₦airaland Forum

So if people in this platform advice you to continue with the marriage then you will?

They're certain things you don't require any public opinion before you act. If you think it's better to manage the marriage then so be it .Otherwise it is time to call it off.

My counsel! For every lady who thinks a man cannot do without her, there is always a very close substitute.

Ignorance is bliss.

applying something I've learnt to do in this life,
You have to shield yourself from any emotional trauma. Wjat people say and do should never worry except it'll kill you. you take notice of everything which isn't bad, but you see thats where you're problems are.
She doesn't remember your birthday, she doesn't do this n that just ignore it, don't care about it, you won't die.
Soon she would realise you aren't noticing her and she'll come to you, this only applies if you still want to try and stay in the marriage

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Abusive marriage is not all about physical punches. This is a toxic and abusive union, flee, run as far as your legs can take you before you sleep one day to never wake up again. May God help you

Auto2050:
I'm currently facing just exactly same attitude from my girlfriend, thank God we ain't married yet. And I have since a week now ignored her and she never deemed it necessary to call me..

Bros! Please we deserve to be happy. The best is to let go.

I used to have a girlfriend like that, I was relieved when i dumped her.Cos if you think she will change, you are mistaken.

[quote author=noakchukibadan post=89148999]1 thing I first cherished you said was that you hold yourself accountable and that's d bitter truth. You knew what you were getting into and you still went ahead. So most of the fault is yours here sir.

Is like our generation now doesn't know that "people doesn't change in marriage". If anybody has this mentality of he/she would change when we get married is likely to lose it in marriage for real. A guy wey dey smoke when u dey court, u dey expect him make him give up smoking for marriage? tuehhhh!!

2. Sir, pastors are humans too for God's sake! for d fact that someone prays alot or is highly spiritual doesn't make them d best suitor to marry. Nah d same blood dey run for our veins too. I can say u married her because of her spiritual vibrancy too and thus doesn't count so much in marriage sir.

3.For d fact that pastors encouraged you doesn't mean she's d right Choice for u then. People's opinion of you should not really be your reality!! You trust them alot and you let down your instincts sir! You missed it here too.

MY ADVICE: You need to give her break now, not like moving out of the house oo. Just start doing your things yourself. Wash your things yourself and the rest. Don't force conversations with her, roll with your kids the more, take them out and the rest.
Let her know you can actually do everything without her, let her know you can move on without her.

it's then she would realize something's wrong with her and she's d problem!

Note: Please don't stop until she realizes this herself!!! cus this is d only solution!! She won't know what she has been doing wrongly and where unless she realises herself!

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Bros from ur story, ur wife na from Ekiti....

U av been surviving b4 u met her...so IGNORE HER COMPLETELY and live ur life...simple

Dey there d do sisi make woman kill you


You're ranting... If she's doing this to you when you can handle some financial issues in ur life and family, just think if it is otherwise


My guy move on

Marriage is not a must happen

Happiness is way more treasured in saner climes

You spoke well brother but frankly speaking your experience in marriage isn't enough to make you give up now. Many people experience worse things but they have continued to work at it while hoping daily for favourable results. Going by what you penciled down, hardly could you find anything good about your wife and that's been making it difficult for you to appreciate her distinct personality. She mightn't be whom you want her to be yet,but l'll want you to focus on her positive side more, complain less,appreciate her for whom she is,try as much as possible to stop discussing her with people (this rather makes some people to be uncooperative) and win her over with 'blind' love. Very soon brother, you'll begin to see your wife become the Angel she truly is.

I read to the point where you said you now prepare your own food...

When it gets to the point where a woman punishes the husband with food, there must be a confab.

Though, with prayers things can change for good.

zicoraads:
The two of you should seek an amicable separation.

the best thing is for him to settle her with snipper

emmy512:
Ignorance is bliss.

applying something I've learnt to do in this life,
You have to shield yourself from any emotional trauma. Wjat people say and do should never worry except it'll kill you. you take notice of everything which isn't bad, but you see thats where you're problems are.
She doesn't remember your birthday, she doesn't do this n that just ignore it, don't care about it, you won't die.
Soon she would realise you aren't noticing her and she'll come to you, this only applies if you still want to try and stay in the marriage

Baba narcissistic doesn't give a damn about ur emotions . Their attitude gives them fuel and energy.

