I'm above mid thirties, finished NYSC 2015 and i just secured a government teaching job after spending more than 3 years teaching in private schools. I met my wife earlier 2019, she was in her final year in school, we dated throughout the year and planned to get married after she graduated. She graduated and we make a move for our introduction, then we suggested to have the marriage before she go for her Nysc so as to enable her serve in our home state as I already have a rented apartment to start a small family.

As we were planning for the marriage, we were also planning her NYSC. She was required to have a medical certificate for the NYSC which of course required blood test including genotype. She came back with the result of her genotype as AS. That was the only time I remember to take genotype issue serious. Even if I have some little knowledge about it before, I decided to research more about it on the internet and also met some of my friends who are medically inclined. I came to realize my own genotype test is also important at that moment. I might have done the test in school but I didn't pay attention to it usefulness so I don't remember the result.

I don't usually fall sick except for normal malaria when there is mosquito bite, never had a drip line in my body for once, never slept in a hospital bed, I don't have any reason to take note of my genotype or blood test.

Her results then prompt me to have my own test done too which came out to be AS also. By these periods we have convinced our families to choose a date for the marriage so that we can have the wedding before her NYSC. Marriage is to hold in a week time when I got my own genotype result.
From my further findings about AS and AS couple, I discovered how risky it is for their offsprings. I tried to explain to her but she turned a deaf ear, she alleged me of trying to break her heart at that critical period. She reported to her sisters they tried to blame me but I make them all realized it's not my fault because throughout my visitation and introduction to their family nobody has ever ask us about genotype. I am an orphan, I don't have any closer family to guide me except for my sisters who can't wait for me to get married because of my age, they also had never thought of it as well.

My wife sisters gave us some examples of older couples who were both AS with only one or no sickler among their children. My wife also made a threat of killing herself or she kill me if the marriage didn't hold. She even suggested we proceed with the marriage and break up after few weeks of marriage because of the shame that may follow if we stop the marriage or maybe she was desperate because of the marriage certificate, I don't know. I maintained my stand of backing off the marriage but she reported to my sisters also. Her sisters and my sisters later tried to encourage us to go ahead with prayers since we have chosen the date. We were advised not to disclose our genotype result to anyone again because people will discourage us.

Even though I was skeptical about the marriage, it later commenced with less spending because the Nikkah was held in a mosque and a tent for refreshments.
After the marriage we tried to talk about it, and she told me, she was afraid, may be she was pregnant before the marriage that's why she insisted on going ahead with the marriage. She also revealed to me that she was not happy with the decision as well, means she also know the implications but she have to avoid the shame of stopping the marriage after inviting guests to the occasion.

During these period genotype before the marriage, my love for her reduced drastically because of her desperation and her refusal to understand the risk we are about to take. I tried to avoid pregnancy from our first month of marriage but I later gave up and she conceived immediately. Now she is closer to her delivery. We hardly talk or play together inside. We only discuss about feeding, maternity and things to get for the coming baby.
I discovered we quarrel over little things that can be over looked by lovers. I'm not happy in the marriage, I spend most of time watching TV or stay outside all day because of unresolved issues.

I'm planning to arrange for a divorce after she delivered the baby because this is my first baby and I would love to have 2 or 3 kids more. I can't take the risk of allowing any of my children to be a sickler.
Advise is needed if my plan for divorce is a good one and do I stand a chance of loosing anything?

You're resentful towards your wife.

Please try to be more supportive of her both physically and emotionally. She and the baby need you now more than ever.

I don't even understand people, I ve'always have this believe that people who might be neglecting issue of genotype are uneducated. When you guys were dating and considering future together, it didn't still cross your mind until after introduction to both family right? D deed has been done, just have faith and pray if u believe in miracles of God.

Brother, you seriously fúcked up.

You need to stop blaming your wife to ease the guilt inside you because you made a conscious decision to marry her and to conceive naturally.

Forgive yourselves and stop being miserable.

Advise is needed if my plan for divorce is a good one and do I stand a chance of loosing anything?

Not good. It's too early to quit and exit.
You don't need to divorce your wife to achieve your goal of having 2-3 more healthy children.

There are medical alternatives that will help you have sickle-cell free children. Just start saving.

Your unborn child has a 25% chance of turning out SS. She'll need both parents if this becomes a reality but I hope she doesn't have to suffer.

I thought there is now a test that can be done at a stage in pregnancy to determine the genotype of the foetus, and know what options are there before birth if it turns out to be SS.

The toughest part of been a man is the ability to make a decision and stand by it.... Why would you compromise your stand on the marriage issue??

Why would you make a decision based on the advice of those who have no interest in the outcome of such decision?

