Hello good people of NL, hope u all are good and staying safe this period.

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.

To start with, I'm a federal government worker, married with two beautiful kids 5 and 3. My husband has been out of work for the past two years. All family responsibility(house rent, kids school fees, groceries, gas, feeding) has always been on my shoulders and I carry without complaints, sometimes with joy knowing it won't last forever and praying God favours my husband with a job.

Since March we've been out of work, but we are being paid. My salary is a little bit above 100k. I'm servicing a loan with 30% of my salary which will end by September. When salaries are paid I'm left with a little bit above 70k. From that 70k I buy groceries of about 40k or more for the month which includes(cartons of noodles, eggs, pasta, milk, milo, yam, beans, gas etc) the 30k or less I'm left with will be for cooking soup, fuel for the Gen, pocket money for my hubby, buying things for my kids etc and before the month runs out I'm out of cash save for the foodstuffs stored at home. Our yearly rent is 350k and it still falls on me alone. Most times I borrow to make up the rent which will be deducted from my salary later with interest.

My husband is trying hard to get a job but it's not bn easy for him. His pride won't let him seek for job outside our state. He believes he's a fine boy. He doesn't help me out on anything still I don't complain or nag him because I do not want to add to his problems.

I work very hard for this money by practically starving my self. No good clothes, no good shoes, no nice weavon absolutely nothing yet my husband wears the best of clothes. My clothes are all tattered and worn out yet I cannot buy anything for myself.

I was scrolling online where I saw beautiful gowns, shoes and hair wig I'd really love to have yet it hurts that I can't have them yet I can afford it but it will affect my family.
Most of my clothes and shoes I still wear were all I bought while ii was single.

I really feel I could take out like 100k and invest in myself cos person wey dey go out suppose look good but again my family.

It hurts when u work daily, see the money but can't buy things u need/want.

Your husband is lazy... Im sure your state is not Lagos or Abuja, yet he doesnt want to relocate to look for a job.. i think you are his problem, you have spoilt him..

Coldplay007:
Your husband is lazy... Im sure your state is not Lagos or Abuja, yet he doesnt want to relocate to look for a job.. i think you are his problem, you have spoilt him..

He's trying. On some part I will agree with u he's lazy. I've begged severally we move out to a lower house cos of rent but his pride won't let him rather he will end up saying words that made him a victim and making me feel bad.

No savings when he lost his job? I asked this because I don't believe people (always) go broke immediately they lose their job. There are people that would survive quite well for at least 6 months to a year without a job.

He buys nice clothes for himself out of your salary while you make do with old and tattered clothes? Is this true?

What does it even mean to call someone that lost his/her job 'lazy'? I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I lost a job? Perhaps, begin to walk from Obalende to Mowe Mondays to Fridays to show that I'm super hard- walking ?

I understand the frustration. Women always try to resist the idea of providing whether on a short-term or long-term. May be it wasn't what you signed up for but then, life happens. This is what a lot of us fail to consider before tying the nut.

Not sure I have the right words for you. But, I would urge you to hold on and continue to encourage your man. Show your frustration through your gentle words. He would get the message someday.

Funmilehot:
He's trying. On some part I will agree with u he's lazy. I've begged severally we move out to a lower house cos of rent but his pride won't let him rather he will end up saying words that made him a victim and making me feel bad.

Be selfish with ur next salary. Apart from searching for a job, can't he learn business and b useful to you and his kids?

2 years is way too long to be carrying a full grown man who got pride and not even disabled o. Better remove that sucker from his mouth.

For the past two years, your husband has been outta work and has refused to get a job, no matter how small so he can support you.

Women like you should be commended but the truth is, if you continue like these, you may breakdown someday and your husband, Mr. Fine Boy will go after another woman.

Have you spoken to him that you need him to support you?

Som men are just useless.

Funmilehot:
He's trying. On some part I will agree with u he's lazy. I've begged severally we move out to a lower house cos of rent but his pride won't let him rather he will end up saying words that made him a victim and making me feel bad.

