₦airaland Forum

tripplephi:
SOLUTION:

Get married but stay SINGLE. Let the ANKO(same clothe wearing tradition) stay with just clothes.... LIVE YOUR LIFE NORMALLY.... attachment is not the goal of marriage but COMPANIONSHIP, RESPONSIBILITY, HOME BUILDING, VALUES, SHARING MOMENTS, etc. But none of those things should ROB you of your individuality o.

Be able to be WHOLE whether your spouse is available(emotionally, financial, sexually,relationally) or NOT.

The concept of 'BETTER HALF' is false and its wrong. NO ONE IS BETTER of anyone... We are both WHOLE and only break into one another when we FUSE in the union called marriage.

Meaning MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO BREAK YOU, break your ego, pride, or any thing that you may not have known was not really nice, it is in marriage we see ourselves through the eyes of another and begin to make some amends.


Change is necessary hence it should not be feared but be prepared for, know the limits of CHANGE. Any CHANGE that CHAINS you is slavery, break free from it. The CHANGE marriage is meant to bring, is supposed to be the one that will make you at your BEST SELF.

So sir, yes, you can go for conferences alone, your wife too may do her own thing with other good women AND there you will have your free "single" space for that period... then you will miss her and long for her... That is the beauty of the union and it goes both ways.

A305:
* The Sex (Mismatch libido)

* Not giving each other space (Don't come near me, cuddle, grope me or touch me all the time. I need some (me time) alone, I have been alone before you showed up in my life - the alone craving is still there sometimes.

* Silence (sometimes, I need silence to concentrate and think about next business deal, bills, our family affairs, my out family and relatives and NO wiffy, i'm not ignoring you, I just need silence)

* Women always getting emotional to make logic seem invalid and then emotionally blackmailing their spouse.

* Men inability to flee from free sex.

*Men inability to satisfy their wife. (Always thinking banging her hard is what she want NOT knowing climax is what she needs - Also not paying attention to her sexaul need.)

*Women ranging hormone/mood swings (please women; learn to always deal and communicate with your spouse when your hormone begins to determine your mood such as; Ovulation, menstruation, financially broke, insecurity, sex starved, Pregnancy, Post - pregnancy, Stress, Depression and anxiety.)

*Lack of communication from both end.

bigpicture001:
Financial compatibility....

This does not mean being rich by the guy,instead it means being able to share na be of help financially in marriage..,.

Women are non not to be supportive in this aspect nd that see it as their right....

This is a silent home breaker especially for the middle income spouses.


A guy I know divorced his wife straight after sh delivered of their first child... He saved for the D- day..but still fell short of 95k cuz there was complication of deliverering that no one expected.....

While he run from pillar to post to his friends seeking a soft loan pending wen he is paid..the wife still held at the hospital sent her younger sis,who stays with them to secretly go to the house go nd to her matrimonial room nd collect the 65k sh kept in her bag b4 d hubby mistakenly sees it

Unfortunately for her the hubby went home nd met his teenage in law with 65k cash....sh TLD him her elder sis instruction....


He was shocked...nd told the gal to go ahead nd deposit d money to d wife's bank as sh was instructed by her. He continued his nuzzle nd two days later he got them out of the hospital paying 126k additional from the first delivery cost...

Sh came back home nd can't look him in the eyes...quarell after quarelk ensued DT led to divorce exactly one month later....

Gals of this days are too stingy nd mny of them take d Character into marriages.....never ever Marry a lady DT will not b supportive..as a guy,u can't solve all them financial problems in marriage...

This is a big p,no one talks abt

Mrx101:
Marriage is a sweet institution especially for those that really wanted it. It is for the matured minds not for boys and girl think like.

Marry the type of woman that you always wanted and don't manage that or substitute with any other type,to avoid complains in the future.

Prepare you mind,body and soul for it ,learn to love so that you will be loved,learn to tolerance, learn to be patience and learn to be civil in all.

Most times,we get what we give in. Try everyday to make it new. Don't just be a boring wife or husband. Learn on how to share knowledge in civil or romantic way,don't force knowledge.

But.. You must know your partner to an extend before marriage. This is to enable you make a good decisions ,especially to avail you the level of compatibility.

