₦airaland Forum

Good day nairaland, please help me read this and advice me.
My friend who is still a student introduced me to someone who later help me got a job, I felt so great ful to this my friend and ever since I got the job I have always assisted him when ever he ask for financial assistance, sometimes he will just call and demand for 10k I will just send immediately, sometimes 5k, 8k, 4k and so on which I can't even remember right now , in February this year I sent him 20k, I paid for his accommodation last year, when ever I tell him to ask his elder brother who I work with in the same company, he tells me that his brother is married that he doesn't want to disturb him, and am also married with four kids o, just yesterday he came demanding for 40k that his rent has expired which I declined because it was too sudden for me, now I think he feel entitled that since he is the one that introduced me before I got the job I must always meet up with his needs and that idea is making me uncomfortable, I have a wife, four kids and my mum to take care of, now am worried his contenance yesterday described how ungrateful I am, please help what do I do

[color=#008080]Abeg , I dey come , no vex, Na matter btw Kogi State Govt and NCDC I dey settle since yesterday...Issues everywher[/color]

How much is your salary?

This one na serious case. don't know what advice to give you.

Seems your friend has a sense of entitlement and you have one of obligation. I wonder why your friend found a job for you instead of for himself. Are you his slave or something who must go out to work to put a roof over his head perhaps?

I guess he hasn't yet sucked you dry. When he does, you'd know what to do with your earnings, if you have any left.

Wow you have four kids already and your friend is still a student, that part of the story is really baffling. How old is he?

I think you have done enough already, you need to start avoiding him as much as possible. You musn't give him the entire 40k, give him what you can afford and begin to keep him at arm's length.

Shìt. But this is daylight robbery & exploitation.

It's NOT your obligation to take care of him.

Your “qualifications” got you the job.
He wasn't the one that employed you.
Even if he did; it's your deserved pay.

You shouldn't feel guilty. You have no reason to.

Na wa

Typical case of monkey dey work baboon dey chop

Now is the time to sound it in his ear that he should pay up all the money you have been giving him

sit him down and explain to him that:" bro, i am grateful for what you did and have helped you quite a bit now, but remember that this help i am giving you is a thank you gesture from my heart, and not blackmail repayment... but i can see that you now have taken it to another level. i have a life to live, i have a family to provide to, i have bills and priorities too... so if i got it then i may help you (like i have done in the past) but if i dont, i certainly WONT. me and your brother have the same family structure yet you always come to me and never goes to him. whats the deal? your brother is in a better position to help you!!"

What STOP you from setting him up instead of giving him toro kobo.

He's your benefactor and yes he has every right to the money you make from the company he used his influence to secure for you.

We rise by lifting others up!

TrollPolice001:
What STOP you from setting him up instead of giving him toro kobo.

He's your benefactor and yes he has every right to the money you make from the company he used his influence to secure for you.

We rise by lifting others up!

we also fall by helping ungrateful people who never see what you do to repay them.... after all he has done for the dude, you still think dude can come anyhow and be settled because he has issues?! so his life is more important than yours? his problems are more important than yours? he should let his family suffer so he can help this dude?!

whats next? he introduce you to a babe so he can come and fukc her some time to time?! smh!

if he has spare money, he can try to help the dude, if he doesnt then life goes on!

He's obviously not your friend even though you see him as one. He's your frenemy - he's egoistic/self-interest in you. He gave you a Greek gift, like Satan. Call him to order. Make him to understand that you appreciate his help and at the same time make him to understand that you don't owe him servility. After that, make a plan to do a one-time tangible thing for him on your own discretion and convenience and keep your distance from him - of course, remain good to him from the distance. When dealing with people like him, you've to be ready to forfeit whatever bond that holds two of you and forget about what outsiders will say about your reputation, because people who are not privy to what you have passed through in his hand will definitely conclude that you are a wicked and ungrateful person. 

If you fail to call him to order now, you will live to work for him directly or indirectly for a very long time, if not the rest of your life. He will use psychological projection (guilt tripping, goading and gaslighting) to subjugate you and rip and drain you for as long as he desires. In fact, as far as you continue to progress, even if you quit the job, he will always feel entitled to your riches and may plan to kidnap and rob you. It always happens.

