₦airaland Forum

Xj2020:
Yes. In my own case she deliberately got pregnant for me and I had no choice than to marry her thinking it was right thing to do. See my story below https://www.nairaland.com/5922955/how-cope-ill-mannered-housewife

If you are good you are good, and if you are bad you are bad. You might hide your bad side for a while. However, it is only a matter of time before everything would come out to the open. The Big Brother Show is a perfect example.
My story is that of a young chap that fell in love and got married to the women of his supposedly dream with kids. From day one till date, my beloved wife has been anything but a good housewife. She doesn't give me peace of mind. Always looking for ways to provoke me.
My wife isn't submissive. She is abusive and unappreciative of all I have done and have been doing for her and the children. This is even though the financial burden of the house has been mine 100% from the beginning to date. This is a woman that does not want to do any kind of work if it is not a government job. I have provided her with everything she asked for and even those things she didn't ask for. This woman has never lacked anything in my house to date
My beloved wife insults me in the presence of our kids. Mind you, I don't smoke, drink, and womanize. Neither have I laid my hands on her or intend on laying my hands on her. This is a woman I help with house chores like sweeping, washing the bathroom and toilets, and mobbing the house at my leisure time.
This woman has taken sides against in the time past when I had a misunderstanding with some persons outside. This woman isn't scared to insult my parents every time we have a misunderstanding. My mother-in-law isn't helping matter as she has continued to instigate her daughter against me.
I have finally decided to move out of the house for the now and see how things play out. If things don't improve, then I would have no choice than to seek divorce. Notwithstanding, the children would continue to be my responsibility.
Mature advice would be highly appreciated.

Any matured advice would be highly appreciated from the house.

It would interest the house to know that I am under 40 years old and a PhD. D holder in XXXXX in one of the foremost and most prestigious Federal University in Nigeria where I lectures. I have a First honours in XXXXXX in the same university. I was among the top three best graduating student in my Department and was adjudged best student in WASCE during my secondary school days; Best graduating student in my Department at the OND level before seeking and gaining direct entry admission into a Federal University; Won an award for best student at the 300 level in my Department that year. I was a committed member of Deeper Life despite coming from a Muslim. I still remember how my brother and I used to sneak out the house just for rehearsal that year. I was a member of the youth choir that year and I can still remember playing an active role in evangelizing and teaching search the scripture that year. I still remember going to music class that year and playing an active role in my school fellowship. Everything I am experiencing today is 100% my fault. How could I have fallen in love so blindly and got married to a member of a sect called "Grail Message: In the Light of the truth" without a comprehensive background check. Yes, she got pregnant for me outside wedlock which I take 100% responsibility for but still I shouldn't have allowed her cajoled and pushed me into marrying her talk less of having a court wedding. Do you know that this woman is holding on to the fact that she has children for me and that we did court wedding to do whatever she liked with full support from the mum. Do you know that this woman is very good at reporting everything that happens in my home to her mother? She wants a government job and nothing else. I tried my possible best to get her into my institution without success and she knows this. A woman that has never lack anything since we got married but has never been grateful for once in her life for all I have done to keep the home running. A woman that sees the family problem as solely my problem. I have been a member of Nairaland for years but decided to open this account to keep my identity private. I know for sure that if she happens to stumble on this thread she would definitely put 2+2 together to arrive at the conclusion that I am behind this thread. However, I do not care what she thinks or do anymore. I have already told her yesterday that I am through with her and I mean it. I still believe however that it isn't too late to change the narrative of my life. For all the guys’ out there forming 'I am in love' please and please open your eyes before you take that step to settle down with the woman of your dream as that lady could either make or mar you for life.

JustforMen:
I sure did.

The best babe I have ever met till date. She loved me whole heartedly but she wanted to get married and I was still in school.
I had to let her go but I still respect her and honestly, I still love her.
She got married then and I am also married to someone else now but I still feel she should have been my life partner.
Unfortunately, I hear she is not happy in her marriage now. I wish there is a way I can make her life happy.

zuby4real10:
She was so desperate to the extent that even if she wants to give or collect something from me she has to kneel small. Always calling me her husband. She is more than 100% nice and submissive.she is the only lady that I have ever see that didn't wait for her man to introduce her to his family. I don't even know how she got my mum's number nd start communicating with her. I single handed sponsored her 3 years NCE education. From the comments I am seen here on nairaland is as if as I am the only man that sponsored a lady's education with out regrets uptil date. My only problem with this lady is that she and her family are so poor to the extent that they see me as their meal ticket, as if as am the best thing that ever happens to them. I thinked about the liability of marrying this girl and her family own I run. Uptil now the lady is still waiting and begging for me to come back. She is always asking what she did wrong. I beg I no fit kill myself, love and loyalty alone can not sustain a marriage cos they can't pay bills.

