Dande55:
Lol. You cheated on your wife with 3 different ladies, only God knows how long each cheating lasted. The time you were meant to be close to your children, you relegated all those duties to your wife. Now, she has 100% of their audience. And you think, Those times she cried and wept in front of those kids, that they aren't aware what's going on? You think they weren't building up grudges against You? Lool
This is the wicked mistake some of you men make, leaving your wives to train the kids alone and then, when they must have grown, you think you will just manipulate them and just have your way with them that easy?
And upon that, you had a child outside with another woman. Most of these men telling you to do this or that wouldn't have taking it lightly if this story was from the opposite gender cheating and having kids outside their home.


You've not seen anything, you will see worse when the children might have grown. You will shed blood, you will have a share of the tears you caused that poor innocent woman. Her anger on you reçently is caused by accumulated grudges she had for you all these years of your cheating and maltreating.

For you to make it work, you have to prove yourself to your wife and kids. Let them sincerely see you've changed. Cos, running out of your home gave them the impression that you must have gone to see your girlfriends as usual, reason they ignored you.
Work on your family cos you've failed your wife and kids.


Btw, women, have your own money, the op is still respecting the wife cos he knows that she's capable of fending for her kids and still living her life uniterupted if anything goes South.

You're obviously a woman... I know women handwriting...

That asides... Youre right but too harsh on OP.

Youre even blaming OP for what he hasnt done and not sure he will do.

DexterousOne:



Onye ara


As small kids sha
He should try to reach out to them

Koboko on the bom bom should be the last resort

And if he is pushed to that

O lawd

I suspect that the poster is not living up to his fatherly duty. No wife will disrespect a man in such a way if he is of value. Surprisingly (well not surprising), he didn't mention anything about that at all.

Oga you are not incharge of your home and it's you God will hold responsible for any decay in the attitude of those kids. How can you allow your wife to hijack your home. There must be something she is having against you that has weakened you from being in charge. Why not talk to some you trust who can mediate between the two of you preferably a family member who both of you respect. The issue is not about her but the innocent kids she is destroying.

Lemme be sincere with you, not all ladies forgives fully, you had tormented her with ur previous affairs and she dislikes you even if you had ask for forgiveness. What u needed to do is to always include in your prayers that " garment of love from God and family should be restored back to you " . that been said.

Put the active work by first gaining back the love of your kids. Start by being nice, pray for them, take them out, buy gifts, seat them down one by one and let them see that you are changing. Know d reason they are angry with you.

D faster u gain your kids , d easier it get for u to get ur wife, for ur wife, just be nice, don't mind her reply, let d kids feel your action towards a better family.

My man, there is nothing good in having a split family. It affects everyone.

Hmmmn...I'm sure if ur wife was dependent on you, u would have been treating her like trash. It as if u both really loved each other and the hurt broke her down. That woman hasn't really forgiven you. And this lockdown is a time to show u pepper since there is no place to go. Well u have to manage yourself

Hello Paul,


Hope you get to read this.


I made same mistake; I impregnated my long time girlfriend who now has a 5-year-old daughter for me.


No woman, I repeat, no woman will ever truly forgive any man such infraction.


My advice:

Take off your mind from your wife and children for the meantime. If possible, get a new apartment for yourself.



Give adequate, quality attention to your son (from your mistress) for now. He, and at least, one of your 5 children will be your succor tomorrow, worse case scenario.


Women detest competition and they do not wish their men to have ALTERNATIVES; that drives them crazy.


You will become happier and alive instead of drowning emotionally like you are doing at the moment.


If your mistress is still single, get closer to her and you'll be happy you did.


Do not make the mistake of marrying her hurriedly though. Just keep her as a mistress.


If she is married, just bond with your son like never before.


Your wife will likely come around and behave much better to you. The 3 older children will do same.



If the above does not happen, get someone else pregnant, leave the other kids for your wife and move on with your life knowing that you, at least, have 2 children who will love, respect, and adore you and check on you when you become old.


This is Africa. Men can marry more than 1 wife. No woman should hold you to ransom for any reason; not when you work hard and make good money to take care of your family.


Cheers

Actually, he not only cheated but has a 6yr old child outside wedlock.

BlackPantherCri:
You lost my sympathy when you mentioned you cheated on her.

