You didn't marry a wife. You married a woman who lacks ambition and who lacks vision. If it is just ambition, e better. If it is just vision, e better. But both, you are in soup.

If you mistakenly got broke, she will cheat on you. That's the day you will regret your life and your marriage becomes hell on earth. Just continue to pray that God should continue to bless you to maintain the standard you have set for yourselves.

deji85:
Thanks for the responses. I sometimes also feel I would have withheld somethings initially and not give into all requests. I just want her to have something herself, something she wakes up and looks forward to. I'm not asking her to do so because i want help with the bills, I'm lucky to have a job which pays in USD while I spend in naira.

What is her passion? Start from there.

There's hardly anyone void of potentials. What she lacks is enthusiasm, plus I think she's lazy.
You should also consider accepting her the way she is.

Plead:


You just dey yarn dust.

you are irrelevant

deji85:


My wife does a bulk of the cooking she also does the shopping from the market. I also help with the chores. I clean the floors except for kitchen and our bedroom almost every Saturday morning. Laundry is easy as we have a washer dryer. And yes she cooks very well.

there are other chores too you know.

Just communicate with her

cococandy:
exactly

I don’t understand women who have the power and opportunity to achieve more but are okay with small stuff . She could easily make a lot more income in addition to what her husband makes and they would have a great life together. Yet she is comfortable with pocket money.
Each to their own like they say.

Sometimes, it is the orientation we get from those around us. If you read some post on NL, you will realize how shallow many is.

Op, it's nice that you're providing for your wife but you can provide without being an enabler and encouraging laziness. Why would she want to work and make her own money when yours is easily available? Perhaps you've told her at some point that she doesn't have to work because you can be the sole provider. Only you know what you've told her or the impression you've given her. I can't imagine not making my own money, but we're not all the same.

deji85:
I had to register a new account to post this to hide my identity. I apologise for the long post.

My marriage will be 3 years in Decemeber but I am becoming increasingly very unhappy with my marriage.

My source of unhappiness is that my wife has no or has lost any ambition in life. Before we got married she was working and she always mentioned how she was saving to start her business and all that. I was really impressed with most of the plans she had. After marriage she quit her job saying it was too time consuming which I supported.

She decided to start her business(a boutique) I gave her the money and after about 4 months without starting, when I asked, she said she was duped(4m gone). All efforts to get who she paid money to yielded no result. After about 3 months of her staying home I asked her what she wanted to do next and she said she wants to learn fashion design and try to build her brand.
We paid 350k for her to learn which she said she was done after 8 months. She got a shop, we equipped it and she started. I was really happy but 5 months down the line she said she was tired that it was not moving that she wants to turn the shop to a saloon, another expense and she had her saloon, shop rent was due after a few months and I paid. Barely 6 months after rent renewal she said she was tired(again) and she closed the shop. She was just staying home all day 6 months passed and no change.

I asked her again if she was just going to remain like this, she said she is still figuring out what to do next. 1 year passed same situation, stay home, follow all gist/gossip on social media(of which I'm tired of hearing) her friends 2 of them are also like her jobless and clearly not interested in getting busy. Most recently she requested I buy her own car. I told her we don't need 2 cars, I work from home so 1 car is enough for us she gave me cold shoulder for a few days because of this. Next anniversary is in December and she has already started searching which country we will mark the anniversary. Not that this is bad but her lack of ambition in life is eating me up. she seems satisfied just staying home and doing nothing. I don't know how to get her to be serious with life. I am far from happy in this marriage.

As she insisted, every month I give her 95k to run the home. Though i feel this is much for 2 people, I figured she might want to send something to her younger siblings and mum once in a while so I agreed.

If anyone has had deal with this or has any advise please kindly comment.

Your wife is someone who will thrive better working under someone. There are people like that. Not everyone will do well in business and I have a few family members as testimonies. However since she was working before you got married, get her a job again. Use your resources if you have to. Then cut off a part of the spending and insist she fill it up with money from her job. Once she realises she has a goal to meet every month, she will think twice about quitting her job next time.

