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Marriage: Before And After - Family (10) - Nairaland

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Re: Marriage: Before And After by Takotsubo: 11:48pm On May 28, 2020
@dyt

Married 10+

It is crucial before tying the knot to sit down and actually think of what you want and be very very clinical about it. List the ones that are deal breakers for you and DO NOT compromise on them.

Talk about money,is it 50/50 or is it joint account? How about chores? What does he or she think about raising children? Dirty or clean? Church or no church? Flexible or rigid roles at home? Sex everyday or once in 2 weeks?

Marrying the wrong person can ruin and derail a person forever and it's important to remember that the definition of a good marriage differs from person to person depending on their needs.

I strongly believe that once you miss laying the kind of foundation & communication style that suits you in the first 3 years,it will be very difficult to redress them later on

I am in what people/outsiders would term an easy marriage, My family think my husband is a saint and it makes me smh BUT I will say what makes it "easy" is that we are mostly cohesive personality wise and because we ironed out our main differences between year 1&2.
We were also fortunate to be free from family intrusion so we chose our own pattern free from mama and papa method .

Even at that,life has still found ways to throw curve balls.

Easy does not mean that you won't misbehave and or inflict pain on each other.

It does not mean you won't struggle with faithfulness , bad thoughts including I hate you ones ,thunder fire you ones etc but the difference is that you have a lot in the emotional tank that acts as a buffer so when you have the devilish thoughts or when that ass is shaking in your face, or some hot dude is hitting on you, you draw from that bank and remind yourself that someone actually loves you and you don't want to destroy what you have.

When this tank is full, apologies flow easily, you agree to disagree. No money? You chill and plan together. Every challenge will just feel surmountable because you know you will face it TOGETHER.

No human being is perfect,no human being can fulfill your every desire.

You will make so many sacrifices and accept your spouse and their inadequacies because when you balance their goodness against it,you'll still feel like you hit a jackpot.

I cannot describe how incredibly satisfying it is to have a spouse that always wants to be home with you ,to have a home that exudes warmth & children that are happy.

Despite my personal struggles ,once I open the door and see their faces,every sacrifice is worth it.

That said,if anything happens to my marriage, I will NEVER remarry. Got kids,nice career,small cash,the rest can be on a hello & bye basis.

16 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Marriage: Before And After by wizzprince(m): 11:51pm On May 28, 2020
Righteousness89:



Are you married sir?
Re: Marriage: Before And After by Angelfrost(m): 12:01am On May 29, 2020
liberalchick:

Yea, marriage is not a bed of roses but some DO have easy marriages.

No they don't!!!... They merely project ease to outsiders!!!

Some couples are better versed at keeping their marital storms contained than others.

3 Likes

Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 6:02am On May 29, 2020
Gaggi:

Fűck your opinions. It doesn't mean shît. Funny how you are the one 'happily' married but secretly wishing you were single so you can whôre around.
I guess if you were God you will seize your neighbours breathe for not saying hi to you in the morning.


My idea of freedom is not living a life of immorality. Even though I crave being my own person, I still manage to avoid 'exploring' and defile my marriage.

You on the other hand are just decieving yourself. Who knows, maybe your wife haa done some exploring of her own! tongue

7 Likes

Re: Marriage: Before And After by Dyt(f): 6:24am On May 29, 2020
Takotsubo:
@dyt

Married 10+

It is crucial before tying the knot to sit down and actually think of what you want and be very very clinical about it. List the ones that are deal breakers for you and DO NOT compromise on them.

Talk about money,is it 50/50 or is it joint account? How about chores? What does he or she think about raising children? Dirty or clean? Church or no church? Flexible or rigid roles at home? Sex everyday or once in 2 weeks?

Marrying the wrong person can ruin and derail a person forever and it's important to remember that the definition of a good marriage differs from person to person depending on their needs.

I strongly believe that once you miss laying the kind of foundation & communication style that suits you in the first 3 years,it will be very difficult to redress them later on

I am in what people/outsiders would term an easy marriage, My family think my husband is a saint and it makes me smh BUT I will say what makes it "easy" is that we are mostly cohesive personality wise and because we ironed out our main differences between year 1&2.
We were also fortunate to be free from family intrusion so we chose our own pattern free from mama and papa method .