You put yourself into this and it should have been avoidable even by mere instinct.

Anyway my advice is that you should wait and let her deliver the baby first and see the genotype before you can know the next line of action but I don't support you breaking up with her

Please, there is nothing to be unhappy about. When you choose to be with someone, there are no inconveniences. You work through your problems together and build a formidable network of coping mechanisms.

Life always throws curve balls. I always welcome the challenges and try to deal with them as positively as possible. Yeah, it will be tough, but I don’t think I would want to be with anybody else, because I CHOSE to be WITH YOU.

You are frankly not ready for a relationship, not to mention marriage. The only reason you feel unhappy is that you are SELFISH and you lack INTEGRITY!

You are doomed to be unhappy in any relationship or marriage you get into anyhooooo. People like you always see the imperfections in others, while turning a blind eye to their own MEGA-FAULTS.

You lack resolve and will quit when the going gets tough. Are you the “GOD” that created people?

If you can’t accept your situation, please man up and leave the relationship. Hopefully, the next marriage won’t have BARRENNESS, HIV or CORONA as your excuse to be unhappy.

Shior!

Sorry you have to carry your Cross diligently and like a soldier. Life doesn't give you everything as you want .

As soon as you agreed to marry her, give her belle, u should equally take care of a pregnant woman you this wicked man.
Why are people so inhumane?

Abegi, I don tire for una

You weren't strong enough to resist the presure when you decided not to go ahead with the wedding, what makes you think you will have the strength to go through with a divorce?

Even worse, God forbid the child is SS, would you have the strength to care for YOUR child?

Dude, you need to work on yourself first before blaming anyone else. You need to KNOW what you want and stick with it. But you also need to know what you are responsible for and to and stick with that toom

Ordinary to date, i'll ask for ur genotype. As a scientist that i am, i know how important that question is. Oga, u really bleeped up for not asking her before proposing.

Be prayerful,GOD changed my course mate's genotype from AS to AA.Now they have two healthy kids even expecting the third ine.her husband is AS.there is nothing GOD cannot do.

KanwuliaExtra:
Please, there is nothing to be unhappy about. When you choose to be with someone, there are no inconveniences. You work through your problems together and build a formidable network of coping mechanisms.

Life always throws curve balls. I always welcome the challenges and try to deal with them as positively as possible. Yeah, it will be tough, but I don’t think I would want to be with anybody else, because I CHOSE to be WITH YOU.

You are frankly not ready for a relationship, not to mention marriage. The only reason you feel unhappy is that you are SELFISH and you lack INTEGRITY!

You are doomed to be unhappy in any relationship or marriage you get into anyhooooo. People like you always see the imperfections in others, while turning a blind eye to their own MEGA-FAULTS.

You lack resolve and will quit when the going gets tough. Are you the “GOD” that created people?

If you can’t accept your situation, please man up and leave the relationship. Hopefully, the next marriage won’t have BARRENNESS, HIV or CORONA as your excuse to be unhappy.

Shior!

Without checking your profile, I know this a female voice.
This is how majority of you always sound.
If I come come over here to seek for an advise during those period, people like you will ask me to go ahead without thinking of the implications.
Did you see me mention that I'm perfect? I'm a career also, AS. If I have known this earlier, I will insist on a relationship with only AA. Please, I can't stand any negative comments this moment as I'm a kind of guy that will never give a damn about your derailing opinion. I believe so much in God's will as well human personal endeavor to achieve whatever you desire. Gbogbo epe to ba she, o ma pada so ri e ni.
I bring out my story for others to learn ni. Only God knows what will happen later as I'm only contemplating divorce which I have not done yet. How many SS children have you helped to survive if you want people to continue breeding sickler?

Cancelling the marriage when you discovered your genotype incompatibility could have save you a your spouse from the heartache you're going through now
But all the same, the deed has been done already, you have to face it together.
You have a 25% chance of having a baby with SS genotype, let's just pray it turns out your first baby isn't SS.
Just try and support your wife now that she's pregnant.

janvier27:
I thought there is now a test that can be done at a stage in pregnancy to determine the genotype of the foetus, and know what options are there before birth if it turns out to be SS.

As for this, there are tests that can be carried out to determine the genotype of the foetus in utero..
Amniocentesis and Chorionic Villus sampling.

The is why I dislike men who can't make and stand by their decisions.Well,just pray your first child is not SS. As for divorcing her,go ahead.Goodluck.

FlordFlorez:
Ordinary to date, i'll ask for ur genotype. As a scientist that i am, i know how important that question is. Oga, u really bleeped up for not asking her before proposing.

