₦airaland Forum

Avidtags:
You are just dancing around the issue and giving bad advice back to back.

I hope the op noakchukibadan doesn't listen you and leaves that horrible marriage.

Sometimes issues in marriages aren’t always clear cut. No one has all the answers and the only persons who know the facts of the matter are the husband and his wife. We have heard only one side which may or may not be the whole truth. Some parts may be exaggerated or told in a way which absolves the story teller of any blame.

Also in marriages it is common to pass through phases where the two parties just won’t get along and any and everything irritate them to the point of disagreements or scuffles.

We handle stuff differently

All I’ve asked the OP to do is itemise to himself whether the wife’s purported bad side is true and indeed extreme to the point of divorce

I don’t see what’s bad in that

brightalo1010:
Send me your number and network for 1k airtime I am serious.

Imagine people telling a man dying gradually to keep praying and managing the devilish heartless, selfish, wicked monster. I vowed never to tolerate such nonsense. I don't even have such time to listen to any advice from any fvkin pastor or anyone before I'll frustrate the evil lady's life.

08189964264. Mtn. Thanks baba.

You never know with women __ James Hardley Chase

ykalhaji:
Seems she is the one from Ekiti, very stubborn, strongheaded people... Just like the father that refused to allow his son stay and the son that used stronghead to travel when popsi told him to stay in Lagos. Oga as per advice, you said for better or worse, Mr man handle ya wife. Abuse her back, emotionally, mentally and verbally(I for say physically but the law is against that) then she go know say khaki no be leather and craze pass craze, she will either ask for mediation with a sincere heart or she will call it quits, either way you are better of.

solmusdesigns isn't this same thing u said that this guy is saying?
So ekiti ladies strong head gan?

Lovely story but can I hear from her side too or do you want me to make judgement based on what you've told us to believe?

Mbanu!

What you need is a side chic. when your attention is diverted, you stop worrying on lil issues displayed by ur wife. instead u will come home everyday smiling . You kw, it hurts a lady to see u smiling even in your sleep.

OKOATA:
08189964264. Mtn. Thanks baba.

0818 isn't mtn ni

lefulefu:
no north america.its dominican republic that is located in southern america

She needs ajebutter and swag guys. Me I no be ajebutter and I no get swag.
How far why coro no Catch you for there since news yarn say the virus dey base now for North America

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

I am sorry about this. You seem a genuine gentleman.

For the "not yet married" males, when you see a sign in a woman which indicates stubbornnness, pride, foul language, etc, RUN! Dont emotionalise the situation. Dont pretend to yourself. Just run. If you do not run, you are likely to end up like this fellow here.

DateMynd44:
0818 isn't mtn ni

it’s mtn bro, those new sims they just produced.

anonymous1759:
.

You already admitted to your mistakes for tolerating bad character no need to bash you.

your wife is killing you slowly, high blood pressure is a silent killer if your wife is treating you like this when you're still Agile and alive how much more when you're dead or have stroke ?

If she forgets your birthday when you're living in the same house, it's obvious you're nothing when you're gone, memories of you will be gone like a chaff in the wind. And she'll start Nacking another man. She doesn't love you simple. Any lady in love with you irrespective of the bad character will Apologize to save the relationship even if she can't help her attitude issues.

Is your wife in communication with any of her exes? Cheating women are the ones who live without sympathy.

Try to find Happiness outside your wife's scope, so many things can make you happy. You got kids.If you can't bear with her living under the same roof with you. Separate from her for some time (like a year at least) and see if that will change her. Don't be a weak man initiating peace treaty all the time, that makes you un attractive to her she'll see you as the lady you've to man up and take the lead

You are too much bro. May God replenish that virtue that has gone out of you.
Imagine a woman treating her man with such disdain.

Just slap her 2wice and stand your ground.. stop acting like a woman... make her feel she is despensable.. trust me that is your solution, you can thank me later

Very sorry sir. First you made a serious mistake for thinking you can watch the nose of the dog to white which is impossible. Divorce ? Impossible except on the ground of fornication, Matthew 19vs 9. So, Sir. If you indeed invite other reasonable people to come into the matter, and she she refuses to change, then separation is the only option in line with God requirements. 1Corinthians 7 vs 10- 17.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

High blood what! Pls send her away for a while but don't divorce her maybe by doing this she will come back to her normal senses beside she is not in good times with her family members so she will left with no options than to come back to plea......