Even at that,life has still found ways to throw curve balls.

Easy does not mean that you won't misbehave and or inflict pain on each other.

It does not mean you won't struggle with faithfulness , bad thoughts including I hate you ones ,thunder fire you ones etc but the difference is that you have a lot in the emotional tank that acts as a buffer so when you have the devilish thoughts or when that ass is shaking in your face, or some hot dude is hitting on you, you draw from that bank and remind yourself that someone actually loves you and you don't want to destroy what you have.

When this tank is full, apologies flow easily, you agree to disagree. No money? You chill and plan together. Every challenge will just feel surmountable because you know you will face it TOGETHER.

No human being is perfect,no human being can fulfill your every desire.

You will make so many sacrifices and accept your spouse and their inadequacies because when you balance their goodness against it,you'll still feel like you hit a jackpot.

I cannot describe how incredibly satisfying it is to have a spouse that always wants to be home with you ,to have a home that exudes warmth & children that are happy.

Despite my personal struggles ,once I open the door and see their faces,every sacrifice is worth it.

That said,if anything happens to my marriage, I will NEVER remarry. Got kids,nice career,small cash,the rest can be on a hello & bye basis.



I laughed at thunder fire you
grin grin cheesy cheesy cheesy grin

Very useful piece in gold kiss kiss

1 Like

Re: Marriage: Before And After by Nobody: 7:04am On May 29, 2020
UjuJoan2:


My idea of freedom is not living a life of immorality. Even though I crave being my own person, I still manage to avoid 'exploring' and defile my marriage.

You on the other hand are just decieving yourself. Who knows, maybe your wife haa done some exploring of her own! tongue

You are so concerned about my wife. One would assume you were secretly wishing you were a wife to a real man.
I can understand why you feel unfulfilled in marriage, you should have married a man like me who can bring fun into a marriage. grin

1 Like

Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 7:21am On May 29, 2020
Gaggi:

You are so concerned about my wife. One would assume you were secretly wishing you were a wife to a real man.
I can understand why you feel unfulfilled in marriage, you should have married a man like me who can bring fun into a marriage. grin

Diseases you mean?

I think I will pass!

2 Likes

Re: Marriage: Before And After by Dyt(f): 7:25am On May 29, 2020
Gaggi:

You are so concerned about my wife. One would assume you were secretly wishing you were a wife to a real man.
I can understand why you feel unfulfilled in marriage, you should have married a man like me who can bring fun into a marriage. grin

UjuJoan2:


Diseases you mean?

I think I will pass!

Isn't it too early/late for these?

It's been going on for hours
Ain't you both tired?

Your spouse's ain't home or what?

Pls you both should get laid
angry angry angry
Re: Marriage: Before And After by crackkhaus: 7:26am On May 29, 2020
UjuJoan2:

I'm just saying what I feel sometimes, what's so terrible about that?
Nothing terrible about it, just surprised.
Also realized I must have missed an opportunity by not letting you know how much I was into you.

Next time you feel trapped, caged, and want to act single and free...let me know so I can bring some sauce. gringrin
Re: Marriage: Before And After by BEANSndPLANTAIN(m): 7:27am On May 29, 2020
Takotsubo:
@dyt

Married 10+

It is crucial before tying the knot to sit down and actually think of what you want and be very very clinical about it. List the ones that are deal breakers for you and DO NOT compromise on them.

Talk about money,is it 50/50 or is it joint account? How about chores? What does he or she think about raising children? Dirty or clean? Church or no church? Flexible or rigid roles at home? Sex everyday or once in 2 weeks?

Marrying the wrong person can ruin and derail a person forever and it's important to remember that the definition of a good marriage differs from person to person depending on their needs.

