iod69778:


Hahahahaha apply for divorce so she ends up with shared custody with another man in her life and that of my kids? Doesn't sound like my intended situation

the only reason Africans marry is to have kids that will continue the lineage. apply for divorce if she's not humble or loyal

Acmepreneur:

When we tell you people to be serious while in your twenties, you will refuse and be saying you are enjoying life. My bf is still in his twenties now, this is how he will end if I broke up with him

Everyone has their struggles you know. In my twenties i was working hard for my future. Life gave me lemons that i had to turn to lemonades

HeavenlyCherub:


I understand where you’re coming from in fact I’ve considered the same thing. I’ve always said if I get to 35 and I haven’t met someone I will look for a donor.

Peace should always be your priority, not everyone was destined to be married. In fact some people lose themselves and sanity in a marriage trying to live up to the other persons expectations. If you meet someone you like and genuinely open yourself to love and it happens that would be a blessing. It’s never too late, but also don’t force it/rush the process because you want a child. You will end up trapped with a person you wouldn’t consider under normal circumstances.

Just a little something for you to ponder on... you have the baby but you’re automatically welcoming the child to a broken home. As this is just an “arrangement to conceive.” Imagine growing up as that child. The element of family is robbed from the child and they might blame you in future for not trying to make it work with their mother. Children pick up on what we do than what we say - teach a child the way they should go and they won’t depart from it. Are you indirectly teaching the child it’s ok to be a baby mama? You don’t want to father another human and damage them in the process. Let’s break that cycle.

Nonetheless if you really want to do it. If I were you I would try get someone I know. You just don’t want to do this with just anyone. Consider the person’s faith, background and personality after all your children will take after both of you. I I hope you actually plan on being in the child’s life and just don’t want a child for retirement planning.

BTW i encouraged a friend recently to freeze her eggs so she doesn't have to worry about fertility when she gets older and wants to have a baby with a donor

iod69778:
I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

Half baked bread...mumu op

iod69778:
I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

If you claim to be very busy with work then surrogacy isn’t the best option

HundredWays:

Half baked bread...mumu op

Is the question not clear enough? I'm not seeking advise on whether to end my marriage or not so i don't think that part of the story counts, my question is about whether to start a new relationship all over again with the hopes of settling down again or go ahead with having kids from a surrogate mother, considering my age and busy schedule.

Futurejoy:

If you claim to be very busy with work then surrogacy isn’t the best option

i hear you

iod69778:


Everyone has their struggles you know. In my twenties i was working hard for my future. Life gave me lemons that i had to turn to lemonades

This is the future now, see where you are. I will advise you look for a Nigerian lady, and marry. You will get many people in their thirties that would love to marry you,and settle down.
You will just complicate more matters by looked for surrogate mother, etc.
There are lots of Nigerian ladies looking for who to marry, but most of you in the state are always thinking they want just your money and that will make you mess thing up.
There's no one that won't be happy to marry someone who lives abroad and would make her life easier, but once you detect that happiness, you will start thinking she's in just for the money.
Look for a working class lady, a responsible lady and settle down with her.

Should I call this a retard mentality, what brings religion into this...so if you found yourself in a toxic and lugubrious relationship, the best thing you would do is to endure the pain till it completely eat you up..wake up bro,the world has gone beyond that.


Are u a xtian or a Muslim or even an idol worshipper....
What kind of ideology is that[/quote]

iod69778:


Is the question not clear enough? I'm not seeking advise on whether to end my marriage or not so i don't think that part of the story counts, my question is about whether to start a new relationship all over again with the hopes of settling down again or go ahead with having kids from a surrogate mother, considering my age and busy schedule.

SMH...
U are confused...!

Why getting married at first?
why do u think u can get a child out of wedlock??
Why do u think the inability to give birth is from UR wife??
Why don't u make things right wit UR wife??
Why do u wanna hurt her ego?
Why do u feel u will be happy growing UR child outside UR home?



Too many unanswered questions...

Whatever or whichever you just watch your back. Don't let one yeye woman kill you okay?

But I think for you to marry is better, but marry with sense not with your d!ck. Many women now are gold diggers. Pretend as if you are broke and if she messes up just collect your child and Japa!!!

Love only exists in the dictionary nowadays. Women have no ounce of love left for men. All they want is your money!!! But marriage is still better shhaaaaa!!!

lukui:
Whatever or whichever you just watch your back. Don't let one yeye woman kill you okay?

