This table we are all shaking!!!!

That video salford shared encapsulates it all....if the relationship is genuine and loving, conflict will happen but the "home staying, school run doing, human hair wearing, gucci bag carrying party" (the lady) will be happy to adjust if needed; get a job and be a financial contributor. Similarly, the "suit wearing, come back from work at midnight and do nothing else in the house party" (the gentleman) will also be happy to adjust if needed; by doing house chores and being more involved in childcare. They will talk about it, quarrel a bit, but eventually work it out.

I suspect, the people who drag each other to court when they get to Canny probably already had major undelrlying issues (even if they were unspoken) and were already full of resentment and bitterness. The change of location was just an excellent opportunity to kuku get their pound of flesh.

In awarding child custody, they will usually look at things like who is the primary carer of the child. The person with custody is the person that would typically be entitled to child support. It very simple logic. A child remains the responsibility of both parents and so both parents should contribute towards the child's upbringing. That is why men and women can be ordered to pay child and spousal support depending on who earns more and how custody is shared.

Upon divorce, except where there is a prenup ,whatever financial gain made during the marriage subject to few exceptions are divided equally between the parties. So one party rarely ends up wealthier than another. Read about the principle of equalization of net family property just in case you are interested in knowing more.

What needs to be done is to return to the drawing board. You will need to negotiate on the roles you play in the family going forward and see if your visions for the future will align with the realities in Canada so that no one feels cheated and starts acting up.

Meanwhile if before marriage, you were forming "I am a traditional man, my wife cannot work" and she was forming " I am a traditional woman, my place is in the kitchen" and based on that premise, you guys got married. It would be unfair to unilaterally change that contract. The traditional model still work for some families here, since childcare is quite expensive.

Personally I think going to work is easier than child care and housework, and there is an opportunity cost that the stay-at-home spouse pays. That is, the loss of opportunity to grow their career. I think it is wrong to look down on stay at home parents or classify them as lazy people.

For those of you considering getting a prenup, please remember to do it right. Use a lawyer(yes, they are expensive, but it's better to do it right) . Then your fiance/fiancee should also seek independent legal advice so that the chances of issues arising as to the validity of your prenup will be minimized.

Alero3Arubi:

With the way things are going i think everyone should protect themselves.
A prenup also helps the lady if you know you are a hardworker. So you do not loose your sweat during issues.
As much as i do not hope to have problems in marriage i just hope the person i end up with agrees to a prenup.
You cannot trust the future with the present.

The bolded, word!!!

Dre's wife just filed for divorce after 24 years of marriage.

A good person has nothing to fear, yes that's true, if we were living in another planet, maybe Pluto. Good people now get hurt. We can only hope for the best.

Lets all keep on doing good as humans (whether married or single) and at the same time prepare for anything because in this life, nothing, absolutely is guaranteed.

I rest my case on this issue.

19CannyMum:


I've heard a lot in Nigeria, but I'm yet to meet in Canada. All the Nigerian women I've been meeting are either looking for work, working, or even hustling (buying and selling stuff, baking/cooking and selling etc.). Maybe it's just the people I'm meeting sha. Even in Nigeria it's quite cultural because where I grew up it's a woman that trains her children lol. The man just married multiple wives and lives his life while the women raise their children plus feed the man self.

The only place you can really wear your human hair and full makeup to is Nigerian church, nobody else cares much lol. You cannot spray perfume at moist workplaces. Minimalistic makeup and jewelry is the general work culture here. You can sha spend big money on expensive but minimalistic looking stuff sha, brand names and stuff.

The truth is, our Nigerian gender system in my opinion is skewed af and like Einsteino said, everybody is supposed to adjust to the new reality here. There is more you being a man than providing financially and there's more to being a woman than being able to cook and clean. Having a good life here is all about combined household income. Imagine a couple living in Toronto where house prices start from 1m and the woman does not want to be financially useful. LMAO.

However, even as you expect the woman to change role, you can start small small by splitting chores with her. Be the change you want to see .The other time we had that argument here, and so many people came out to be saying how can your wife expect you to do chores? Lol.

