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Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by tyup(m): 10:31pm On May 23
ecolime:

90k for feeding is on the high side for 2 adults. Don't reduce the amount to avoid issues.

She can make hair and also sew, these 2 skills will come handy when the kids start coming. Trust me, you will be glad she learnt them especially if you have girls.

My wife learnt hair making during her pre-NYSC days and my baby girl is enjoying it now. She's an offshore worker but we all enjoy the fruits of the various skills she learnt whenever she's around.

Anyway, I have a solution to your dilemma. That's if you are free lancer since you said you work from home. It's very simple. TEACH HER YOUR WORK. If it's not too technical, teach her what you do. Win the projects (Be the sole face of your project) but assign work to her. With these, you will get more jobs done, your productivity will increase, you earn more dollars and your client will keep giving you jobs. Don't forget you gonna be less burdened with work.

Let her know that's the only way she can contribute to the family. It's a win win situation for everyone. You have a complete woman- a wife, personal staff, partner, hair dresser for your girls (if you later have), tailor for the kids, a contributor to the home finance and an home teacher for the kids.

Please engage your wife, she's just blank business wise and bored.


Man what yr saying is totally off sense....she's doing all that cuz of too much comfort and OP's situation will never change till he reduce that amount buy enough food n other necessary things needed at home so she doesn't starve n doesn't complain sososo is not available

If she doesn't get this money for some months she will have sense by force. The only person i pity now is OP (tho i'm not praying things change) but if it does that he's not having enough money then he'll know what real problems and wahala is frm a nagging wife

Damnit God made wives helpmates an not some lazy ass pocket dryers sad

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Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by funmisticqueen2: 10:35pm On May 23
deji85:


We have a 3 bedroom of which 1 is my home office. We don't have a maid and I don't think we need 1. Maybe I shouldn't have disclosed my earnings, maybe I shouldn't have given all she asked for in the early stage I don't know but i grew up in a home where my parents knew what each earned.
so, who does the housework?

Cos if she does all the housework, then she is being productive.

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Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by tyup(m): 10:35pm On May 23
Ghostrye:
Congratulations sir, you've won yourself a liability
But on a serious note, talk to her not all those 2 minutes jist, but a serious talk about how you feel and how you want your expenses and income as a family to be. Whatever misgivings she has will show face when you talk

no need to talk action speaks more louder
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by bukatyne(f): 10:39pm On May 23
funmisticqueen2:
so, who does the housework?

Cos if she does all the housework, then she is being productive.

Some husbands don't want a wife sitting at home under the guise of 'doing chores'.

I know someone who got two helps so that his wife would not sit at home.

And no, he doesn't need her money.

He can't just stand a wife staying at home all day.

3 Likes

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by ecolime(m): 10:42pm On May 23
tyup:


Man what yr saying is totally off sense....she's doing all that cuz of too much comfort and OP's situation will never change till he reduce that amount buy enough food n other necessary things needed at home so she doesn't starve n doesn't complain sososo is not available

If she doesn't get this money for some months she will have sense by force. The only person i pity now is OP (tho i'm not praying things change) but if it does that he's not having enough money then he'll know what real problems and wahala is frm a nagging wife

Damnit God made wives helpmates an not some lazy ass pocket dryers sad
So you are suggesting he reduces what he has been giving her for over 3 years? This is not possible.

The best he can do is not to increase this figure for the next 7-10 years. Trust me
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by funmisticqueen2: 10:43pm On May 23
bukatyne:


Some husbands don't want a wife sitting at home under the guise of 'doing chores'.

I know someone who got two helps so that his wife would not sit at home.

And no, he doesn't need her money.

He can't just stand a wife staying at home all day.
True, but he should not dismiss house chores. Men might not appreciate it but they are lucky to meet a tidy home and a loving family.

This couple needs communication. They ought to plan their future. I'm a little envious of this woman tho. But i doubt i will quit my job for marriage
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by tyup(m): 10:45pm On May 23
ecolime:

So you are suggesting he reduces what he has been giving her for over 3 years? This is not possible.

The best he can do is not to increase this figure for the next 7-10 years. Trust me


He should cuz that's what is making her lazy the mindset of my husband can provide everything and it really doesn't have a nice ending on the long run
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by ecolime(m): 10:45pm On May 23
funmisticqueen2:
so, who does the housework?

Cos if she does all the housework, then she is being productive.
I really wonder why people under rate house work. It's serious work trust me

1 Like

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by funmisticqueen2: 10:46pm On May 23
ecolime:

So you are suggesting he reduces what he has been giving her for over 3 years? This is not possible.

