₦airaland Forum

ssegs5:
Hello my friend. I have read through a couple of your responses on other thread and just stumbled on this thread of yours while checking your page.

Am sorry for your experience but you are not going through the healing process with the right mentality. If you fail on a course it doesn’t mean others too will fail. Some men have suffered even same fate as yours including me but will advice men not to help any lady the fall in love with? Hell No. Forgiveness is key my Dear and sadly you lack it. You may have lost a lot monetarily but you didn’t lose your health or your life.

Forgive completely and look forward with an optimistic mindset. You will discover you have true peace and rejuvenation of your total being will commence bringing out a better you waiting for a better chance.

There are red flags you obviously didn’t noticed.

You will be happy again, TRULY HAPPY.

Am not too good at long write ups but I can share voice messages especially on the red flags.

I AM A PROUD SURVIVOR


Have toke my time to read some of your responses on other trends and your but one thing I notice is this ''unforgiven mind '' and you are a type that complains alot(from my point of view). In life when you hold on to one thing and you keep on nursing it, it will be difficult for you to see better things around you, all because you place your focus on one thing ( what i mean is that; you have focus your mind set that poor guys are bad guys, and your pain and hatred for them didn't allow you to see that there are best option for you). Someone is somewhere watch and willing to have someone like you, someone that know your value, your worth but your unforgiven attitude and hatred will not allow good and serious men to come around. Why not work on yourself, forgive and forget and dont put unnecessary pressure on yourself, put up a smiling face, trust in God, be good and move on, I know for sure that that man will surely show up. Please check my signature for my contact you can just hi me I will like to further discuss with you. Stay happy

nijiatech78:
Totally wrong my friend. My previous comments doesn’t portray me as a person with an I forgiven mind. Most of my responses are on topical political topics and off course almost all Nigerians share almost same sentiments towards our politicians which is obviously so true,

Lastly am not a female as you equally got it wrong. Am a happy young man from Agbor in Delta State.

Thank you again for your inputs

I don't know what your story is and why you are so pessimistic (probably you've been hurt badly in the past), but you should realize that there are men out there who were brought up by mothers who have the kind of character the op has.

What you give out is what you get. You give out bitterness, you receive bitterness, you radiate love, you get back love.

Hunt for love, not a rich man. If you hunt for love, you might get a rich man or a poor man. At least you get a sure thing. Love.

But if you hunt for a rich man, you may not get love and if the man loses his wealth you won't even get the money.


Of course, acquisition of wealth changes a man for good or bad, but it's the risk you have to take.

Note also that loss of wealth also changes a man mostly for worse.

Why base your happiness then on something ephemeral, something unsure such as wealth.

A man's character may be hidden, but it is constant, whether rich or poor. Fall in love with a man's character, not his pocket.

Namaste.

cc: HeavenlyCherub

HeavenlyCherub:
Hi everyone,

I always feel any time I'm on nairaland I have drama. This platform has helped me as a release over the years. I don't understand why I have been unlucky in love but I hope my posts can help someone. Last time I was here my boyfriend of years got another woman pregnant he still wants to marry me BUT I dont think I can deal with the deception. Lying is one thing but having a whole baby is something else.

So I met someone new. It felt like he was my bestfriend. I put my life on hold for him. I gave up my life for months so that I could help him be a better man. I gave up my home, finances, my car everything to push his vision. I'm a working class woman late 20s and he was a student with a part time job. It didnt bother me he didn't have much because I loved him.

He was kind and loving but I always felt I had to reassure him of his position in my life and to tell him he is enough. This man always made it seem like I didnt respect him because he didn't feel accomplished and wasn't happy of my support of the relationship. He always made me feel bad for being successful.

It's hard for men to accept women when they attain a certain level of success. Men say that they want a woman to be there for them when they are at their lowest, I was that woman but this man broke me emotionally and made me feel small.

I will not date a man with less money than me anymore they are insecure. I just want to advise other women not to over invest your time, emotions and finances in someone who is not your husband.

We women want to over invest because we believe we are showing love. Don't walk away with a broken heart and empty wallet.

-he did not cheat, but his insecurities got the best of the relationship and I decided to walk away even if I loved him.

WUdec:
Walking away was a big mistake.

Your success reminded him of his failure and you motivated him a lot. All his complaints and insecurities were a cry for assurance. And in that position, his emotions were too vulnerable.

Black women want a man who can handle his emotions and lead regardless of how they feel in a relationship. In other words you wanted someone confident enough to take that journey with you and hold your hand with his head high.

Instead you got one who acted more like the female in the relationship becos he was intimidated by your success

If you had paid a lot of attention to empowering him to become as great as you (and I don't mean financially), you would have changed him bit by bit.

