liberalchick:
An ‘easy’ marriage is not common even for those in-love. Sometimes I think the concept of marriage is unnatural but necessary. If I am single again (knock on wood) in the future, I wouldn’t want to get married again. Some marriages have its ebbs and flows. The first two years can be difficult for obvious reasons. Then marriage challenges in year 8 (that’s generally the time some marriages hit a wall).

DH and I are in cruise control now, children are getting older, careers are taking off with more responsibilities. They say if you make it past year 7-8 unscathed, you are good.

Modified.

Hmmmmmm.

canDy4eva:


No it wasn't...
I called on the HOLY SPIRIT and that was it.
Remember... You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!
By strength shall no man prevail.

lol. I like ur honesty. it is well

Dyt:
What is Before, In Between and After?

Yeah we all know marriage is an institution between 2 persons with the aim to have offspring and companionship, but is this all we see and make of it?

I am a person that believes in relationship/marriage and tries to go far in making it work well except when it starts to affect my mental health (i cant go mad all in the name of i want it to work)

Some say marriage is easy while some say its a hard work, we all have different opinions..
I for one been married before, it didnt work not because i couldnt try but (my choice anyway)

I am considering going into another and all the things that we do that counts now may not in few years, I mean the sexiness, the kamasutra and all, well ofcourse i am not just gonna be offering just sex, we both got more to keep us going for a 100years to come (my favourite part is the friendship and companionship)...

I am scared sometimes waking up to him every other day and same way it excites me

How has it been with those married for 5years and counting? the joy, feeling, the tears, the arguments, the sex, I mean all of it....

Exactly how I feel too with relationships which is why I narrowed it down to enjoy the moments with my kids till I am emotionally stable and ready. Am here to learn.

Carchoice:
i don’t know why you people are making marriage sound like it’s a war zone. You married the wrong person no doubt. We all get to find out after marriage.

Here’s the truth of the matter, it’s either you married the wrong person or YOU ARE THE WRONG PERSON.

Very true

Ingriid:

Oh! U men really brought out d right words out of my mouth.
I tell u what, finance plays a very big role in a successful marriage. To my friends, sisters and ladies around me I tell them it’s good to be a wife, infact very good, to be a mother is one of d blessings in d world, d tot of bringing a baby to this world tickles my fancy. Trust me that is not just enough for a woman. A woman should not and never be comfortable to just be a mother or a wife.

I will forever use women like omotola, Beyoncé, Ngozi Okonkwo-Iwela and d late Dora Akunyili(RIP) as my role models. God created us for a purpose and we should strive to fulfill it.

To d men also, why be in a hurry to get married when u are not settled financially?by been settled, I’m not saying u should have millions in ur account but just be settled enough to take care of ur family. ( we both should do exploits in our marriage)

Going forward, men and women should bring something to d table, PLAN well before u get married!

Very important

UjuJoan2:


I still feel so restricted, even though I've been married for going on 10yrs now. . . And my husband is one of the most liberal Nigerian husbands I know . . Yet I feel caged, and sometimes find myself wishing I was single and free . . . I wonder if that will ever end!

You've been married before, why do you even want to go there again? If my marriage ever ends, I'm NEVER getting hitched again. I'm staying single for life!

What!!!!!
I thought you loved your marriage.

Carchoice:
i don’t know why you people are making marriage sound like it’s a war zone. You married the wrong person no doubt. We all get to find out after marriage.

Here’s the truth of the matter, it’s either you married the wrong person or YOU ARE THE WRONG PERSON.

My brother, no one is making marriage look scary. It is easier said than done. Nobody ever planned to go into marriage to divorce. Everyone envisage a happy home but when things don't go as planned, if care is not taken, that's the END. So, it is not always about getting married to the wrong person or being the wrong person.

I am a social worker, I have seen best of friends become worst enemies. Close pals to the family wondered why everything got so awkward early. If not for confidentiality purpose, I would narrate a recent case. In my agency, we have even concluded that it is not about the right people getting into marriage, it is about matured and prepared minds.

coolhuster:


My brother, no one is making marriage look scary. It is easier said than done. Nobody ever planned to go into marriage to divorce. Everyone envisage a happy home but when things don't go as planned, if care is not taken, that's the END. So, it is not always about getting married to the wrong person or being the wrong person.

I am a social worker, I have seen best of friends become worst enemies. Close pals to the family wondered why everything got so awkward early. If not for confidentiality purpose, I would narrate a recent case. In my agency, we have even concluded that it is not about the right people getting into marriage, it is about matured and prepared minds.

