I am 31yrs old. I am rounding off with my masters. I have a job, howbeit not very lucrative. I live on my own and I am not in any serious relationship at the moment.

Marriage has been on my mind for some time now because I think it's a good thing to marry early but I am scared of the unforseen things marriage brings.

I am scared of ending up with the wrong person that will make my life miserable.

I am scared of the unfathomable commitments that come with marriage.

I am scared of losing touch with the pursuit of my dreams since I am still building myself towards my career goals.

To make matters worse, when I see what married people go through, it looks like some of them are regretting why they got married.

Please married people, share your experience let me see what I can make out of your views.

Bros, Go and become a baby daddy...

Marriage is overrated..

I shared in your fears at a point, until I got enlightened.
I would share what I have learnt

EDIT :

-You have to first of all value yourself. If you don't, no one would value you.

-You have to have good value, its different from valuing yourself. A thief might value himself, but he definitely doesn't have value.

-You also have to ask yourself if you are worth marrying. Many men focus on marrying wife materials, but they are not husband materials. Are you a husband material ?

-You have to be ready to be selfless, if you are not, marriage isn't for you.

-You have to know what you want in a spouse. If you don't know what you want, how would you know when you see it.

-If you are a Christian, you need to tell God to direct you. Pray for wisdom and the spirit of discernment.

-God might not show you a dream or vision of your wife, that's why you need the above. When you see her, and study her for a while, with divine direction and discernment, you would just know.

-Marry someone who is going to give you peace, without it, nothing else would make sense.

-Make sure she is your friend first, if she isn't your friend first, when an issue comes up it would be difficult to resolve. Your friendship with each other makes you miss each others company. You wouldn't be able to stay too long without talking to your friend. This makes conflict resolution easier and quicker.

- Make sure she is also selfless. Marriage with two selfless people is the sweetest.

- Third party ruins things. Everybody apart from the two of you are third party. This includes your pastor, your parents , your siblings. No one should live in your house.

-Pray together, always.

-During courtship, don't cloud your judgment with romantic love and sex. This is why building true friendship is the most important. Anyone can give you romantic love and sex, not everyone can be a friend and a partner.

-Make sure, you aren't a lazy person, don't marry a lazy person. Its not restricted to physical laziness, it includes spiritual and mental laziness

-Make sure she makes you happy, synonymous to peace of mind.

-Make sure she has value and can give value.


If I remember any other, I would include it.



EDIT

-IN choosing the right person, you have to pay attention to their verbal and non verbal communication. You have to watch closely how they treat other people, especially people who have nothing to offer them. This is one of the best ways to know a selfless person

The married people hardly ever tell their uncensored stories...

Most people just go in to have their own unique experiences.

'Rounding up off with...'

Your supervisor should be arrested!

Marriage is overrated anyway.

DanseMacabre:
'Rounding up off with...'

Your supervisor should be arrested!

Marriage is overrated anyway.

That was a mistake. I was a bit tired while typing..Thank you for drawing my attention!

No perfect syllables to Marriage. D tin na luck and I wish you all the best.

whyteteeth:


That was a mistake. I was a bit tired while typing..Thank you for drawing my attention!

Lol. I was teasing actually. No offence.

GOFRONT:
Bros, Go and become a baby daddy...

Marriage is overrated..

It isn't overrated. Most people aren't just doing it right.
Most people go into it with the wrong mentality
Most people go into it with selfishness and not selflessness.
Of course its not going to be a smooth ride, but being with the right person makes the ride smoother.

Hmmm.

Do not forget alot of people are in happy marriages too....na only those of us wey don build "I too know " wall around our heart dey spoil am, na we still dey suffer am.

Are you in a relationship?

Donald3d:


It isn't overrated. Most people aren't just doing it right.
Most people go into it with the wrong mentality
Most people go into it with selfishness and not selflessness.
Of course its not going to be a smooth ride, but being with the right person makes the ride smoother.

oh God bless you, this is what i was going to say

whyteteeth:
I am 31yrs old. I am rounding off with my masters. I have a job, howbeit not very lucrative. I live on my own and I am not in any serious relationship at the moment.

Marriage has been on my mind for some time now because I think it's a good thing to marry early but I am scared of the unforseen things marriage brings.

I am scared of ending up with the wrong person that will make my life miserable.

I am scared of the unfathomable commitments that come with marriage.

I am scared of losing touch with the pursuit of my dreams since I am still building myself towards my career goals.

To make matters worse, when I see what married people go through, it looks like some of them are regretting why they got married.

Please married people, share your experience let me see what I can make out of your views.

Get yourself a baby mama. Case closed.

Make sure you do not abandon your baby for the mother as they are your responsibility.

To be safe, make sure you get a baby mama that has her own money and can keep going even with little or without monetary input from you.

As the life be now, I do not see why a guy who earns a living should be rolling with broke bitches. Get yourself an earning woman too.

He who find a wife find favour from the lord.

Marriage has it own up and down but my broda, if you find a woman who love peace and a peaceful environment. You will enjoy ur marriage.