As for that Yankee case, note that if it was in Canada and they get divorced, the woman will be paying spouse support lol because she's the income earner. The house husband in this case is the weaker party and will gain massively from the divorce. If he's been the one taking care of the children self he'll be able to seek full custody and then he'll probably get the house. She'll also have to make child support payments even if they have joint custody.

With regards to the part in bold:

Many people do not know that the law here is that who ever makes more (man or woman) supports the other person if they have to divorce. The reason we hear more of the stories of men supporting the women are twofold. First, men on the average make more money than the women and second, due to men ego (black or white), we tend not to pursue our wifes for spousal support after divorce in cases where they are making more than us.

As for how it works in the US, while I don’t live in the US, I do know that it works the same way in some states in the US (and I guess it will probably the same all over the US). There was a situation in one of the US states that I watched on the TV about 10 years ago where the ex-wife (an African American) sued her ex-husband (also an African American) for spousal support after divorce. However, instead of getting the support she sued for, she was the one that was ordered to be paying the ex-husband spousal support because she was now making way more money than the ex-husband.

The full story was that, the ex-husband was self-employed, and business was doing so well. He married the ex-wife who was from a poor background and sent her to school to study nursing. When the ex-wife finished nursing school and started working her ex-husband did not allow her to contribute to the family expenses because his business was doing so well. So, she was just spending her money on luxury items on herself only while the ex-husband continued to spoil her with money. As time went by, the ex-husband business collapsed, and she had to be the breadwinner. Things became so difficult for them that they eventually divorced. Out of ignorance, she sued the husband for spousal support claiming that she could not sustain her life style with her current income only (forgetting that she now has more money than the husband). Long story short, she was the one that was eventually ordered to be paying spousal support to the husband. Good thing was they had no kids.

Here in Canada, there is another case of a very close female friend of mine who divorced her husband and currently paying spousal support to the husband. She has custody of the kids as well and taking care of them alone. This friend of mine and her husband were originally from Jamaica.

Well, it's not too late for the married ones. Postnup is permitted in Canada.

Claire40:
In awarding child custody, they will usually look at things like who is the primary carer of the child. The person with custody is the person that would typically be entitled to child support. It very simple logic. A child remains the responsibility of both parents and so both parents should contribute towards the child's upbringing. That is why men and women can be ordered to pay child and spousal support depending on who earns more and how custody is shared.

Upon divorce, except where there is a prenup ,whatever financial gain made during the marriage subject to few exceptions are divided equally between the parties. So one party rarely ends up wealthier than another. Read about the principle of equalization of net family property just in case you are interested in knowing more.

What needs to be done is to return to the drawing board. You will need to negotiate on the roles you play in the family going forward and see if your visions for the future will align with the realities in Canada so that no one feels cheated and starts acting up.

Meanwhile if before marriage, you were forming "I am a traditional man, my wife cannot work" and she was forming " I am a traditional woman, my place is in the kitchen" and based on that premise, you guys got married. It would be unfair to unilaterally change that contract. The traditional model still work for some families here, since childcare is quite expensive.

Personally I think going to work is easier than child care and housework, and there is an opportunity cost that the stay-at-home spouse pays. That is, the loss of opportunity to grow their career. I think it is wrong to look down on stay at home parents or classify them as lazy people.

For those of you considering getting a prenup, please remember to do it right. Use a lawyer(yes, they are expensive, but it's better to do it right) . Then your fiance/fiancee should also seek independent legal advice so that the chances of issues arising as to the validity of your prenup will be minimized.

@Claire40:

Everything you said here is so on point. I particularly like the part in bold and I think it is worthwhile to make those parts stand out so as to educate some of us here who do not understand (or misunderstand as the case may be) the fair and just system we have here in Canada when it comes to handling marital issues.

