even though it's so close to your wedding.
Here's my take...from all you've said there is still no solid evidence that he's still with his ex...as also there is no evidence to clear him of Any wrong doing. But if amongst all he chose to marry you then he feels something special for you. That's still no reason to be blinded.
So i suggest you find a way to confirm if he's still doing anything with her or any other girl for that matter. You can go through his phone secretly, go to that church secretly and see if they meet or talk after service...just try any means to secretly find out...
If You find nothing then problem solved but I'll dwell more on worst case scenario.
Let's say you find out he's still cheating, my dear end it, not because the plan is to scatter your marriage to him but to see if you can get him to change, to see if you can see real repentance in him, though this is no guarantee that he won't go back to his ways(we men are something else, we can love a woman and yet sleep with another). And if he changes you could take the risk and forgive him, once again, it's no guarantee. If you can't bear it then my dear end it for good. Some women hate a cheat but can still remain. If u can't then pls walk away. Peace of mind is better than marriage to the wrong person in my opinion.
In summary, it all depends on what you find out, what you can bear if you find out unpalatable things, and how he's taking all of this...
Don't listen to the children telling you to go ahead or end it. This write-up from you is not enough to paint the whole picture. You alone still knows him more than any of us here. Advise about marriage should be given mostly on possible outcomes and not finite answers from our mostly one-sided, experience based points of view. I wish you all the best.

Fake story. Look at OP's previous threads, smh. He is simply a story-fabricator

Take story...you claim you are a guy from your profile while your story's claims otherwise...

Check these out and suit yourself.....

1. If you are convinced he's genuinely born again and you are as well, then you should let the past be because when a man is in Christ, he's a new creature, all old things has passed....

2. If you are both not save/born again, its not that serious, it's in his past. If you are worried he's still going to do that again, then, follow your heart.

3. If you are born again and he's not, the spirit of God will tell you what to do.

[s]

Timson01:
Good day nairalanders,

I have a question bothering me. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for almost 3 years. Our wedding is this Easter. So we got a new apartment and he has been living in that apartment .

I visit almost every day and we both cant wait to get married. We moved some of his stuff in one of the rooms and I was trying to clean up and arrange some of the items when I saw some pictures of my fiance and his ex.

Personally,I was surprised he still kept pictures of his ex. (I discovered this ex is in the same church with him. I recognized her cos she is a church worker but he never mentioned they were ever together until I found these pictures). I put them together and my intention was to confront him and later,maybe burn the pictures. So I packed them in a bag waiting for him to return so I can show them to him.

I continued cleaning but I also saw like old CDs and I was wondering which ones to keep or throw away so I had to play them one by one in the DVD to determine which one was still good or which ones are bad so I can throw them away.

Just as I continued playing the CDs,I played one that I was not expecting. It was a sx tape of my fiance and his ex (his church member o) and another woman. I recognized the ex from the photos that I saw earlier on. I was stunned and shocked. Why did he make sx tape of himself having a party with his ex and someone else?
At this point,I lost it and couldn’t wait for him to return. He of course lied that he did not know he still had the pictures and video. He said the video was a mistake. He was young and stupid. The video was made when they were drunk.

I met my fiance through a mutual friend. Never for once did my fiance mention that his ex is still in the same church with him. In fact,he never mentioned her. I go to his church once in while but I never got any hint…I feel so fooled.

For me,its bullshit. All I can picture is him and his ex and that LovePeddler. Who is she,that ex…who is the other woman?…why is the ex pictures and videos still with the man I am getting married to in a few weeks.
My fiance has been begging me,saying he has destroyed the pictures and video.But that is not comforting me,my gut is telling me there is something about this ex. I mean,I know my guy is not a virgin,I know he has been with other girls in the past but never in a million years did I picture him as the kind of guy who would sleep with two women at the same time and even film it.

Plus filming it..he kept the tape…We have been together for 3 whole years…why does is that tape still in existence?Maybe he is still in love with the ex or maybe they are still seeing behind my back.

Or maybe he kept the tape as a reminder of the kind of s*x he likes…I am confused and I truly feel like there is something he is not telling me but he says I am just paranoid for nothing,that there is nothing going on. That he has not spoken to this ex for over 4 years.
Please advise me…is he telling the truth…his motive for making the tape too is scaring me…is he that type of guy or was this just one time stupid mistake?

Abeg nairalanders,make una advise me on what to do?