MrBrownJay1:
we also fall by helping ungrateful people who never see what you do to repay them.... after all he has done for the dude, you still think dude can come anyhow and be settled because he has issues?! so his life is more important than yours? his problems are more important than yours? he should let his family suffer so he can help this dude?!

whats next? he introduce you to a babe so he can come and fukc her some time to time?! smh!

if he has spare money, he can try to help the dude, if he doesnt then life goes on!

Some people enjoy seeing their friends in misery asin always calling them for change when they can set them up.

If he piles those toro kobo he gives him it's enough to set him up and even buy extra things.

I believe if your friend comes on nairaland to explain his own part, the same people hailing you will also call you an ungrateful person

Nigerians and their entitlement mentality over money that isn't theirs.

Do not let anyone make you feel foolish for helping your friend. You are a grateful person and that's great. However, going by your own side of the story, it appears your friend is abusing that. If that's the case, you have reasons to be worried cause he won't stop until you stop him. Pray tell, did he introduce you to the job source with the sole aim of getting you a job or was it by chance that the person he introduced you to just happened to have a position you can fill? This will help determine if you should just stay away from him like someone said above or stick to your dear old friend but with strict limits.

If he went out of his way to get you a job (if it's not by chance), then it's safe to say he is a nice guy; even his sense of entitlement does not generally make him a bad person. We all have the demons in us that stick up sometimes (especially during hard times). You don't know what your other working class friends would be like without a job. You don't know if they'd even be willing to introduce you to a job source. Guess I'm just advocating for the devil you know but the grand point is, don't discard your friend without trying to tame him first. Let him know that he can't always get it when he wants and even if he does, it wouldn't always be the amount he wants. It's friendship, not business! Turn him down sometimes and give less than he asks most times (except if it's dire situation). Just help him out of your own will and not cause of any obligation. With time, he will get the message and if he leaves cause of that, celebrate with your beautiful wife and lovely kids cause he was never a friend but an investor.

In other words, shake your tree of friendship and let the bad fruits fall off.

_{Btw, if it were a girl now, they'll be shouting "girls and entitlement!" instead of addressing the girl in question.}

Bros,,, you've done more for this so called friend! He shouldn't be exploring you all because he helped you got a job. It is not done anywhere. You can only help him out of free will..... Your decision making is weak

TrollPolice001:
Some people enjoy seeing their friends in misery asin always calling them for change when they can set them up.
If he piles those toro kobo he gives him it's enough to set him up and even buy extra things.
I believe if your friend comes on nairaland to explain his own part, the same people hailing you will also call you an ungrateful person

its not about enjoying to see their friend in misery, is about that same friend expecting you to bend over every time he sings. there is a big difference between being grateful for someone's help AND now your life's purpose is to solve whatever problem that friend has (pay their rent, dash money etc)

February was 20k now its 40k, by next year it will be 100k

Sir I have borrowed him a 100k before to do a business, he was only able to pay back 80k, the remaining 20k I never asked of it and he never talked about again.

MrBrownJay1:
its not about enjoying to see their friend in misery, is about that same friend expecting you to bend over every time he sings. there is a big difference between being grateful for someone's help AND now your life's purpose is to solve whatever problem that friend has (pay their rent, dash money etc)

February was 20k now its 40k, by next year it will be 100k

If he wants to help his friend he knows what to do.
Lemme give a fictional example
My sister's husband helped me with a contract by linking me with someone who knows someone in the company.
After securing the contract, I went to their house to say thank you. There and then I know giving money to the husband might be termed as an insult I decided to give the money to my sister to start up something, promising to add little before the year runs out, tell me even if they have financial problem will they come to me for help.

TrollPolice001:
If he wants to help his friend he knows what to do.
Lemme give a fictional example
My sister's husband helped me with a contract by linking me with someone who knows someone in the company.
After securing the contract, I went to their house to say thank you. There and then I know giving money to the husband might be termed as an insult I decided to give the money to my sister to start up something, promising to add little before the year runs out, tell me even if they have financial problem will they come to me for help.

what you did is the exact same thing that the dude did when sending that person money, paying their rent and/or giving them 20k. just because he didnt open a biz for the dude does not automatically means he did nothing for the dude. come on!

