I hope this speaks to the heart and stimulates good judgment in someone today. Welcome to my small corner of musings.

We expire as women and many other sick notions society uses to define us which sadly has led many to the famous express the masquerade was warned not to enter, so that it doesn’t get hit. Hopefully ladies, after reading this you don’t become that masquerade. Hopefully, men after reading this, you can change how you raise your daughters, or your future daughters.

So society says your biological clock is ticking. If you’ve been saying this to yourself, stop now! If you’ve been saying this to others! STOP NOW! let me tell you how a woman who believes this behaves.

She runs after everything that looks like love or potential. She acts desperate to become Mrs somebody and doesn’t mind the hooligan she might end up with to keep up with this, because in her head she can change him and besides her biological clock is ticking. She fears the number 30 hitting her as her age because that’s the number of decline of her life as society says. If she’s married, because her biological clock is ticking, she fails to settle into life and be calm, to enjoy marital bliss, even the pressure that doesn’t exist, she creates one for herself. She’s still running here and there drinking all manner of concoction to have a child. I am not berating the pain of childlessness, but I wish people can learn that sometimes a child may not come through you but one can grow through you, and that’s just as beautiful. Because as long as it’s no fault of yours, you should not feel ashamed that for now you aren’t able to birth a child.

In one of my videos where I talked about the rising rape culture in Nigeria, I mentioned an experience at a meet up event addressing the same rape issues and one of the stories shared was that of a woman who encouraged her husband to rape her neighbors baby because some vodoo man told her that was the way she could have a child. They did it and I can’t recall if that baby survived or not, how evil and desperate can you be, to destroy a child in order to have your own? When you desperately want something, this is how your mind will tilt towards evil till you turn the thought into action.

Society tells you if you hit 30 you have started to expire, that you are damaged goods, you are less desirable. I tell you today that if 30 is nearing for you dear good woman, embrace it, long for it, usher it in with celebration and joy in your heart. 3 decades on earth is beautiful, you are not who you were in your 20s you know a lot more, you are as beautiful as you treat and make yourself feel. It’s about you, not the world. You are as beautiful as you feel inside.

You are made to feel that you you must dull your shine, downplay or hide your achievements. You can’t buy that land, that house, that car because you will intimidate some people. Please don’t wait for certain things to happen before you live your best life, don’t postpone your fulfillment and joy, the right people in your life will never be intimidated by your shine, the ones that are and want you to dim your light to make them more comfortable should be kicked out the door. As long as you have worked honestly to earn all you have, you are on the right track and should remain there.

You are made to feel you only have a place in either your father’s house or your husband’s. Please don’t be that person, you are made to feel that you only have a spot in one of those two places, but I tell you, you can create your own haven. It’s painful to see women kicked out of husbands’ houses and fathers’ houses too reject them. Sometimes the two homes meant to be your place of refuge, becomes your place of torture. This is why all your life, while women are known to live for others, to sacrifice for others which is a natural trait of the woman, while all this is true and noble, you must learn to have your own life, a little something that belongs to you and you alone, so that when the world wants to tear you apart and you have no support from those meant to protect you, you run back to your little thing. Decide what that thing will be, and never lack those human beings that come rain or shine you are certain will always have your back. Have a solid support system.

Dear men, please do not raise your daughters to believe once they leave your home, they have no safety net with you anymore, you are the original protectors of your daughters. It is not your business what people will say, when people go to bed at night they are thinking about their own lives. It is your duty to protect and preserve the dignity of your daughter.

Society sometimes speak to us like we are objects or properties. No, women are complete human beings.
Marriage is not a ticket to heaven. Your worth and value before God is not by your married title, every human being has a unique purpose, some listen to their inner voices and find it, some spend all their lives listening to others around them and never find it, they define themselves based on everything from outside, but never anything from inside.

This is why it’s important to be alone for a while to be okay with being alone, great people, even the prophets of God found themselves in solitude. They heard and understood their purpose in solitude. Have you found yourself? Do you know where you want to be and how you want to get there? Have you been asking yourself questions and answering them?

If you desire to get married are you clear about the kind of partner you want? Have you asked yourself the behaviors you could never tolerate? Have you agreed with yourself what you may be able to tolerate? If you are married and raising kids, are you parenting deliberately, or leaving everything on autopilot? Do you have a plan for if life takes you on routes completely new to you?