But I think for you to marry is better, but marry with sense not with your d!ck. Many women now are gold diggers. Pretend as if you are broke and if she messes up just collect your child and Japa!!!

Love only exists in the dictionary nowadays. Women have no ounce of love left for men. All they want is your money!!! But marriage is still better shhaaaaa!!!

I don't know why love is hard to find these days..
Are we men the cause or women..

One can hardly find love as an average or broke person.. but when you don make am.. fake fake love every where

iod69778:
I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

You don't have time to date, yet you want to have an infant to care for. Are you planning on adding to the contract that the surrogate is to care for your kid till he/she is at least 6 months old?

Zoie:

You don't have time to date, yet you want to have an infant to care for. Are you planning on adding to the contract that the surrogate is to care for your kid till he/she is at least 6 months old?

Not that i don't have time to date, but i just worry time keeps going that's all. You know, just like a woman starts worrying when she's getting close to mid 30s

HundredWays:
SMH...
U are confused...!

Too many unanswered questions...

of course i am confused, its okay not to have all the answers.

Why getting married at first? Dont you think this is irrelevant? I am not seeking advise for my current marriage. Not all marriages work out, right?
why do u think u can get a child out of wedlock?? Maybe you're wondering if i have issues with childbirth but no, i am perfectly medically fine.
Why do u think the inability to give birth is from UR wife?? I didn't even say she was the problem, i just said we haven't had a child yet. and like i said, the childbirth issue is not the only or main reason why i consider ending the relationship. The reason i mentioned we don't have a child is to give you the understanding that we don't have child custody issues.
Why don't u make things right wit UR wife?? I have tried, but red flags keep staring us in the face, but this is not a blame game episode and i don't want it to be so.
Why do u wanna hurt her ego? In what way, i dont understand?
Why do u feel u will be happy growing UR child outside UR home? 1 million dollar question. I am just considering my age and raising kids when i am older. I don't when i will find love again

iod69778:


Hahahahaha apply for divorce so she ends up with shared custody with another man in her life and that of my kids? Doesn't sound like my intended situation

How's the state of your marriage with ur current woman? If its a healthy one, why not try to talk things out with her..if she's an understanding woman, she'll bid in with whatever plan of urs.
But then, look if she's a violent type, still try to mk her see the need for u two to have kids through such means.. Don't hide anything from her..
Be sincere! Only d truth sets one free from anything.
My one cent tho

iod69778:


of course i am confused, its okay not to have all the answers.

Why getting married at first? Dont you think this is irrelevant? I am not seeking advise for my current marriage. Not all marriages work out, right?
why do u think u can get a child out of wedlock?? Maybe you're wondering if i have issues with childbirth but no, i am perfectly medically fine.
Why do u think the inability to give birth is from UR wife?? I didn't even say she was the problem, i just said we haven't had a child yet. and like i said, the childbirth issue is not the only or main reason why i consider ending the relationship. The reason i mentioned we don't have a child is to give you the understanding that we don't have child custody issues.
Why don't u make things right wit UR wife?? I have tried, but red flags keep staring us in the face, but this is not a blame game episode and i don't want it to be so.
Why do u wanna hurt her ego? In what way, i dont understand?
Why do u feel u will be happy growing UR child outside UR home? 1 million dollar question. I am just considering my age and raising kids when i am older. I don't when i will find love again

I understand you sir...
But seriously, the decisions here are heavy....
In my opinion, "Date to Marry Again" is the best!!
I grewup without my Mom, it was a bad experience to face in this modern day!

Zoie:

You don't have time to date, yet you want to have an infant to care for. Are you planning on adding to the contract that the surrogate is to care for your kid till he/she is at least 6 months old?

U made a good comment here & I mean it with all honesty../ I'm tired of hauling insults @ uu....

Zoie:

You don't have time to date, yet you want to have an infant to care for. Are you planning on adding to the contract that the surrogate is to care for your kid till he/she is at least 6 months old?

I don't understand y someone dat can't afford t own a child is rushing t own one! D earlier we make laws that protect children from reckless adults, young teens & parents the better the society would be.. That's y abortion has nw been forced down pple's throat cos their unstable wit their thoughts & emotions...

Good one there, Zoie(f)

I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

This was a sad read. You took vows and said for better and for worse till death do you part. That means you work through your difficulties and compatibility issues till death do you part.