Cheating... Na, for me, that's the end of love, fidelity, trust and respect. Sorry Bro, ask your creator for forgiveness

Paul8000:

Yes I have hurt my wife a lot in the past ... I have cheated on her so many times with 3 different women.... I impregnated one of them ... my son is 6 years old... I sincerely apologised to her and promised that I will never cheats on her again... she has forgiven me ... that was 6 years ago and I haven’t cheated don her since. All these misunderstandings we are having has nothing to do with me cheating.... my main problem is the way she has turned the kids against me ... anytime we are having some issues ... she keep malice with me and will tell the kids to do the same thing... and when things get back to normal again... she will tell them to start talking with me...

The problem is not that you cheated. The underlying problem is that from the very beginning you didn't define who was in charge.

Yes, you can live your wife very much and demonstrate this in different ways but trust me you must ALWAYS ensure that you hold the reins and firmly so thus communication authority in many areas. You must be the boss and more importantly, you must be seen as the boss.

As it were I can only tell you that too much damage has been done already and there may never be any solution outside a separation. You can gloss over it as much as you like but if both of you are to remain alive, healthy and happy you have to separate.

And by the way, you are a high risk target now. The best advice given here is the one that suggests that you should take off for a while. You must do this before we hear stories that touch. You don't know which Jezebel is advising her. And always remember the time tested and trusted mantra " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'.

Pls note that she will NEVER completely forgive you.

The die is cast.

Ardenikeh:

She forgave you but she never forgot. She still doesn't trust u. Either you put in a lot of effort to turn ur family around or u loose them forever. The whole family needs therapy.

Let me quickly ask. If she has forgiven why is she continuing to manipulate the children against their father. Do you know the implication of that.

I am just asking to know. Because as a man, as cheating hurts a woman so disrespect hurts a man. And in this case even manipulating the children to disrespect her husband, the father, who is already apologetic.

What the man did was very very bad. She hurt the woman deeply. But having apologized massively should he continue to be treated as a rag by wife and children. Until when I am just asking please because I want to know what a woman forgiveness means?
.

Cblessing:

Hello Paul,


Hope you get to read this.


I made same mistake; I impregnated my long time girlfriend who now has a 5-year-old daughter for me.


No woman, I repeat, no woman will ever truly forgive any man such infraction.


My advice:

Take off your mind from your wife and children for the meantime. If possible, get a new apartment for yourself.



Give adequate, quality attention to your son (from your mistress) for now. He, and at least, one of your 5 children will be your succor tomorrow, worse case scenario.


Women detest competition and they do not wish their men to have ALTERNATIVES; that drives them crazy.


You will become happier and alive instead of drowning emotionally like you are doing at the moment.


If your mistress is still single, get closer to her and you'll be happy you did.


Do not make the mistake of marrying her hurriedly though. Just keep her as a mistress.


If she is married, just bond with your son like never before.


Your wife will likely come around and behave much better to you. The 3 older children will do same.



If the above does not happen, get someone else pregnant, leave the other kids for your wife and move on with your life knowing that you, at least, have 2 children who will love, respect, and adore you and check on you when you become old.


This is Africa. Men can marry more than 1 wife. No woman should hold you to ransom for any reason; not when you work hard and make good money to take care of your family.


Cheers

No truer words could be typed.

This man is the boss and will outlive his wife with an attitude like this.

Oktane:


The problem is not that you cheated. The underlying problem is that from the very beginning you didn't define who was in charge.

Yes, you can live your wife very much and demonstrate this in different ways but trust me you must ALWAYS ensure that you hold the reins and firmly so thus communication authority in many areas. You must be the boss and more importantly, you must be seen as the boss.

As it were I can only tell you that too much damage has been done already and there may never be any solution outside a separation. You can gloss over it as much as you like but if both of you are to remain alive, healthy and happy you have to separate.

And by the way, you are a high risk target now. The best advice given here is the one that suggests that you should take off for a while. You must do this before we hear stories that touch. You don't know which Jezebel is advising her. And always remember the time tested and trusted mantra " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'.

Pls note that she will NEVER completely forgive you.

The die is cast.

THE TRUTH IS BITTER.

have a general talk with your kids apologise if you have done any wrong also apologise to your wife. divorce her but still perform your fatherly duties simple life is to short for all this. if your wife and your kids intend to make you miserable its your duty to make yourself happy there was life before them and certainly after.