He is using emotional blackmail to get to you.

I think you should stop sponsoring his lavish lifestyle. If he needs to look for a means to take care of his bills.

Acidosis:

No savings when he lost his job?

He buys nice clothes for himself out of your salary while you make do with old and tattered clothes?

What does it even mean to call someone that lost his/her job 'lazy'? I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I lost a job? Perhaps, walking from Obalende to Mowe from Monday to Friday to show that I'm super hardworking?

When u sit on ur ass for 2 years without getting a job and relying on ur wife's money to look good. Plus advice to step low to reduce cost but you don't agree even if u not contributing 1 kobo. That's laziness.

SweetCunt97:
When u sit on ur ass for 2 years without getting a job and relying on ur wife's money to look good. Plus advice to step low to reduce cost but you don't agree even if u not contributing 1 kobo. That's laziness.

Not working your ass out doesn't always imply laziness. And not everyone that stays out of a job for 2 years beg or rely on their wives' salary for 2 years. If I lose my job today, begging won't resume tomorrow.

Acidosis:



Not working your ass out doesn't always imply laziness. And not everyone that stays out of a job for 2 years beg or rely on their wives' salary for 2 years. If I lose my job today, begging won't resume tomorrow.

Acid the man has been jobless for 2 years. Why talking about you? If he works from home, that's even different. What's stopping him from joining fiverr or other online platform

Reduce the amount spent on groceries.
Give him pocket money once in a while when there is need.
Buy ok clothing items, some of them are good.Don't wait for the cash to be bulky. It can be 2 or 3k. My concern is you not having savings.

Coldplay007:
Your husband is lazy... Im sure your state is not Lagos or Abuja, yet he doesnt want to relocate to look for a job.. i think you are his problem, you have spoilt him..

A man is jobless no mean laziness...the wife said "out if job for 2 years",so not like he has never worked before...no man is lazy,just dat his own opportunity never come.

Funmilehot:
He's trying. On some part I will agree with u he's lazy. I've begged severally we move out to a lower house cos of rent but his pride won't let him rather he will end up saying words that made him a victim and making me feel bad.

Say what

Funmilehot:
Hello good people of NL, hope u all are good and staying safe this period.

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.

To start with, I'm a federal government worker, married with two beautiful kids 5 and 3. My husband has been out of work for the past two years. All family responsibility(house rent, kids school fees, groceries, gas, feeding) has always been on my shoulders and I carry without complaints, sometimes with joy knowing it won't last forever and praying God favours my husband with a job.

Since March we've been out of work, but we are being paid. My salary is a little bit above 100k. I'm servicing a loan with 30% of my salary which will end by September. When salaries are paid I'm left with a little bit above 70k. From that 70k I buy groceries of about 40k or more for the month which includes(cartons of noodles, eggs, pasta, milk, milo, yam, beans, gas etc) the 30k or less I'm left with will be for cooking soup, fuel for the Gen, pocket money for my hubby, buying things for my kids etc and before the month runs out I'm out of cash save for the foodstuffs stored at home. Our yearly rent is 350k and it still falls on me alone. Most times I borrow to make up the rent which will be deducted from my salary later with interest.

My husband is trying hard to get a job but it's not bn easy for him. His pride won't let him seek for job outside our state. He believes he's a fine boy. He doesn't help me out on anything still I don't complain or nag him because I do not want to add to his problems.

I work very hard for this money by practically starving my self. No good clothes, no good shoes, no nice weavon absolutely nothing yet my husband wears the best of clothes. My clothes are all tattered and worn out yet I cannot buy anything for myself.

I was scrolling online where I saw beautiful gowns, shoes and hair wig I'd really love to have yet it hurts that I can't have them yet I can afford it but it will affect my family.
Most of my clothes and shoes I still wear were all I bought while ii was single.

I really feel I could take out like 100k and invest in myself cos person wey dey go out suppose look good but again my family.

It hurts when u work daily, see the money but can't buy things u need/want.

