₦airaland Forum

I just got into a relationship and I really love this lady very much and I very much mean to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her until she told me recently that she was raped when she was still young. I don't know how to handle this because the thoughts and flashes of her getting raped keeps sending fears and sadness into my heart and I don't want a pitiful relationship and never expected this.
Please nairalanders, I need your honest responses regarding this, I'm confused, what should I do?

You could first start by visiting a trauma therapist with her.

This days,you see only boys in Nairaland...., imagine asking this kind of questions! Just imagine again

merit455:
This days,you see only boys in Nairaland...., imagine asking this kind of questions! Just imagine again

Disheartening

Stop this, where thing was going smoothly until she told you right When she didn't tell you did you notice if she was sad Yeah the memories hurt but your love should bring light into her heart don't give up she needs you!

so you want to dump her because one of your gender lost control and did her wrong

Abi I no understand.

that's more traumatizing, you should be helping her get over it to realising not all men are evil. You talking about what's going through your mind, do you care what's going through her own mind? after going through such experience?

Herkins12:
I just got into a relationship and I really love this lady very much and I very much mean to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her until she told me recently that she was raped when she was still young. I don't know how to handle this because the thoughts and flashes of her getting raped keeps sending fears and sadness into my heart and I don't want a pitiful relationship and never expected this.
Please nairalanders, I need your honest responses regarding this, I'm confused, what should I do?

The trauma of being raped before you got married should he hers and not yours. Yours is to pity her, guild her and stay with her to at least forget the memory of the past. That is if you sincerely love and interested in getting married to her.

I think I understand guys like you, so keen and interested in getting married to a virgin.
The “rape” could have been a sham and ploy by the girl to excuse her of the inordinate past, thinking that you might free her, knowing she already has a ruptured hymen by her ex or fling.

The rape could also be real, cos we now dwell in a pussy gaming world where emotionally and financially broke guys have the only pleasure of sadistically easing out their semen. If you love her, just treat the rape as one of her ugly past you won’t want yourself remembering at all and face the future with her.

Sorry to say this but as a matter of fact, did she tell you exactly what happened or how the rape occurred? A lot of girls say it but if you scrutinize the case, you'll discover it's not exactly rape..you should know that girls claim to be raped a lot. Even as married women, some still accuse their husbands of rape. Only some of them have been fingered and carressed by some uncles or so that they lived with while they were young which is not rape.

Besides, if she can get over the trauma as a victim and you are feeling fear and sadness just upon hearing, there's tendency that you can't even cope with women emotional manipulations. If she knows you quickly feel pity, she'll haunt you with that feeling after doing so many things wrongly. You need to toughen up and reason with ur head not your emotions.

Lies from the pit of hell. In what circumstance did she tell you she was raped?

Oluromantic:
Sorry to say this but as a matter of fact, did she tell you exactly what happened or how the rape occurred? A lot of girls say it but if you scrutinize the case, you'll discover it's not exactly rape... you should know that girls claim to be raped a lot.

So??
How does that invalidate her claim of ‘rape’?

You think a girl wouldn't know if somebody is defiling her body without her consent or what?

Something is wrong with you.

Even as married women, some still accuse their husbands of rape.

Sex without consent is rape.
Emphasis on “consent”.

Marriage doesn't mean consent for sex.
So rape happens even in marriage.

Only some of them have been fingered and carressed by some uncles or so that they lived with while they were young which is not rape.

You are wrong. Rape encompasses all other forms of sexual penetration without consent.

So how is fingering against a minor not rape??

Guy, you know nothing. Go and educate yourself about rape to protect your sons and daughters.

Amotolongbo:
The trauma of being raped before you got married should he hers and not yours. Yours is to pity her, guild her and stay with her to at least forget the memory of the past. That is if you sincerely love and interested in getting married to her.

I think I understand guys like you, so keen and interested in getting married to a virgin.
The “rape” could have been a sham and ploy by the girl to excuse her of the inordinate past, thinking that you might free her, knowing she already has a ruptured hymen by her ex or fling.

The rape could also be real, cos we now dwell in a pussy gaming world where emotionally and financially broke guys have the only pleasure of sadistically easing out their semen. If you love her, just treat the rape as one of her ugly past you won’t want yourself remembering at all and face the future with her.

Okay, thanks

brainbox34:
Lies from the pit of hell. In what circumstance did she tell you she was raped?

She was raped because the guy asked her out and she rejected. All he had to do was monitor her movements and he figured out her guardian wasnt at home, he barged into the house, overpowered her and raped her. You should know it isnt easy to overpower a man who's determined to have his way forcefully.

xendra:
so you want to dump her because one of your gender lost control and did her wrong

Abi I no understand.

that's more traumatizing, you should be helping her get over it to realising not all men are evil. You talking about what's going through your mind, do you care what's going through her own mind? after going through such experience?

I am helping her go through this together and still do love her but the flashes of that moment still disturbs me. I mean that pity. And the fact that paedophile is still somewhere ruining other girls life us something.I think you don't get to experience what I'm feeling unless you're in those shoes. I saw rale as just a crime until I found myself here. It isn't easy. Although I have to be a man and have to be there for her.

O.p seriously iyamnot understanding you okay since the flashes dey disturb you, what do u intend doing?

SageMK:
So??
How does that invalidate her claim of ‘rape’?

You think a girl wouldn't know if somebody is defiling her body without her consent or what?

Something is wrong with you.



Sex without consent is rape.
Emphasis on “consent”.

Marriage doesn't mean consent for sex.
So rape happens even in marriage.



You are wrong. Rape encompasses all other forms of sexual penetration without consent.

So how is fingering against a minor not rape??

Guy, you know nothing. Go and educate yourself about rape to protect your sons and daughters.

Ok Mr Right. I succumb to your domination. But not to your opinion. I see you!

Oluromantic:
Ok Mr Right. I succumb to your domination. But not to your opinion. I see you!

This is simply too funny
I will adopt it for use, since I don’t like to argue at all.
Thank you!