₦airaland Forum

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

This is the best advice so far. Paul8000 It will be on u if you spare the rod and spoil the kids. Whatever issues you have with your wife should not come in the proper upbringing of ur kids. U owe them that. Flog them when they refuse to listen to you, their minds are still very much young to take decisions for themselves, don't let anyone including your wife instill rubbish into their behavior

Use the same tools she's using on your children. Sit them down and try hear their own side of the story and why you as a father would send them and they disobey. They will tell you the main point your wife is using to brainwash them. Use same tactics to win your kids over "Manipulation" . Afterward, sit your wife down and ask what exactly she wanted, Divorce or what.

MhizJoyce:
If the stupid wife is also lonely and depressed, isn't she supposed to listen to him and make amends? Be defending her with that ur opolo Eja

Pele o monkey!

merieam16:
Av prayed abt it? women like their pastors, so av u involved ur pastor? nd try see a counsellor

Lol... Very soon, pastor will claim paternity
I dey wait.

Dande55:
Lol. You cheated on your wife with 3 different ladies, only God knows how long each cheating lasted. The time you were meant to be close to your children, you relegated all those duties to your wife. Now, she has 100% of their audience. And you think, Those times she cried and wept in front of those kids, that they aren't aware what's going on? You think they weren't building up grudges against You? Lool
This is the wicked mistake some of you men make, leaving your wives to train the kids alone and then, when they must have grown, you think you will just manipulate them and just have your way with them that easy?
And upon that, you had a child outside with another woman. Most of these men telling you to do this or that wouldn't have taking it lightly if this story was from the opposite gender cheating and having kids outside their home.


You've not seen anything, you will see worse when the children might have grown. You will shed blood, you will have a share of the tears you caused that poor innocent woman. Her anger on you reçently is caused by accumulated grudges she had for you all these years of your cheating and maltreating.

For you to make it work, you have to prove yourself to your wife and kids. Let them sincerely see you've changed. Cos, running out of your home gave them the impression that you must have gone to see your girlfriends as usual, reason they ignored you.
Work on your family cos you've failed your wife and kids.


Btw, women, have your own money, the op is still respecting the wife cos he knows that she's capable of fending for her kids and still living her life uniterupted if anything goes South.

I couldn't put it any better.
Mr man, you have failed both as a father and a husband.
While you were busy chasing skirts and fathering a son elsewhere, your wife received the shame, humiliation of being married to a man like you. And told the kids about it. No child will support a father like you, except they're too young to understand the weight of your sins, as is the case of your two youngest kids.
"Hell knows no fury like a scorned woman," no be lie.
If I were you, I'd try to get my 3 eldest kids to a secluded place, away from their mom, where I can pour out my heart to them and beg for their forgiveness.
You fvcked up. Make sure you win back the love of your eldest kids.

To all the stupid people blaming the woman, may your wife cheat on you and result in baby, let's see how you will forgive and forget. Hypocrites.

So you expect the woman and the children to be happy and easily forgive and forget? Just like that? Can you forgive your wife is she does have a baby for another man?

Emotional pains hurt more than physical pains, and such takes years to heal. You have created a deep hole in her heart that would always make her cry, and yet you all expect the woman to forgive and forget easily?

Op, you have destroyed your marriage, and you can never have it like before again. For her to forgive you, you have to endure everything and be good to them. They will come around, and love you back., if you can't do that, then to HELL with you and the stupid person you impregnated, and trust me, you will live the end of your life miserable. I pray for people like you that hurt without any second thought everyday to rot in HELL

ZetaBeta:
Guess she decided to spice things up for you..... Nonsense

Please what is ur own, Abeg I no carry my freebie pass mosque o

Digitiminimi:
Baba till evening you go know. Women are not to be trusted to that level. It's when you started having grandchildren n she visits anyone of them during those periods. You'll be the only one at home.
Mind you it's what most women believe that they should turn their children against their father. Boss mi! I'll advise marrying a second wife o. Torr

Make God give all of us Money and won't wait for our children before we chop.
She won't stay there long,When she knows you keep people around you and can easily get under 20s to befriend, and mistakingly come carry belle

E be like say women don do you shege. Dem do me wella but I can't do without little love from them

Good women are still out there looking for men to shower with unconditional love. I pray you find one...believe small

I respect you.

bukatyne:
@Paul8000:

There are two issues:

1. You do not have a good relationship with your wife

2. You do not have a good relationship with your kids: you were not involved in their upbringing. The last two like you because they are young and unaware of their surroundings. As soon as their mom can influence them, you will lose them also.

A. First, you address the kids individually as follows:
1. Engage them as adults. Tell them you love them, care for them etc. and as their father, they have to respect and obey you in return. If your life is a reflection of your religion, you should make a parallel between you as a father and God/Allah as our father.

2. Tell them that you are not perfect and would have tussle with their mother however, it is not in their place to support their mother (except you are endangering her life) and they should always respect you.

3. Understand their peculiar challenges and address them.

B. Engage your wife and allow her air any grievance she has. You mentioned she told the kids you cheated, did you?
Address the grievance one after the other and also tell her your own grievance.