Someone who is not matured and prepared is not right na.

ibkayee:

Some people always say this as an automatic response to a marriage not being painted as a bed of roses, but how do you even quantify this objectively?

I feel that there are too many possible factors and things that those looking in from the outside aren't privy to, to always automatically run to this as the explanation. People have their own different experiences

The person you quoted summarized it.

For a marriage to fail means one or both of them are wrong.

A wrong marriage partner doesn't mean a bad person; it means a bad fit.

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together except they agree?

Ingriid:

Mr Samakus, be a man and stop dragging Dyt. I have been following this post, this lady has been one of d most civil persons on this post and she makes a little joke out of everything.
Just tell me what u will gain by dragging her? Why are u using her past experience which u know nothing about to judge her? Pls stop already!
Dyt, if u can read me, u are doing well. I like u!

What do you mean by 'be a man'.?

UjuJoan2:


I think you have to know me personally to truly understand what I mean. I am 100% committed to my marriage if that's what you are asking. But I'm also not one of those I-must-stay-married-even-if-it-kills-me type.

I don't lash out at my husband, if anything he makes marriage more bearable for me. I knew I had no choice but to get married if I wanted to have kids, and I love love love kids.

But I also love my solitude. I've lived alone for like forever and I think I got too used to being alone, being free, being independent .

@bold:

This is the major problem of modern marriages.

By the time the spouses met, they are almost too set in their ways aka dry fish to infuse into themselves.

Unfortunately, the advise today keeps telling young people to 'build their careers' before they think of getting married.

It is a complete recipe for disaster.

Dyt:
What is Before, In Between and After?

Yeah we all know marriage is an institution between 2 persons with the aim to have offspring and companionship, but is this all we see and make of it?

I am a person that believes in relationship/marriage and tries to go far in making it work well except when it starts to affect my mental health (i cant go mad all in the name of i want it to work)

Some say marriage is easy while some say its a hard work, we all have different opinions..
I for one been married before, it didnt work not because i couldnt try but (my choice anyway)

I am considering going into another and all the things that we do that counts now may not in few years, I mean the sexiness, the kamasutra and all, well ofcourse i am not just gonna be offering just sex, we both got more to keep us going for a 100years to come (my favourite part is the friendship and companionship)...

I am scared sometimes waking up to him every other day and same way it excites me

How has it been with those married for 5years and counting? the joy, feeling, the tears, the arguments, the sex, I mean all of it....

Dyt,

Your marriage is certainly how you and your spouse make of it.

Once the right mindset of pleasing one another, selflessness and sacrificial love aka love (man) and submission (woman) is in place, the sky is just the stepping stone.

Goodluck.

liberalchick:

No, I didn’t marry the wrong person. I am just being realistic, living with someone for the rest of your life will not always be romantic and easy. There are different stages in marriages where it’s excellent, good, bad, sometimes ugly and then neutral.

Also, when people say their marriage is easy, sometimes it’s one sided, they are probably oblivious of their partner’s sacrifice to make the marriage an easy one for them.

Add their kids to the mix.

The kids need to be shown the efforts both parties are investing to the success of the marriage.

bukatyne:


The person you quoted summarized it.

For a marriage to fail means one or both of them are wrong.

A wrong marriage partner doesn't mean a bad person; it means a bad fit.

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together except they agree?

I definitely agree that there can be couples who are just wrong for each other and I also don't think it necessarily means either of them are 'bad'

I just meant that sometimes, without even hearing the intricate details about a marriage in question and why certain things a things are the way they are, I've found that some people automatically default to 'you were wrong for x, x was wrong for you'. I just feel that sometimes situations aren't always that black and white

unmask:
why do you say it is necessary?

Most people want children more than they want marriage. However, for an organized society, marriage is necessary for a two parent, child rearing. Not every child will have this for circumstances beyond their control but most children do and that’s good for society. I still think marriage is unnatural.

Also, some societies have made marriages civil, there are benefits attached to being married. I guess it’s that society’s way of encouraging marriage.

Angelfrost:


Anyone saying marriage is easy is just lying pathetically!!!... If it were a bed of roses, there would be no divorce at all!

Yea, marriage is not a bed of roses but some DO have easy marriages.

Asour:


This is one of the most profound submission of a married person I have seen.
"They are oblivious of their partner's sacrifice" AKA COMPROMISE.

Very true.
The moment that partner is incapable of such sacrifices /Compromises, we then see the true picture of the previously pristine relationship
God help us.