Mum worked her ass off and she is still working her ass of to see her boys get a good life. Now I am seeing deeper into what mum is suffering everyday just to have us be good.


Anyways, try and talk with your hubby and see if y'all will figure things out. But this time, let him do the talk and you should listen to him, then throw him an idea. Don't be hard on him, else he will pour his frustration on you.


You both are partners, this should have been calculated before getting into marriage, it's not new. Carry that cross with joy.

You can’t afford to live in a 350k rental. Not with your pay.
Allow the current rent to expire while you’re looking for a smaller place and then move . You really do not have a choice in that aspect.

He shouldn’t have to be told why this is necessary so I won’t ask you to “beg him with sweet words”.
But if you move, he will follow you.

uboma:
For the past two years, your husband has been outta work and has refused to get a job, no matter how small so he can support you.

Women like you should be commended but the truth is, if you continue like these, you may breakdown someday and your husband, Mr. Fine Boy will go after another woman.

Have you spoken to him that you need him to support you?

Som men are just useless.

This is commendable coming from a man.

Dear Poster, let me chip in one or two things.

First of all, stop giving your husband pocket money except in exceptional cases if he has an interview to attend or he needs transport fare for job hunting. By so doing that, his brain would reset and he would get up and look for something to do.

Secondly, you have to reduce your spending on groceries shopping. To me if you have enough food at home it's better, cut off some other things that aren't important. Like fuelling the gen mustn't be everytime. Learn to spend within your means.

I am a civil servant too, what I earn isn't up to your's but I cut my coat according to my size. As it is now, you have no savings. Okay, God forbid oo what if an emergency surfaces and it requires money, where would you get it from? Would you go and borrow again? And before you know it all your salary would be used to service loans.

If you have a skill, I would advise you put it to use. When office resumes, you can make snacks, moi moi or anything eatable that you know it would move. As I am, I take snacks to the office to sell. I bake Cakes too, I baked different flavours of cake. Cut it inside a transparent nylon and give it out as samples to my colleagues at work. They enjoyed it and I know I would get orders from them when they need one.

I also sell the one's in foil plate for 500# thou I only bake it when one or two people request for it. That's how I started gradually, it's this pandemic that makes me to halt it as office hasn't resumed fully. Think of another side hustle that would bring in income for you not just salary alone. Sis, anything eatable would sell if it's sweet. But DON'T SELL ON CREDIT.

Fourthly, why don't you look for a lesser house to stay pending when everything normalizes. Because taking loan every year to renew your rent isn't cool at all. If it's a two bedroom apartment you guys are staying, move to a one bedroom apartment that is okay and less expensive.

I hope you would take one of two things from what I penned down.

Cheers!!!

Ishilove:

This is commendable coming from a man.

It is annoying to see some men behave so irresponsibly.

Two years is enough time to have gotten something small to do at least to support his struggling wife.

Commendable

missyojo:
Dear Poster, let me chip in one or two things.

First of all, stop giving your husband pocket money except in exceptional cases if he has an interview to attend or he needs transport fare for job hunting. By so doing that, his brain would reset and he would get up and look for something to do

Secondly, you have to reduce your spending on groceries shopping. To me if you have enough food at home it's better, cut off some other things that aren't important. Like fuelling the gen mustn't be everytime. Learn to spend within your means.

I am a civil servant too, what I earn isn't up to your's but I cut my coat according to my size. As it is now, you have no savings. Okay, God forbid oo what if an emergency surfaces and it requires money, where would you get it from? Would you go and borrow again? And before you know if all your salary would be used to service loans.

If you have a skill, I would advise you put it to use. When office resums, you can make snacks, moi moi or anything eatable that you know it would move. As I am, I take snacks to the office to sell. I bake Cakes too, I baked different flavours of cake. Cut it inside a transparent nylon and give it out as samples to my colleagues at work. They enjoyed it and I know I would get orders from them when they need one

I also sell the one's in foil plate for 500# thou I only bake it when one or two people request for it. That's how I started gradually, it's this pandemic that makes me to halt it. Think of another side hustle that would bring in income for you not just salary alone. Sis, anything eatable would sell if it's sweet. But DON'T SELL ON CREDIT

Fourthly, why don't you look for a lesser house to stay pending when everything normalizes. Because taking loan every year to renew your rent isn't cool at all. If it's a two bedroom apartment you guys are staying, move to a one bedroom apartment that is okay and less expensive.