SassyGem101:
Well...I'm not married but I'll say...the hardest part is having to wake up everyday of your life to the same face which tends to become boring. Now no matter the initial butterflies in your belly thing, you'll get bored at some point and the only thing that can keep you going is your commitment to be with them and the fear of God. If you lack this two virtues, there's going to be a big problem especially if you are the type that likes meeting new people.


Another part it gets hard is where the niti gritty of marriage hits you. Like taking care of the responsibiity of the home especially the financial aspect. In fact before you know it, you'll wear out to the point you won't even remember how you guys started. This is not to scare you but its a fact I've seen in many homes that has made me begin to plan my marriage life in a way I won't have to be totally caught up in that hard part. Hmm....let me just stop here.

Please on a more serious note, if you must marry, prepare your mind to face these things otherwise you'll freak out before it even begins. Or stay away from it.
I have seen a lot of marriages and I wonder what happened to the initial " I love yous" and all that. Though still learning.


Dem say, nor be eye wen person take do girlfriend and boyfriend na him dem dey take do marriage ooo.

eni4real:
Oniranu

SassyGem101:
Well...I'm not married but I'll say...the hardest part is having to wake up everyday of your life to the same face which tends to become boring. Now no matter the initial butterflies in your belly thing, you'll get bored at some point and the only thing that can keep you going is your commitment to be with them and the fear of God. If you lack this two virtues, there's going to be a big problem especially if you are the type that likes meeting new people.


Another part it gets hard is where the niti gritty of marriage hits you. Like taking care of the responsibiity of the home especially the financial aspect. In fact before you know it, you'll wear out to the point you won't even remember how you guys started. This is not to scare you but its a fact I've seen in many homes that has made me begin to plan my marriage life in a way I won't have to be totally caught up in that hard part. Hmm....let me just stop here.

Please on a more serious note, if you must marry, prepare your mind to face these things otherwise you'll freak out before it even begins. Or stay away from it.
I have seen a lot of marriages and I wonder what happened to the initial " I love yous" and all that. Though still learning.


Dem say, nor be eye wen person take do girlfriend and boyfriend na him dem dey take do marriage ooo.

bigpicture001:
Financial compatibility....

This does not mean being rich by the guy,instead it means being able to share na be of help financially in marriage..,.

Women are non not to be supportive in this aspect nd that see it as their right....

This is a silent home breaker especially for the middle income spouses.


A guy I know divorced his wife straight after sh delivered of their first child... He saved for the D- day..but still fell short of 95k cuz there was complication of deliverering that no one expected.....

While he run from pillar to post to his friends seeking a soft loan pending wen he is paid..the wife still held at the hospital sent her younger sis,who stays with them to secretly go to the house go nd to her matrimonial room nd collect the 65k sh kept in her bag b4 d hubby mistakenly sees it

Unfortunately for her the hubby went home nd met his teenage in law with 65k cash....sh TLD him her elder sis instruction....


He was shocked...nd told the gal to go ahead nd deposit d money to d wife's bank as sh was instructed by her. He continued his nuzzle nd two days later he got them out of the hospital paying 126k additional from the first delivery cost...

Sh came back home nd can't look him in the eyes...quarell after quarelk ensued DT led to divorce exactly one month later....

Gals of this days are too stingy nd mny of them take d Character into marriages.....never ever Marry a lady DT will not b supportive..as a guy,u can't solve all them financial problems in marriage...

This is a big p,no one talks abt

A305:
* The Sex (Mismatch libido)

* Not giving each other space (Don't come near me, cuddle, grope me or touch me all the time. I need some (me time) alone, I have been alone before you showed up in my life - the alone craving is still there sometimes.

* Silence (sometimes, I need silence to concentrate and think about next business deal, bills, our family affairs, my out family and relatives and NO wiffy, i'm not ignoring you, I just need silence)

* Women always getting emotional to make logic seem invalid and then emotionally blackmailing their spouse.

* Men inability to flee from free sex.

*Men inability to satisfy their wife. (Always thinking banging her hard is what she want NOT knowing climax is what she needs - Also not paying attention to her sexaul need.)

*Women ranging hormone/mood swings (please women; learn to always deal and communicate with your spouse when your hormone begins to determine your mood such as; Ovulation, menstruation, financially broke, insecurity, sex starved, Pregnancy, Post - pregnancy, Stress, Depression and anxiety.)

*Lack of communication from both end.

SassyGem101:
Are you any better? Is funmisticqueen any better herself? Seeing how you both go about talking recklessly on this forum, you both are no different.