Validated:
You are ungrateful. Who told you that she will be eternally poor? God gave you a soul mate to lift that family. He knows ways and means you do not. Go and marry that woman otherwise the next bus top might be disastrous.

merahki:
Someone wanted to be with you that much (even if she was desperate about it) and you call her “idiot lady”?
This is so mean.
Wow.

MiddleDimension:
i think the modern world is tilted in the favour of women.
the truth is that all genders have terrible people among them and that's why
in this day and age when every thing is in the favour of women, it is important
not to get naive and think women are not terrible people capable of immense harm to men
and while we keep ourselves aware of that, let us not also think that men cannot be terrible people
as we have seen from the comments in here.
so on issues like this, it is important we are wise and know what we say so we do not make
way for another equally bad behaviour.

boyjo:
Women are not terrible people oga.
Few women have acted terribly.

GODPUNISHUNA:
I wonder why our African women are so desperate for marriage. Ladies in the west could care less

ravensckar:
Honestly, when I read one-sided write ups like these, I feel appalled. Ain't there two sides to a coin any more? The so-called 'desperation' from ladies may not always be what you think. It could be a way of saying their own mind is made up. They have no more time to waste.

Now, let me shock you with my own story. When I met the lady I'm married to today, she told me straight up that she's not in for any long term relationship. She's almost done with school and that if the relationship won't lead to marriage, I should jejely excuse her. Me being the 'guyman' that I was then, I wanted to chop and clean mouth. I sha played along with the intent to chop until I'm full. Now, therein lies my confusion; the said lady in question was everything I wanted in a woman (beautiful, educated, well behaved, God-fearing and highly industrious). But I have just one problem; I wasn't ready for marriage. Money no dey, even the job I was doing then, salary was around 70K.


She sha encouraged me that we should pull our resources together and that we'll survive. Long story cut short, I decided to give it a shot. After all, person wey dey ground no get anywhere to fall to. We got married in less than 4 months of dating. When I mean married, I mean a proper and elaborate wedding. Brethrens, today we're still together. Yes, she's not perfect just like I'm not as well, but we are still happily married.

It was later I understood the reason for her 'desperation'. She had wasted too much time dating some Bleep boys, hence, she felt she has no more time to waste. To her, if it's not going to lead to marriage, then, she shouldn't even venture into it. What we guys see as 'desperation' to some ladies, it's called making up their mind.

askakim:
mine was a delta babe who was 30yrs already and I was just 29yrs...She wanted to know my parent and even came visting that my dad asked me indirectly if I was ready to settle down in the next 3 to 6 month with a peanut salary of 45k back then and her salary was double what I was earning... I Bleep with sense, anytime I want to release I quickly remove my stuff cos she sabi do the stuff well.. She then told me one Sunday to come n visit her not knowing she has plan my special delicious poundo yam n vegetables.. after finishing eating, we started again our pre-intimacy.. I lie to that I had Jedi Jedi when she was about going down low cos I knew it will result in pregnancy cos I was weak.. later a friend of mine told me she has another guy who was financially OK but she doesn't like him.. I got to know and later ended d relationship n the same month she was pregnant for the guy...Naso God safe me

pocohantas:
I can bet all these guys forming their girls were desperate are in their 20s.

There is really no desperate woman, there is a woman dating a man who is not READY!

Let these guys get to 33, their tone will change. Na today we start to see them.

zuby4real10:
what of if her so called loyalty and submission is conditional. Did some one better than me try to date her and she said no. She dumped some one that I am better than for me and am very certain that she will do desame for me. Oga loyalty is not loyalty until when tested.

dalass:
You're 100 percent correct dearie...

Most guys spewing nonsense here, I'm certain have been rejected/ embarrassed severely by ladies and even small girls. They will hide behind phones to be typing and forming Rambo on NL

Any lady, educated and established cannot beg a guy oh... I have never and can never do such.... Because she knows her worth and quite okay in her skin.. Only lazya be needy people can do the clingy thingy

Hilarious really!

Raalsalghul:
"Help her with a job?"

Are you serious?

luminouz:
Haba...after sponsoring her for three years,he should still get her a job? Do you even know his financial status or even if na businessman e be? What of his own family and other obligations? That dude tried biko. Besides,you didn't answer my question about being in his shoes or na only men suppose help women?

Raalsalghul:
What ifs, what ifs, what ifs! What if he had married her and he became more poorer catering for his immediate family and that of his wife's.

It's all permutations, no one is sure of the outcome.

You all should stop shaming the guy.

Look at you talking, as if you'll marry a broke guy from a poor family.