He didn't know his genotype too, and he didn't know the importance, now he is scared about what the future will bring.
Op go and ask your sisters and sister in laws, they advised you to go ahead with the marriage.
Since you accepted to marry her, you should accept to love her too.

Let her have this baby first......

You have 95 percent of the blame!! Stop blaming your wife!

Oh well, pray the baby comes out with d AS genotype.

Carry your cross.

Petyprincess:
You have 95 percent of the blame!! Stop blaming your wife!

I didn't blame her but I have to tell everything as it happens. Her own reasons was she thinks she was pregnant before the marriage, she was in love and ready for marriage, and She can't stand the shame of calling off the marriage. Plus encouragement from her sisters.
I am taking good care of her as expected, but the flow is no longer there. She even frown at sex for some time, and I was not bothered also about sex, until recently when the doctor told her she will need it at this stage of her condition.

In this day and age,you didn't know your genotype and your wife too didn't know?
No one that is up to 25yrs now shouldn't know his or her genotype.It's almost unforgivable now.She also thought she was pregnant and you couldn't go to a lab and just run a test to confirm kwa?
That being said,why didn't you stick with calling off the marriage when you found out.It was the best option then.....shame or no shame!
As it stands now,you need to. decide on what you want but as a baby is on the way,you have to prepare for the birth first.If you are lucky the child turns out with a genotype that is not SS,then you weigh your further options.

Ejenavi18:
Cancelling the marriage when you discovered your genotype incompatibility could have save you a your spouse from the heartache you're going through now
But all the same, the deed has been done already, you have to face it together.
You have a 25% chance of having a baby with SS genotype, let's just pray it turns out your first baby isn't SS.
Just try and support your wife now that she's pregnant.
As for this, there are tests that can be carried out to determine the genotype of the foetus in utero..
Amniocentesis and Chorionic Villus sampling.

It's actually a 100% probability for EACH child conceived.It is a 25% chance for every four births.

janvier27:
I thought there is now a test that can be done at a stage in pregnancy to determine the genotype of the foetus, and know what options are there before birth if it turns out to be SS.

These tests are expensive and if it turns out the child is SS,the ONLY option is ABORTION.

In all your write up, I was looking for where she forced you at gun point to marry her, but its not there, so why are you making it seem like it's her fault? You walked to the Nikkah, you were not dragged, so own it and stop the blame game,

Anyway, the deed has been done, stay with her till she gives birth, then talk to her to make her understand that the more you both stay together, there is a chance of birthing SS, I'll never advice adults to stay together knowing they are both AS to marry or whatever, so pls divorce her, you're saving multiple lifes if you do that.

P.S nobody should come here and say there are solutions to it, not everyone can afford $10,000 to $1,000,000 for a bone marrow or whatever they call it.

ZeroShenanigan:
I'm above mid thirties, finished NYSC 2015 and i just secured a government teaching job after spending more than 3 years teaching in private schools. I met my wife earlier 2019, she was in her final year in school, we dated throughout the year and planned to get married after she graduated. She graduated and we make a move for our introduction, then we suggested to have the marriage before she go for her Nysc so as to enable her serve in our home state as I already have a rented apartment to start a small family.

As we were planning for the marriage, we were also planning her NYSC. She was required to have a medical certificate for the NYSC which of course required blood test including genotype. She came back with the result of her genotype as AS. That was the only time I remember to take genotype issue serious. Even if I have some little knowledge about it before, I decided to research more about it on the internet and also met some of my friends who are medically inclined. I came to realize my own genotype test is also important at that moment. I might have done the test in school but I didn't pay attention to it usefulness so I don't remember the result.

I don't usually fall sick except for normal malaria when there is mosquito bite, never had a drip line in my body for once, never slept in a hospital bed, I don't have any reason to take note of my genotype or blood test.

Her results then prompt me to have my own test done too which came out to be AS also. By these periods we have convinced our families to choose a date for the marriage so that we can have the wedding before her NYSC. Marriage is to hold in a week time when I got my own genotype result.
From my further findings about AS and AS couple, I discovered how risky it is for their offsprings. I tried to explain to her but she turned a deaf ear, she alleged me of trying to break her heart at that critical period. She reported to her sisters they tried to blame me but I make them all realized it's not my fault because throughout my visitation and introduction to their family nobody has ever ask us about genotype. I am an orphan, I don't have any closer family to guide me except for my sisters who can't wait for me to get married because of my age, they also had never thought of it as well.