Society keeps telling everyone their relationship is good but it could be better with some unknown stranger out there. The grass is never greener and the dating world is murky, sinister and dirty.

I would encourage marriage counselling, our parents had difficulties and compatibility issues but they stuck it out.

Being a single parent by choice is unfair on that child,the child needs both parents to give him/her a good start in life. I am sorry if my post is offensive but it's sad to see people just throw the towel and give up. I can just imagine how happy and hopeful you both were on your wedding day

I considered maybe getting a nanny as an option if that should be the case, i don't know

Uhmmm just imagine!!
You people are the ones making it look as if there's never a sweet thing as marriage. You want to bring a child into this world and den leave the child to a nanny to raise? Very very interesting.

As for u wanting to leave ur marriage because you do not have a child, my dear let your focus be on the word of God be it a muslim or a christian and every other thing shall be added unto you. We are only running an earthly race and we we fight on horses instead of fighting on our knees and "WE" perish for lack of understanding. I wish u well in your quest for looking only within your strength.

MelaninSkinGirl:


This was a sad read. You took vows and said for better and for worse till death do you part. That means you work through your difficulties and compatibility issues till death do you part.

Society keeps telling everyone their relationship is good but it could be better with some unknown stranger out there. The grass is never greener and the dating world is murky, sinister and dirty.

I would encourage marriage counselling, our parents had difficulties and compatibility issues but they stuck it out.

Being a single parent by choice is unfair on that child,the child needs both parents to give him/her a good start in life. I am sorry if my post is offensive but it's sad to see people just throw the towel and give up. I can just imagine how happy and hopeful you both were on your wedding day

I wish i could give you a hug from here for this. Thank you

nairaland0753:


I wish i could give you a hug from here for this. Thank you

Thanks dear, I am just saddened by people just giving up like this, if our parents gave up, we would all be messed up adults today. They stayed together to provide a 2 parent home for their kids. No one seems to think of the children anymore.

I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

Please do not add stress to your life with marriage .. surrogacy is the way to go if you can afford it ... PM me I can help you more on a couple of things you need to understand

Amb1045:
Yes oooh date to marry but try to be smart as the devil first get any lady you want to marry pregnant first. marry her with prove of fertility after two kids apply for divorce and pay for child care if she's not loyal. if she's a nice lady continue your love life. don't make mistake of marrying for love again. that love shit sucks

I think a surrogate is better than this ... Divorce when kids are involved in the states will ruin men more ... You have so much to loose including the kids you long cherished to have .. more depression

MelaninSkinGirl:


Thanks dear, I am just saddened by people just giving up like this, if our parents gave up, we would all be messed up adults today. They stayed together to provide a 2 parent home for their kids. No one seems to think of the children anymore.

During our parents times .. there were no social media giving women validations every day making them not concentrate on the marriage , there was nothing like feminism which has defeated the original duty of a woman to her husband which is submission to your husband .

Lastly, our parents did not hit age 30 with high body counts therefore they were able to pair bond very well with there partners .. Millenia ladies hit 30 with high body counts and they don't care but forget that it will affect their long term relationships or marriage ...

Think about it .. what do you think is the cause of the 70% divorce been initiated by women ... I.e in every 10 divorces women initiates 7 .. stay woke guys take a clue from your favourite celebrities the once married, single and the once with baby mamas are the happiest ..

Another thing bro .. you can try baby mama with good arrangement it will work may be later in life you can marry her after securing your investments against the divorce court ..

I am a 40 year man living in the states. I am considering ending my marriage which is without a child at this time. Childlessness is not the only or most important reason i am considering ending my marriage, there are other reasons which are not relevant to this discussion. My question is, should i try to date and find love again or just find a surrogate mother to have kids for me soon, considering my age? My main reason for considering surrogacy is because i am a very busy man with work and career focus, middle class American. It may take time to find the right someone.

Please be mature with your comments.

since you are a very busy person how do you intend to raise kids especially without a partner.. having kids is not for everyone especially if your circumstances don't permit it . have you counted the cost ? it's not about bringing a child to the world but someone has to care for the child and if you a going to have one via surrogacy you should be ready to have a stand by live in nanny right from birth till at least ten years of age.

Fulaniherdmens:
I have a decent girl over here I have been seeing her ways and i must confess she will make a good wife & off course plenty babies. She's from The Eastern shores of Ebonyi. Ages are well balance as she turns 30@nov.

.

Is she still There?

Nope

Quim2:



Is she still There?