Its obvious the gentle man is already tired and the mere thoughts of marriage with her is giving him the chills cos hes probably seen some red flags that the lady may not have what it takes to keep a man longer in marriage hence the question. And what he needs now is sincere advice and contributions before he makes the mistake of his life.
From what I've read here, that lady is toxic! Jokes apart. Forget the initial niceties. When ladies need something, they act all nice especially if they see their mates getting married and they are being left behind. But once in, they reveal their true self.

Ivebeenbanned:
You sound like a fragile man.

Quit talking about submission. Its 2020

dbestuncle:
You tried despite that you are not married. May God give u a happy home.

Homes today also has the issue of one person scamming another. The good things u saw in the other person could just vanish away. One of the duo could stop been the person the other wants to love. Trust me most people will never remarry their spouses if there was to be a second world. Speaking from experience.

tripplephi:
SOLUTION:

Get married but stay SINGLE. Let the ANKO(same clothe wearing tradition) stay with just clothes.... LIVE YOUR LIFE NORMALLY.... attachment is not the goal of marriage but COMPANIONSHIP, RESPONSIBILITY, HOME BUILDING, VALUES, SHARING MOMENTS, etc. But none of those things should ROB you of your individuality o.

Be able to be WHOLE whether your spouse is available(emotionally, financial, sexually,relationaaly) or NOT.

The concept of 'BETTER HALF' is false and its wrong. NO ONE IS BETTER of anyone... We are both WHOLE and only break into one another when we FUSE in the union called marriage.

Meaning MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO BREAK YOU, break your ego, pride, or any thing that you may not have known was not really nice, it is in marriage we see ourselves through the eyes of another and begin to make some amends.


Change is necessary hence it should not be feared but be prepared for, know the limits of CHANGE. Any CHANGE that CHAINS you is slavery, break free from it. The CHANGE marriage is meant to bring, is supposed to be the one that will make you at your BEST SELF.

So sir, yes, you can go for conferences alone, your wife too may do her own thing with other good women AND there you will have your free "single" space for that period... then you will miss her and long for her... That is the beauty of the union and it goes both ways.

bonnyhope:
Ok

Such a soft answer

Some girls would have replied with an insult but you did otherwise

Can we be friend

Acidosis:
No part of marriage is hard.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Are you married?

Kokaine:
thank you very much.

Should a man expect submission from a woman or are they equals

As you stated earlier that love and other pretences soon fade away and we are left with our bare natures. Do I keep pretending I don't know I am physically and financially entitled to call the shots as it would be if she was my junior sister or colleague. Do I need to accommodate power tussles and insubordination from a woman who feels tired of remonstrating and letting me have the upper hand.

I have always swallowed the bitter pills of combative and argumentative women in relationship with so much difficulty just to appear civil and not necessarily because I think its okay. But just as demand and supply naturally determine the market of a product, does not financial, intellectual and physical superiority naturally determine who leads in a relationship as it does in other ventures in life . should a husband be any less esteemed than her boss at work who she obeys without firing back hot pellets of words, or her dad and rich friends who had moderated her needs for equality all the while before marriage with little difficulty

Lamanii22:
Awww... Sure..

AsaBlackheart:
Statistically, 3 out of 4 marriages end in failure and yet people still get married almost everyday.

If you are about to sky dive from a plane and you are told that 3 out of the 4 parachutes available are faulty, would you still dive??

Kokaine:
thank you very much.

Should a man expect submission from a woman or are they equals

As you stated earlier that love and other pretences soon fade away and we are left with our bare natures. Do I keep pretending I don't know I am physically and financially entitled to call the shots as it would be if she was my junior sister or colleague. Do I need to accommodate power tussles and insubordination from a woman who feels tired of remonstrating and letting me have the upper hand.

I have always swallowed the bitter pills of combative and argumentative women in relationship with so much difficulty just to appear civil and not necessarily because I think its okay. But just as demand and supply naturally determine the market of a product, does not financial, intellectual and physical superiority naturally determine who leads in a relationship as it does in other ventures in life . should a husband be any less esteemed than her boss at work who she obeys without firing back hot pellets of words, or her dad and rich friends who had moderated her needs for equality all the while before marriage with little difficulty

ghostwritter:
Because your parent's parachute is faulty doesn't mean mine should be...las las we go all sky dive.