The best he can do is not to increase this figure for the next 7-10 years. Trust me

But he is unhappy.


Op, nothing is wrong with being a housewife. If you come home to meet a relaxed, sexy woman who keeps your home neat and gives you peace of mind, then consider yourself lucky.

Tell her that you cant assist her in starting a business. Let her understand that she has to invest in her future or retirement. What if you lose your income? What will she do. Tell her that until she starts and suceeds in business. There will be no more abroad trips.

Do you have kids?

2 Likes

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by funmisticqueen2: 10:49pm On May 23
ecolime:

I really wonder why people under rate house work. It's serious work trust me
Exactly. There's a reason children complain about it, it is also why househelps, nannies and cleaning services are expensive.

1 Like

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by deji85: 10:50pm On May 23
funmisticqueen2:
so, who does the housework?

Cos if she does all the housework, then she is being productive.

My wife does a bulk of the cooking she also does the shopping from the market. I also help with the chores. I clean the floors except for kitchen and our bedroom almost every Saturday morning. Laundry is easy as we have a washer dryer. And yes she cooks very well.
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by Uneed2talk: 11:01pm On May 23
deji85:


You read my mind in your last paragraph, we don't have a child yet but I can't say proudly that I want a daugther that will be like my wife neither do I want to raise sons who think this is normal.

She is good in other areas, she respectful my family especially my mom loves her deeply.
It is even worse if it's a son, as you can see, society won't disturb her too much as long as she is married and to a well to do man.

Trust me, these kinds of people can be very hardworking if they finally find that thing they can do with good returns. Please bear with her, infact let her know it is a problem innate in her and not her fault, she didn't choose to be that way. If she can accept and begin to see things clearly, it will be a motivation to push herself because she now knows she need more push to get up unlike an everyday hardworking person and she will also nip it early in any of her child who shows trait because it's mostly inherited. So please see how you can set her up, if she sees progress you won't need to push too much any more.

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Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by Uneed2talk: 11:04pm On May 23
deji85:


My wife does a bulk of the cooking she also does the shopping from the market. I also help with the chores. I clean the floors except for kitchen and our bedroom almost every Saturday morning. Laundry is easy as we have a washer dryer. And yes she cooks very well.
Perhaps she can do well with a restaurant business, back up with other hardworking hands. You will need to help her persevere till she see positive output.

1 Like

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by Acidosis(m): 11:07pm On May 23
I'll like to know the kind of job you do from home that made you waste at least #5m trying to set your wife up for business.


Please help a brother sir.

1 Like

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by Lamanii22(f): 11:16pm On May 23
Dear God please let my future husband be a giver like this OP....


Back to your matter... Try not to give her money for a while... just feign some troubles.. Don't allow her have her way all the time.... 4m,350k, shop rent, equipment money!!! Jesu mi OP, oporrrrr gidi gan...

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Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by elektra(f): 11:20pm On May 23
She has gotten a maga. You sef you are paying.

She is not suited for business. Tell her to get a job and seriously limit the spending money you give her.

1 Like

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by chiddyok(f): 11:29pm On May 23
funmisticqueen2:
Your wife has become lazy and amotivated.

I thought she was depressed at first, but that isn't the case.

Does she use marijuana?

Or maybe she just wants to be a housewife and doesn't know how to say it. A lot of women are shamed for being housewives nowadays, but i personally see nothing nwrong with being one.

I think whay you should do is take her to see a psychologist. She can't be unproductive to society and be using your hard earnings to do trialband error with her life.

Or you could choose to 'lose' your job and cut expenses, including her monthly salary. While you pretend to 'hustle' for job. Lets see how she will react.

She's giving women a bad name.

That we broke shame men, doesn't mean women should be irresponsible leeches too. You are a good man op, because many men will start to treat her like trash and you haven't.

You need to start being firm with her and tell her no.
Using marijuana is not a reason to be lazy. The safest place for a lazy girl is in her husband’s house.
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by Plead(m): 11:30pm On May 23
Too many fake stories on nairaland these days.

We don’t know the ones to believe again.

2 Likes

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by Plead(m): 11:31pm On May 23
funmisticqueen2:
True, but he should not dismiss house chores. Men might not appreciate it but they are lucky to meet a tidy home and a loving family.