I have a close person going through a similar situation. I advise you to do whatever gives you peace

enemyofprogress:
don't mind him jare.



Are you still coming tonight as discussed?I have boughted that thing you said I should bought

You're talking to the wrong person!

I am sure your wife is pretty so if HBP kills you now she will get another man...since finance is not the problems please divorce and share the children one one

delpee:
You're talking to the wrong person!

I'm talking to you the right person. The chosen one. Are you still coming tonight as discussed?

The great GOD of creation who instituted marriage has only one ground for divorce sex outside marriage which apparently isn't happening in your case
Although the Bible makes provision for separation(but you are still married in every respect)

The above was just a reminder now to my answer until you see you wife as a victim who is only vomiting what her environment growing up has given her to swallow, as one who needs her perception and believe system changed by a constant intercourse with the word of GOD you might not make headway because mere advice cannot tame a character flaw

Sir am sure if you sit down and do a thorough self check you might not be completely isolated from blame

I am going through similar issue. Having a husband of 9years with 3 kids that doesn't talk to me but his friends only. Provides anything for the house but can't sit down for 1hour in his own house and won't communicate his feelings or ideas with me. There's no one in his family that he respects.. until I realized embarrassing him in public was helping me a little.

To me it's like an official marriage am not happy at all. It's people's mouth that has kept me in my own marriage.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

you saw the handwriting on the wall n ignored every red signals. I do do tell people, clerical counsel is not final in premarital decision. As a Christian I will not advise you to file for divorce but you can separate from her, only the living marry. Already your health is 50-50, any little triglyceride can spell doom. Brother redeems your life first.

I am so sorry for men going through troubles in their marriage especially when it is coming from their wives, i pray God put peace in their lives. My question for the wives is Don't you people like peace?, why do you conveniently cause trouble in your marriage and make your partner go through emotional pain, the best part is most men strive to make things work but the evil spirit in the wife wont allow it work. i am a lady unmarried but i want to live my best life less of trouble marriage is a life time contract and i want to enjoy every single bit. WOMEN PLEASE ALWAYS MAKE IT WORK AND NOT FRUSTRATE IT, I KNOW MEN HAVE THEIR OWN TOO BUT STORIES LIKE THIS THE WOMAN CAN STILL DO SOMETHING BEFORE THE MARRIAGE COLLAPSE.May God help us.

neyoskye82:
What you need is a side chic. when your attention is diverted, you stop worrying on lil issues displayed by ur wife. instead u will come home everyday smiling . You kw, it hurts a lady to see u smiling even in your sleep.

Because frying pan isn’t enough he should enter fire.

judeleo:
Divorce is not an option, u have to live wit it becos the bible says dat only in case of infedelity divorce can b allowed. my advice for you is to give her space and think less, she will come around by God grace

I am a Christian but “I have to live with it because the bible says ...that is what will end us in Nigeria religion that’s why a pastor will rape someone and fall from grace and will forgive but put tire on a hungry teenager that steals garri.
He has developed BP that counts as bodily harm in my dictionary.Something has to be done.

brightalo1010:
Send me your number and network for 1k airtime I am serious.

Imagine people telling a man dying gradually to keep praying and managing the devilish heartless, selfish, wicked monster. I vowed never to tolerate such nonsense. I don't even have such time to listen to any advice from any fvkin pastor or anyone before I'll frustrate the evil lady's life.

Seen bro, thanks so much and Jah blessings.

Sunnyb10:
You have got to man up, you have done everything possible to make your marriage work but since she’s adamant about it, I advice you give her what the Hausas call “seke daya” it’s like a 1st warning before divorce, meet a lawyer that will type something good for you, something like since she’s tired and feed up with the marriage she should take a break for like 4 to 5 months or so and leave you and your children alone until when she turn a new leave you will ask her to come back otherwise you are divorcing her. Pass her such letter and have some rest of mind for some time, don’t kill yourself with hbp before your time cuz of one thing called wife. Do this and you will thank me later.

.

This is 2020 its THEIR children not HIS children so you can’t just chase her out of the home for a while it belongs to you both.If you want Divorce do it no need for threat and if you want to give her a chance to turn a new leave do it at your own peril.Non of us know this woman.