My wife sisters gave us some examples of older couples who were both AS with only one or no sickler among their children. My wife also made a threat of killing herself or she kill me if the marriage didn't hold. She even suggested we proceed with the marriage and break up after few weeks of marriage because of the shame that may follow if we stop the marriage or maybe she was desperate because of the marriage certificate, I don't know. I maintained my stand of backing off the marriage but she reported to my sisters also. Her sisters and my sisters later tried to encourage us to go ahead with prayers since we have chosen the date. We were advised not to disclose our genotype result to anyone again because people will discourage us.

Even though I was skeptical about the marriage, it later commenced with less spending because the Nikkah was held in a mosque and a tent for refreshments.
After the marriage we tried to talk about it, and she told me, she was afraid, may be she was pregnant before the marriage that's why she insisted on going ahead with the marriage. She also revealed to me that she was not happy with the decision as well, means she also know the implications but she have to avoid the shame of stopping the marriage after inviting guests to the occasion.

During these period genotype before the marriage, my love for her reduced drastically because of her desperation and her refusal to understand the risk we are about to take. I tried to avoid pregnancy from our first month of marriage but I later gave up and she conceived immediately. Now she is closer to her delivery. We hardly talk or play together inside. We only discuss about feeding, maternity and things to get for the coming baby.
I discovered we quarrel over little things that can be over looked by lovers. I'm not happy in the marriage, I spend most of time watching TV or stay outside all day because of unresolved issues.

I'm planning to arrange for a divorce after she delivered the baby because this is my first baby and I would love to have 2 or 3 kids more. I can't take the risk of allowing any of my children to be a sickler.
Advise is needed if my plan for divorce is a good one and do I stand a chance of loosing anything?

@bold:

Sign of desperation which is/was a red flag. She did not want you, she wanted marriage.

A baby is almost here, forgive yourselves and move on.

After the birth, engage the gynecologist on what can be done to have more kids without SS.

If you have money for IVF where they can screen all the characteristics of the baby beforehand, do.

bjprodint:
Be prayerful,GOD changed my course mate's genotype from AS to AA.Now they have two healthy kids even expecting the third ine.her husband is AS.there is nothing GOD cannot do.

I'm a Christian o, but pls go and sleep, the Bible that said prevention is better than cure isn't stupid, God cannot be mocked.


Modified;

LewsTherin:
You weren't strong enough to resist the presure when you decided not to go ahead with the wedding, what makes you think you will have the strength to go through with a divorce?

Even worse, God forbid the child is SS, would you have the strength to care for YOUR child?

Dude, you need to work on yourself first before blaming anyone else. You need to KNOW what you want and stick with it. But you also need to know what you are responsible for and to and stick with that toom

Fountainofyouth:



I'm a Christian o, but pls go and sleep, the Bible that said prevention is better than cure isn't stupid, God cannot be mocked.

Fountainofyouth:



I'm a Christian o, but pls go and sleep, the Bible that said prevention is better than cure isn't stupid, God cannot be mocked.

an not lying,it actually happened.i didnt believe it myself until she testified in church.God may actually give the op two kids only and they will both be AS.

Graduates and no medical tests done in yr 1?

I really hope it works out well for you.

ZeroShenanigan:

I didn't blame her but I have to tell everything as it happens. Her own reasons was she thinks she was pregnant before the marriage, she was in love and ready for marriage, and She can't stand the shame of calling off the marriage. Plus encouragement from her sisters.
I am taking good care of her as expected, but the flow is no longer there. She even frown at sex for some time, and I was not bothered also about sex, until recently when the doctor told her she will need it at this stage of her condition.

Forgive yourselves and move on.

You guys are equal parts of a team.

How can you win at the game of life if you don't work and walk together?

ZeroShenanigan:

I didn't blame her but I have to tell everything as it happens. Her own reasons was she thinks she was pregnant before the marriage, she was in love and ready for marriage, and She can't stand the shame of calling off the marriage. Plus encouragement from her sisters.
I am taking good care of her as expected, but the flow is no longer there. She even frown at sex for some time, and I was not bothered also about sex, until recently when the doctor told her she will need it at this stage of her condition.

The doctor is right, I don't blame you both for the mixed feelings you're having presently, but which one is she "thinks" she was pregnant before the marriage? You that she told, can't you take her to the hospital to check if it's 100% positive or negative? Which kind yeye excuse is this? Which one is "she was in love"? Were you not in love with her too? This one you are using "was", the love don fade for una eyes right? Nawa o.

bjprodint:
an not lying,it actually happened.i didnt believe it myself until she testified in church.God may actually give the op two kids only and they will both be AS.

I insisit that you should go and sleep, you really need it.

You shouldn't have allowed yourself to be persuaded by her or her sisters to proceed with the marriage after finding out you're both AS. You shouldn't allow others to make such a life-changing decision for you, but the deed has been done, so just move forward with the marriage as best as you can now.