Thereafter, tell her that you both MUST have a joint agreement on discipline and training for the kids. If she has any reservations on what you do, she should address it with you in private. Ditto you too. Tell her to also stop discussing your shortcomings with the kids. She should address you, in private.

Then you gather your family together and address them. Lay down ground rules and create family bonding times through meals and prayers.

You also need to live a life of example and honor to your kids especially.

It is very shameful for you the husband of the home to be sitting cowardly in the car because you have a bitter wife (which may be your doing) and unruly children.

I have two threads: one on fatherhood and another on husbandhood.

Goodluck Mr. Paul

At this stage where the eldest child is 15 years old, the kind of use of force that you are suggesting would backfire if he tries it.

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

ImaIma1:
You are the one that needs to wake up. Parenting is not only for the mother.

Men have learnt because they don't want to be left out. Instead of conveniently leaving the task of caring for the kids to the woman, it's better to get involved and get acquainted with them.

Out of the Op's 5 children, all of them take the mother's side. That says a lot.

Not all of them takes their mother side. Madam e read again

Bola146:
See one irresponsible boy

see this one, I no take shit, if u Bleep I abandon u, if the children join u, I ignore them join, so get out, never think all men will be like ur Dad wey dey beg ur mum, even to f****k

miltonchux:
It happens, I have a lady her man got another woman pregnant why she has not had a baby yet. They are both living happily and she later had hers. Why is all the unforgiveness and bitterness and to even resort to brainwash the kids to disrespect there dad. Whoever support such act is evil. My parents never quarrel in our present or make us know they have misunderstand. That is maturity. The man should leave the home for her, let's see how she will cope.

understand the fact that to every action there's an equal n opposite reaction n we also feel d same pain in different ways...the lady u are talking about never gave birth when d man went out so u have to understand it's different scenarios

An not try to guilt trip d op but he made it clear he cheated n had a son outside wedlock....in the course of cheating n neglecting his family,do u know what they went through?the op was enjoying himself outside n the family were crying to bed every day n when he feels he's done he's planning to come back home when they have mastered d act of living without him......let d op go out for 100 years,they might not care cause to them they see him as deadbeat.

The mistake we men make is that we so much believe we control d world n we can do n undo without thinking deep about d implications, someone went through thick n thin with u with many dreams n promises n when things were getting shaped u went to have a child outside.
The best d op can get from this is a soft landing n if u want to call me a woman wrapper,I am far from that but I have experienced almost same scenario b4 so I know what it takes to b disappointed by someone u put much trust on.....he cheated 3 times n had a kid.....that's forever a divided legacy....they will never miss the op cos to them he's just like a close neighbour.

I know u can't understand because u haven't been in d situation b4 so u don't know what it takes.just take a back seat

bluebay:
Sir, I commend you for voicing out. It’s take a great courage to to so sir. Respect to you .
I have read and I so much understand your story and I will go straight to the point here. Sir, this situation you going through won’t end well either for you or her for you are already loosing it and you’ve been affected mentally, emotionally and it’s really dangerous for you. I will advice you at the moment to take a bold step of or reclaiming back your House in the hard way sir. Either you send her to spend sometime with her parents and which ever of your child chooses to leave with her, let them go and cut every funding channeled to them. OR, you move out for interval of 3-5 months and take the 2 youngest kids with you and get them a care giver . As for your wife, cut the funding and if after 3-5months she didn’t get to her right senses, sir move ahead. You deserve the best in life .

This for me is the best advice. Very cheap and poorly raised women always in the habit of turning the kids against their father for her own selfish sake. You do this with me, I fight you like Boko Haram. (Not suggesting a physical fight) but I am going to fight with bile.

This guy needs to send his wife back to Nigeria for one year and cut off finances. Let her go with the kids she has ruined. When she see Oba in Nigeria, she will call you begging and you'll straighten her out. Alternatively, leave the house with the young two. If you go alone, you will meet a formidable gang of enemies on your return.

You do this with me, you pay the hard way.

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

I pity your LIFE, bet it with me, you will end your life miserable. So you think op should flog,continue. I look forward to when child abusers would be arrested and hung in this country. Idiot

Sensational lies again for traffic...Naira baba

Illuminated993:
I respect you.

Thank you.

You went on your knees to apologise to her.
That your 1st mistake dude

Never, ever do that, put yourself in beta submissive position, it will only fuel that behavior more

and I have bad new for you, that marriage is over, the earlier you get that, the better to save yourself the stress, so you dont die at a young age from stroke or heart attack caused by constant stress.
God forbid, if you die from stress, she will jump on another man's kondo in no time.


Ecclesiastes 7:26 King James Version (KJV)
26 And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands

Even bible say its better to die than to be dealing with this kind of woman


she has no respect and regards for you, so dude, start mapping out your exit strategy.
she has already exited the marriage in her mind, and her only plan now is to frustrate you
dont worry about those 3 older kids, when they grow older and wiser and realise they were being manipulated by their mother, they will come look for you. believe me
Good luck

She need to be reset to factory settings.