I hope you would take one of two things from what I penned down.

Cheers!!!

Chai, short of words.

Funmilehot:
He's trying. On some part I will agree with u he's lazy. I've begged severally we move out to a lower house cos of rent but his pride won't let him rather he will end up saying words that made him a victim and making me feel bad.

Aunty, next time the rent is due, tell him you cannot afford to pay that rent and would appreciate you guys move to an apt whose cost is lower. Truth remains that you have no savings for the rainy day and it is time you start to work towards that. He will only rant and Heavens will not fall.

donbachi:
A man is jobless no mean laziness...the wife said "out if job for 2 years",so not like he has never worked before...no man is lazy,just dat his own opportunity never come.

Then he should expand his territory. More so, at some point, there is no crime getting your hands from working. Fact remains "There is dignity in labor".

Acidosis:



Not working your ass out doesn't always imply laziness. And not everyone that stays out of a job for 2 years beg or rely on their wives' salary for 2 years. If I lose my job today, begging won't resume tomorrow.

Stop making excuses for such a behaviour.
2years is too damn long for a man not to do anything but rely solely on his wife. ( I've always talked about this)
You talk as if jobs are the only option...Just imagine
His type are probably one of those who are too proud to take smaller jobs than the ones they previously had.
Personally, I wouldn't stand for such behaviour.

GboyegaD:


Then he should expand his territory. More so, at some point, there is no crime getting your hands forty working. Fact remains "There is dignity in labor".

most of those territories have walls of surroundings making employement difficult for newbies...i would have helped,but there is no job openings for now.though not around..i do help with my little contacts.

Funmilehot:
Hello good people of NL, hope u all are good and staying safe this period.

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.

To start with, I'm a federal government worker, married with two beautiful kids 5 and 3. My husband has been out of work for the past two years. All family responsibility(house rent, kids school fees, groceries, gas, feeding) has always been on my shoulders and I carry without complaints, sometimes with joy knowing it won't last forever and praying God favours my husband with a job.

Since March we've been out of work, but we are being paid. My salary is a little bit above 100k. I'm servicing a loan with 30% of my salary which will end by September. When salaries are paid I'm left with a little bit above 70k. From that 70k I buy groceries of about 40k or more for the month which includes(cartons of noodles, eggs, pasta, milk, milo, yam, beans, gas etc) the 30k or less I'm left with will be for cooking soup, fuel for the Gen, pocket money for my hubby, buying things for my kids etc and before the month runs out I'm out of cash save for the foodstuffs stored at home. Our yearly rent is 350k and it still falls on me alone. Most times I borrow to make up the rent which will be deducted from my salary later with interest.

My husband is trying hard to get a job but it's not bn easy for him. His pride won't let him seek for job outside our state. He believes he's a fine boy. He doesn't help me out on anything still I don't complain or nag him because I do not want to add to his problems.

I work very hard for this money by practically starving my self. No good clothes, no good shoes, no nice weavon absolutely nothing yet my husband wears the best of clothes. My clothes are all tattered and worn out yet I cannot buy anything for myself.

I was scrolling online where I saw beautiful gowns, shoes and hair wig I'd really love to have yet it hurts that I can't have them yet I can afford it but it will affect my family.
Most of my clothes and shoes I still wear were all I bought while ii was single.

I really feel I could take out like 100k and invest in myself cos person wey dey go out suppose look good but again my family.

It hurts when u work daily, see the money but can't buy things u need/want.

For starters,

You are indulging your husband.

You don't live a champagne life on a beer income.

If N70k is the income you have after your obligations, you live a N70k life including savings.