Blackmoran:
Yea my ex..... She came all the way from benue to leave with me, every day she keeps bombarding me with pictures of people wedding, fantasising on babies and us having kid together... Though this girl was cool she is homely can cook clean and kind of intelligent to spice it up my family loves her so much especially my dad, she has this free spirit personality.. But my instinct wasn't good with the idea it was too good to be true.. And secondly I wasn't ready financially to take on the burden of marriage but this girl never mind.... During December she travelled with my junior sister to his home town, to cut the story short I followed my instinct and today am a surviver of what would have given me heart attack....... During the thick of the moment she started showing are true colour, that homely girl started showing arrogant trait, the change was fast that I thought this can't be true... I did the right thing I broke up with her... Though my dad was sad about it but I let him know I know her more Than Them and what she portray is not who she is... A week after we brokeup my junior sister gave me the shocking news of my life.... That my ex was pregnant. . I didn't believe her cause We haven't had sex up to 4 months meaning when she was with me she was banging another dick... I waited till eight month later to find out she gave birth to a baby boy...and here let me burst your brain the father of the baby was my best friend who I trust so much...na that one pain me pass ... Lesson when a girl is trying to rush you into marraige run for your life.... If you want to get married do it at your convenient time... All girls would be at there good behavior during courtship, this one even take it to the extreme she even dey cut grass for compound... Na after marriage woman go show you are real colour....

DominusPrime:
I tell you my man!!! Although some are blameless for not being married at 30. But if you look around it's mostly cos these girls see fantasies on social media and will not settle for less.

peterangelo:
I'll like to learn from u

EdwardRandy:
I'm a living testimony bro

sassysure:
U want to marry me
I am a married woman of course.

Just wanted to let you guys know it ain't easy on babes too. In dormitory, I was nicknamed one guys name because he couldn't give up. Till I went to uni.

He is one of my cousin's friend. Took my picture( don't know if its with his permission) from his house and enlarged. Hung in his sitting room.
When he finally got the message that I don't want to marry him, he went for another person. It was around Easter break and I came home from school, was jisting with a nebor when I saw a convoy of cars,asked and was told it's the guy. This guy still stopped, walked up to where me and the elderly woman were. Thank goodness for that woman. She deflected what would have hung me finally. I saw this guy with the wife drove pass me the next day, he stopped and came out to greet me. I have to involve the head of his family. I sneak in to my village towards late evening, use apiam way and enter my house through the backyard. Stay with my mum without coming out till I leave. All because of men. They will be at the compound with the elders and I will jump fence from the back and disappear straight to my mum's hometown.

Girls get it worst. They will ruin your reputation. They will go to beer parlour and make u the topic of discussion.
A babe almost blinded me with very long cane simply because her so called boyfriend wanted to marry me. His dad mandated him to marry me. Have never met the guy. Actually bypassed him on his way to my house to see me
He don't know me either. It wasn't easy for me at all. Some babes get guys who want to befriend them, I get suitors. Had few,very few guys who want to befriend me and all were outside my state.

Some will stalk you.

So when u guys are busy making it look like babes are all over you, know that your brothers are killing themselves over other women. They spent money, they can go to any length.

The way men aggressively pursued me actually had a very negative effect on me toward men cos it was suffocating and too clingy. Yeah, at a point my mummy got worried cos I never responded positively to any.

You want to know about what women pass through in the hands of men, u will never find it here, go to hair salon or campus and you will be shocked to see the level men( not boys) with money and class will go to have a babe answer his name.

farem:
The bolded is the delusion of a religious but godless soul.
Imagine a serial fornicator also claiming a god!
I doubt if the pastors of these ones will ever make heaven

luminouz:
He is ungrateful?


Did you read his story at all or just being emotional...

Oh,so he should now marry her as a favour or he will come to ruin? What kind of VALIDATED are you?

ravensckar:
Honestly, when I read one-sided write ups like these, I feel appalled. Ain't there two sides to a coin any more? The so-called 'desperation' from ladies may not always be what you think. It could be a way of saying their own mind is made up. They have no more time to waste.

Now, let me shock you with my own story. When I met the lady I'm married to today, she told me straight up that she's not in for any long term relationship. She's almost done with school and that if the relationship won't lead to marriage, I should jejely excuse her. Me being the 'guyman' that I was then, I wanted to chop and clean mouth. I sha played along with the intent to chop until I'm full. Now, therein lies my confusion; the said lady in question was everything I wanted in a woman (beautiful, educated, well behaved, God-fearing and highly industrious). But I have just one problem; I wasn't ready for marriage. Money no dey, even the job I was doing then, salary was around 70K.


She sha encouraged me that we should pull our resources together and that we'll survive. Long story cut short, I decided to give it a shot. After all, person wey dey ground no get anywhere to fall to. We got married in less than 4 months of dating. When I mean married, I mean a proper and elaborate wedding. Brethrens, today we're still together. Yes, she's not perfect just like I'm not as well, but we are still happily married.

It was later I understood the reason for her 'desperation'. She had wasted too much time dating some Bleep boys, hence, she felt she has no more time to waste. To her, if it's not going to lead to marriage, then, she shouldn't even venture into it. What we guys see as 'desperation' to some ladies, it's called making up their mind.

mikolo80:
us it now their fault that they are in their 20s

mrdino:
Bro, I agree with everything you typed here, but please note that, there is no "convenient" time for marriage.

Happyguy201:
you wont find girls in these type of topics , I'm really glad that men are finally wising up and becoming smart everyday.