I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

if you are not open, no one will have answer to ur question!

ALCOHOLKILLS:
find a Surrogate Mother and have peace of mind forever, marriage is overrated, 80% of people in marriage are regretting

what is this one saying?

Interesting

ALCOHOLKILLS:
find a Surrogate Mother and have peace of mind forever, marriage is overrated, 80% of people in marriage are regretting

longetivity:
if you are not open, no one will have answer to ur question!

What else do you want to know, i thought the information i provided was adequate?

After the surrogacy in case you go for that, will you have time for the child to love and care considering your busy schedule as you said ?

iod69778:
I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

ALCOHOLKILLS:
find a Surrogate Mother and have peace of mind forever, marriage is overrated, 80% of people in marriage are regretting

Thank you for your contribution. 80%? Where did that come from?

Eniolakiite:
After the surrogacy in case you go for that, will you have time for the child to love and care considering your busy schedule as you said ?

I considered maybe getting a nanny as an option if that should be the case, i don't know

Hmmm

If what is between you and your current wife can be resolved, try to. There is no perfect person.
Then you both can work together to have kids.

Also you can get the surrogate.

In the end, whatever genuinely makes you happy.

iod69778:


I considered maybe getting a nanny as an option if that should be the case, but i don't have all the answers though

ALCOHOLKILLS:
find a Surrogate Mother and have peace of mind forever, marriage is overrated, 80% of people in marriage are regretting

Are u a xtian or a Muslim or even an idol worshipper....
What kind of ideology is that

Expect multiple PMs now that you've mentioned America. That is most likely the reason for opening this thread anyway.

Eniolakiite:
Hmmm

If what is between you and your current wife can be resolved, try to. There is no perfect person.
Then you both can work together to have kids.

Also you can get the surrogate.

In the end, whatever genuinely makes you happy.

Not intending to dwell too much on the marriage issues but we possibly cannot have a baby together and she wants to adopt but i want my own blood. But like i said, our inability to have a child together or the adoption is not in anyway the main issue, there are major compatibility issues and i don't want to keep wasting my time as i am not getting younger, if that makes sense

Gaggi:
Expect multiple PMs now that you've mentioned America. That is most likely the reason for opening this thread anyway.

Not at all. I mentioned my location so my challenge could be better understood during the discussion. I don't even know if something like surrogacy is legal in Nigeria or if i should forget about Nigeria and focus my efforts here

iod69778:


Thank you for your contribution. 80%? Where did that come from?

There’s is love at your age anymore......
you can marry for companionship, support, sex, for children.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not in support of surrogate arrangement..... but if it’s love you are looking.........all na chasing phantom

1StopRudeness:



There’s is love at your age anymore......
you can marry for companionship, support, sex, for children.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not in support of surrogate arrangement..... but if it’s love you are looking.........all na chasing phantom

I think that I will definitely find love again at some point. I am just considering age and busy schedule and the time it takes to want to settle down again.

Eniolakiite:
Hmmm

If what is between you and your current wife can be resolved, try to. There is no perfect person.
Then you both can work together to have kids.

Also you can get the surrogate.

In the end, whatever genuinely makes you happy.

There’s is no perfect person truly.....

But some pple are not marriage material, they are natural loners, naturally competitive, they are not wired to live life with someone in an enclosure.... they will feel unconsciously choked and their mentality/system will do what it knows how to do best... turn on defense mode... and what you hear is fight everyday...

people don’t understand this. Everyone just want to get married and be shouting love upandan.....
that’s why u have so much sadness and hurt in marriage everywhere.....

Do you really care about this child you are planning to bring? I would say surrogate but who will look after the child? people aren't having partners because they can't do without them, it's because their presence covers certain grounds.

do not let these ones who are single to stupor tell you women have no value or let one marriage mistake make you loose hope. that child needs love, that child needs a mother.

iod69778:


I think that I will definitely find love again at some point. I am just considering age and busy schedule and the time it takes to want to settle down again.

That’s the point, u just mentioned the reason why love is hard the older one gets.... the mind that fall in love is too occupied and impaired...
why do u think teenagers and young adult fall crazily in love easily..?

I’m not trying to discourage you, I’m saying be calculative, instead of getting into marriage because u have a feeling influenced by good sex and a couple of dinner dates

I wish u luck in your love hunting anyways...

Peace

xendra:
Do you really care about this child you are planning to bring? I would say surrogate but who will look after the child? people aren't having partners because they can't do without them, it's because their presence covers certain grounds.

do not let these ones who are single to stupor tell you women have no value or let one marriage mistake make you loose hope. that child needs love, that child needs a mother.

Yes I agree with you. It doesn't make my decision any easy. I have a lot to consider. Thank you

I have a decent girl over here I have been seeing her ways and i must confess she will make a good wife & off course plenty babies. She's from The Eastern shores of Ebonyi. Ages are well balance as she turns 30@nov.

quote author=iod69778 post=89560669]I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.[/quote]

1StopRudeness:


That’s the point, u just mentioned the reason why love is hard the older one gets.... the mind that fall in love is too occupied and impaired...
why do u think teenagers and young adult fall crazily in love easily..?

I’m not trying to discourage you, I’m saying be calculative, instead of getting into marriage because u have a feeling influenced by good sex and a couple of dinner dates

I wish u luck in i love hunting anyways...