I don't know why your husband wears the best of clothes while you wear 'rags' (except you are talking of his clothes before the job loss), I don't know why he is proud to move to a smaller house or work honest jobs (whether out of the state or not). I also don't know why you spend so much on food, groceries and other stuffs when you CAN NOT afford it.

You need to have a discussion with him; what is his vision? what is his plan?. While having this discussion, jot your points down so he doesn't emotionally sideline you or blackmail you with his victimhood, ego or unthoughtfulness. You are coming to the table with facts and figures.

Also, what are his qualifications? What does he need to become more marketable in his field? What are the things he can do in the mean time to earn while building himself?

Also do an assessment of your rent: N350k/annum means N30k a month. You obviously can't pay rent N30k out of N70k in addition to every other thing. What areas can you move to that will reduce your rent while giving you a decent life?

If he insists, then he should pick up the rent.

Rather than overburden yourself and grow bitter, communicate and resolve issues.

Goodluck and more strength.

Mariangeles:


Stop making excuses for such a behaviour.
2years is too damn long for a man not to do anything but rely solely on his wife. ( I've always talked about this)
You talk as if jobs are the only option...Just imagine
His type are probably one of those who are too proud to take smaller jobs than they previously had.
Personally, I wouldn't stand for such a behaviour

What behaviour? No contribution in the past 2 years or job loss? I don't believe the former. OP said her husband is trying hard to get a job. So what behaviour do you want me to condemn? Last time I checked, rents are paid yearly so I don't get how the entire responsibility of rents would fall on a woman whose husband lost a job around 2 years ago, especially in this age where many people have learned to save. Note, the marriage is over 5-6 years. I would love to read that in the 5-6 years of marriage, the man has been spending his salary and savings on beer and side chicks.

[quote author=Acidosis post=91563422]No savings when he lost his job? I asked this because I don't believe people (always) go broke immediately they lose their job. There are people that would survive quite well for at least 6 months to a year without a job.

He buys nice clothes for himself out of your salary while you make do with old and tattered clothes? Is this true?

What does it even mean to call someone that lost his/her job 'lazy'? I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I lost a job? Perhaps, begin to walk from Obalende to Mowe Mondays to Fridays to show that I'm super hard- walking ?

I understand the frustration. Women always try to resist the idea of providing whether on a short-term or long-term. May be it wasn't what you signed up for but then, life happens. This is what a lot of us fail to consider before tying the nut.

[s]Not sure I have the right words for you. But, I would urge you to hold on and continue to encourage your man. Show your frustration through your gentle words. He would get the message someday.[[/s]/quote]

Funmilehot:
Hello good people of NL, hope u all are good and staying safe this period.

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.

To start with, I'm a federal government worker, married with two beautiful kids 5 and 3. My husband has been out of work for the past two years. All family responsibility(house rent, kids school fees, groceries, gas, feeding) has always been on my shoulders and I carry without complaints, sometimes with joy knowing it won't last forever and praying God favours my husband with a job.

Since March we've been out of work, but we are being paid. My salary is a little bit above 100k. I'm servicing a loan with 30% of my salary which will end by September. When salaries are paid I'm left with a little bit above 70k. From that 70k I buy groceries of about 40k or more for the month which includes(cartons of noodles, eggs, pasta, milk, milo, yam, beans, gas etc) the 30k or less I'm left with will be for cooking soup, fuel for the Gen, pocket money for my hubby, buying things for my kids etc and before the month runs out I'm out of cash save for the foodstuffs stored at home. Our yearly rent is 350k and it still falls on me alone. Most times I borrow to make up the rent which will be deducted from my salary later with interest.

My husband is trying hard to get a job but it's not bn easy for him. His pride won't let him seek for job outside our state. He believes he's a fine boy. He doesn't help me out on anything still I don't complain or nag him because I do not want to add to his problems.

I work very hard for this money by practically starving my self. No good clothes, no good shoes, no nice weavon absolutely nothing yet my husband wears the best of clothes. My clothes are all tattered and worn out yet I cannot buy anything for myself.

