₦airaland Forum

Acmepreneur:
Sometimes I wonder how people like you turned to be this way. No atom of moral. You crying up and down my post as if you are paid to type. Even if you have no moral training, you should have at least acquired one before clocking 40.
Just because your life is filled with frustration and you are depressed is not a reason to bash everyone, you should instead reach out for help. No matter how much you bash, its all going to give you temporary satisfaction, your anger, frustration, sadness would still lie within you. Those satisfaction you derived from bashing would make you continue bashing as you thirst for more happiness through it, the real help lies with a psychotherapist, and other psychological analysis of your frustration and depression state.

Gold, I have none, I have given you what I have, if you listen, you would go into an everlasting happiness, and if not, you will continue with your unending agony of bashing thirst. A word is enough for the wise

I swear, i didn't bother reading your crap! your are doomed.

This thread proved to me we have loads of SIMPS in Nigeria, which I find counterintuitive given how street smart and exposed Naija guys commonly are.

How can guys read OP's post and subsequent replies and draw a conclusion that her boyfriend is the issue in the relationship? I'm seeing comments like "I need women like you", "He doesn't know how lucky he is", "Give me your number".

Y'all need to read up Narcissistic personality disorder and stop embarrassing your fellow men with idiocy.

tommychow:
This thread proved to me we have loads of SIMPS in Nigeria, which I find counterintuitive given how street smart and exposed Naija guys commonly are.

How can guys read OP's post and subsequent replies and draw a conclusion that her boyfriend is the issue in the relationship? I'm seeing comments like "I need women like you", "He doesn't know how lucky he is", "Give me your number".

Y'all need to read up Narcissistic personality disorder and stop embarrassing your fellow men with idiocy.

And how did you also conclude I am the issue in my relationship. Do you know any of us? You can only judge with my write up, and with that write up, it's obvious my man is the problem. Do you expect them to judge from the information they do not have? Seriously, you need help

OK.just take it easy with him. Don't let it be this time around he is facing some responsibilities chanlenge if there is a need for you to leave him pls.Obviously your ways are different but I think you guys can still work something out.

Acmepreneur:
Thanks jare.
I'm not saying he should do Masters, I'm saying he should do something in an easier way. He likes to do Masters, just not in Nigeria. It may even be an MBA, and if not intrested in that. He should upgrade his skills. I'm not forcing him to do a certain thing, I just want him to do something he loves,and not just remain in a place. Like building something underneath gradually while working in his company, just like a backup plan. It may be anything, the MSC I mentioned is part of the anything, not compulsory.

Olakunleyakub:
OK.just take it easy with him. Don't let it be this time around he is facing some responsibilities chanlenge if there is a need for you to leave him pls.Obviously your ways are different but I think you guys can still work something out.

Thanks, I'm done with all that. Since the average Nigerian men are not capable of love, I've left him in his own, not wasting my energy on him again, although I'm very pained,but I'm left with no choice. I didn't break up with him, Im just breaking off the pure love I have for him, not fully broken, still in the process.

Acmepreneur:
Thanks, I'm done with all that. Since the average Nigerian men are not capable of love, I've left him in his own, not wasting my energy on him again, although I'm very pained,but I'm left with no choice. I didn't break up with him, Im just breaking off the pure love I have for him, not fully broken, still in the process.

Lol, you're quite confused. You started the narration by painting your boyfriend in bad light and portraying yourself as the perfect woman after Eve. Alas people's comment brought out your true colours. Based on your write up, your boyfriend has issues (everybody does) quite okay, but it's nothing compared to you. You're a self proclaimed narcissist (you quoted yourself as having high self esteem several times) and you see yourself as better than everyone on planet Earth. If peradventure you break up with your boyfriend, I believe you'll eventually conclude that your dad is the only sensible man to have ever lived. If you don't change your broad perspective on men, you're in for a bleak and despicable future deprived of love and cheer. Accept your man as he is, help in your little way to achieve his dreams while you work on yours too. Currently you're the problem in your relationship, the earlier you realize that the better for you. At least he's bringing something to the table, what have you achieved with your Master's that you would want him to also enrol for one? Your success and accomplishments would sure motivate him to do more not forcing him to do what he knows will not bring result just because it's your dream for you to introduce your guy to your family as one who has a PhD and is into audio business. Let me not write an epistle, just chill and do a SWOT analysis of you two as was suggested earlier. Cheers

[quote]This my guy is not serious at all.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.
my dear come to reality. As a woman, align ur big dreams to his own using ur GOD-given onions and work to see him achieve his dreams(by doing so, u have achieved yours because it was embeded into his own). Naggingly Talking life out of him wont help u keep ur man/save ur relationship, be proud of him and his level(many wish to be there and yet have babes proud of them). Based on his salary, find things he can invest in comfortably(not something that would stress his meager income) and support him with ur money no matter hw small (unless u belong to those girls who wont help financially due to past bad experiences)

Pg1.Acmepreneur

This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

Pg1

Thanks to all commentors.
Edit: i want to use this moment to Thank the ladies, this thread of mine has made me to realize the future of Africa is in the hands of ladies, men are total disgrace, while some are quite inspiring and very helpful, the percentage of men spewing rubbish is quite very high, about 90% while that of female is just 2%. Thank you God for not making me a man.

But please, i want to know the mod that took this to front page?
Una don turn Nairaland to a joke wallahi

Thanks to all commentors, you really made my day and I laughed so hard, especially those that think I have low self esteem and I'm not near intelligence.

It seems that some males on NL are already pained and frustrated about their broke assess and was already ready to any bash girl.

For those that took their time to read all the stories, I wanna say thank you, it means we are bored together as if not lockdown, you no fit see me for NL they ask yeye questions and be reading comedians comments.

For the unbelievers, the story is true,though with some little tweaks, because I don't know if my boyfriend siblings&friends are on NL, so I gave it some tweaks, though I can't vouche for other stories here on NL if they are true or false.

For those that sent me mails, sorry, I don't reply Nairaland emails.
For those that wants to date,lol, I can't date people with account on NL, thats one reason I love my BF, he doesn't fancy NL at all, he thinks its for jobless people or people with so much money that they now have time at their disposal to waste or people severely bored. Yes, I know some people are making money with the help of NL, especially in the business section, bitcoin, cryptocurrency,PayPal, forex trade threads.
And the GRE,IELTS section is also very good, but I still can't date a NL active member especially those active on Romance section.

Final Conclusion, I can never leave my boyfriend, I don't even know why I asked such question

?@#!

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay

+1