TrollPolice001:
If he wants to help his friend he knows what to do.
Lemme give a fictional example
My sister's husband helped me with a contract by linking me with someone who knows someone in the company.
After securing the contract, I went to their house to say thank you. There and then I know giving money to the husband might be termed as an insult I decided to give the money to my sister to start up something, promising to add little before the year runs out, tell me even if they have financial problem will they come to me for help.

not that I have not given him money to start a business before, I did but the business collapsed because he kept someone to look over his business.

MrBrownJay1:
what you did is the exact same thing that the dude did when sending that person money, paying their rent and/or giving them 20k. just be cause he didnt open a biz for the dude does not automatically means he did nothing for the dude. come on!

It's like the proverbial statement: giving someone fish when you know you can help them with the tools of fishing themselves

chideodiba:
not that I have not given him money to start a business before, I did but the business collapsed because he kept someone to look over his business.

Now you're making things up

Amanee:
Na wa

Typical case of monkey dey work baboon dey chop

Someone wrote a song about him, lol.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOIjYaRfdgI

etrange:
Do not let anyone make you feel foolish for helping your friend. You are a grateful person and that's great. However, going by your own side of the story, it appears your friend is abusing that. If that's the case, you have reasons to be worried cause he won't stop unto you stop him. Pray tell, did he introduce you to the job source with the sole aim of getting you a job or was it by chance that the person he introduced you to just happened to have a position you can fill? This will help determine if you should just stay away from him like someone said above or stick to your dear old friend but with strict limits.

If he went out of his way to get you a job (if it's not by chance), then it's safe to say he is a nice guy; even his sense of entitlement does not generally make him a bad person. We all have the demons in us that stick up sometimes (especially during hard times). You don't know what your other working class friends would be like without a job. You don't know if they'd even be willing to introduce you to a job source. Guess I'm just advocating for the devil you know but the grand point is, don't discard your friend without trying to tame him first. Let him know that he can't always get it when he wants and even if he does, it wouldn't always be the amount he wants. It's friendship, not business! Turn him down sometimes and give less than he asks most times (except if it's dire situation). Just help me out of your own will and not cause of any obligation. With time, he will get the message and if he leaves cause of that, celebrate with your beautiful wife and lovely kids cause he was never a friend but an investor.

In other words, shake your tree of friendship and let the bad fruits fall off.

_{Btw, if it were a girl now, they'll be shouting "girls and entitlement!" instead of addressing the girl in question.}

thanks so much for this

TrollPolice001:
Now you're making things up

what will I gain by making it up? I did not include it in my write-up because I felt it was not necessary, the reaction made me brought that up

TrollPolice001:
What STOP you from setting him up instead of giving him toro kobo.

He's your benefactor and yes he has every right to the money you make from the company he used his influence to secure for you.

We rise by lifting others up!

And by pulling himself down in the process Wouldn't he be better off spending that money on his own family?

You can't be someone else's benefactor if you can't benefact yourself, is my opinion, and his friend sure hasn't benefacted himself but wants to benefit from another's labour.

chideodiba:
what will I gain by making it up? I did not include it in my write-up because I felt it was not necessary, the reaction made me brought that up

Setting a business wasn't a necessary information but paying his house rent was?

TrollPolice001:
It's like the proverbial statement: giving someone fish when you know you can help them with the tools of fishing themselves

thats because you actually believe that EVERYONE can set someone up... as if EVERYONE can successfully run a biz (highly laughable) while this above dude is seeking for rent money.

budaatum:
Seems your friend has a sense of entitlement and you have one of obligation. I wonder why your friend found a job for you instead of for himself. Are you his slave or something who must go out to work to put a roof over his head perhaps?

I guess he hasn't yet sucked you dry. When he does, you'd know what to do with your earnings, if you have any left.

..
The other friend in question is still in school.. Make una Dey try read naaa..