Claire40:
In awarding child custody, they will usually look at things like who is the primary carer of the child. The person with custody is the person that would typically be entitled to child support. It very simple logic. A child remains the responsibility of both parents and so both parents should contribute towards the child's upbringing. That is why men and women can be ordered to pay child and spousal support depending on who earns more and how custody is shared.

Upon divorce, except where there is a prenup ,whatever financial gain made during the marriage subject to few exceptions are divided equally between the parties. So one party rarely ends up wealthier than another. Read about the principle of equalization of net family property just in case you are interested in knowing more.

What needs to be done is to return to the drawing board. You will need to negotiate on the roles you play in the family going forward and see if your visions for the future will align with the realities in Canada so that no one feels cheated and starts acting up.

Meanwhile if before marriage, you were forming "I am a traditional man, my wife cannot work" and she was forming " I am a traditional woman, my place is in the kitchen" and based on that premise, you guys got married. It would be unfair to unilaterally change that contract. The traditional model still work for some families here, since childcare is quite expensive.

Personally I think going to work is easier than child care and housework, and there is an opportunity cost that the stay-at-home spouse pays. That is, the loss of opportunity to grow their career. I think it is wrong to look down on stay at home parents or classify them as lazy people.

For those of you considering getting a prenup, please remember to do it right. Use a lawyer(yes, they are expensive, but it's better to do it right) . Then your fiance/fiancee should also seek independent legal advice so that the chances of issues arising as to the validity of your prenup will be minimized.

Your post is very good.

The couple have to establish a common ground that works for them. What works for couple A might not work for couple B. What would break the union of couple B might be what will make the union of couple A stronger.

A good example is that of one of my neighbors here. I met them when I moved to the small city I currently live in. They both decided to move to their current location, so that the wife can practice as a Specialist Physician. She was a family doctor in the big city before they moved. The husband was employed in the big city and had a steady income stream. Now that they moved here, the wife would have likely doubled her wage while the husband has moved into self-employment in a different field and spends a lot of time as a stay at home spouse with the kids.

Interestingly, the husband also sacrificed his own career when they left Nigeria some 19-20 years ago. Husband was a special adviser to a governor while wife worked at a private hospital.

Looking at them now, they seem to be doing very okay and wife has her own clinic too.

There would be sacrifices for sure. Most importantly, there is the need for couples to be flexible and have a good talk with themselves on what their goals are. Canada will test their love and bond.

Mamaroon:
This table we are all shaking!!!!

That video salford shared encapsulates it all....if the relationship is genuine and loving, conflict will happen but the "home staying, school run doing, human hair wearing, gucci bag carrying party" (the lady) will be happy to adjust if needed; get a job and be a financial contributor. Similarly, the "suit wearing, come back from work at midnight and do nothing else in the house party" (the gentleman) will also be happy adjust if needed; by doing house chores and being morr involved in childcare. They will talk about it, quarrel a bit, but eventually work it out.

I suspect, the people who drag each other to court when they get to Canny probably already had major undelrlying issues (even if they were unspoken) and were already full of resentment and bitterness. The change of location was just an excellent opportunity to kuku get their pound of flesh.

Gucci wearing. Is she hushpuppy
Table don break a long time ago.

True though. My case mirrors the video shared by Marina.

I have seen atleast 3 Nigerian homes disintegrate since I moved to Canada a few years ago, and I wasn't going to let mine go the same way. I had to adjust, but it was tough. The changes did not come easy, and my wife had to force it. Before we moved to Canada, the only thing I was good at was washing plates (two of us) and cooking white rice or making Eba (only when I was hungry and wife was not at home). I was also the custodian of the remote control with legs raised up on a footstool with toothpick in my mouth.

Now I can cook almost all Nigerian food. Infact cooking is now one of my good hobbies. Thanks to Sisi yemmi and other Instagrams foodies. I can do almost anything a woman can do. Hence, house chores are shared equally. When I agreed to take some of the chores, I also ensured that bills were now going to be split in equal halves. We reached an agreement on that, so more money in my pocket too.