We’ve been emotionally blackmailed into believing a lot of things, things that have become ingrained in our subconscious. Sometimes we are even told it’s God that has instructed these twisted notions, a weapon used by those who want to control us, make us beneath them and more. Believe me when I say, if something doesn’t feel right and they tell you it’s from God, don’t just swallow it, check it well, because God doesn’t intend a hard life for us, yes there’ll be hardships but He has also promised that after pain will come ease.

I wish we all come to understand, men inclusive, that we are only defined by what we choose as definition for ourselves, not what others say.

I wish we can all learn, that pressure from outside can barely get us, when we maintain our calm on the inside.

If you believe you expire, you will behave like an expired person. Ugly, tired, desperate, fake, manipulative. But if you are calm and full of yourself on the inside, full of positive thoughts, you will easily see through those who just want to make you lesser. Who think that you too must conform to everything society says. Who are you not to conform.

There’s more to this existence called life than they make us believe. Find You today! And start to rise like a true bright star.

I want to say so much more but since it’s getting difficult to craft it into words. I’ll stop here. Thanks for reading.

I’m Maryam Abdulrasheed the convener of The Moral Code. I love to think, read and write. I love observing and listening to people, I love creating content and I’m an active pursuer of my dreams.

Source - www.themoralcodeng.com

Didn't bother reading Tell ladies to remove that ego in them And no one would ever tell them they expire. Goodluck

richeeyo:
Didn't bother reading
Tell ladies to remove that ego in them
And no one would ever tell them they expire.
Goodluck

Ego? Care to share more on that.

Mindlog:

Ego? Care to share more on that.

Log in ur mind You would find it

richeeyo:

Log in ur mind
You would find it

A twist of my username!

Well my 9 to 5 job revolves around what goes on in people's mind and what influences it.

Funny OP & writer:

The biological clock is not a 'societical construct' or something men carved out to torment women: it is real.

When you see women who have to buy eggs for fertility proceedures because theirs have expired/not optimal or using surrogates, you will understand that no amount of feel good changes the facts.

Women also have their seasons: Late teens to early early thirties/ 30. Thereafter, the desperation the women feel themselves is more than external pressures.

No amount of feelgood will change that.

It is for women to know the leverage they have and make use of it to get the best husbands if they wish to marry.

Just how for men, they are more desirable in their 30s.

There is a TIME and SEASON to everything under the sun - Ecc 3:1

They should allow us to expire in peace.

.....

Brightgem:
I hope this speaks to the heart and stimulates good judgment in someone today. Welcome to my small corner of musings.

We expire as women and many other sick notions society uses to define us which sadly has led many to the famous express the masquerade was warned not to enter, so that it doesn’t get hit. Hopefully ladies, after reading this you don’t become that masquerade. Hopefully, men after reading this, you can change how you raise your daughters, or your future daughters.

So society says your biological clock is ticking. If you’ve been saying this to yourself, stop now! If you’ve been saying this to others! STOP NOW! let me tell you how a woman who believes this behaves.

She runs after everything that looks like love or potential. She acts desperate to become Mrs somebody and doesn’t mind the hooligan she might end up with to keep up with this, because in her head she can change him and besides her biological clock is ticking. She fears the number 30 hitting her as her age because that’s the number of decline of her life as society says. If she’s married, because her biological clock is ticking, she fails to settle into life and be calm, to enjoy marital bliss, even the pressure that doesn’t exist, she creates one for herself. She’s still running here and there drinking all manner of concoction to have a child. I am not berating the pain of childlessness, but I wish people can learn that sometimes a child may not come through you but one can grow through you, and that’s just as beautiful. Because as long as it’s no fault of yours, you should not feel ashamed that for now you aren’t able to birth a child.

In one of my videos where I talked about the rising rape culture in Nigeria, I mentioned an experience at a meet up event addressing the same rape issues and one of the stories shared was that of a woman who encouraged her husband to rape her neighbors baby because some vodoo man told her that was the way she could have a child. They did it and I can’t recall if that baby survived or not, how evil and desperate can you be, to destroy a child in order to have your own? When you desperately want something, this is how your mind will tilt towards evil till you turn the thought into action.