Popebliss:
[s]You spoke well brother but frankly speaking your experience in marriage isn't enough to make you give up now. Many people experience worse things but they have continued to work at it while hoping daily for favourable results. Going by what you penciled down, hardly could you find anything good about your wife and that's been making it difficult for you to appreciate her distinct personality. She mightn't be whom you want her to be yet,but l'll want you to focus on her positive side more, complain less,appreciate her for whom she is,try as much as possible to stop discussing her with people (this rather makes some people to be uncooperative) and win her over with 'blind' love. Very soon brother, you'll begin to see your wife become the Angel she truly is.[/s]

super trash

Yorubas say "Iyawo buruku se fe, ana buruku o se ni" which roughly means you can have a bad wife but having bad in laws is not advisable. It doubles your problem.

Since there's no one worthy of her respect in her family, you can't expect anything better from her. She can't reason in a better way because her faults are tolerated or ignored by those who should talk to her. Make up your mind on what is best for you. Your life has no duplicate..live well.

Why are you asking the general public whether to divorce your wife or not? Was this the same way you got her?

PapaAdanna:
Dey there d do sisi make woman kill you


You're ranting... If she's doing this to you when you can handle some financial issues in ur life and family, just think if it is otherwise


My guy move on

Marriage is not a must happen

Happiness is way more treasured in saner climes

God bless you jare

Please if you can't long to come home, then what you have isn't a marriage but battlefield. Life is too short to go through so much suffering and die before your time. I doubt the forever God meant applies to this generation, we are just far out of it. Seek counseling, if it didn't work, please leave as soon as you can. Get Divorced please and enjoy your life.

nams77:
I always like your position. Unbiased. Another lady up there is saying the man should continue to bear until he drops dead abi?
I always advocate hearing both side of the story though
I have come to discover that when a woman is in the wrong, women in this forum tend to gloss over the issue and tell the man to suck it up, but if the reverse is the case, they will bare their fangs and go on the attack!
Cc bukatyne

You are right. Ladies are very complex people. They can support each other into evil. Let the same evil be paid back, that when you would hear epistle.

Cc pontochants

anonymous1759:
.

You already admitted to your mistakes for tolerating bad character no need to bash you.

your wife is killing you slowly, high blood pressure is a silent killer if your wife is treating you like this when you're still Agile and alive how much more when you're dead or have stroke ?

If she forgets your birthday when you're living in the same house, it's obvious you're nothing when you're gone, memories of you will be gone like a chaff in the wind. And she'll start Nacking another man. She doesn't love you simple. Any lady in love with you irrespective of the bad character will Apologize to save the relationship even if can't help her attitude issues.

Is your wife in communication with any of her exes? Cheating women are the ones who live without sympathy.

Try to find Happiness outside your wife's scope, so many things can make you happy. You got kids.If you can't bear with her living under the same roof with you. Separate from her for some time (like a year at least) and see if that will change her. Don't be a weak man initiating peace treaty all the time, that makes you un attractive to her she'll see you as the lady you've to man up and take the lead

You are very correct.stop alway begging her,take decision as a man that you are.

Go and read Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew.

delpee:
Yorubas say "Iyawo buruku se fe, ana buruku o se ni" which roughly means you can have a bad wife but having bad in laws is not advisable. It doubles your problem.

Since there's no one worthy of her respect in her family, you can't expect anything better from her. She can't reason in a better way because her faults are tolerated or ignored by those who should talk to her. Make up your mind on what is best for you. Your life has no duplicate..live well.

don't mind him jare.



Are you still coming tonight as discussed?I have boughted that thing you said I should bought

bukatyne:
You realize that the error is all yours for not choosing well.

For that, you are half way there.

You mentioned that you married in the Church: brother you know that except adultery and I will say abuse, you can't divorce your wife.

You have tried counseling, reporting her to family etc. etc. and it has not worked.

Now, I want you to try changing your reaction to her attitude. You have been married long enough to 'predict' her actions/inactions.

