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Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by jaxxy(m): 11:05pm On May 25, 2020
PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.


It seems u are talking about family reunions. While growing up I don’t really remember having many of such gatherings cos people cud be busy at different times or have their own plans unless when visiting the village during end of year holidays.

How we got to know our extended family members back then was by visiting. Weekends were for family visits to family friends or family members at their homes. That is smtn u can Take up with family and Like that each family gets to visit one another over time. Also spending short holidays at aunts houses and knowing my cousins better bt this was not often and not more than a day or two.

If u care so much about extended family u can incorporate these activities.
Yenefer.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by uuzba(m): 11:06pm On May 25, 2020
Hathor5:


smiley smiley kiss

We should all do lots of happy things. smiley smiley

There's this movie by Steve Martin. He took his family to a camp and they played games against the other families..
That was white people style.
We too are now bound to copy such camping activities. If you like laugh. We are the ones losing out, becoming strangers to our own families.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by HumanCalc: 11:09pm On May 25, 2020
PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

What you said about the possibility of relatives being in sexual relationship cos they don't know each other is not a Nollywood stuff to me anymore oo. It happened to some guys that I grew up with in my area (older though). They both came home from Lagos differently and met each other in their family house....it was madding..lol

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by akpunda86: 11:10pm On May 25, 2020
oluplus:
Start by creating a group on whatsApp and add every concerned person. Then let the discussion start from there. Some will appreciate it while others may not. They can even pull out. Don't be discouraged. Raise your concern there and let everyone say whatever is in his/her mind.
You can then organize how you'll all meet physically


Broda after the add they still will exit
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by cmecproblem(m): 11:11pm On May 25, 2020
My brother it's the hustle o, money worries have eroded the need for mostly pointless meetings.

How will that meeting put money in their pocket, instead, it'll remove money from their pockets.

Dont blame anyone for minding their business.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by uuzba(m): 11:12pm On May 25, 2020
Mutaultope:
We want to be technically advance like the western world

Instead of meeting with family members , we do it on Facebook, Whatsapp and others

BUT THE WESTERN WORLD KEPT SOME CULTURES THAT TECHNOLOGY CAN'T TAKE AWAY .

I. e .

THANKSGIVING

Each family can set up its own rules of annual meeting. Find a venue and all relatives meet there.
Since village is not it for anybody....Kukuma meet in a camp, somewhere with cheap accommodation. Spend a whole weekend together. I weekend out of the 52 weekends of the year.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by AreaFada2: 11:13pm On May 25, 2020
PowerofLove your observations are spot on.

Unless someone ready to shoulder the cost and organises it, it hardly works.

Many who are better off financially want to stay away because of fear of jealousy. Many would never want their kids to attend family gatherings.

I guess this will be the new normal. Individualism. The church has taken overtaken family in importance.

Many feel family comes with too many issues. Better to keep at arms length.

Overall family dynamics matter most. It's worth trying to bring unity if dynamics are ok. But if the previous generation left much bad blood behind, you might be better off minding your business.

2 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by backwardneva: 11:15pm On May 25, 2020
I will advise you to create a WhatsApp group for your family members.
This era is different from those days where you have to start looking for who is not lost.As long as you guys hear from each others on phone,make calls to invite on another during festive period.
We have lost our culture and values in Africa.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by festus2001: 11:16pm On May 25, 2020
Firstly, turn the battle over to God if you're a true Christian, by praying and fasting. Secondly, cultivate decent Attitude toward it. And lastly, seek godly counsel from true men of God. By doing these things, your home will be restructured back.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 11:16pm On May 25, 2020
If we are to go by biblical narrative, one of Adam and Eve son and daughter must have gotten married and their offsprings have to marry their cousins to populate the earth.


You think extended family issues is like your immediate family where your opinion is law, that thing you are looking for, I pray that you find it..



You will know that blood is not family.. Don't hold your wife and kids close.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Yuneehk(f): 11:21pm On May 25, 2020
Even when you try to call for the reunions, I'm in the group of those who won't come. Family gatherings are exhausting to me. I don't talk to anyone except greeting. I decided to try a bit to mingle and got insulted. The luck of that person was being older than I am. Not that it has ever stopped me from giving back insults but I was undergoing change so I just withdrew back to default.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Yuneehk(f): 11:23pm On May 25, 2020
SeriouslySense:
I really don't take anything seriously, and if I feel offended, I just give it space not attention, so I really have no problems with any relative of mine, they are always there in the background or foreground, they can be anything, but not offensive to me, if they want to get close to me, they can, if they want to get the distance they could, I really don't care for their actions, the important thing is that we care for each other, that's all.

lol and caring for each other does not mean constant gifts, it means if they are in serious problem I will do what I can or need to do, to help them out.

By all means, I don't find fault with anyone.
I can relate so much to this.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Ten06(m): 11:27pm On May 25, 2020
When devil want to destroy a family the first thing he does is to divide them. And it is only God that can bring unity back to that family
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 11:35pm On May 25, 2020
It does not work again, since I was born and now that I am older I only really know 1 of my aunty from my mother side and 1 of my aunty also from my father side, I only hear about the rest from my parents mouth.