Society tells you if you hit 30 you have started to expire, that you are damaged goods, you are less desirable. I tell you today that if 30 is nearing for you dear good woman, embrace it, long for it, usher it in with celebration and joy in your heart. 3 decades on earth is beautiful, you are not who you were in your 20s you know a lot more, you are as beautiful as you treat and make yourself feel. It’s about you, not the world. You are as beautiful as you feel inside.

You are made to feel that you you must dull your shine, downplay or hide your achievements. You can’t buy that land, that house, that car because you will intimidate some people. Please don’t wait for certain things to happen before you live your best life, don’t postpone your fulfillment and joy, the right people in your life will never be intimidated by your shine, the ones that are and want you to dim your light to make them more comfortable should be kicked out the door. As long as you have worked honestly to earn all you have, you are on the right track and should remain there.

You are made to feel you only have a place in either your father’s house or your husband’s. Please don’t be that person, you are made to feel that you only have a spot in one of those two places, but I tell you, you can create your own haven. It’s painful to see women kicked out of husbands’ houses and fathers’ houses too reject them. Sometimes the two homes meant to be your place of refuge, becomes your place of torture. This is why all your life, while women are known to live for others, to sacrifice for others which is a natural trait of the woman, while all this is true and noble, you must learn to have your own life, a little something that belongs to you and you alone, so that when the world wants to tear you apart and you have no support from those meant to protect you, you run back to your little thing. Decide what that thing will be, and never lack those human beings that come rain or shine you are certain will always have your back. Have a solid support system.

Dear men, please do not raise your daughters to believe once they leave your home, they have no safety net with you anymore, you are the original protectors of your daughters. It is not your business what people will say, when people go to bed at night they are thinking about their own lives. It is your duty to protect and preserve the dignity of your daughter.

Society sometimes speak to us like we are objects or properties. No, women are complete human beings.
Marriage is not a ticket to heaven. Your worth and value before God is not by your married title, every human being has a unique purpose, some listen to their inner voices and find it, some spend all their lives listening to others around them and never find it, they define themselves based on everything from outside, but never anything from inside.

This is why it’s important to be alone for a while to be okay with being alone, great people, even the prophets of God found themselves in solitude. They heard and understood their purpose in solitude. Have you found yourself? Do you know where you want to be and how you want to get there? Have you been asking yourself questions and answering them?

If you desire to get married are you clear about the kind of partner you want? Have you asked yourself the behaviors you could never tolerate? Have you agreed with yourself what you may be able to tolerate? If you are married and raising kids, are you parenting deliberately, or leaving everything on autopilot? Do you have a plan for if life takes you on routes completely new to you?

We’ve been emotionally blackmailed into believing a lot of things, things that have become ingrained in our subconscious. Sometimes we are even told it’s God that has instructed these twisted notions, a weapon used by those who want to control us, make us beneath them and more. Believe me when I say, if something doesn’t feel right and they tell you it’s from God, don’t just swallow it, check it well, because God doesn’t intend a hard life for us, yes there’ll be hardships but He has also promised that after pain will come ease.

I wish we all come to understand, men inclusive, that we are only defined by what we choose as definition for ourselves, not what others say.

I wish we can all learn, that pressure from outside can barely get us, when we maintain our calm on the inside.

If you believe you expire, you will behave like an expired person. Ugly, tired, desperate, fake, manipulative. But if you are calm and full of yourself on the inside, full of positive thoughts, you will easily see through those who just want to make you lesser. Who think that you too must conform to everything society says. Who are you not to conform.

There’s more to this existence called life than they make us believe. Find You today! And start to rise like a true bright star.

I want to say so much more but since it’s getting difficult to craft it into words. I’ll stop here. Thanks for reading.

I’m Maryam Abdulrasheed the convener of The Moral Code. I love to think, read and write. I love observing and listening to people, I love creating content and I’m an active pursuer of my dreams.

Source - themoralcodeng.com

k.

Where is this Op coming from?
I hope you are not among those motivation seekers? After ranting online, you will personally call a guy to service you.

See, women have a biological clock; you can keep feeling good about yourself and deceiving those women that read your shallow chronicles.
I bet you haven't been to a labor room to see the strength of a young woman and that of an older woman.

You are right actually on the giving birth paragraph, she must not have children.

Sorry; But this is Africa not Europe.

Self-Consolation.