Get a Christian Girlfriend......make her your friend and confidant......courtship for a year.......build a second home......have children from her and live a happy and healthy life. Regarding the other children, they'll survive and they'll grow up to know who the negative parent is but pls also do take care of them by providing all they require. Respect their mother but pls stop loving her.... It's killing you...... Do it now

mickeyenglish:
Lol.. OP , firstly, don't worry, you won't die of HBP.. Good thing you knew earlier.. Some never knew till it led to their death, which is the major cause.. The fittest person on earth may not know about his/her status till he drops dead on the street one day.. It's not as if you developed it 2 years ago but, it must have been in your body long time ago but only needed something to trigger your consciousness to it which, in this case is (or was) your wife.. You won't die if you take your pills regularly and exercise at least 80mins per week.. The thing is that a blood pressure constantly above 180/90 would kill you within a year and the trick is to ensure that it SHOULD ALWAYS BE BELOW 140.. Watch what you eat (beef, cholesterol-filled fats, starchy foods, fizzy drinks, smoking like a chimney, etc).. For those saying you're to young to have HBP, that's just rubbish.. No one is too young to have it as you can have it as early as age 16 yrs or any age.. The trick now is not giving a Bleep
about your wife and her weird feelings but, the game is now to ensure you keep your BP always below 140 if you still need your life.. I'd advice you to get yourself a digital blood pressure machine like Omron, to regularly check your BP..

Secondly(the main thing), do you now see why people would always say ; "Marry your best friend"! . This statement is the greatest life saver on Earth right now and, its saving lives seriously. At one point in time, you'd discover her beauty, breast , ass, sweet sex etc doesn't matter anymore, as only a peaceful marital life matters.. I once had a very gentle girlfriend back in Ibàdàn during my NYSC days but guess what? She was a crazy narcissist and worst of all, she never knew.. She was broken beyond redemption and i was urging her that she sees a therapist but, it was always a resounding NO! I Knew life would be very unbearable with such a broken person in future.. This was a person that doesn't think with her own head but, yields to the advice of others without thinking it through.. She was very naive and gullible on how the world works and, staying with that type of person is suicidal..

For that your wife, bro! Want the candid truth? It's game over! Pure and simple.. Someone who didn't change in her formative years would not change now, either by prayer or by logic.. Someone who was behaving like Josep Stalin to her own blood family, will eventually behave like a mutant combo of Hitler and Kim Jong-Un to you her husband, who's not her blood.. She's a lost cause! Let this sink into your skull bro.. You definitely will not die of HBP but, depression and mental illnesses are earnestly waiting for you, which could lead to suicide or even homicide (if push comes to shove).. Just walk away.. Let it go.. You don't even need to divorce her you could just move out into a seperate apartment and life goes on.. If she wants a divorce, give it to her, if your pastors come to your house for diplomacy purpose, take them to a private place and tell them to Bleep-off and go and marry your wife if they so care about the marriage..

Life is a beauty gift you won't experience twice... Don't let one ruthless bi-polar Cunt ruin it all for you in the name of 'holy union' or marriage ..

Post No Bill

Well said except;
Don't be scared, you won't die.. It's just like saying you'd die from HIV when we know that we have Anti-retroviral drugs available at cheap prices..Paracetamol is £1 and people still die from headache,this situation can end will someone dead.
Your message is so correct but you don’t need to come down to the level of calling the woman such a foul name “bi-polar cunt”.Be a gentleman.

bigcee:
Ah! I swear you're a dolt.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,

Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another.

I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member. Many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage.
Although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE

There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children do anything wrong, she always says those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.

She can go for months without talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, I have begged, cried prayed. I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that there is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago, the man said unfortunately he can not do anything. This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dares not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years, she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never bothered to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May, and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.

This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of high blood pressure 2 years ago.

Oga, if na me. I would have divorce her but divorce na sin. Watin I go do just dey simple, carry your children and yourself comot for the house go another state. Or If she comot one day just tell gate man make he no let tam enter for further notice. Drop her load outside join because one day if she no kill you na you go kill lam mistakenly or the two of you go kill whona self.

Kennedyiheme02:
Just slap her 2wice and stand your ground.. stop acting like a woman... make her feel she is despensable.. trust me that is your solution, you can thank me later

Never hit a woman.That is never a solution.

This is it