She forgot your birthday, fine. Celebrate yourself. Go out with the kids, go out with your friends etc.

She tries to keep malice, apologize and move on.

I know it is hard, it is abnormal even however you need to build a shield in your heart so that her attitude doesn't get to you anymore.

Don't beg or cajole her to 'change' or 'be better' or whatever: you are telling her that she has power over you.

Thank God finances are not a thing: treat your self, go on vacations, do the certifications or courses you wanted to. Channel your emotions into the things you have always wanted to do, pick up new hobbies, go to gym and workout youf frustrations etc.

And prayers work: if not for her to change, for you to be whole mentally and emotionally.

It is well.

Emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse at times. Please are you married? I will rather take physical abuse (minus death and maiming) than take the kind of emotional and mental abuse I have suffered. Just like the op I was diagnosed of hbp last year. Wife/marriage problem was the major reason

noakchukibadan:
. Well, thanks for the advice, maybe I forgot to say that she places huge importance on birthdays, for her I must throw a party, every year for 7 years, and she can not even remember mine. Just to say happy birthday ?

I seriously feel your plight and I must confess to you that I'm about getting married to a lady I also have suspicion about some of her characters. My birthday was yesterday and it took me to remind her at past 9pm last night before she could wish me well on my day. It's extremely difficult to teach an old dog a new trick. Celebrating people might not just be your wife's thing.

My candid advice is that try as much as you can to make vacations away from home your thing. Chill out and make peace with your inner self. Hangout with friends if you have to and take comic relief from all her negativities. I mean make her your house comedian. When she sees you now laugh over the things that ordinarily would get you upset, she will start telling you that you no longer take her seriously and at that point, you might talk sense into her.

Call her clown to her face on things she expects serious exasperation from you for. Laugh and roll over the floor and try to make her look stupid by cracking jokes around her gullibility. You've been too serious and you take everything she does to heart. She knows this and she's seriously using it against you. She's your weak point.

Last thing is that you have to accept her imperfections like it's the best there is bcuz there's no perfect person out there. Believe me, despite all you have said about her, some people will read your ordeal and wish theirs is as better as your own. I mean some men face far worse from their wife and they would wish their wife's downsides are limited to all you've said.

At every opportunity you have, show her love, care and compassion when she gets it right or does something that impress you. She grew up in a toxic environment due to the separation from her father and it's taking it toll on her. It might take time to correct but more importantly your health and well-being is paramount, reason why you should start laughing more at her undoings than take them to heart. Peace

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

your wife needs to see a psychiatrist. She has a medical condition.

Oga from your write up you don't have any fault. Don't forgive what ever advice u get here is as a result of the way the story was told .

I'm sure if we hear your wives version we will weep for her as well


Happy divorce in advance because I know you have made up your mind hence you added the last line .

Cosyfaith:
Please if you can't long to come home, then what you have isn't a marriage but battlefield. Life is too short to go through so much suffering and die before your time. I doubt the forever God meant applies to this generation, we are just far out of it. Seek counseling, if it didn't work, please leave as soon as you can. Get Divorced please and enjoy your life.

Chei if not because I am already in love with dominique I for love you too

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

i was dating similar woman few months back. when we have issues she insult the hell out of me and my family. she dont often and dnt help me in any way in the house even when she comes around. i decided to end the 2 years relationship before it leads to marriage. on your case, set her down talk to her and invite the people she respect more afterward take her out and get her nice things. you guys must identify a vision and wrk towards it

You are not in marriage but in bondage bro... fire her!!!!

doctuw:
your wife needs to see a psychiatrist. She has a medical condition.

must you quote the guy before writing one and half lines?

Ade3131:
Last thing is that you have to accept her imperfections like it's the best there is bcuz there's no perfect person out there. Believe me, despite all you have said about her, some people will read your ordeal and wish theirs is as better as your own. I mean some men face far worse from their wife and they would wish their wife's downsides are limited to all you've said.

I was enjoying your epistle until i get to this area, super trash. He deserve better.

Men!u saw all d signs u still went ahead & took a plunge into d river of sorrow, d reason why pple court is to know each other xters.yur only solutions is to separate from her for a while, if she is not sober,ask for divorce asap.