Peace

Thank you. Valid points

iod69778:


Not at all. I mentioned my location so my challenge could be better understood during the discussion. I don't even know if something like surrogacy is legal in Nigeria or if i should forget about Nigeria and focus my efforts here

Don't mind those, they are still children, Imagine someone saying a man @40 can't find love....SMH

I understand why you are in a hurry, but if there's a chance you and your wife could fix things up, since you say she doesn't mind adoption, and you want your own blood. then you can your surrogate birth the child and you raise him together. But if you don't trust her to not have issues with it, or yourself to rub it in her face(since it'll be your blood and not her's ) then just ditch her but that child needs a good mother.

iod69778:
I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

I understand where you’re coming from in fact I’ve considered the same thing. I’ve always said if I get to 35 and I haven’t met someone I will look for a donor.

Peace should always be your priority, not everyone was destined to be married. In fact some people lose themselves and sanity in a marriage trying to live up to the other persons expectations. If you meet someone you like and genuinely open yourself to love and it happens that would be a blessing. It’s never too late, but also don’t force it/rush the process because you want a child. You will end up trapped with a person you wouldn’t consider under normal circumstances.

Just a little something for you to ponder on... you have the baby but you’re automatically welcoming the child to a broken home. As this is just an “arrangement to conceive.” Imagine growing up as that child. The element of family is robbed from the child and they might blame you in future for not trying to make it work with their mother. Children pick up on what we do than what we say - teach a child the way they should go and they won’t depart from it. Are you indirectly teaching the child it’s ok to be a baby mama? You don’t want to father another human and damage them in the process. Let’s break that cycle.

Nonetheless if you really want to do it. If I were you I would try get someone I know. You just don’t want to do this with just anyone. Consider the person’s faith, background and personality after all your children will take after both of you. I I hope you actually plan on being in the child’s life and just don’t want a child for retirement planning.

iod69778:
I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

Do you want to live the later part of your life in depressed? If yes, do not marry, have a surrogate mother and continue living like this.

lalanice:
Don't mind those, they are still children, Imagine someone saying a man @40 can't find love....SMH

I understand why you are in a hurry, but if there's a chance you and your wife could fix things up, since you say she doesn't mind adoption, and you want your own blood. then you can your surrogate birth the child and you raise him together. But if you don't trust her to not have issues with it, or yourself to rub it in her face(since it'll be your blood and not her's ) then just ditch her but that child needs a good mother.

Kind of you to mention that, tough one for me. Much appreciated.

There are major compatibility issues that will potentially turn us against each other and i don't want that to happen, i don't want to end up with a sour divorce after failing to fix things. The writing seems to be on the wall

Yes oooh date to marry but try to be smart as the devil first get any lady you want to marry pregnant first. marry her with prove of fertility after two kids apply for divorce and pay for child care if she's not loyal. if she's a nice lady continue your love life. don't make mistake of marrying for love again. that love shit sucks

ALCOHOLKILLS:
find a Surrogate Mother and have peace of mind forever, marriage is overrated, 80% of people in marriage are regretting

You have a point though, most girls marry because of money this days ...

HeavenlyCherub:


I understand where you’re coming from in fact I’ve considered the same thing. I’ve always said if I get to 35 and I haven’t met someone I will look for a donor.

Peace should always be your priority, not everyone was destined to be married. In fact some people lose themselves and sanity in a marriage trying to live up to the other persons expectations. If you meet someone you like and genuinely open yourself to love and it happens that would be a blessing. It’s never too late, but also don’t force it/rush the process because you want a child. You will end up trapped with a person you wouldn’t consider under normal circumstances.

Just a little something for you to ponder on... you have the baby but you’re automatically welcoming the child to a broken home. As this is just an “arrangement to conceive.” Imagine growing up as that child. The element of family is robbed from the child and they might blame you in future for not trying to make it work with their mother. Children pick up on what we do than what we say - teach a child the way they should go and they won’t depart from it. Are you indirectly teaching the child it’s ok to be a baby mama? You don’t want to father another human and damage them in the process. Let’s break that cycle.

Nonetheless if you really want to do it. If I were you I would try get someone I know. You just don’t want to do this with just anyone. Consider the person’s faith, background and personality after all your children will take after both of you. I I hope you actually plan on being in the child’s life and just don’t want a child for retirement planning.

Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your journey, at least i know i am not alone. You gave me a lot to think about, and truly i want to be in the life of my kids. I think i would be a great dad and i hope to be with the right partner to raise them together, and yes i don't want them growing up and feeling like i didn't make the best decision for them.

Acmepreneur:

Do you want to live the later part of your life in depressed? If yes, do not marry, have a surrogate mother and continue living like this.

Uhm... It's intended to be a temporary situation till i meet the right one

Amb1045:
Yes oooh date to marry but try to be smart as the devil first get any lady you want to marry pregnant first. marry her with prove of fertility after two kids apply for divorce and pay for child care if she's not loyal. if she's a nice lady continue your love life. don't make mistake of marrying for love again. that love shit sucks

Hahahahaha apply for divorce so she ends up with shared custody with another man in her life and that of my kids? Doesn't sound like my intended situation

iod69778:


Uhm... It's intended to be a temporary situation till i meet the right one

When we tell you people to be serious while in your twenties, you will refuse and be saying you are enjoying life. My bf is still in his twenties now, this is how he will end if I broke up with him