I strongly believe that once you miss laying the kind of foundation & communication style that suits you in the first 3 years,it will be very difficult to redress them later on

I am in what people/outsiders would term an easy marriage, My family think my husband is a saint and it makes me smh BUT I will say what makes it "easy" is that we are mostly cohesive personality wise and because we ironed out our main differences between year 1&2.
We were also fortunate to be free from family intrusion so we chose our own pattern free from mama and papa method .

Even at that,life has still found ways to throw curve balls.

Easy does not mean that you won't misbehave and or inflict pain on each other.

It does not mean you won't struggle with faithfulness , bad thoughts including I hate you ones ,thunder fire you ones etc but the difference is that you have a lot in the emotional tank that acts as a buffer so when you have the devilish thoughts or when that ass is shaking in your face, or some hot dude is hitting on you, you draw from that bank and remind yourself that someone actually loves you and you don't want to destroy what you have.

When this tank is full, apologies flow easily, you agree to disagree. No money? You chill and plan together. Every challenge will just feel surmountable because you know you will face it TOGETHER.

No human being is perfect,no human being can fulfill your every desire.

You will make so many sacrifices and accept your spouse and their inadequacies because when you balance their goodness against it,you'll still feel like you hit a jackpot.

I cannot describe how incredibly satisfying it is to have a spouse that always wants to be home with you ,to have a home that exudes warmth & children that are happy.

Despite my personal struggles ,once I open the door and see their faces,every sacrifice is worth it.

That said,if anything happens to my marriage, I will NEVER remarry. Got kids,nice career,small cash,the rest can be on a hello & bye basis.


don't worry nothing will happen to your marriage just be honest with yourself. The thing the person that opened this thread is actually a single mother, so you all should know the angle she is coming from
Re: Marriage: Before And After by crackkhaus: 7:29am On May 29, 2020
UjuJoan2:

You know that's just it . . . It's probably going to be the same thing the second time around. Except the man was as abuser which of course makes it an exception.

I used to think things would have turned out different if I married my ex . . . but now, with time I see, we probably would have gone through the same struggles, maybe even worse.

That's why I've decided never ever to get married again if anything happens to my marriage!

PS: Your last sentence was not nice!
Good for you cool

PS: The sentence was humour, you and the OP are just too sensitive and missed it.
Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 7:33am On May 29, 2020
Dyt:




Isn't it too early/late for these?

It's been going on for hours
Ain't you both tired?

Your spouse's ain't home or what?

Pls you both should get laid
angry angry angry

cheesy cheesy
Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 7:43am On May 29, 2020
crackkhaus:

Nothing terrible about it, just surprised.
Just realized I must have missed an opportunity by not letting you know how much I was into you.

Next time you feel trapped, caged, and want to act single and free...let me know so I can bring some sauce. gringrin

Why do people assume that being free means being immoral? I don't regard sexual indiscretion as freedom.

If I wanted to be 'free' in that sense, marriage will not stop me.

I will like to be my own person, and getting entangled with someone else kind of defeats the purpose, don't you think?

Rolls eyes @ you being into me . . . Please don't let all those your female fans here lynch me.

2 Likes

Re: Marriage: Before And After by crackkhaus: 7:45am On May 29, 2020
UjuJoan2:

Why do people assume that being free means being immoral? I don't regard sexual indiscretion as freedom.

If I wanted to be 'free' in that sense, marriage will not stop me.

I will like to be my own person, and getting entangled with someone else kind of defeats the purpose, don't you think?

Rolls eyes @ you being into me . . . Please don't let all those your female fans here lynch me.

gringrin

The sauce I intend to bring is not completely immoral, but okay... cheesy
Re: Marriage: Before And After by Dyt(f): 7:45am On May 29, 2020
BEANSndPLANTAIN:
The thing the person that opened this thread is actually a single mother, so you all should know the angle she is coming from

Oh yeah
You know her so well?
grin cheesy cheesy
Re: Marriage: Before And After by Nobody: 7:46am On May 29, 2020
Dyt:




Isn't it too early/late for these?

It's been going on for hours
Ain't you both tired?

Your spouse's ain't home or what?

Pls you both should get laid
angry angry angry
Silly girl jumped on my post, I couldn't let it pass being the belligerent person that I am.