Avoid this kind of woman

1... The one's that received too much calls from male or female friends.
2..... The one that are too close to there family
3..... the one that like up to date fashion
4.......the one that can't support you financial

Donald3d:
I shared in your fears at a point, until I got enlightened.
I would share what I have learnt

EDIT :

-You have to first of all value yourself. If you don't, no one would value you.

-You have to have good value, its different from valuing yourself. A thief might value himself, but he definitely doesn't have value.

-You also have to ask yourself if you are worth marrying. Many men focus on marrying wife materials, but they are not husband materials. Are you a husband material ?

-You have to be ready to be selfless, if you are not, marriage isn't for you.

-You have to know what you want in a spouse. If you don't know what you want, how would you know when you see it.

-If you are a Christian, you need to tell God to direct you. Pray for wisdom and the spirit of discernment.

-God might not show you a dream or vision of your wife, that's why you need the above. When you see her, and study her for a while, with divine direction and discernment, you would just know.

-Marry someone who is going to give you peace, without it, nothing else would make sense.

-Make sure she is your friend first, if she isn't your friend first, when an issue comes up it would be difficult to resolve. Your friendship with each other makes you miss each others company. You wouldn't be able to stay too long without talking to your friend. This makes conflict resolution easier and quicker.

- Make sure she is also selfless. Marriage with two selfless people is the sweetest.

- Third party ruins things. Everybody apart from the two of you are third party. This includes your pastor, your parents , your siblings. No one should live in your house.

-Pray together, always.

-During courtship, don't cloud your judgment with romantic love and sex. This is why building true friendship is the most important. Anyone can give you romantic love and sex, not everyone can be a friend and a partner.

-Make sure, you aren't a lazy person, don't marry a lazy person. Its not restricted to physical laziness, it includes spiritual and mental laziness

-Make sure she makes you happy, synonymous to peace of mind.

-Make sure she has value and can give value.


If I remember any other, I would include it.



EDIT

-IN choosing the right person, you have to pay attention to their verbal and non verbal communication. You have to watch closely how they treat other people, especially people who have nothing to offer them. This is one of the best ways to know a selfless person

you are wise. You should coach more men, and I'll pray for a woman that will coach more women..... I know people are more likely to listen if it's coming from same gender

Yawns.

Life is all about risks. If we were all scared to take risks, there would be stagnancy in everyone’s life. Whether you get married or not, you will still go through pain, sorrow, disappointment, eventually get old and pass away. That is what life is all about. So if you’re scared about the bad side of marriage, I suggest you stay in your little bubble to stay safe.

Marriage is good because it's instituted by God according to the story of creation.
Marriage is for mature mind, hence you must be convinced of what you're going into.
Marriage is a lifetime contract but the only exception that will make me go against this contract is whenever violence is involved.
Marriage must be between two friends, very important, so that once you say YES, you must make it work
Marriage as they say, is not a bed of roses at all. There's no perfect marriage, and there is no one formula for all, so as much as you can, don't watch your dirty linens outside, even before your parents. Always resolve any differences and move ahead.

I repeat, it's only violence that will make me not to support the marriage to remain. You might ask, what if there's unfaithfulness of one partner? If you married your friend, though people changes, both would have touched gray areas which might lead to future unfaithfulness of one's partner.

One word of encouragement to tell self is, If my parents and others can marry and bear the challenges, why can't I?

Donald3d:
I shared in your fears at a point, until I got enlightened.
I would share what I have learnt

EDIT :

-You have to first of all value yourself. If you don't, no one would value you.

-You have to have good value, its different from valuing yourself. A thief might value himself, but he definitely doesn't have value.

-You also have to ask yourself if you are worth marrying. Many men focus on marrying wife materials, but they are not husband materials. Are you a husband material ?

-You have to be ready to be selfless, if you are not, marriage isn't for you.

-You have to know what you want in a spouse. If you don't know what you want, how would you know when you see it.

-If you are a Christian, you need to tell God to direct you. Pray for wisdom and the spirit of discernment.

-God might not show you a dream or vision of your wife, that's why you need the above. When you see her, and study her for a while, with divine direction and discernment, you would just know.

-Marry someone who is going to give you peace, without it, nothing else would make sense.

-Make sure she is your friend first, if she isn't your friend first, when an issue comes up it would be difficult to resolve. Your friendship with each other makes you miss each others company. You wouldn't be able to stay too long without talking to your friend. This makes conflict resolution easier and quicker.

- Make sure she is also selfless. Marriage with two selfless people is the sweetest.

- Third party ruins things. Everybody apart from the two of you are third party. This includes your pastor, your parents , your siblings. No one should live in your house.

-Pray together, always.

-During courtship, don't cloud your judgment with romantic love and sex. This is why building true friendship is the most important. Anyone can give you romantic love and sex, not everyone can be a friend and a partner.

-Make sure, you aren't a lazy person, don't marry a lazy person. Its not restricted to physical laziness, it includes spiritual and mental laziness

-Make sure she makes you happy, synonymous to peace of mind.

-Make sure she has value and can give value.


If I remember any other, I would include it.