I was scrolling online where I saw beautiful gowns, shoes and hair wig I'd really love to have yet it hurts that I can't have them yet I can afford it but it will affect my family.
Most of my clothes and shoes I still wear were all I bought while ii was single.

I really feel I could take out like 100k and invest in myself cos person wey dey go out suppose look good but again my family.

It hurts when u work daily, see the money but can't buy things u need/want.

The worst is not having a supportive spouse in trying times.

Anyway I will advice you on the issue of clothing and rent
.
If they are necessary buy them. You still have to look good.Buy one at a time. This mth some shoes, next month clothes,next kids own. I know that fear of not having enough to last till the next payday but if you carry all the needs on your head you Wil keep enabling him to remain lazy.
Also consider moving to a place with lower rent 350k per annum excluding school fees. Wow you are trying.

Sometimes tell him the money is finished and remain unfazed. When the kids need things, send them to him. If the school demands some fees, show them to him. Pls be respectful in all these.landlord comes reschedule the meeting to when he's around. You are not ridiculing him. It's to not let him remain in that comfort zone.

Pray with him, pray so he can hear. Make sure you pray the way you feel in your heart. . He will be very uncomfortable.Don't give him money unless very necessary. You are already doing his job. His pocket money should be sourced by him.

Does fine boy give money?He should go out and see how others are hustling.

LadySarah:


The worst is not having a supportive spouse in trying times.

Anyway I will advice you on the issue of clothing and rent
.
If they are necessary buy them. You still have to look good.Buy one at a time. This mth some shoes, next month clothes,next kids own. I know that fear of not having enough to last till the next payday but if you carry all the needs on your head you Wil keep enabling him to remain lazy.
Also consider moving to a place with lower rent 350k per annum excluding school fees. Wow you are trying.

Sometimes tell him the money is finished and remain unfazed. When the kids need things, send them to him. If the school demands some fees, show them to him. Pls be respectful in all these.landlord comes reschedule the meeting to when he's around. You are not ridiculing him. It's to not let him remain in that comfort zone.

Pray with him, pray so he can hear. Make sure you pray the way you feel in your heart. . He will be very uncomfortable.Don't give him money unless very necessary. You are already doing his job. His pocket money should be sourced by him.

Does fine boy give money?He should go out and see how others are hustling.

@bold:

Absolutely on point!

Acidosis:
[s]No savings when he lost his job? I asked this because I don't believe people (always) go broke immediately they lose their job. There are people that would survive quite well for at least 6 months to a year without a job.

He buys nice clothes for himself out of your salary while you make do with old and tattered clothes? Is this true?

What does it even mean to call someone that lost his/her job 'lazy'? I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I lost a job? Perhaps, begin to walk from Obalende to Mowe Mondays to Fridays to show that I'm super hard- walking ?

I understand the frustration. Women always try to resist the idea of providing whether on a short-term or long-term. May be it wasn't what you signed up for but then, life happens. This is what a lot of us fail to consider before tying the nut.

Not sure I have the right words for you. But, I would urge you to hold on and continue to encourage your man. Show your frustration through your gentle words. He would get the message someday[/s]

Only you judge, jury, adviser, inquisitioner, what’s left is to become executioner.
Wonder how much you have saved yourself o rich Sanctimomo
An @ uboma guy here posted something. Read it. Assimilate it. That’s what to say to this woman and not the backhanded mostly unkind drivel you posted.
I am not surprised you posted that. Your posts are mostly judgemental and unkind. Even dictating how much someone’s savings should last. SMH.

merahki:


Only you judge, jury, adviser, inquisitioner, what’s left is to become executioner.
Wonder how much you have saved yourself o rich Sanctimomo
An @ uboma guy here posted something. Read it. Assimilate it.

Two years is enough to start some odd jobs or learn a vocational skill to support his wife while searching for his dream job.

The Op's husband is lazy.

Nigerian women

All this self-abengation for what? Turning yourself to a martyr to what end? Not even anything close to canonization when you die from the burden of the world.