Like you rightly suggested,I think I'll chill out now. Time to get busy.
Re: Marriage: Before And After by Dyt(f): 7:46am On May 29, 2020
crackkhaus:


PS: The sentence was humour, you and the OP are just too sensitive and missed it.

Hunku
Se kosi larokutukutu
undecided undecided undecided
Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 8:00am On May 29, 2020
Gaggi:

A retired runs girl marrying a goody two shoes is always a bad combo. That's why you're still craving your whoring days even when you got lucky to hook a 'good' man.

At least I'm retired. You are still 'working' full-time in your matrimonial home. Shame!

5 Likes

Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 8:02am On May 29, 2020
Gaggi:

Silly girl jumped on my post, I couldn't let it pass being the belligerent person that I am.

Like you rightly suggested,I think I'll chill out now. Time to get busy.

Or maybe you just don't like being called the cheat you are.

3 Likes

Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 8:19am On May 29, 2020
crackkhaus:

gringrin

The sauce I intend to bring is not completely immoral, but okay... cheesy

Oh really? Sounds fun . . . I'll keep that in mind. cheesy
Re: Marriage: Before And After by Nobody: 8:27am On May 29, 2020
UjuJoan2:


Or maybe you just don't like being called the cheat you are.
Lol cheat? I was a rolling stone, the ladies couldn't keep their hands off me even when they saw the ring.
Common sense and age has taught me that women are a liability so I I chilled and I'm proud of my decision.
You say cheating like it's supposed to make me cry. Your likes were the ones who couldn't leave me alone even though they knew I had no love to give.
I dey my own and you started quoting me, see temptation again o.
Re: Marriage: Before And After by crackkhaus: 8:37am On May 29, 2020
UjuJoan2:


Oh really? Sounds fun . . . I'll keep that in mind. cheesy
cheesy
Re: Marriage: Before And After by crackkhaus: 8:38am On May 29, 2020
Gaggi:

Lol cheat? I was a rolling stone, the ladies couldn't keep their hands off me even when they saw the ring.
Common sense and age has taught me that women are a liability so I I chilled and I'm proud of my decision.
You say cheating like it's supposed to make me cry. Your likes were the ones who couldn't leave me alone even though they knew I had no love to give.
I dey my own and you started quoting me, see temptation again o.
This man... gringrin
Re: Marriage: Before And After by BEANSndPLANTAIN(m): 8:53am On May 29, 2020
Dyt:


Oh yeah
You know her so well?
grin cheesy cheesy
You won't be the first woman to be a single mum and you won't be the last. My point is tone down the hate.

There is nothing bad being a lady, picking a poor man and helping to to become better person.
Re: Marriage: Before And After by Dyt(f): 8:58am On May 29, 2020
BEANSndPLANTAIN:

You won't be the first woman to be a single mum and you won't be the last. My point is tone down the hate.

na, i wasnt condemning you

BEANSndPLANTAIN:


There is nothing bad being a lady, picking a poor man and helping to to become better person.

another topic for another day as the matter no go end ooo
cheesy cheesy cheesy grin grin grin

1 Like

Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 9:16am On May 29, 2020
Gaggi:

Lol cheat? I was a rolling stone, the ladies couldn't keep their hands off me even when they saw the ring.
Common sense and age has taught me that women are a liability so I I chilled and I'm proud of my decision.
You say cheating like it's supposed to make me cry. Your likes were the ones who couldn't leave me alone even though they knew I had no love to give.
I dey my own and you started quoting me, see temptation again o.

Bla bla blah . . .

1 Like

Re: Marriage: Before And After by UjuJoan2: 9:17am On May 29, 2020
crackkhaus:

This man... gringrin

Some people just like living in dream land.
Re: Marriage: Before And After by Righteousness89(m): 9:55am On May 29, 2020
wizzprince:


Are you married sir?

YES I am
Re: Marriage: Before And After by Saintmary(f): 8:48pm On May 30, 2020
UjuJoan2:


Lol. I love my husband, doesn't mean I love being married.
Toor

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