All this long gist and not once did the writer motivate women to strive to become millionaires and billionaires, movers and shakers of industries...
Do you think a woman who can get whatever she wants on her own without any favours or gifts from men, will be bothered about society or marriage?

I dey laff una.

Lack of money and status, lack of fulfillment and self-confidence, these are what is responsible for putting most Nigerian women into a lot of mess with men, not society, not even the men themselves - it is a result of their own greed and emotional discontent.

As long as most of y'all keep seeing yourselves as projects whose lives should be bankrolled and elevated by men, your problems will continue for a very long time.

I deserve to be spoiled, I deserve to be loved... This is a typical Nigerian woman's anthem
But spoiled by who? Loved by who? MEN.

When you have defined your happiness and satisfaction in life by what a man gives/does for you, don't expect to be seen as more than a project with an expiry date.

There are other factors explaining the rush of females for marriage other than the desire to have children before they hit menopause.

Some ladies in the low income strata also realize that marriage is an opportunity for them to be financially stable and lead a comfortable life. Mind you not all such ladies are lazy. Some of them leverage on this advantage to begin big players in other spheres of life depending on how cooperative the husband is.

Some ladies see marriage as a means to escape the ordinary and experience something new.

Some ladies are in a marriage just because they are fed with the notion that marriage must happen to every human.

Some ladies even marry with the hope of humiliating the unfortunate man who dares marry them.

So you see there are several factors driving the demand for marriage, some are significant and some are not but irrespective of the driver of demand there are constraints and one of them is that these ladies realise that with age comes stiffer competition for husbands. Although I am not armed with statistics but I can guess that the older the lady the slimmer are her prospects of landing a husband in her cohort who isn't an acquaintance from teenage.

As a prospective parent I would rather train my child, irrespective of gender, to be a solution and not a problem. Many ladies are not married today because they are an ocean of troubles. A true helper will be highly sought after because there isn't a shortage of men with a lot of troubles and challenges. Hence I can argue that a true wife will be married even before she hits 25 and at that age she need not worry about her biological clock.

You must also realise that ladies face a lot of risks getting pregnant after 35. This is a known fact among medical scientists.

Put these together and you can rationalise the rush for marriage by females but a virtuous woman, who can find, for her worth is far above rubies!

richeeyo:
Didn't bother reading
Tell ladies to remove that ego in them
And no one would ever tell them they expire.
Goodluck

Why didn't you just end at "Didn't bother to read?" As long as you didn't, your opinion is invalid.

Well, the biological reproductive clock runs for both genders.
Google it before quoting me abeg

I sight you Bukatyne

Lol women expire now??

I didn’t know humans could expire while they’re still living.

The more you know.

@Brightgem

On your moral codes depicted in your pictures;

1. Your marriage could easily be a ticket to heaven. The scriptures talk about iron sharpening iron and not being unequally yoked with unbelievers...these verses imply that a fault marriage could lead one to disaster and damnation or the bliss in heaven.

2. I hear love yourself, love yourself. Self-LOVE is just another term of self-ISHNESS. Self love is just the pursuit of your desires. Love is never with regards to oneself because by default we all do what we believe is best for ourselves. Love is always with respect to someone else or something else. This is why we can easily say God is love because He exists in a community of 3 persons. Hence the scriptures "the Father loves the son and hath given all things into his hands". Everytime the word love is used in scripture it is always in reference to someone else or something else. This self-love teaching is just another new age import into Christianity.

3. You claimed curfew is not only for ladies. Which sensible parent leaves any of his kids out in the dark after 6pm? I hear ladies claiming that home training focus mostly on females and by home training we mostly mean house chores, cooking etc...yet these ladies lack decorum, courtesy, discretion, tact and the capacity for critical thinking. The other day a very stup.id girl visited a boys hotel sorrounded by a high fence around 6am alone and with no security in sight. She was stupid.id but she could run, because when the randy boys chased after her her legs could carry her faster than the wind enough to help her escape the maniacs who would have raped her to death!

doitforyou:

Lol women expire now??

I didn’t know humans could expire while they’re still living.

The more you know.

You been under a rock?

efficiencie:
@Brightgem

On your moral codes depicted in your pictures;

1. Your marriage could easily be a ticket to heaven. The scriptures talk about iron sharpening iron and not being unequally yoked with unbelievers...these verses imply that a fault marriage could lead one to disaster and damnation or the bliss in heaven.