Lol. Do you know something else Polygamous men face, dejection from their kids, not being shown love etc

I also thank God this is the 21st century and African women now have sense. Whether or not he impregnates 100 women , he remains on the losing side as the children will always prefer their mothers.

Cblessing:

Hello Paul,


Hope you get to read this.


I made same mistake; I impregnated my long time girlfriend who now has a 5-year-old daughter for me.


No woman, I repeat, no woman will ever truly forgive any man such infraction.


My advice:

Take off your mind from your wife and children for the meantime. If possible, get a new apartment for yourself.



Give adequate, quality attention to your son (from your mistress) for now. He, and at least, one of your 5 children will be your succor tomorrow, worse case scenario.


Women detest competition and they do not wish their men to have ALTERNATIVES; that drives them crazy.


You will become happier and alive instead of drowning emotionally like you are doing at the moment.


If your mistress is still single, get closer to her and you'll be happy you did.


Do not make the mistake of marrying her hurriedly though. Just keep her as a mistress.


If she is married, just bond with your son like never before.


Your wife will likely come around and behave much better to you. The 3 older children will do same.



If the above does not happen, get someone else pregnant, leave the other kids for your wife and move on with your life knowing that you, at least, have 2 children who will love, respect, and adore you and check on you when you become old.


This is Africa. Men can marry more than 1 wife. No woman should hold you to ransom for any reason; not when you work hard and make good money to take care of your family.


Cheers

So by your analogy your wife has a right to be unfaithful to you since you have fathered 5 children?

Timileyin1234:
If you have your money, get another woman pregnant and leave them. She is a bitter woman. That was why our fore-fathers pluralized women
Somebody whey don born 5pikin expecting me to be faithful. I can’t take my wife inciting my children against me, if I couldn’t beat senses into her, I would marry another wife

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

First of all what makes you think the scenario painted is that of an African man?

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

it will make things worst,that's like adding salt to injury.just keep being you,provide for them,sit them down,assure them your love for them and prove it.any punishment,at this point will increase disrespect from them and hatred too instead always advice them,even if they disobey or ignore now, truth is the words will remain in their hearts.it is your chance to make them see the good in you use it to your advantage.if u decide to divorce her, don't stop loving your children.they will realize their mistake someday.

[quote author=BlackManta post=88669319][/quote]



Yeah she can have the kids if she wants but it won't end well especially when she teaches the kids how to hate, disrespect their father.

He can always start afresh, right his wrongs with the right woman. Have his ideal type of kids and live a happy and fulfilled life.

There's always a second chance as long as there's life.

Bros divorce that woman n seek a woman that will respect u ... Pls don't come here and tell story that touches o ... That woman won't change , n she s just getting started .

PURITYAUTOZ:


MY BROTHER IT DOESN’T WORK OUT THAT WAY AGAIN.. I HAVE SEEN HOUSE WIFE THAT THE HUSBAND PROVIDES 99.9% OF EVERYTHING AND YET THE WOMAN HAS NO IOTA OF RESPECT FOR THE MAN...

Thank you. Most men think that money will make a difference for a wife who is inherently disrespectful. A bad woman is a bad woman.

But it is very bad for man to cheat on his wife. I am yet to see a woman that will tolerate that cheerfully.

But pretense of forgiveness is worse.

And manipulating the children against their own father is equally evil enough.
.

Very pathetic story, difficult situation I must say. You must thread with caution if you want to earn your family's respect back especially that of your children. For me I see them as one of the best gateways to your reunion with your wife who is no longer loyal to you at present. Device a subtle way to win the heart of your kids, speak to their minds individually and tell them how well you love them and their mum, make sure you do this in love, let it be a discussion rather than a one way traffic, ask them what they think you ain't doing well, hear from them and win their hearts. If you can break this communication barriers , then use them as a tool to get to their's mother mind. Also try as much as possible to show love to your wife irrespective of her nasty behaviour, buy her gifts, make sure you try doing it in presence of those kids for it to visualise in their memory that you don't only talk the talk but you do the do. With your tone, divorce is not what you are contemplating irrespective of you almost reaching your limits, will advice you extend that limit further and explore all possible options available. You can also explore the option of talking with your wife's mentor, someone she cherish in this life, someone that she can't say no to. That person might be a relative, a friend, a clergy etc I wish your heart desires regarding these issues come to past sooner than later, God bless you going forward......