This is the trend now... I pray I d'nt sleep with any of my family member.. The world now is a very fast moving place were no time again for the extended family. Only the super rich class can hold the extended family together and it is only for a good period of time.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by alizma: 11:36pm On May 25, 2020
PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

I know how you feel but it takes grace to get that one big tree that always bring everyone together in a family. Unfortunately they don't last long.
First of all, I want you to take away that idea that it takes the rich man to do it. My father was not the most rich among his siblings but he was the one playing that role before we lost him 19years ago
Secondly, you need to know that it takes a lot of sacrifice such that even you may not be willing to take up the challenge.
Fibally, If you are willing to take up the responsibility of bringing the family together, start by checking on all the people involved, at least once in a month. This will help you gain their trust a create in their minds, the confidence of followers on their leader
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 11:36pm On May 25, 2020
The only Family I know are my friends and neighbors.I no get Family.Too much Wickedness, There's just no Love.
Household enemies/Village People is real bro.

3 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 11:38pm On May 25, 2020
backwardneva:
I will advise you to create a WhatsApp group for your family members.
This era is different from those days where you have to start looking for who is not lost.As long as you guys hear from each others on phone,make calls to invite on another during festive period.
We have lost our culture and values in Africa.

I will be the first to leave the group. Lol
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Olodo24: 11:48pm On May 25, 2020
I come from a family where there's no love. We can't even take a picture together.. I'm talking about me and my siblings. I don't have a close relationship with any of them. It saddens my heart.

2 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by EkopSparoAyara(m): 11:59pm On May 25, 2020
Just like you had stated, he was able to achieve that feat because he had money, he was respected and above all he had genuine love for everyone. But that's not all..

The first is having a genuine love for the entire family, then your money can speak for you. Determination is another core factor in this case.

Let me use my family as a case study..

My Father is the main reason why my extended family is still bonding right now.. He is not wealthy but he had love and determination. For many years, over 10years,he keeps sending messages on the need for the whole family to gather and familiarize but nobody heed, he kept doing it as each year passes.. That was determination.. About 3 years ago, the family started seeing sense in why the needed to gather because suitors had started coming for our daughters, the family needed to sit down and deliberate across the table on what is required of our potential in-laws hence, the need for a general meeting. Remember he doesn't have money but believe me he had love, determination and respect from the family because all the things he stated in his series of messages began to unfold, he foresaw..

As we speak now, the whole family wants to be identified.. The richer ones has championed the course, financial helps are being rendered here and there, suggestions and plans for posterity are being put in place.. It's a thing of joy and they're all grateful to my dad for not giving up, a trait, I have inherited..

We have our general meetings twice in a year.. If we have events coming up, we try to fix it inline with our meeting dates so that everyone can be available.. If we have impromptu events, before and after the event meetings are held because we have majority of the family around..

A list of every member of the family has been collated, when events come up, everyone is shared an amount to pay (depending on the physical assessment of your financial capacity)..
Students are excluded from paying but they are integrated into carrying out manual activities on or before the event (this doesn't exclude those paying)..By doing so, everyone has a sense of responsibility, everyone feels important, everybody.. Above all, you need God's grace to be able to condone their excesses,just don't give up,it will be worth the effort.

If you find this helpful and need more insight, call me.. 08117137741..

3 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by zachanalysis: 11:59pm On May 25, 2020
Your palaver is a common case these days. To a larger degree, the disunity that is now common in most families of today is traceable to two factors- the Innate jealous nature of man and the warped prophesy of dubious clergymen.
Jealousy sets in when one or very few members of a family are progressing while many others are not. This naturally creates bad blood and jealousy. The unsuccessful ones see the successful ones as not better than them and wonders why they should be the ones succeeding and not them. This scenario is made a lot more worse when the successful ones happen to be arrogant and try to appropriate all the respect to themselves even at the expense of those much older than them in the family. Normally, a sensible man should see others success as a promoter for him to work harder or do things better. Over here, what most people do is consult spiritualists - Alfa, Pastors or some weird looking baba who, rather than tell them the truth about doubling their hustle, would come up with warped up prophesy that the successful ones are behind their misfortunes. This not only fire up the hatred, it raises it to the power of infinity. Religion is expected to naturally improve relationship among people. I'm pressed to say however, that our own version of religion- especially our interpretation of Christianity and Islam is seriously promoting division and fueling the ambers of hatred in families today.

4 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Yxxx: 12:01am On May 26, 2020
dawnomike:
You can try if you have the financial means to host everyone... But family gatherings is a culture that is fast eroding as stated by @yenefer.

The world is now on a fast pace
Even when they meet is for show off.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Erosion2020: 12:04am On May 26, 2020
PuZZyNegro:
Depending on the size of the family. Some families are concerned about cousins, uncles and aunties.