2. I hear love yourself, love yourself. Self-LOVE is just another term of self-ISHNESS. Self love is just the pursuit of your desires. Love is never with regards to oneself because by default we all do what we believe is best for ourselves. Love is always with respect to someone else or something else. This is why we can easily say God is love because He exists in a community of 3 persons. Hence the scriptures "the Father loves the son and hath given all things into his hands". Everytime the word love is used in scripture it is always in reference to someone else or something else. This self-love teaching is just another new age import into Christianity.

3. You claimed curfew is not only for ladies. Which sensible parent leaves any of his kids out in the dark after 6pm? I hear ladies claiming that home training focus mostly on females and by home training we mostly mean house chores, cooking etc...yet these ladies lack decorum, courtesy, discretion, tact and the capacity for critical thinking. The other day a very stup.id girl visited a boys hotel sorrounded by a high fence around 6am alone and with no security in sight. She was stupid.id but she could run, because when the randy boys chased after her her legs could carry her faster than the wind enough to help her escape the maniacs who would have raped her to death!

What you are saying is different from what this post is about. You already approached the post with a wrong mindset, avoid saying what was not said here.

Self love and understanding of self and contentment in self is not selfishness...

Anyways without need for further explanation, neither does this need become a discuss that's an argument. We all judge what we read or how we view life from our own realities or the knowledge and experiences we are exposed to, these are yours, your own realities.

It's a key message for ladies to understand they need to stop running helter skelter in the name of societal standards. And for men to raise their daughters with the right mindset.

This is deep.

The bible answers you well.

The curse of being a woman is that All the days of your life your heart desire will be towards your husband, male figure, and everything that comes with it. i.e children. Look around youtube and social media, look everywhere there is an increasing number of dating coaches, relationship experts, and matchmaking. SO generally women derive fulfillment in the quality of their relationships, that is why its almost impossible for a woman not to have a male in her life.

A curse of the man was that he would toil, hustle, grind all the days of his life. so men derive fulfillment in work and all.

@ Op: Don't fight it. it is what is. Nature gave women a short window of opportunity to have kids and build all the relationship they want. Maybe it would have been diffrent if women could have healthy children well into thier old age. while u are busy thinking about it many more beautiful sweet 16 are graduating from sec. school and entering uni... gradually taking your place.

However, i think women started losing value ever since they tried to be like Men, they left their space and wanted to compete like men do, while the men remained where they have always been, working hard.

Nonetheless, Please women, youdont expire, no one does. you only have a limited time to combine children, husband and career. and it takes a wise lady to know that.

Cheers.

Saintmary:
Well, the biological reproductive clock runs for both genders.
Google it before quoting me abeg

True with slight differences

A man's sperm is produced as required so it is replenished every 21 days if I am correct. The quality of sperm dwindles as the man ages. Any man who wants to be a responsible father would also know that there is a age to start procreating if he doesn't want to use his pension to train his kids in Secondary school.

A woman has ALL her eggs from birth. At each menstruation, she sheds some. Some are lost and the quality starts dwindling at 30 and exponentially at 35.

Op should summarize her craps and let us contribute I don't have time for "copy and paste" note.

bukatyne:
Funny OP & writer:

The biological clock is not a 'societical construct' or something men carved out to torment women: it is real.

When you see women who have to buy eggs for fertility proceedures because theirs have expired/not optimal or using surrogates, you will understand that no amount of feel good changes the facts.

Women also have their seasons: Late teens to early early thirties/ 30. Thereafter, the desperation the women feel themselves is more than external pressures.

No amount of feelgood will change that.

It is for women to know the leverage they have and make use of it to get the best husbands if they wish to marry.

Just how for men, they are more desirable in their 30s.

There is a TIME and SEASON to everything under the sun - Ecc 3:1

there are also virgins looking for the fruit of the womb.

Motherhood is not just carrying a pregnancy for 9months. Motherhood is not defined by the status of your womb.

Neither women nor men lost values, what lost value was ideals and morals

Smile4mee01:
This is deep.

The bible answers you well.