This couple needs communication. They ought to plan their future. I'm a little envious of this woman tho. But i doubt i will quit my job for marriage

You just dey yarn dust.
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by JourneytoEL: 11:41pm On May 23
deji85:


My wife does a bulk of the cooking she also does the shopping from the market. I also help with the chores. I clean the floors except for kitchen and our bedroom almost every Saturday morning. Laundry is easy as we have a washer dryer. And yes she cooks very well.
not everyone is suited for entrepreneurship, that is what many Nigerians don't understand. It takes a whole lot of perseverance and willpower to be one. Some are better off been employed. The best thing is to find her a federal government job, with 1-2m you will get a good federal agency, all you have to do is go their headquarters in abuja and look for the director of human resources or any director in FCC from your tribe and the rest is history. Govt jobs are easy to run and she will surely get paid corona or not. The other option is to open a business in your name e.g Coke, indomie or flour mega distribution company and make her the manager. Tell her she will be paid variably each month e.g 10% of the sales she makes, that will make her sit up

3 Likes

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by gowonmaharajah(m): 1:23am On May 24
deji85:
Thanks for the responses. I sometimes also feel I would have withheld somethings initially and not give into all requests. I just want her to have something herself, something she wakes up and looks forward to. I'm not asking her to do so because i want help with the bills, I'm lucky to have a job which pays in USD while I spend in naira.
brother deji,a beg what sort of work do you do that pays you in USD ?
show your guy way na..e jooo
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by deji85: 1:37am On May 24
gowonmaharajah:

brother deji,a beg what sort of work do you do that pays you in USD ?
show your guy way na..e jooo

I am a software engineer and work for a US based company.

6 Likes

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by gowonmaharajah(m): 1:41am On May 24
deji85:

I am a software engineer and work for a US based company.
smiles... lucky you.keep it up,sir.
I am happy for you!

1 Like

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by HiFreda(f): 2:04am On May 24
This covid19 era is a perfect time to reduce unnecessary activities and plan strongly for the future.
Tell her your company is going through hard times and are thinking of slashing salaries and laying off staff. Let her believe that your job might be on the line. And beg her to help you come up with something you both can do for income before they sack you.
Keep talking about how they might sack you everyday. This wiłl put some fear in her as the future she envisaged for a long time is being threatened.
She will start coming up with ideas. Brainstorm them with her. Make her do the market research until she shows passion/skill for one. Then you can consider starting small.

6 Likes

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by GboyegaD(m): 2:19am On May 24
Oga, what your wife need is likely a job and not a business. Setting her up for another business is likely a recipe for disaster except she is contributing a large chunk of the capital. Encourage her to dust her resume and find a job she likes. She doesn't seem to have the resilience of an entrepreneur and isn't willing to search a job now because of the mindset that there is money and her upkeep allowance is higher than many people's income.

2 Likes

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by frozen70(f): 2:20am On May 24
deji85:
I had to register a new account to post this to hide my identity. I apologise for the long post.

My marriage will be 3 years in Decemeber but I am becoming increasingly very unhappy with my marriage.

My source of unhappiness is that my wife has no or has lost any ambition in life. Before we got married she was working and she always mentioned how she was saving to start her business and all that. I was really impressed with most of the plans she had. After marriage she quit her job saying it was too time consuming which I supported.

She decided to start her business(a boutique) I gave her the money and after about 4 months without starting, when I asked, she said she was duped(4m gone). All efforts to get who she paid money to yielded no result. After about 3 months of her staying home I asked her what she wanted to do next and she said she wants to learn fashion design and try to build her brand.
We paid 350k for her to learn which she said she was done after 8 months. She got a shop, we equipped it and she started. I was really happy but 5 months down the line she said she was tired that it was not moving that she wants to turn the shop to a saloon, another expense and she had her saloon, shop rent was due after a few months and I paid. Barely 6 months after rent renewal she said she was tired(again) and she closed the shop. She was just staying home all day 6 months passed and no change.

I asked her again if she was just going to remain like this, she said she is still figuring out what to do next. 1 year passed same situation, stay home, follow all gist/gossip on social media(of which I'm tired of hearing) her friends 2 of them are also like her jobless and clearly not interested in getting busy. Most recently she requested I buy her own car. I told her we don't need 2 cars, I work from home so 1 car is enough for us she gave me cold shoulder for a few days because of this. Next anniversary is in December and she has already started searching which country we will mark the anniversary. Not that this is bad but her lack of ambition in life is eating me up. she seems satisfied just staying home and doing nothing. I don't know how to get her to be serious with life. I am far from happy in this marriage.

As she insisted, every month I give her 95k to run the home. Though i feel this is much for 2 people, I figured she might want to send something to her younger siblings and mum once in a while so I agreed.

If anyone has had deal with this or has any advise please kindly comment.