For example, if you noticed his strengths and skills and invested in those two, directing him towards achieving his full potential...he would have become more confident, loyal and masculine

No man comes tailor-made, not even women. First you get the material, do the sketch, envision the piece in your head and stitch each part of the material gradually, creating each piece slowly.

You instead could not take no more and thrust yourself back out there all to repeat the same steps all over, in the dating scene.

You seem intelligent+responsible and it's been 2yrs since. I hope you find the man of your dreams and learn from your past.

Always have the material and think like the good tailor.

Buena suerte!

Samuels90:
that lady u quoted, is always looking for whr to say negative things about men. When it comes to men issues on this forum, she is always on the left side of things.

4teeron:
Just move on with your Life, Not All Broke All Struggling Guys Are Same. Relationship Is All About Understanding If You Guys Don't Understand Each Other Forget It Nothing Works, No Mrs Right Or Mr Perfect Anywhere. That Marriage Or Relationship That Glitters They Also Got Stories To Tell.

Astride:
I've seen this play out before. And it often turns out to be in complete witherward to how the female party narrates it.
I hope the young man heals and finds someone who'd treat him like the king he is.

ssegs5:
Have toke my time to read some of your responses on other trends and your but one thing I notice is this ''unforgiven mind '' and you are a type that complains alot(from my point of view). In life when you hold on to one thing and you keep on nursing it, it will be difficult for you to see better things around you, all because you place your focus on one thing ( what i mean is that; you have focus your mind set that poor guys are bad guys, and your pain and hatred for them didn't allow you to see that there are best option for you). Someone is somewhere watch and willing to have someone like you, someone that know your value, your worth but your unforgiven attitude and hatred will not allow good and serious men to come around. Why not work on yourself, forgive and forget and dont put unnecessary pressure on yourself, put up a smiling face, trust in God, be good and move on, I know for sure that that man will surely show up. Please check my signature for my contact you can just hi me I will like to further discuss with you. Stay happy

Alero3Arubi:
My brother some cases are irredeemable.
It will be depression day and night, because someone cannot be sufficient in themselves. Also doing competition with you and proving non-existent points.
It will always be like a rollercoaster, high and low.
Some mothers did a terrible one on their sons , and now a lot of women have to pay for it.
My advice:
Do what you can, do not listen to anybody.
If you go into depression in a relation and you cannot continue quit.

Samuels90:
Having a good partner this days is tough, people go into relationships with a mindset to gain not to build/add. It's not about the class of the person but the personality, you may still end up in a bad relationship if you date someone from a well to do career. It's not about whether they are struggling or stable financially ,its the personality.

HeavenlyCherub:
Have you ever heard the saying “money changes people” I would rather know what I’m getting into with someone and their personality around how they treat people and money itself when they have it. I’m not saying be a millionaire, just be self sufficient and carry your own.

HeavenlyCherub:
May men like this. Visit your generations

Astride:
And this confirms what your heart is made of while you hide behind the charade of playing the victim. You're hardhearted and vindictive. I can tell from miles away. No light in you. And this is the reason you'll continue to attract men like this.

HeavenlyCherub:
Have you ever heard the saying “money changes people” I would rather know what I’m getting into with someone and their personality around how they treat people and money itself when they have it. I’m not saying be a millionaire, just be self sufficient and carry your own.

HeavenlyCherub:
I love God and I am fully aware no relationship is perfect. I never made him a houseboy infact I still carried out my duties as his girlfriend. My ex still wants to work things out and remain friends. If I was as bad as you say I am would he still want to be with me. Money is not everything. Anyway I loved him and I always will. But for my sanity I need to let go. 

Maybe at the time he didnt notice, he keeps on referencing that I dont need him if we break up I have my job, property and family to fall back on but he has no one and needs to support his family. These talks were now a burden on me. He started becoming aggressive, angry and jealous. When I do anything I would always say its ours not mine.

I truly believe a man is the head of a home no way I would want to dominate. I'm not saying I was perfect but I did my best to love him it was never enough. He said I never respected him but I did. Inferiority got the best of him.

Don't get me wrong I'm not a bad looking woman and I had well to do men after me. It's sad because all I wanted was him.

jaxxy:
I read ur story and it's a sad. I now understand the scenario better atleast from ur perspective and why it can be a problem dating down.

There not u can do he help an insecure man, who make u feel worse instead better despite all u do and how much u try. I know how that plays out and it's exhausting.

Bt mind u there's also Insecurity issues that have nothing to do with finances bt other areas. So bottom line don't date an insecure person cos they end up manipulating u intentionally or unintentionally. It's draining.

Do u know how to detect a manipulative person? U Shud learn how to. They have their traits and character which always comes out gradually.