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

With God All things are possible; go back to him and your marital issues will be resolved. Involve your families, spiritual leaders and go for family counseling.

dominique:
Wrong! It's girls from rich backgrounds that are experts at this. They're hardly impressed with your money and will never hesitate to let you know how well they will cope without you. Can you see how he went away for 3 whole days and she didn't even flinch? It's because she has financial security and couldn't care less what happened to him. The situation would not have this bad if the lady was poor or financial dependent on him. He'll probably still be cheating on her and she will be begging him on top (but probably cheating on the sides to calm her nerves)

This kinda behavior is mostly rooted in bad upbringing and broken homes which poor family account for about 90%. In those homes you would always hear the mother always cursing the father ryt in front of there children for there inability to provide for the family needs even though the man is trying his best, blame them for everything and the worst part is if they add any small thing to what is given to them it's an opportunity to tell the children how irresponsible there father is. All this behavior becomes part of the children either they like it or not and it always gets worse when they are able to make little money on there own just like this current case study.

Dande55:
Lol. You cheated on your wife with 3 different ladies, only God knows how long each cheating lasted. The time you were meant to be close to your children, you relegated all those duties to your wife. Now, she has 100% of their audience. And you think, Those times she cried and wept in front of those kids, that they aren't aware what's going on? You think they weren't building up grudges against You? Lool
This is the wicked mistake some of you men make, leaving your wives to train the kids alone and then, when they must have grown, you think you will just manipulate them and just have your way with them that easy?
And upon that, you had a child outside with another woman. Most of these men telling you to do this or that wouldn't have taking it lightly if this story was from the opposite gender cheating and having kids outside their home.


You've not seen anything, you will see worse when the children might have grown. You will shed blood, you will have a share of the tears you caused that poor innocent woman. Her anger on you reçently is caused by accumulated grudges she had for you all these years of your cheating and maltreating.

For you to make it work, you have to prove yourself to your wife and kids. Let them sincerely see you've changed. Cos, running out of your home gave them the impression that you must have gone to see your girlfriends as usual, reason they ignored you.
Work on your family cos you've failed your wife and kids.


Btw, women, have your own money, the op is still respecting the wife cos he knows that she's capable of fending for her kids and still living her life uniterupted if anything goes South.

God bless you my sister, the OP will shed blood tears later and some idiots are saying he should flog the kids, I'm very angry right now at those comments.
He wants the wife to flip and be happy just like that, emotional pains hurt more than physical pains, the children must have seen their mother in tears, its because the little ones are not old enough to understand that is why they are still greeting him. Once they are old enough they will hate him as well.
Most men that commented here should not be allowed to marry Wallahi

See ehh, the man who marries you finds peace. I read all your posts, and I can tell you're a good woman. It's uncommon seeing a Nigerian woman who reasons as logical as you. Keep it up.

Titi03:
The marriage is already over Mr Paul. You're just refusing to read the handwriting on the wall.

There's nothing as viscous as a bitter/vindictive woman and no amount of begging will change her. It's only God that can fix her wicked, unforgiving heart.

Feel free to continue staying there until she stabs you one day like Maryam Sanda.

Best advice but single guys won't understand. Nigerian ladies need strict guys

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

Bola146:
God forbid irresponsible and useless men like you, monkey!

Even Satan will forbid an home breaker like you, LovePeddler!

Acmepreneur:
To all the stupid people blaming the woman, may your wife cheat on you and result in baby, let's see how you will forgive and forget. Hypocrites.

So you expect the woman and the children to be happy and easily forgive and forget? Just like that? Can you forgive your wife is she does have a baby for another man?

Emotional pains hurt more than physical pains, and such takes years to heal. You have created a deep hole in her heart that would always make her cry, and yet you all expect the woman to forgive and forget easily?

Op, you have destroyed your marriage, and you can never have it like before again. For her to forgive you, you have to endure everything and be good to them. They will come around, and love you back., if you can't do that, then to HELL with you and the stupid person you impregnated, and trust me, you will live the end of your life miserable. I pray for people like you that hurt without any second thought everyday to rot in HELL

I saw ur post where u referred to me as a fool. Mind u u are the fool here, don’t kill urself on another man’s problem.
If they prolly tell all Nigerian men to do DNA test, u think all will come clean. Idiot

tommy589:
Make God give all of us Money and won't wait for our children before we chop.
She won't stay there long,When she knows you keep people around you and can easily get under 20s to befriend, and mistakingly come carry belle >:

E be like say women don do you shege. Dem do me wella but I can't do without little love from them

Good women are still out there looking for men to shower with unconditional love. I pray you find one...believe small

The bolded part is the main thing o. It's better one does that earlier now B4 late
thank you Boss. I still believe o but not to the extent of not taking wives because Kai! I've seen many around too

tommy589:
Make God give all of us Money and won't wait for our children before we chop.
She won't stay there long,When she knows you keep people around you and can easily get under 20s to befriend, and mistakingly come carry belle

E be like say women don do you shege. Dem do me wella but I can't do without little love from them

Good women are still out there looking for men to shower with unconditional love. I pray you find one...believe small

how is this lockdown Boss? May God assist us