₦airaland Forum

Kalm4life:
Well bro my mum is the best you know when things where hard my dad never really concern he goes out buy some food stuff and eat but leave 5 children at home hungry
But before then please I have videos on YouTube please help me subscribe to my YouTube channel I need 1000 subscriber's and I only have 19 please help a brother please help me please
This link will take you therehttps://youtu.be/tSTLj5DdXiw

Paul8000:
Yes I have hurt my wife a lot in the past ... I have cheated on her so many times with 3 different women.... I impregnated one of them ... my son is 6 years old... I sincerely apologised to her and promised that I will never cheats on her again... she has forgiven me ... that was 6 years ago and I haven’t cheated don her since. All these misunderstandings we are having has nothing to do with me cheating.... my main problem is the way she has turned the kids against me ... anytime we are having some issues ... she keep malice with me and will tell the kids to do the same thing... and when things get back to normal again... she will tell them to start talking with me...

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

Dande55:
Lol. You cheated on your wife with 3 different ladies, only God knows how long each cheating lasted. The time you were meant to be close to your children, you relegated all those duties to your wife. Now, she has 100% of their audience. And you think, Those times she cried and wept in front of those kids, that they aren't aware what's going on? You think they weren't building up grudges against You? Lool
This is the wicked mistake some of you men make, leaving your wives to train the kids alone and then, when they must have grown, you think you will just manipulate them and just have your way with them that easy?
And upon that, you had a child outside with another woman. Most of these men telling you to do this or that wouldn't have taking it lightly if this story was from the opposite gender cheating and having kids outside their home.


You've not seen anything, you will see worse when the children might have grown. You will shed blood, you will have a share of the tears you caused that poor innocent woman. Her anger on you reçently is caused by accumulated grudges she had for you all these years of your cheating and maltreating.

For you to make it work, you have to prove yourself to your wife and kids. Let them sincerely see you've changed. Cos, running out of your home gave them the impression that you must have gone to see your girlfriends as usual, reason they ignored you.
Work on your family cos you've failed your wife and kids.


Btw, women, have your own money, the op is still respecting the wife cos he knows that she's capable of fending for her kids and still living her life uniterupted if anything goes South.

BlackManta:
The husband that cheated on his wife with 3 women and had a child outside wedlock is not evil

It is the woman that is evil

Some men like you think you can treat any woman like trash and get away with it....nonsense.
I'm glad that women are finally standing up against emotional abuse.

Most of the men in this thread are hypocrites....spits

pansophist:
Kids do not understand dialogue, they understand action. Spare the rod and spoil the child. You should beat the hell out of anyone that disobeys you henceforth. Good, you live in Africa, beat the shit out of that kids, and he/she will not mess up with you.

As for your wife, just ignore her henceforth. Do not eat her food, sleep in the same room with her, and talk to her only when necessary. She knows you are pained by her actions because you cared. Do not care about her anymore, let her be nothing more than a sentient cupboard in the house.

Most importantly, make sure you are not defaulting on your fatherly duties. Provide for the household, because your actions won't be effective if your wife feeds you. Your kids must feel your fatherly responsibilities. They may not be able to make sense of it now, but in the future, they will. Be a responsible dad.

As for your kids, they can only be manipulated to the extent of your counter-actions. Your wife may brainwash them all she wants, but if you are a loving dad that meets your fatherly duties, buy them gifts and shower them with love, they will see your wife as the negative influencer, as your actions contradict her lies. When kids grow up, them normally see the manipulation for what it is, and your wife will get burn at the end.

As for your wife, it is clear she has totally lost respect for you, and your home is not the one filled with love and warmth, you have to decide if you will divorce her, to avoid killing her one day due to anger. For it is better to live on the roof, that in a mansion with a vicious wife.

bukatyne:
@Paul8000:

There are two issues:

1. You do not have a good relationship with your wife

2. You do not have a good relationship with your kids: you were not involved in their upbringing. The last two like you because they are young and unaware of their surroundings. As soon as their mom can influence them, you will lose them also.

A. First, you address the kids individually as follows:
1. Engage them as adults. Tell them you love them, care for them etc. and as their father, they have to respect and obey you in return. If your life is a reflection of your religion, you should make a parallel between you as a father and God/Allah as our father.

2. Tell them that you are not perfect and would have tussle with their mother however, it is not in their place to support their mother (except you are endangering her life) and they should always respect you.

3. Understand their peculiar challenges and address them.

B. Engage your wife and allow her air any grievance she has. You mentioned she told the kids you cheated, did you?
Address the grievance one after the other and also tell her your own grievance.

Thereafter, tell her that you both MUST have a joint agreement on discipline and training for the kids. If she has any reservations on what you do, she should address it with you in private. Ditto you too. Tell her to also stop discussing your shortcomings with the kids. She should address you, in private.