I don't know the science of how good gals end up dating duchebags its weird bt it happens alot bt u must learn the ropes quick and know how to spot them.

Also don't rush into relationships, build frndships, don't be in a hurry to help out beyond whats normal and don't over do anything or make any unnecessary sacrifices beyond a galfrnds duty, when in a relationship, until ure a wife. If sm1 makes u unhappy all the time leave don't them manipulate u.

A galfrnd is not a babysitter. Lol

HeavenlyCherub:
I’m not against any man. The reason that you think I’m against man is because I speak against people being used. Not every man is a bad man but Nigerian men really have a bad reputation world wide. If it’s not using people, it’s yahoo, if not yahoo, it’s drugs, if not that stealing money. It’s time for Nigerians to search within themselves and stop saying I’m bitter or angry for saying my truth.

HeavenlyCherub:
Have you ever heard the saying “money changes people” I would rather know what I’m getting into with someone and their personality around how they treat people and money itself when they have it. I’m not saying be a millionaire, just be self sufficient and carry your own.

HeavenlyCherub:
Hi everyone,

I always feel any time I'm on nairaland I have drama. This platform has helped me as a release over the years. I don't understand why I have been unlucky in love but I hope my posts can help someone. Last time I was here my boyfriend of years got another woman pregnant he still wants to marry me BUT I dont think I can deal with the deception. Lying is one thing but having a whole baby is something else.

So I met someone new. It felt like he was my bestfriend. I put my life on hold for him. I gave up my life for months so that I could help him be a better man. I gave up my home, finances, my car everything to push his vision. I'm a working class woman late 20s and he was a student with a part time job. It didnt bother me he didn't have much because I loved him.

He was kind and loving but I always felt I had to reassure him of his position in my life and to tell him he is enough. This man always made it seem like I didnt respect him because he didn't feel accomplished and wasn't happy of my support of the relationship. He always made me feel bad for being successful.

It's hard for men to accept women when they attain a certain level of success. Men say that they want a woman to be there for them when they are at their lowest, I was that woman but this man broke me emotionally and made me feel small.

I will not date a man with less money than me anymore they are insecure. I just want to advise other women not to over invest your time, emotions and finances in someone who is not your husband.

We women want to over invest because we believe we are showing love. Don't walk away with a broken heart and empty wallet.

-he did not cheat, but his insecurities got the best of the relationship and I decided to walk away even if I loved him.

Naughtysite:
Are you looking for husband ?

HeavenlyCherub:
Hi everyone,

I always feel any time I'm on nairaland I have drama. This platform has helped me as a release over the years. I don't understand why I have been unlucky in love but I hope my posts can help someone. Last time I was here my boyfriend of years got another woman pregnant he still wants to marry me BUT I dont think I can deal with the deception. Lying is one thing but having a whole baby is something else.

So I met someone new. It felt like he was my bestfriend. I put my life on hold for him. I gave up my life for months so that I could help him be a better man. I gave up my home, finances, my car everything to push his vision. I'm a working class woman late 20s and he was a student with a part time job. It didnt bother me he didn't have much because I loved him.

He was kind and loving but I always felt I had to reassure him of his position in my life and to tell him he is enough. This man always made it seem like I didnt respect him because he didn't feel accomplished and wasn't happy of my support of the relationship. He always made me feel bad for being successful.

It's hard for men to accept women when they attain a certain level of success. Men say that they want a woman to be there for them when they are at their lowest, I was that woman but this man broke me emotionally and made me feel small.

I will not date a man with less money than me anymore they are insecure. I just want to advise other women not to over invest your time, emotions and finances in someone who is not your husband.

We women want to over invest because we believe we are showing love. Don't walk away with a broken heart and empty wallet.

-he did not cheat, but his insecurities got the best of the relationship and I decided to walk away even if I loved him.

HeavenlyCherub:
I’m not looking for husband on NL..

HeavenlyCherub:
I’m not looking for husband on NL..

eljay22:
I pity these guys above me calling the OP correct babe. Because she said she was working class and had money. Do not be deceived brethren, I know her type.

She is just trying play the victim card. Why won't the guy become insecure when you want to turn him to your houseboy because of the little change you think you have.

LOL, NORMAL.

Martinez39s:
Too many lies and victim cards. Eyah! NAWALT signalling toh bad.

Omar09:
Obviously! I mean ubunja has been warning you guys of broke boys and that y'all should always be a gold digger and get that rich man but hey y'all are women and designed to not listen when instructions that will help y'all get better are given out. Even Franchasng did talk about this issue and in his words he said "... Ladies should look out for men who have made it and not ones who are still broke...." and then something about women being financially stable are words used by broke alfa males.....


Always listen to little instructions they always accomplish big things.