[/s]

No one will mistakenly keep such sensitive documents knowing that it might end a life if it gets in the wrong hands...
He'll still be fûcking that ex secretly.

You are in for some serious shǐt...

DMerciful:
Relax, many me behave funny until they are ready to settle down and they change. Those pictures and videos are memories he had so because you can into the picture does not mean those memories will be erased. Why were you going through his things? You only see what your eyes want to see. Better continue plan your marriage before loosing everything on mere paranoia!

Do you have functional brains at all?

Timson01:
Good day nairalanders,

I have a question bothering me. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for almost 3 years. Our wedding is this Easter. So we got a new apartment and he has been living in that apartment .

I visit almost every day and we both cant wait to get married. We moved some of his stuff in one of the rooms and I was trying to clean up and arrange some of the items when I saw some pictures of my fiance and his ex.

Personally,I was surprised he still kept pictures of his ex. (I discovered this ex is in the same church with him. I recognized her cos she is a church worker but he never mentioned they were ever together until I found these pictures). I put them together and my intention was to confront him and later,maybe burn the pictures. So I packed them in a bag waiting for him to return so I can show them to him.

I continued cleaning but I also saw like old CDs and I was wondering which ones to keep or throw away so I had to play them one by one in the DVD to determine which one was still good or which ones are bad so I can throw them away.

Just as I continued playing the CDs,I played one that I was not expecting. It was a sx tape of my fiance and his ex (his church member o) and another woman. I recognized the ex from the photos that I saw earlier on. I was stunned and shocked. Why did he make sx tape of himself having a party with his ex and someone else?
At this point,I lost it and couldn’t wait for him to return. He of course lied that he did not know he still had the pictures and video. He said the video was a mistake. He was young and stupid. The video was made when they were drunk.

I met my fiance through a mutual friend. Never for once did my fiance mention that his ex is still in the same church with him. In fact,he never mentioned her. I go to his church once in while but I never got any hint…I feel so fooled.

For me,its bullshit. All I can picture is him and his ex and that LovePeddler. Who is she,that ex…who is the other woman?…why is the ex pictures and videos still with the man I am getting married to in a few weeks.
My fiance has been begging me,saying he has destroyed the pictures and video.But that is not comforting me,my gut is telling me there is something about this ex. I mean,I know my guy is not a virgin,I know he has been with other girls in the past but never in a million years did I picture him as the kind of guy who would sleep with two women at the same time and even film it.

Plus filming it..he kept the tape…We have been together for 3 whole years…why does is that tape still in existence?Maybe he is still in love with the ex or maybe they are still seeing behind my back.

Or maybe he kept the tape as a reminder of the kind of s*x he likes…I am confused and I truly feel like there is something he is not telling me but he says I am just paranoid for nothing,that there is nothing going on. That he has not spoken to this ex for over 4 years.
Please advise me…is he telling the truth…his motive for making the tape too is scaring me…is he that type of guy or was this just one time stupid mistake?

Abeg nairalanders,make una advise me on what to do?

Sweetie you are overthinking things. Chill. Don't use your hands to scatter what you have, just because you have a PhD as a "Private Investigator." His past, is his past.
Destroy the sextapes and try to seek assurance from him that he is never going to have anything sexual, to do with the other lady.
You ain't even married to him, yet, and you are social policing him like this?

I'm sorry to say ooh but Op its like you don't have work. You're one of those girls that over think and create unnecessary quarrels...

Its not like he can change his past or do you think he's still dating her?

Just burn the pictures and videos if that'll give you peace

Op, e be like say you never ready for marriage.

Do you want us to encourage you to continue the relationship / breakup?

Okay, break up

The sex tapes , pictures of the ex girlfriend, your hubby, the love peddler or I don't believ one bit

Chi59:
Just passing by... *Whistles away *

meangirl

op very good you are confronting this issue now. Don't sweep it under the carpet. Your pastor, his pastor, your elder brother and one family member from his side should also be aware. Was he born again before he made those videos? Some Christians claiming born again are just church goers. Does he really love God, more than himself.

Seems almost everyone has problem In their relationships .

Seun lala why are you hiring fiction writers?

Timson01:
Good day nairalanders,

I have a question bothering me. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for almost 3 years. Our wedding is this Easter. So we got a new apartment and he has been living in that apartment .

I visit almost every day and we both cant wait to get married. We moved some of his stuff in one of the rooms and I was trying to clean up and arrange some of the items when I saw some pictures of my fiance and his ex.