Do your duty as the man of the house, don't force her to contribute any thing. Stop cheating on her and take your children out to have fun during weekends. That's the little I can say for now since your issue have been well addressed.

My brother am a married man also , please act like a man , ur children will be happy,
Be a man.
U married her right.

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

this is why our forefathers had plenty wives.


Some women nowadays are just plain oloriburuku. Get another wife. Have another child and they will make you happy.



I learnt life lessons from the story of 50 cent's life

This is serious..! But still on still shall ur wife went too far by deliberately allowing ur kids to disrespect u now e nor make sense. She should do the disrespecting to u herself not her involving the children she nor act mature there.
Oga u self u too do shall cheated to the point of even having a baby " u win trophy for the matter" e nor make sense now, i'm not judging u wat she is feeling now is "accumulated anger" she don play ur record dey para.!
Sir what you have to do now is to continue begging, then involve family for the mattr, be calm, and if she gets u angry u can walk out for some minutes or hours self nor sleep outside then come huz back "PRAY TO GOD"

BlackManta:


Did you read the part where the man cheated on his wife with 3 different women and had a child outside wedlock..

Or did you deliberately ignore that part

The man is the root cause of the problem, but the wife and the three older kids should be sent away

Nonsense advice.

I pity the woman that will marry you

my friend what is your problem? That's my opinion, for whatever reason, his children must never disrespect him or you are praying for generational course? What men that married 3wifes, first wife and her children should therefore kill him? Haven't you also read the parts where he went on his knees and apologize to the wife? Now making mistakes in life is now a death sentence? Or Whoever marry you married to sadist?

Bola146:


Pele o monkey!

Opolo

Okay na. No be naija we dey?

Timileyin1234:

Then u know nothing about what blood means

Parisian:
So by your analogy your wife has a right to be unfaithful to you since you have fathered 5 children?

After she don born my own pikin finish. she can remarry

The OP came here to seek for advice and possible solution; all I read are mainly blame blame blame. The OP has admitted he has done wrong and he is remorseful and looking for a way forward not additional blame.

Many seem to paint a picture of finality. Is there a man-made problem that has no solution?

Adultery is a very very heinous sin against God and wife. But should the adulterer die even while remorseful? Should his life completely end because of that wrong?

It takes everything for a man to kneel down for his wife to plead for forgiveness and the OP said he has done that. Some are still asking that he has not told all the story. Which story could be worse than saying you have cheated on your wife? What else could be worse than that?

From the children's name the OP family believe in the Bible. There is no reason for any man to cheat on his wife. But do you know that some women use sex as a weapon to foist their will on the family in order to wrest headship from the man? Remember this woman does not so much rely on OP financially since she has a well paying job too.

Is adultery an unforgivable sin? And if you divorce because of that, what guarantee do you have that your next husband will remain ever faithful to you? When there is a problem, a wise person first of all examines his or herself.

Divorce is not the answer. But OP right now is living in the midst of enemies created by himself. That woman can conveniently take care of those three children without the OP. Any attempt for the OP to try to win their hearts through taking them out bla bla will be matched by that woman. The woman is self sufficient.

My prayer is that OP should not be poisoned one day. Living with a bitter woman and embittered children who have clearly taken sides is not an experience even meant for the devil - it is unbearable.

If I wear OP, I will move out and separate and beg God to help me be chaste. I will use the opportunity to sort out myself and get closer to God. What will be will be. If God forgives OP and the woman does not, it will still be difficult.

While some persons are soft and can be forgiving some are eternally unforgiving. Marriage is a union of two good forgivers. Where that is not the case it is difficult, very.

Sadly, the woman is employing the weapon of manipulation to have the children openly disrespect their father. Meanwhile the Bible says children should HONOUR, not just respect HONOUR their father. DO TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT

.

If you do not have a manipulative spirit as a woman and evil advisers you will not suddenly learn that for one offence.

THONYWHYTE001:
Do your duty as the man of the house, don't force her to contribute any thing. Stop cheating on her and take your children out to have fun during weekends. That's the little I can say for now since your issue have been well addressed.

Take the children out? The older ones may decline, only the innocent young ones will hop into the car. The older ones are exclusively on the side of their mother.
.

And you think your children will regard you or still be "yours"? Lmao....

Timileyin1234:
After she don born my own pikin finish. she can remarry