I know some Nigerian men might call me sisi or whatever name. I don't mind, I would rather have my family together than let ego split the family. A family achieves more when they are together than doing it alone. The kids would be better for it too.

e author=salford1 post=91246970]
Gucci wearing. Is she hushpuppy
Table don break a long time ago.

True though. My case mirrors the video shared by Marina.

I have seen atleast 3 Nigerian homes disintegrate since I moved to Canada a few years ago, and I wasn't going to let mine go the same way. I had to adjust, but it was tough. The changes did not come easy, and my wife had to force it. Before we moved to Canada, the only thing I was good at was washing plates (two of us) and cooking white rice or making Eba (only when I was hungry and wife was not at home). I was also the custodian of the remote control with legs raised up on a footstool with toothpick in my mouth.

Now I can cook almost all Nigerian food. Infact cooking is now one of my good hobbies. Thanks to Sisi yemmi and other Instagrams foodies. I can do almost anything a woman can do. Hence, house chores are shared equally. When I agreed to take some of the chores, I also ensured that bills were now going to be split in equal halves. We reached an agreement on that, so more money in my pocket too.

I know some Nigerian men might call me sisi or whatever name. I don't mind, I would rather have my family together than let ego split the family. A family achieves more when they are together than doing it alone. The kids would be better for it too.

You're lucky she agrees to go Dutch with you. Some folks aren't. You pick up her traditional roles and keep all your traditional roles. Mehn! Na death or split be the case.

I was also the custodian of the remote control with legs raised up on a footstool with toothpick in my mouth.
Lol...Chairman


I know some Nigerian men might call me sisi or whatever name. I don't mind, I would rather have my family together than let ego split the family. A family achieves more when they are together than doing it alone. The kids would be better for it too.[/quote]
I appreciate this point u made bros, definitely something has got to give from both party to sustain a marriage bond.

Happy Canada Day to all of us.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7_ZUBjuTi4

nitrogen:
Well, it's not too late for the married ones. Postnup is permitted in Canada.

How do you intend to raise this discussion post marriage? If it ever gets to the point, the union is gone already.

Happy Canada day 2020 enjoy and stay safe all

MayorOfEdmonton:
I was also the custodian of the remote control with legs raised up on a footstool with toothpick in my mouth.
Lol...Chairman


I know some Nigerian men might call me sisi or whatever name. I don't mind, I would rather have my family together than let ego split the family. A family achieves more when they are together than doing it alone. The kids would be better for it too.
I appreciate this point u made bros, definitely something has got to give from both party to sustain a marriage bond.

Absolutely.

Happy Canada Day Nairaland family.

St. Patrick’s Island

Harvie Passage

Our magnificent central library.

Harvie Passage!

Happy Canada �� Day from Calgary, Alberta

Please i am interested

Deniceone:

Please I am interested. Sent you a mail.

Hi @kraits03. I’m interested in a chartered flight to Canada. Kindly advise the process of joining the WhatsApp group. Thanks

Hi @ednut. I’m interested in a chartered flight to Canada. Kindly advise the process of joining the WhatsApp group. Thanks

Hello Everyone,

Any Nigerian staying in Meadow Lake Saskatchewan. Kindly contact me. Plssss

Regards

19CannyMum:


I've heard a lot in Nigeria, but I'm yet to meet in Canada. All the Nigerian women I've been meeting are either looking for work, working, or even hustling (buying and selling stuff, baking/cooking and selling etc.). Maybe it's just the people I'm meeting sha. Even in Nigeria it's quite cultural because where I grew up it's a woman that trains her children lol. The man just married multiple wives and lives his life while the women raise their children plus feed the man self.

The only place you can really wear your human hair and full makeup to is Nigerian church, nobody else cares much lol. You cannot spray perfume at most workplaces. Minimalistic makeup and jewelry is the general work culture here. You can sha spend big money on expensive but minimalistic looking stuff sha, brand names and stuff.

The truth is, our Nigerian gender system in my opinion is skewed af and like Einsteino said, everybody is supposed to adjust to the new reality here. There is more you being a man than providing financially and there's more to being a woman than being able to cook and clean. Having a good life here is all about combined household income. Imagine a couple living in Toronto where house prices start from 1m and the woman does not want to be financially useful. LMAO.