Personally,I was surprised he still kept pictures of his ex. (I discovered this ex is in the same church with him. I recognized her cos she is a church worker but he never mentioned they were ever together until I found these pictures). I put them together and my intention was to confront him and later,maybe burn the pictures. So I packed them in a bag waiting for him to return so I can show them to him.

I continued cleaning but I also saw like old CDs and I was wondering which ones to keep or throw away so I had to play them one by one in the DVD to determine which one was still good or which ones are bad so I can throw them away.

Just as I continued playing the CDs,I played one that I was not expecting. It was a sx tape of my fiance and his ex (his church member o) and another woman. I recognized the ex from the photos that I saw earlier on. I was stunned and shocked. Why did he make sx tape of himself having a party with his ex and someone else?
At this point,I lost it and couldn’t wait for him to return. He of course lied that he did not know he still had the pictures and video. He said the video was a mistake. He was young and stupid. The video was made when they were drunk.

I met my fiance through a mutual friend. Never for once did my fiance mention that his ex is still in the same church with him. In fact,he never mentioned her. I go to his church once in while but I never got any hint…I feel so fooled.

For me,its bullshit. All I can picture is him and his ex and that LovePeddler. Who is she,that ex…who is the other woman?…why is the ex pictures and videos still with the man I am getting married to in a few weeks.
My fiance has been begging me,saying he has destroyed the pictures and video.But that is not comforting me,my gut is telling me there is something about this ex. I mean,I know my guy is not a virgin,I know he has been with other girls in the past but never in a million years did I picture him as the kind of guy who would sleep with two women at the same time and even film it.

Plus filming it..he kept the tape…We have been together for 3 whole years…why does is that tape still in existence?Maybe he is still in love with the ex or maybe they are still seeing behind my back.

Or maybe he kept the tape as a reminder of the kind of s*x he likes…I am confused and I truly feel like there is something he is not telling me but he says I am just paranoid for nothing,that there is nothing going on. That he has not spoken to this ex for over 4 years.
Please advise me…is he telling the truth…his motive for making the tape too is scaring me…is he that type of guy or was this just one time stupid mistake?

Abeg nairalanders,make una advise me on what to do?

What concerns u is the past 3yrs both of u have been together, anything b4 that is not of ur business...

If I should look into u, trust me I will see some stupid things u did in the past. But who will judge u, na who them catch be thief.

How has the three years been between u two?

Has he been the man u want and expected him to be? If yes.... Stop looking at his past, because none of us holy pass

@op, did he enquire about how many dcks you have taken and sucked before he met you. I would have cancelled the marriage plan myself if I were your bf

You wrote a lot of nonsense and still told her to go ahead like I said. Her paranoia is unnecessary at this point. When a man has made up his mind to settle down he will forego those things!

DominusPrime:

This is how people reason that baffles me. So u mean there is no possibility in the world that that man has things to hide? You mean there's no possibility whatsoever that he's still seeing his ex? You mean there's absolutely nothing fishy that he didn't mention her to his fiance? So this is what you will tell every lady that comes with this problem? And you feel for everyone of them this advice will suffice as your head told u that all their husbands or fiances will all be faithful? Did you use one side of your brain to reason? Cos for you to just advice her to go ahead without even considering other possibiltites shows you are either foolish enough to go ahead with a relationship even when there are obvious red signs or you are just doing what most females do, support their fellow females even when they see they are wrong. You must still be a child since your reasoning is so one-sided. And to think that you feel it's wrong to go through a partners phone...it's people like you who feel wise that end up with a who.re who's obviously cheating but will still be the only one in the neighbourhood who's oblivious of that cos you refuse to go through the only evidence that presents itself.