This is something that calls for concern

Just the two of you and over 6 million has gone just like that

The truth is that she doesn't want to be responsible at all, as in she doesn't want to labour in any ways

My dear start savings for the future

Stop granting all her requests, let her feel the absence of cash for a while let's see if she will reason

If you should be giving her over 90k per month then you are already paying her salaries

She is just behaving as if she has a mission

Use your head

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Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by GboyegaD(m): 2:20am On May 24
HiFreda:
This covid19 era is a perfect time to reduce unnecessary activities and plan strongly for the future.
Tell her your company is going through hard times and are thinking of slashing salaries and laying off staff. Let her believe that your job might be on the line. And beg her to help you come up with something you both can do for income before they sack you.
Keep talking about how they might sack you everyday. This wiłl put some fear in her as the future she envisaged for a long time is being threatened.
She will start coming up with ideas. Brainstorm them with her. Make her do the market research until she shows passion/skill for one. Then you can consider starting small.

Please do not encourage people to think it say negative ooo. There's power in the tongue ooo.
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by jesmond3945: 2:36am On May 24
deji85:
I had to register a new account to post this to hide my identity. I apologise for the long post.

My marriage will be 3 years in Decemeber but I am becoming increasingly very unhappy with my marriage.

My source of unhappiness is that my wife has no or has lost any ambition in life. Before we got married she was working and she always mentioned how she was saving to start her business and all that. I was really impressed with most of the plans she had. After marriage she quit her job saying it was too time consuming which I supported.

She decided to start her business(a boutique) I gave her the money and after about 4 months without starting, when I asked, she said she was duped(4m gone). All efforts to get who she paid money to yielded no result. After about 3 months of her staying home I asked her what she wanted to do next and she said she wants to learn fashion design and try to build her brand.
We paid 350k for her to learn which she said she was done after 8 months. She got a shop, we equipped it and she started. I was really happy but 5 months down the line she said she was tired that it was not moving that she wants to turn the shop to a saloon, another expense and she had her saloon, shop rent was due after a few months and I paid. Barely 6 months after rent renewal she said she was tired(again) and she closed the shop. She was just staying home all day 6 months passed and no change.

I asked her again if she was just going to remain like this, she said she is still figuring out what to do next. 1 year passed same situation, stay home, follow all gist/gossip on social media(of which I'm tired of hearing) her friends 2 of them are also like her jobless and clearly not interested in getting busy. Most recently she requested I buy her own car. I told her we don't need 2 cars, I work from home so 1 car is enough for us she gave me cold shoulder for a few days because of this. Next anniversary is in December and she has already started searching which country we will mark the anniversary. Not that this is bad but her lack of ambition in life is eating me up. she seems satisfied just staying home and doing nothing. I don't know how to get her to be serious with life. I am far from happy in this marriage.

As she insisted, every month I give her 95k to run the home. Though i feel this is much for 2 people, I figured she might want to send something to her younger siblings and mum once in a while so I agreed.

If anyone has had deal with this or has any advise please kindly comment.
You guys keep on making this mistake with our women. What do you want her to do when you have invested millions into her with nothing to show, you give her over 100k every month, what do you want her to do? You have spoilt her with money, so she is relaxed. That's why she would keep malice with you because of a car. Your working from home makes her feel you plant money in a tree so how do you want her to have ambition? Make her look for work and when she starts working she would naturally want to progress, then comes ambition. You can teach her coding which is the best option.
Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by Karleb(m): 6:08am On May 24
deji85:


I am a software engineer and work for a US based company.

I knew this. I laughed when a particular individual suggested you teach her what you do. grin

You want her head to explode? grin

1 Like

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by Ibechris2: 6:23am On May 24
Sorry to say this,ur wife's ambition was to get wedded and not marriage perse...u de try! U have to endure it as an African man.

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Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by cococandy(f): 7:03am On May 24
Stop starting businesses for her.
Lots of people spout business ideas as if they are so easy to build. Successful businesses are rare.
What she needs is a job.

Stop wasting investments in that manner.

3 Likes

Re: Her Lack Of Ambition Is Killing My Happiness. by cococandy(f): 7:06am On May 24
GboyegaD:
Oga, what your wife need is likely a job and not a business. Setting her up for another business is likely a recipe for disaster except she is contributing a large chunk of the capital. Encourage her to dust her resume and find a job she likes.
exactly

She doesn't seem to have the resilience of an entrepreneur and isn't willing to sell a job now because of the mindset that there is money and her upkeep allowance is higher than many people's income.
I don’t understand women who have the power and opportunity to achieve more but are okay with small stuff . She could easily make a lot more income in addition to what her husband makes and they would have a great life together. Yet she is comfortable with pocket money.
Each to their own like they say.

2 Likes

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