Then you gather your family together and address them. Lay down ground rules and create family bonding times through meals and prayers.

You also need to live a life of example and honor to your kids especially.

It is very shameful for you the husband of the home to be sitting cowardly in the car because you have a bitter wife (which may be your doing) and unruly children.

I have two threads: one on fatherhood and another on husbandhood.

Goodluck Mr. Paul

Treborblue:
Oga your solution is easy , it's clear that your wife has one working method of getting to you and she see that it works which is your children ,so get your children and render her weaponless .how
1. Take them out without their mother knowing make sure you spoil them
2. Select a routine day to take out your most behaved kid and whenever you do that spoil that child so well that when he goes home the other kids will see the gifts and make it a known routine like every Friday so that the children can anticipate with good behaviors ,then talk with your children when you take them out tell them about your wrongs and how sorry you are in fact if you can fake tears cause your wife is doing that, you will get to hear from your children what she has been feed them and correct it.
3.if you are broke and can't afford this method get in touch with people to help you cause in the long run your children mental health is at stake

DexterousOne:
I agree with most of what you usually post

But I disagree with your first and second paragraphs

Beating them like goats at this point will worsen the situation

You beat the hell out of them

At best they become compliant

Until when

There is a reason why many men 70 years older are lonely and abandoned by kids (and even the wife sometimes)
I know so cos I know quite a number
Ask them how it feels to be in that state
You will know it's no fun...


He has to take a different approach to get that respect from the kids

Beating only gives you compliance

But how long will that compliance be?


Note
I am not suggesting he does not beat the kids AT ALL

I'm just saying that beating and beating and beating to submission will not work
Trust me

rain21:
First of,I love your kids names, lovely biblical names

For your kids to have such beautiful Christian names,shows you and your wife.. their parents are deep Christians or believers maybe but these actions are a complete opposite of Christianity or what a Christian home should be

You are an adulterer with a child, while your wife is unforgiving and vindictive. The only way you two can live in love and harmony again is to return back to Christ. Find a Bible believing church and make restitution, and your wife would see the changes and length you have gone to make your family and marriage work. you can then get the help of man of God to counsel and put you two back on track, your kids will naturally follow.

There's nothing more important than a healthy loving home
Good luck to you

pansophist:
I agree with what you said, but I do not mean that he should beat them like a goat. By beating the kids, it should be understood under the principle of proportionality. If the kids are over 12 years old, he should not even beat them, because they ain't kids anymore but teenagers and teenagers can be dialogues with, they can think for themselves, and will fear but not respect him.

So I am with you on this one, but if they are kids, he should beat them well, like goat even.

bluebay:
Sir, I commend you for voicing out. It’s take a great courage to to so sir. Respect to you .
I have read and I so much understand your story and I will go straight to the point here. Sir, this situation you going through won’t end well either for you or her for you are already loosing it and you’ve been affected mentally, emotionally and it’s really dangerous for you. I will advice you at the moment to take a bold step of or reclaiming back your House in the hard way sir. Either you send her to spend sometime with her parents and which ever of your child chooses to leave with her, let them go and cut every funding channeled to them. OR, you move out for interval of 3-5 months and take the 2 youngest kids with you and get them a care giver . As for your wife, cut the funding and if after 3-5months she didn’t get to her right senses, sir move ahead. You deserve the best in life .

majamajic:
If u did pay her Bride price , do contact her family members and yours

If u wedded her do contact your wedding parents or the Reverend

Let someone come between , a sensible person

Involve someone

She has a lot to say , involve someone that can make her speak out

HornyTave:
I'll tell you a story.

A story of my father's friend, he's over 70yrs now. I don't know why I'm telling this in a public forum but I believe it will help someone here.

The story happened in Edo state, if you're familiar with Edo state you'll know Uromi.

When this young Pastor wanted to get married, The senior pastor told him not to get married to the lady cause if her attitudes and all that but this man was a soft religious man who believed and still believes in prayer. in his words he said 'Baba no worry, I go change her with prayer' so they got married.
After the marriage and kids began coming the woman became the devil in this man's life, He turned the church against this man, accusing the pastor of dating the choir mistress and all that. The man had to leave the church to form his, then the real issue started

'after the man has sweat his ass training his children through private schools ans some in medical school the mother began her manipulation- though I won't go into details of how she did it-, right now her daughter is a multi millionaire, she bought a Mercedes-Benz ML400 for the husband in 2012 or so but the father use an old, Loud cargo motorcycle, The wife chased him from the house he built and now sleeps in the church, His son got married and hired a dad. he go bundled up when he showed up in the venue.'

many things i wouldn't put here.

I feel sorry for you and here is my advise, I will also back it with another true story.