Exactly!

Saintmary:

What!!!!!
I thought you loved your marriage.

Lol. I love my husband, doesn't mean I love being married.

bukatyne:


Add their kids to the mix.

The kids need to be shown the efforts both parties are investing to the success of the marriage.

Not all marriages are contracted for procreation.

UjuJoan2:


Lol. I love my husband, doesn't mean I love being married.

Forgive me Mrs. You just confused.

You need some time out.

liberalchick:

Not all marriages are contracted for procreation.

How is your post a response to my comment?

Anyways, I have a few cases where children want to marry a prototype of their parents without seeing the sacrifice they put in to make it work.

Those that see it do not want to invest it in their future relationships.

bukatyne:


How is your post a response to my comment?

Anyways, I have a few cases where children want to marry a prototype of their parents without seeing the sacrifice they put in to make it work.

Those that see it do not want to invest it in their future relationships.

Apologies, indeed, it had nothing do with your post. I am replying to multiple mentions at a time, so I am skim reading. I guess some spouses think this is the way to handle their marriage and it has worked for them. Kids are not always privy to the real deal of their parents’ marriage.

bukatyne:


@bold:

This is the major problem of modern marriages.

By the time the spouses met, they are almost too set in their ways aka dry fish to infuse into themselves.

Unfortunately, the advise today keeps telling young people to 'build their careers' before they think of getting married.

It is a complete recipe for disaster.

But our parents did not make sacrifices to send us to school just so that we will become dependent on others. Even back then, my parents would tell us girls to make sure we are self sufficient before getting married. He never entertained suitors for any of us untill we were through with school and working.

If it worked out so well for them, they won't be dishing out such advice.

The truth is that money empowers. A lot of the ill treatment women endure is because they dont have the financial capacity to stand on their own. Power corrupts. A man who has absolute financial control over his wife is very likely to abuse it.

I think the men just need to learn to compromise more.

CsRockefeller:


Forgive me Mrs. You just confused.

You need some time out.

Why is it so hard for you people to understand that not everyone wants to answer MRS? Are you guys scared that you are becoming irrelevant?

It's bound to happen anyway, sooner or later. So start getting used to it.

UjuJoan2:


Why is it so hard for you people to understand that not everyone wants to answer MRS? Are you guys scared that you are becoming irrelevant?

It's bound to happen anyway, sooner or later. So start getting used to it.

Ok Uju. Go live your life.

bukatyne:


The person you quoted summarized it.

For a marriage to fail means one or both of them are wrong.

A wrong marriage partner doesn't mean a bad person; it means a bad fit.

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together except they agree?

Thank you Ibkayee.

That person did not quote a failed marriage. While he would be right in a totally different context, it had nothing to with a post trying to be realistic about changes that might occur in a lifetime marriage.

CsRockefeller:


Ok Uju. Go live your life.

Thank you.

UjuJoan2:


But our parents did not make sacrifices to send us to school just so that we will become dependent on others. Even back then, my parents would tell us girls to make sure we are self sufficient before getting married. He never entertained suitors for any of us untill we were through with school and working.

If it worked out so well for them, they won't be dishing out such advice.

The truth is that money empowers. A lot of the ill treatment women endure is because they dont have the financial capacity to stand on their own. Power corrupts. A man who has absolute financial control over his wife is very likely to abuse it.

I think the men just need to learn to compromise more.

Sometimes it's not money.
It's just low self esteem imbibed by culture and religion.
They abound everywhere.

bukatyne:


@bold:

This is the major problem of modern marriages.

By the time the spouses met, they are almost too set in their ways aka dry fish to infuse into themselves.

Unfortunately, the advise today keeps telling young people to 'build their careers' before they think of getting married.

It is a complete recipe for disaster.

Which would always be a good advise for women that want a career and a marriage. I wanted both and because I couldn’t secure my career before marriage, the first few years of my marriage were a bit challenging, in-spite of a very loving, liberal and understanding husband.

A wife that isn’t whole can never bring 100% to a marriage.

UjuJoan2:


Do you think your wife ever gets tempted to 'explore' too?

Maybe you should bother about being the best wife you can be.

Gaggi:

Maybe you should bother about being the best wife you can be.

You can paint it all you want, once a cheat always a cheat.

You broke your wedding vows and you are dismissing it casually by claiming you 'explored'. Doesn't sound to me like you are worth anything as a husband.

But I guess for some reason you think you deserve a 'virtuous' wife.