However, even as you expect the woman to change role, you can start small small by splitting chores with her. Be the change you want to see .The other time we had that argument here, and so many people came out to be saying how can your wife expect you to do chores? Lol.

As for that Yankee case, note that if it was in Canada and they get divorced, the woman will be paying spouse support lol because she's the income earner. The house husband in this case is the weaker party and will gain massively from the divorce. If he's been the one taking care of the children self he'll be able to seek full custody and then he'll probably get the house. She'll also have to make child support payments even if they have joint custody.

I wish I could like this a thousand times.

listowell:
@einsteino, it is always men. Women are never wrong, remember that. They come with you, don't wanna work, have been hiding under we are raising your children while in Nigeria. Now they still wanna Gucci and stuff. If you no agree, police shows..you get kicked out. She brings in her bf and you still contribute to the rent or mortgage. Nobody Sabi abuse system reach women! I heard one even ran off with pr bf abandoning her hubby and three children because their app failed, you know they came via US. How can you forsake your family or hubby because of failed asylum app?

Some men get their own Shaa.

Well, there are quite a number of ladies among our kind that live off men. However, I don't think there are enough to make that the narrative of Nigerian ladies. I don't have any Nigerian female friend here that I know to be lazy. I would think after Asian ladies, Nigerian ladies are the next on most industrious here or maybe I haven't been paying attention. I get that people pretend but times, we also open eyed walk into marriages with people who are nothing but trouble waiting to happen. So, maybe we should also learn to be a bit more cautious and stop worrying about Trophies.

This thing is a two way street sha, women suffer at the hands of men too. Talking about forsaking family, women are still learning in that dept, inshort they would never win men in that one lol. I personally know of a lady back in Nigeria who borrowed money and sold properties to help her hubby travel to Canada many years ago. Oga got to Canada, remarried and cut off ties with his wife and kids back home. It is over a decade now, oga has not even bothered to get in touch with his kids. I have also met someone here in Canada who has a family here, but secretly went back home to marry someone else. Inshort, when I was growing up, it was quite common during burials for people to learn that their deceased Dad secretly had a family with another woman.

If you hear women talk about their experience with men, you'd be scared for your daughters and sisters. There are terrible men as there are women. Men are only at the receiving end now because the system in attempting to protect women from a history of terrible/abusive men, have made it possible for even good men to suffer for no fault of theirs. So, I'd say we all just chill, and make a risk management plan that looks out for ourselves. Hopefully, people would start to speak out and someday the these laws would be revised.

einsteino:


Well, there are quite a number of ladies among our kind that live off men. However, I don't think there are enough to make that the narrative of Nigerian ladies. I don't have any Nigerian female friend here that I know to be lazy. I would think after Asian ladies, Nigerian ladies are the next on most industrious here or maybe I haven't been paying attention. I get that people pretend but times, we also open eyed walk into marriages with people who are nothing but trouble waiting to happen. So, maybe we should also learn to be a bit more cautious and stop worrying about Trophies.

This thing is a two way street sha, women suffer at the hands of men too. Talking about forsaking family, women are still learning in that dept, inshort they would never win men in that one lol. I personally know of a lady back in Nigeria who borrowed money and sold properties to help her hubby travel to Canada many years ago. Oga got to Canada, remarried and cut off ties with his wife and kids back home. It is over a decade now, oga has not even bothered to get in touch with his kids. I have also met someone here in Canada who has a family here, but secretly went back home to marry someone else. Inshort, when I was growing up, it was quite common during burials for people to learn that their deceased Dad secretly had a family with another woman.

If you hear women talk about their experience with men, you'd be scared for your daughters and sisters. There are terrible men as there are women. Men are only at the receiving end now because the system in attempting to protect women from a history of terrible/abusive men, have made it possible for even good men to suffer for no fault of theirs. So, I'd say we all just chill, and make a risk management plan that looks out for ourselves. Hopefully, people would start to speak out and someday the these laws would be revised.