I have a first uncle who married a really beautiful woman but she's rude and all that, gave my first uncle real problem, everytime got my uncle coming to my dad for settlement and all that and this uncle of mine is rich, works in Chevron as a real staff, - this is in 1987, after all that my uncle one day left for work and didn't come back home - hos wife, He left everything for her, the rent, Tv, everything in the apartment.

today my uncle is married to another woman with amazing kids, this old wife is an usher in Ayo's church in Warri and she depends on the church for survival.

If I were you, I would pick the Children who respects me and leave the home, get some where else and live as a single dad, if the house is yours, don't sell it, use it as a gift for her and the other kids, Filing for divorce is another thing.


I CAN BET WITH ANYTHING AT MY DISPOSAL THAT THOSE OTHER KIDS WILL NEVER RESPECT YOU, NO MATTER THE BEATING THREATS, IF YOU BEAT THEIR MOTHER THEY'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, IF YOU STAY YOU MIGHT COMMIT SUICIDE.

IF YOU LEAVE, THERE'S A HIGHER CHANCE THE OTHERS WILL LOOK FOR YOU.

I'VE said enough

bhest:
So because she cheated on the wife that should be a moral justification for turning the children against there father? Haba! Did u take ur time to think about the long time effects of her behavior on the children cause its just a matter of time before they start rebelling against her, and nobody I repeat nobody will be able to help them again as they head towards their collective doom. So bringing children into the fight is never an option.

Bola146:
The foundation is faulty..15 years? How come sudden change? its means and shows that you are not that friendly to your children from onset, yes! I know kids of nowadays, you can play with their intellect, even if are taking them out, bringing only happy hour for them, they will never behave like that. Only God knows maybe your wife is too depressed, she is lonely and frustrated. Your family lacks good and friendly communication from the beginning.

It takes the grace of God to amend things back to normal. Keep begging her and the children, its not a easy as that also be praying for them.

tiswell:
It's 'always" fishy when the man appears to be the victim...traits of feminism

RaptObserver:
You are an African man, go and marry second wife. Make sure she is young and not baby mama. All these my wife, my wife will stop when u get a second wife. She will either accept it or she will leave u. Let me tell u, if u die today u will not be missed so why don't u go to where u will be celebrated instead of staying where u re tolerated? Please, do DNA test on Ur kids soonest it is important.

Investnow2017:
By this the house is already divided. And what follows??

OKOATA:
Nice advice but the stories you shared are of weak men, only a weak man will his wife push him out of his home. Nothing in life will ever make me a weak man like those men you mentioned.

Dande55:
Lol. You cheated on your wife with 3 different ladies, only God knows how long each cheating lasted. The time you were meant to be close to your children, you relegated all those duties to your wife. Now, she has 100% of their audience. And you think, Those times she cried and wept in front of those kids, that they aren't aware what's going on? You think they weren't building up grudges against You? Lool
This is the wicked mistake some of you men make, leaving your wives to train the kids alone and then, when they must have grown, you think you will just manipulate them and just have your way with them that easy?
And upon that, you had a child outside with another woman. Most of these men telling you to do this or that wouldn't have taking it lightly if this story was from the opposite gender cheating and having kids outside their home.


You've not seen anything, you will see worse when the children might have grown. You will shed blood, you will have a share of the tears you caused that poor innocent woman. Her anger on you reçently is caused by accumulated grudges she had for you all these years of your cheating and maltreating.

For you to make it work, you have to prove yourself to your wife and kids. Let them sincerely see you've changed. Cos, running out of your home gave them the impression that you must have gone to see your girlfriends as usual, reason they ignored you.
Work on your family cos you've failed your wife and kids.


Btw, women, have your own money, the op is still respecting the wife cos he knows that she's capable of fending for her kids and still living her life uniterupted if anything goes South.

Standing up against emotional abuse by weaponizing the kids against him? Lol shows how weak women are. No man in his right senses would ever do that.

Truth is she has everything to lose. Cuz i can bet she'd lose the kids as well. Wait till they grow up.

To the Op, start afresh. Divorce her and re-marry. She doesn't love you anymore, she's looking for a way to frustrate you out of the marriage.

You deserve all the happiness in the world.

ademightyy:
Go for DNA Test too.

AnonymousRebec:
My mum did this too when we were growing up. But as much as my mum was talking to us, my dad too was talking to us. We the children were just listening to both party's arguement.

My mum would be shouting and saying all sort of things out of anger. My dad will not say anything. Later in the night when my mum is sleeping, my dad will come and be telling us his own side of the story.

Eventually, we the children will go one by one to try to convince our mum or dad to see reasons with the other person depending on who we think is right.

Until today my parents still report themselves to we the children if someone is doing something they don't like and we try to talk ourselves to behave better.

miltonchux:
No matter how hurt she is, he has knelt down to apologise what else does she want. He should leave the house for her for 3 to 5months and her head will reset or rather send her to her family. If she refused. Trick her that you are visiting home together. Drop her with her family and tell them to train there daughter, her head will reset. Don't fall for those advise