Garlay:
A loyal and submissive women have no course to be scared of an unending love. beauty will surely fade away but good character will keep you important always in the heart of a good man

Acidosis:
I'm a product of a working marriage.

SassyGem101:
Well...I'm not married but I'll say...the hardest part is having to wake up everyday of your life to the same face which tends to become boring. Now no matter the initial butterflies in your belly thing, you'll get bored at some point and the only thing that can keep you going is your commitment to be with them and the fear of God. If you lack this two virtues, there's going to be a big problem especially if you are the type that likes meeting new people.


Another part it gets hard is where the niti gritty of marriage hits you. Like taking care of the responsibiity of the home especially the financial aspect. In fact before you know it, you'll wear out to the point you won't even remember how you guys started. This is not to scare you but its a fact I've seen in many homes that has made me begin to plan my marriage life in a way I won't have to be totally caught up in that hard part. Hmm....let me just stop here.

Please on a more serious note, if you must marry, prepare your mind to face these things otherwise you'll freak out before it even begins. Or stay away from it.
I have seen a lot of marriages and I wonder what happened to the initial " I love yous" and all that. Though still learning.


Dem say, nor be eye wen person take do girlfriend and boyfriend na him dem dey take do marriage ooo.

Coolgent:
You are absolutely correct!
As for my the only things that saved me are: fear of God, and I dont like meeting new people.

tripplephi:
Hmmm you have strong points sir, BUT we must understand one thing, NIGERIA IS AN EXAGGERATIVE STATE, meaning we go to the extreme with whatever we copy from the western world.

also sir I NEVER SAID LOVE FADES, my narrative was simply to attack what we call LOVE, for BUTTERFLIES WILL ALWAYS FLY AWAY, and all the horniness and hormones will calm down.... THIS IS WHERE LOVE IS REDEFINED (if from the beginning it was not defined). LOVE IS NOT A FEELING, but a FILLING- LOVE is not feeling I need you, but taking the responsibility of joyfully FILLING a need in you no matter what.
Love is a herculean responsibility and choice despite age, circumstances, body shape, odour and health/financial status. The ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY has subtly but deeply ruined and perverted the definition of Love for our generation. So it is painted as EROTIC FINANCIAL freedom rather than RESPONSIBILITY, SACRIFICES, CLEAR TRANSPARENT COMMUNICATION, BATTLES, VICTORIES and some losses, etc.

SUBMISSION sir, has been grossly misunderstood and mistaken for SLAVERY. Hence HOUSEWIVES soon see themselves as SEX SLAVES or BABY FACTORIES. This is why our society is filled with damaged adults. Many even value their moms' far more than their fathers' because they spend more time with the Mother than they even see their busy workaholic father.

Let me balance SUBMISSION in a bit. Submission is simply MUTUAL RESPECT, yes o. Women are powerful and men must respect that they process things differently. Women must understand that MEN are not only powerful, they are the PILOT/CAPTAIN of the SHIP... AS Such decisiveness is in our nature and we are meant to be LOGICAL. Women are meant to be emotional. AND ALLOWING EACH OTHER BE WHO THEY CAN BE FOR THE PEACE AND UNITY IN THE HOME, IS ACTUALLY SUBMISSION. Where submission got misunderstood was in the simple quest for CONTROL. Most men and women need to master the art of our grand mothers, the art of LEADING WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE.

Equality is also misunderstood. Being EQUALS do not mean having same responsibility or being TWINS. So the simple BALANCE of all things is this....

MEN SHOULD LET WOMEN BE EMOTIONAL LEADERS
WOMEN SHOULD ALLOW THEIR MEN BE LOGICAL

then both should compromise for each other with UNDERSTANDING.
Children from such homes will be sooooooooooooo balanced and very fast achieve greatness in Life because they would know how to handle things from their area of strength and how to work with people no matter how damaged the people may be.

I hope it is simple and easy for anyone reading to apply.
Swinger60

UyaiIncomparabl:
You always sound ready to pounce on your opponent. Why do you speak with so much bile? Nawa o.

Well, I'm guessing the working marriage you are referring to are you parent's, right?

Leave the make of their marriage alone and walk your own shoes, then come right back to explain that comment to me again.

I'm a product of a working marriage

Acidosis:
I'm sure you quoted the wrong person.

For emphasis sake, see what I typed again;



If the above means I talk with so much bile, then you should check yourself. The problem is within you; it's all in your head.