No, my family is concerned with just my mother's children. This is largely due to high number of children (10 children, 9 married with kids).

One of the causes of the disunity is this general saying "nobody owes you anything". Some family members make it earlier in life and thus turn their back against those still struggling.

And when those struggling ones finally makes it, they wouldn't want any association anymore.

You can put it generally on imbalance in financial strength.

Death of parent(s) is another factor. Once the father and/or mother dies, the family is disintegrated. Parents act as a force bringing children and cousins together.

It's more when the ladies are married and the male children leave the family house to build houses elsewhere. Even when they return home, they are in their respective houses and visiting the family house, they appear like visitors.

It's not compulsory to relate with every member of your family. You decide your friends based on interest and mutual feelings but you don't decide your family members. Some family members are better off kept at arms length.

So, in an attempt to unite, an experience may make you regret ever attempting the reunion. Just take those that are already close to you and relate with them.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
U put it nicely.
But say the biggest obstacle most times are those married women, they can divide especially when their husbands has some cash.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by rapcy(m): 12:07am On May 26, 2020
It starts with you, how good of a person are you. How well do you communicate with your sibling.

A practical approach: Make your immediate elder/younger bro or sis friend in a way that you guys communicate almost 5 times a week. Repeat thesame step with the next, in no time you guys would have that connection you're looking for. cheesy

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Erosion2020: 12:15am On May 26, 2020
Ricky911:
Well, this is serious issue that almost affect every family. Like in my own case the head of the family that supposed to be responsible for this is been control by his wife and so everyone sees this and everyone scattered abroad.
Chai... The Same issue here, our eldest who couldn't make enough money are being tormented by the second one and his envious wife.
His wife scattered our family immediately she shows up.
Everyone stays on their Lane.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Originalsly: 12:15am On May 26, 2020
My advice.... be the organizer. Organize a family reunion. Set a date when most will be available.... and maybe around a holiday. Maybe up to 3 months advance notice.... your home can be the base.... a park or some open space the reunion location. Have a cook out there.... organize games... and small competitions for interactions and bonding. You would be surprised to see how quickly they bond by age mates first.... and as a big family unit after. From there... they would connect online..... and by force... you will become the organizer of the Annual PowerofLove Family Reunion. Don't even try asking me how I know!

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 12:16am On May 26, 2020
PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

Try to have a meeting with the oldest person in the family that's more respected and get the children of that man who was once uniting the family(the oldest or most reasonable one would suffice) . Persuade them about the necessity, if they won't yield, create a family whatsapp group.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Jeroboy(m): 12:21am On May 26, 2020
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Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Liftedhands(f): 12:25am On May 26, 2020
PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

Start by creating a WhatsApp group for all to join. You all can talk about anything and check up on each other daily. Then rotate family gathering and let all participate in it fully by either sponsoring or contributing to the refreshment and or transporting of members close by without rides. My family for instance we celebrate birthdays almost every month and everybody tries their best to attend to each others own. Our kids birthdays, our own, anniversary, promotion etc! We announce it on the group and book a date for the party.

There are some who wont attend for one reason or the other we don't hold it against them though. This has made all the kids, cousins, nephew's, nieces and in-laws to be close to one another.

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Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Ogdesire66(m): 12:26am On May 26, 2020
Liftedhands:
Start by creating a WhatsApp group for all to join. You all can talk about anything and check up on each other daily. Then rotate family gathering and let all participate in it fully by either sponsoring or contributing to the refreshment and or transporting of members close by without rides. My family for instance we celebrate birthdays almost every month and everybody tries their best to attend to each others own. Our kids birthdays, our own, anniversary, promotion etc! We announce it on the group and book a date for the party.

There are some who wont attend for one reason or the other we don't hold it against them though. This has made all the kids, cousins, nephew's, nieces and in-laws to be close to one another.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 12:27am On May 26, 2020
Totosweetdie:

Just commit it to God

When it comes to family , i really respect the Ijaws. They are so united, and even have elected chief and deputy chief in their family meetings. The elective positions are headed by old men. They even have a family account , family land, hall for the larger family and the immediate family. My dad would always tell me: you are from four families, You better start knowing them now. He will start tracing them with chronicles of introduction. But from my maternal home;Edo (nothing like that, )Right from when I was small , my Edo(Etsakor)people saw me as a stranger. They kept telling you are not from here. In their culture, every child belongs to the father.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by matrixme(m): 12:36am On May 26, 2020
Oga let me tell you something, face your household and mind your business quietly. In this Buharific, post Corona economy, na im you dey light candle take find family? If they bring their financial problems to you because you must be obviously very successful, will you be able to meet all?
With lots going on in Nigeria lately (including siblings killing themselves over mum's burial money), some sentiments are not very important. Like the Yoruba proverb, person chop bellefu remain, I come dey find wetin to take burst belle.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by OKTolu: 12:43am On May 26, 2020
Some things are complicated in life but there's nothing bad in trying to unite your family all over again.

1 Like

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