Stop enabling her with money. Learn to tighten your money bag

i think its very important to discover oneself before engaging in a lifetime commitment such as marraiage, imagine a grown u adult changing from proffession to proffession without making headway.
The problem i see, is not that she is lazy. Sh simply have not connect to her true self. That to me is the cause of her lethargy.
Once she connected, to her core, you do be amazed at the synergy she can excude.
Getting married this days involves alot of factors ooo,where self disvovery is very important.

Pretend say your money don finish

Lmao and some people are complaining of overambitious wives.
One mans meat is another's poison.
Anyways, try to have a heart to heart with her.
Stop dropping millions for business.
There are businesses she can start with 20k(buying and selling) then once it looks profitable you can inject money.
Or, maybe she's a housewife material. Some people just don't like work

LadySarah:
Uwa ezuoke In deed. Those who have shoe have no leg those with leg don't have shoes. So many women are looking for as little as 10k to start a biz while another has had several wasted.

Oga, you have tried really. There's little or nothing you can do anymore except to go slow with handing her much money. She needs to work out something for herself even to give to her siblings or help her get a job.

You have won for yourself a trophy wife. That's what Igbos call Oriaku(The eater of wealth ) . By the time babies come coupled with LiB, zee world and Telemundo, you will need a family meeting.

Obiageri

bujebudanu1:



Family of 2. So probably there's no or little chores to do
She's just being lazy.
Follow all latest gists and already searching for another honeymoon in this pandemic

Heh. She is obviously idle.

Sixfeetbelle:


Your wife is someone who will thrive better working under someone. There are people like that. Not everyone will do well in business and I have a few family members as testimonies. However since she was working before you got married, get her a job again. Use your resources if you have to. Then cut off a part of the spending and insist she fill it up with money from her job. Once she realises she has a goal to meet every month, she will think twice about quitting her job next time.

Stop enabling her with money. Learn to tighten your money bag

You ladies despite your fight for cultural emancipation, still end up betraying yourselves when you make statements like, "get your wife a job", "start a business for your wife", "give your wife money for upkeep"...

I always wonder if the wife being referred to, is some kind of less-privileged person or a degenerate that needs to be helped financially by her husband before she can have a good life of her own.

Naija women... Kai.
I thought we wanted to be modern people, all of us.

Why not introduce her to the business you do from home and you both do it together

crackland:

You ladies despite your fight for cultural emancipation, still end up betraying yourselves when you make statements like, [b][i]"get your wife a job", "start a business for your wife", "give your wife money for upkeep"...[/[/b]i]

I always wonder if the wife being referred to, is some kind of less-privileged person or a degenerate that needs to be helped financially by her husband before she can have a good life of her own.

Naija women... Kai.
I thought we wanted to be modern people, all of us.

Cancel the last two. No one in our movement is supporting that. We want her working in order for her to have/enjoy her good life on her own terms, and if she can't be pushed on her own to do it, extra help is appreciated. See, even though we fight for cultural emancipation, it doesn't mean that all our soldiers are warriors. Besides not all of us are of the same opinion about how to deal with men. Some want men totally incinerated, others want them staying only in their lane like they were meant to.

Sixfeetbelle:

Cancel the last two. No one in our movement is supporting that. We want her working in order for her to have/enjoy her good life on her own terms, and if she can't be pushed on her own to do it, extra help is appreciated. See, even though we fight for cultural emancipation, it doesn't mean that all our soldiers are warriors. Besides not all of us are of the same opinion about how to deal with men. Some want men totally incinerated, others want them staying only in their lane like they were meant to.

Oh please, extra help (financial) is ALWAYS needed by Nigerians wives from their husbands.

We should not kid ourselves...

crackland:

Oh please, extra help (financial) is ALWAYS needed by Nigerians wives from their husbands.

We should not kid ourselves...

Not always. The reverse can be the case, as you are well aware

Stories that touch. All these writers should just open a blog and make money from it instead of wasting talent on nairaland.