The curse of being a woman is that All the days of your life your heart desire will be towards your husband, male figure, and everything that comes with it. i.e children. Look around youtube and social media, look everywhere there is an increasing number of dating coaches, relationship experts, and matchmaking. SO generally women derive fulfillment in the quality of their relationships, that is why its almost impossible for a woman not to have a male in her life.

A curse of the man was that he would toil, hustle, grind all the days of his life. so men derive fulfillment in work and all.

@ Op: Don't fight it. it is what is. Nature gave women a short window of opportunity to have kids and build all the relationship they want. Maybe it would have been diffrent if women could have healthy children well into thier old age. while u are busy thinking about it many more beautiful sweet 16 are graduating from sec. school and entering uni... gradually taking your place.

However, i think women started losing value ever since they tried to be like Men, they left their space and wanted to compete like men do, while the men remained where they have always been, working hard.

Nonetheless, Please women, youdont expire, no one does. you only have a limited time to combine children, husband and career. and it takes a wise lady to know that.

Cheers.

For men and women, life is simple if you see it as such. You're who you are not because somebody told you this is what you are but because you discover who you are. No one can feel what you feel except you. Then why should your life be gauged by those who don't experience the wind and the sun the way you do?

Live your life, live your dream and don't be deterred by social or gender constructs. Just be you but be warned, there are consequences for every action so in every thing we do, be moderate.

If everyone will turn a blind eye to the society and live their lives as individuals who have responsibilities to themselves and to how they live this life, most of our problems will be half solved. A man and a woman both have souls and are both responsible and limited. One is linited in some areas, the other is limited in other areas. Neither of the gender should feel proud or down because of what they've been told.

Can someone please summarize it for me. I'm not feeling fine

efficiencie:
@Brightgem

On your moral codes depicted in your pictures;

1. Your marriage could easily be a ticket to heaven. The scriptures talk about iron sharpening iron and not being unequally yoked with unbelievers...these verses imply that a fault marriage could lead one to disaster and damnation or the bliss in heaven.

2. I hear love yourself, love yourself. Self-LOVE is just another term of self-ISHNESS. Self love is just the pursuit of your desires. Love is never with regards to oneself because by default we all do what we believe is best for ourselves. Love is always with respect to someone else or something else. This is why we can easily say God is love because He exists in a community of 3 persons. Hence the scriptures "the Father loves the son and hath given all things into his hands". Everytime the word love is used in scripture it is always in reference to someone else or something else. This self-love teaching is just another new age import into Christianity.

3. You claimed curfew is not only for ladies. Which sensible parent leaves any of his kids out in the dark after 6pm? I hear ladies claiming that home training focus mostly on females and by home training we mostly mean house chores, cooking etc...yet these ladies lack decorum, courtesy, discretion, tact and the capacity for critical thinking. The other day a very stup.id girl visited a boys hotel sorrounded by a high fence around 6am alone and with no security in sight. She was stupid.id but she could run, because when the randy boys chased after her her legs could carry her faster than the wind enough to help her escape the maniacs who would have raped her to death!

I do not understand how people will confidently misinterprete the Bible and say it as fact,


1) No where in the Bible does it say marriage is a ticket to heaven, rather, the Bible says that heaven is a personal race and every individual will give account of their deeds on earth, whether married or not married.

2) You must be delusional, the Bible(God) that said "love your neighbour as YOURSELF" didn't know what he is saying right?

3) The fact that you classify all ladies as one when it comes to bad behaviour, thereby ignoring the obvious truth when it comes to the concentration of females on home training, and ignoring men and their high handedness, entitlement mentality, says alot about you as a person.

traihit:
For men and women, life is simple if you see it as such. You're who you are not because somebody told you this is what you are but because you discover who you are. No one can feel what you feel except you. Then why should your life be gauged by those who don't experience the wind and the sun the way you do?

Live your life, live your dream and don't be deterred by social or gender constructs. Just be you but be warned, there are consequences for every action so in every thing we do, be moderate.

If everyone will turn a blind eye to the society and live their lives as individuals who have responsibilities to themselves and to how they live this life, most of our problems will be half solved. A man and a woman both have souls and are both responsible and limited. One is linited in some areas, the other is limited in other areas. Neither of the gender should feel proud or down because of what they've been told.

Summary please

.

Amiraqfaith:
Can someone please summarize it for me. I'm not feeling fine

Lazy reader, learn to read it broadens your knowledge.