It is the same thing. I hate it when folks think once it comes to cheating, beating, manipulation, taking advantage and ill-treatments only men do those. I never wanted a trophy wife and won't get one. Nothing is gender-restrictive. Work things out with your partner,spouse, quit or never get married. You know people change but above all let's be alive!

listowell:

It is the same thing. I hate it when folks think once it comes to cheating, beating, manipulation, taking advantage and ill-treatments only men do those. I never wanted a trophy wife and won't get one. Nothing is gender-restrictive. Work things out with your partner,spouse, quit or never get married. [b]You know people change [/b]but above all let's be alive!

mehn in the bolded is one of my biggest fears lol. marriage is like shooting at a moving target. One has to choose to marry someone based on their now and pray the person doesnt drift too far from their kernel. lol infact it is a miracle that people can even be together for long because we all change over time.

SixSigma1:


With regards to the part in bold:

Many people do not know that the law here is that who ever makes more (man or woman) supports the other person if they have to divorce. The reason we hear more of the stories of men supporting the women are twofold. First, men on the average make more money than the women and second, due to men ego (black or white), we tend not to pursue our wifes for spousal support after divorce in cases where they are making more than us.

As for how it works in the US, while I don’t live in the US, I do know that it works the same way in some states in the US (and I guess it will probably the same all over the US). There was a situation in one of the US states that I watched on the TV about 10 years ago where the ex-wife (an African American) sued her ex-husband (also an African American) for spousal support after divorce. However, instead of getting the support she sued for, she was the one that was ordered to be paying the ex-husband spousal support because she was now making way more money than the ex-husband.

The full story was that, the ex-husband was self-employed, and business was doing so well. He married the ex-wife who was from a poor background and sent her to school to study nursing. When the ex-wife finished nursing school and started working her ex-husband did not allow her to contribute to the family expenses because his business was doing so well. So, she was just spending her money on luxury items on herself only while the ex-husband continued to spoil her with money. As time went by, the ex-husband business collapsed, and she had to be the breadwinner. Things became so difficult for them that they eventually divorced. Out of ignorance, she sued the husband for spousal support claiming that she could not sustain her life style with her current income only (forgetting that she now has more money than the husband). Long story short, she was the one that was eventually ordered to be paying spousal support to the husband. Good thing was they had no kids.

Here in Canada, there is another case of a very close female friend of mine who divorced her husband and currently paying spousal support to the husband. She has custody of the kids as well and taking care of them alone. This friend of mine and her husband were originally from Jamaica.

I think it is the same in the U.S because a friend in the U.S was able to get his wife to sign a post-nup. The wife earns more than him right now, so it made sense for her to sign.

flyingpig:


If I was God of heaven and earth, I would swear by My Own Holy Name to enrich you with wealth, and bless your generations for exhibiting this height of wisdom.

ah from your mouth to God. iseee o! lol

capsule:


Some women are really gaming the system big time, they get into marriage with the sole aim of a divorce later on. Even after a costly divorce, they demand for all sort of settlement just to keep the man in penury. Some are intentional so the man will not even be able to afford a date night with another woman, yet they always have a new guy in the house paid/still being paid for by the ex.

One man I know who just retired lost His house to the wife, now staying with the brother.

Please if you're still dating,watch out for abusive behaviors/words, and leave if/while you can, don't ever use 'but She/He loves me ' line to tolerate unacceptable behavior.

I don't even think that marriage is a requirement to make Heaven, Valhalla or inherit the earth (as it applies to you).

There is a guy on Qoura who few years to his retirement got into a divorce, now he has to work even after retiring because he has lost his all. Dr Dre's wife is filing for a divorce after 24years of marriage. Mehn she doesn't even need to be treated badly to wake up and say she wants out. it is easy to want out if you are going to get paid heavily for leaving lol. lots of folks in this country are tied down with Alimony and child support payments. It's weird why people don't get a prenup, too many over optimistic men out there.