EDIT

-IN choosing the right person, you have to pay attention to their verbal and non verbal communication. You have to watch closely how they treat other people, especially people who have nothing to offer them. This is one of the best ways to know a selfless person

I was going to type, then you did it for me.

Thank you.

Well, I'm married and I would like to present my little experience.
* I started by making friend to married poeple, and what i saw made me feel I don't have to marry.
* I did asked them a lot of questions. One of the questions asked, which I also used as a guide when I started was/is "why did you marry this your partner, I mean what interested you in her?" I will then list: education, beauty, facial appearance, humility, intelligence, etc?
* I then made up my mind about the kind/type of person I want/need.
*

KNOWMORE56:
Well, I'm married and I would like to present my little experience.
* I started by making friend to married poeple, and what i saw made me feel I don't have to marry.
* I did asked them a lot of questions. One of the questions asked, which I also used as a guide when I started was/is "why did you marry this your partner, I mean what interested you in her?" I will then list: education, beauty, facial appearance, humility, intelligence, etc?
* I then made up my mind about the kind/type of person I want/need.
*

KNOWMORE56:
Well, I'm married and I would like to present my little experience.
* I started by making friend to married poeple, and what i saw made me feel I don't have to marry.
* I did asked them a lot of questions. One of the questions asked, which I also used as a guide when I started was/is "why did you marry this your partner, I mean what interested you in her?" I will then list: education, beauty, facial appearance, humility, intelligence, etc?
* I then made up my mind about the kind/type of person I want/need.
*

My experiences at home influence my choice. My father died earlier than expected because I think he over stressed himself. So I must not marry a lazy person.
* When I saw that she was not lazy, I asked her to marry me not considering other things.
*. Any time I'm offended, I asked myself "why did I marry her?" Ans-she not lazy.
*. The activeness in her is real, so I have to endure other things.
* I discovered that one of the things that gives joy in marriage is the children.
* My wife is a good cook, she is not afraid of any task, she knows how to encourage somebody.
*. But she can fight anyone, anywhere and anyhow.
* In all, marriage is a good thing but many people don't know what they want.
*. I also discovered that when we said that something/someone is Good that doesn't mean that there no any disadvantages but rather the advantages are more than the disadvantages.

Lower down on your expectations. Don't look for or expect perfection. Be kind and considerate. Don't take things too high. Try or learn to be simple. Take things simple too. Finally, Mary someone who have the fear of God and you will be fine

Without your partner you are complete

I have been in for 8 years... and it is one best blessings of my life.

Infact i am even the one messing up at times.. you know that moment when you are over filled and you will be looking for me what more to eat. Lol


Bro.. the problem you will have is marrying the right woman.. that's my fear for the bachelors right now... woman scarce oo.

I married a woman who believe in self discipline and finding her own purpose in life.. however she believes somuch in her man to play the head role. Automatically i become a role model to someone with high aspirations. Where does that put me... i also have to set a standard.

She everywhere on google wiki etc... but still things didn't get to her, instead she is thankful to her husband everytime.

The last 8 years of my life even though not exactly rosy. Had been the best 8 years of my life. Thanks to my wife.

KNOWMORE56:
Without your partner you are complete

Complete?

Marriage is sweet, only if you're prepared for it. Just like we read before exams or go through a recipe before trying a new dish, you should also get yourself ready. Read books and listen to other people's experiences.
Also, you should know that there's no perfect person. Get your own ogbanje and live a perfect life with her. Everyone has their own 5 minutes of madness, settle with the one you can manage. For instance, I'm a ball of fire. I can cause wahala wella, whereas my husband is cool and quiet. It annoys me how people sometimes cheat him and act rudely, but with me around dem no fit! He always jokes about how different we are
So, long and short of it.... Prepare well... Erase the perfect partner mentality... Put a ring on it!

whyteteeth:


Complete?

I mean without your partner something important is missing from your life.
At a point in your life that desire will naturally come to you.
This is what makes slay mamma/Pappa and celebrities get married.
SOME REASONS FOR MARRIAGE
5Ps
1. Procreation
2. Partnership
3. Protection
4. Progress and
5. Purity.

*. There are some things you will never know until you get married.

*. The advantages in marriage are more than its disadvantages. I have a lot of things to say about marriage.

At 31, you don't have a stable relationship, I wonder when you intend to get married when your mates are about becoming grandfathers.

Please Seun, RoyalRoy push this to frontpage for more views,contributions from married men and women here,also for intending partners in relationships to know and learn few or more challenges in choosing a life-partners,thanks.

OK naww

KNOWMORE56:





I mean without your partner something important is missing from your life.
At a point in your life that desire will naturally come to you.
This is what makes slay mamma/Pappa and celebrities get married.
SOME REASONS FOR MARRIAGE
5Ps
1. Procreation
2. Partnership
3. Protection
4. Progress and
5. Purity.

*. There are some things you will never know until you get married.

*. The advantages in marriage are more than its disadvantages. I have a lot of things to say about marriage.

Please tell me more sir!!

Other REASONS FOR MARRIAGE, using the letter P:
6. Parenting
7. Practice
8. Perfection
9. Peace.

*Good percentage of the reasons can not be achieved through other means.