@op I totally understand and feel the pain you are going through. And I'm glad about two things from your post. First you have not been blinded totally by love unlike that lady in a thread I just read now who is dating herself at 27 but thinks she's dating a man who's 40 and is not ready to settle down with her even with all the nonsense he's doing to her...
And 2nd you are smart enough to seek advise from people even though it's so close to your wedding.
Here's my take...from all you've said there is still no solid evidence that he's still with his ex...as also there is no evidence to clear him of Any wrong doing. But if amongst all he chose to marry you then he feels something special for you. That's still no reason to be blinded.
So i suggest you find a way to confirm if he's still doing anything with her or any other girl for that matter. You can go through his phone secretly, go to that church secretly and see if they meet or talk after service...just try any means to secretly find out...
If You find nothing then problem solved but I'll dwell more on worst case scenario.
Let's say you find out he's still cheating, my dear end it, not because the plan is to scatter your marriage to him but to see if you can get him to change, to see if you can see real repentance in him, though this is no guarantee that he won't go back to his ways(we men are something else, we can love a woman and yet sleep with another). And if he changes you could take the risk and forgive him, once again, it's no guarantee. If you can't bear it then my dear end it for good. Some women hate a cheat but can still remain. If u can't then pls walk away. Peace of mind is better than marriage to the wrong person in my opinion.
In summary, it all depends on what you find out, what you can bear if you find out unpalatable things, and how he's taking all of this...
Don't listen to the children telling you to go ahead or end it. This write-up from you is not enough to paint the whole picture. You alone still knows him more than any of us here. Advise about marriage should be given mostly on possible outcomes and not finite answers from our mostly one-sided, experience based points of view. I wish you all the best.

You are still a child, you see only black and white!

betterpikinn:

Do you have functional brains at all?

Women worry about irrelevant issues even age long metusellad ones.
Hanty, go and sleep.

lies

Past don pass

Timson01:
Good day nairalanders,

I have a question bothering me. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for almost 3 years. Our wedding is this Easter. So we got a new apartment and he has been living in that apartment .

I visit almost every day and we both cant wait to get married. We moved some of his stuff in one of the rooms and I was trying to clean up and arrange some of the items when I saw some pictures of my fiance and his ex.

Personally,I was surprised he still kept pictures of his ex. (I discovered this ex is in the same church with him. I recognized her cos she is a church worker but he never mentioned they were ever together until I found these pictures). I put them together and my intention was to confront him and later,maybe burn the pictures. So I packed them in a bag waiting for him to return so I can show them to him.

I continued cleaning but I also saw like old CDs and I was wondering which ones to keep or throw away so I had to play them one by one in the DVD to determine which one was still good or which ones are bad so I can throw them away.

Just as I continued playing the CDs,I played one that I was not expecting. It was a sx tape of my fiance and his ex (his church member o) and another woman. I recognized the ex from the photos that I saw earlier on. I was stunned and shocked. Why did he make sx tape of himself having a party with his ex and someone else?
At this point,I lost it and couldn’t wait for him to return. He of course lied that he did not know he still had the pictures and video. He said the video was a mistake. He was young and stupid. The video was made when they were drunk.

I met my fiance through a mutual friend. Never for once did my fiance mention that his ex is still in the same church with him. In fact,he never mentioned her. I go to his church once in while but I never got any hint…I feel so fooled.

For me,its bullshit. All I can picture is him and his ex and that LovePeddler. Who is she,that ex…who is the other woman?…why is the ex pictures and videos still with the man I am getting married to in a few weeks.
My fiance has been begging me,saying he has destroyed the pictures and video.But that is not comforting me,my gut is telling me there is something about this ex. I mean,I know my guy is not a virgin,I know he has been with other girls in the past but never in a million years did I picture him as the kind of guy who would sleep with two women at the same time and even film it.

Plus filming it..he kept the tape…We have been together for 3 whole years…why does is that tape still in existence?Maybe he is still in love with the ex or maybe they are still seeing behind my back.

Or maybe he kept the tape as a reminder of the kind of s*x he likes…I am confused and I truly feel like there is something he is not telling me but he says I am just paranoid for nothing,that there is nothing going on. That he has not spoken to this ex for over 4 years.
Please advise me…is he telling the truth…his motive for making the tape too is scaring me…is he that type of guy or was this just one time stupid mistake?

Abeg nairalanders,make una advise me on what to do?

Go for counselling in his church or yours. Maybe he is lying about it maybe he is telling the truth... Let a reliable 3rd party deduce the matter. His pastor better still.

DMerciful:
You wrote a lot of nonsense and still told her to go ahead like I said. Her paranoia is unnecessary at this point. When a man has made up his mind to settle down he will forego those things!

Now it's confirmed you don't use all of your head even in reading. I told her to go ahead definitely? You obviously difnt have the capacity to read all of what i wrote. Something is definitely wrong somewhere. So all men who make up their minds to settle down stop cheating? I have friends that slept with their sidechicks the night b4 their wedding. I have friends who slept with gfs, exs, weeks after their wedding...
You obviously live in a fantasy world or you are still young and haven't seen life