Good Morning Nairalanders,


I'm writing this with a bit of pain and anguish.
First off, let me begin by stating that I'm an Igbo guy mid to late twenties, working in a good company, well to do and capable of providing for a family. I'm dating a Yoruba girl who's also in her early twenties. We've been dating for close to three years now.

I love her, I know her family and they know me likewise. I've always been afraid to approach my family especially my mother because I know that they are (Igbo tribalists) forgive me for using the word.

But their belief in the "nothing comes out good of a relationship between the two cultures (igbos and yorubas)" is so strong that I've been forced to seek out help online.

My Dad is a lawyer while my Mom is a Business woman. Knowing my Dad, I expected him to have an open or liberal mind towards my relationship.

I was suprised to find out otherwise because as at this morning, I called for a meeting I've been dreading, to inform them of my decision to marry my girlfriend.

The tempo started low with me explaining and justifying the need for me to have my relationship with my girlfriend ending with a proposal for marriage.

Well after I spoke, my Dad, to my utmost surprise started illustrating about the clash of the two cultures and the waywardness of the Yorubas as a whole, we ended up having a heated argument as to me defending my girlfriend and her people that my Dad has no right to judge an entire race while citing bad examples.

It didn't go well with my Mom adding her icing to the tussle of words.

The meeting did not go well this morning.

Do I pray to God to soften their stance towards my girlfriend just because she is Yoruba.

Please what do I do? My girlfriend is really the best person I've ever met. I know it sounds cheesy.

I even went as far as telling my mom that my girlfriend is pregnant for me which she is not by the way.

My mom said, well she should bring the baby and we'll train the baby but the marriage is a no go discussion area and I should not even think of introducing my girlfriend to them.

We are all christians, we attend the same Redeem church both I the girl and her family. I'm not too churcheous while my parents are both Deacons and Deaconess' but my parents have a strong stance towards this just because she is Yoruba.

Please I'm not hoping to stoke a tribal war issue here
Sensible nairalanders advice me, I can bear insults too but help.

mods
cc:
farano
Rocktation
seun
lalasticlala

Redeem Church did not stop the racism? I love my own religion; we don't to racism. Proudly JW. I wish I knew what to say but since it's more of a racial thing, I'd rather I learn from comments.

The earlier,parents stop(s) being tribalistic... the better for folks outchea.

For crying out loud ..we are all human irrespective of our tribe/religion.

@OP just keep it on a low......Keep on persuading your parents to see reasons with you...better still,get someone that you know they listen to...the person can help you out in dx case.

I wish you the best of luck

Hmmmmm, am juz here to observe

Kriss216:



You must stooped, foolish, and silly for this statement!
Hopeless Afonja!

I bet you didn't read the entire post hence your lack of understanding. Your action is really not worth the blind bullet.

chatinent:

I bet you didn't read the entire post hence your lack of understanding. Your action is really not worth the blind bullet.

I was about to read till I get to that point.

Fvck them and please ur heart.

Kriss216:



You must stooped, foolish, and silly for this statement!
Hopeless Afonja!

forgive me I should have used Igbo culturalists. I'm Igbo please my moniker wasn't created today

I am a product of an inter-tribal marriage (dad was Igbo and mum is Yoruba). And their marriage was a very fruitful and blessed one.

I don't just understand how we keep doing this go ourselves in the same country and get angry when outsiders are discriminating against us.

Use the Bible since they are Christians. Tell them there is no discrimination in the body of Christ.

Give them examples of inter-tribal marriages that have prospered. And same tribe marriages that have broken.

I am a digital marketing strategist and business coach. I help small business owners find clarity in their business & make sales online. If you are trying to start a business and don't know how to go about it, stuck in your business, want to make sales or just generally finding things difficult in your business, reach out to me. I can help

Kriss216:
I was about to read till I get to that point.

Read it again and apologize to him for responding ignorantly.

missawele:
I am a digital marketing strategist and business coach. I help small business owners find clarity in their business & make sales online. If you are trying to start a business and don't know how to go about it, stuck in your business, want to make sales or just generally finding things difficult in your business, reach out to me. I can help

They will ban you. That's not the way, just leave it in your sig. Your sig does it too.

Have you thought about involving your pastor??
He may be able to convince them to accept her.

Anyway man, it's your life.
In the end, you'll be the one living the marriage.
So be selfish and do what is best for you.

This life is too short. Marry your woman abeg.

chatinent:

Read it again and apologize to him for responding ignorantly.

Don't mind me..
This weed too strong for me, walai. I need to change supplier.

chatinent:

They will ban you. That's not the way, just leave it in your sig. Your sig does it too.

Thanks for this

Discrimination has been in existence since the days of Judas Iscariot.

If God or nature was fair, we would all belong to the same race, tribe or even religion. That's to tell you nature or even God himself supports discrimination.

I personally cannot marry a Yoruba girl, even if she's virgin Mary and I'm no Igbo. I just don't like them.

My advice is do whatever you feel is right. But at the end of the day, I hope this girl you're beefing your parents for is really worth it.

Ningen:
Have you thought about involving your pastor??
He may be able to convince them to accept her.

Anyway man, it's your life.
In the end, you'll be the one living the marriage.
So be selfish and do what is best for you.

This life is too short. Marry your woman abeg.

thank you. That's why I came here for help, I didn't even think of involving my pastor.

missawele:
I am a product of an inter-tribal marriage (dad was Igbo and mum is Yoruba). And their marriage was a very fruitful and blessed one.

I don't just understand how we keep doing this go ourselves in the same country and get angry when outsiders are discriminating against us.

Use the Bible since they are Christians. Tell them there is no discrimination in the body of Christ.

Give them examples of inter-tribal marriages that have prospered. And same tribe marriages that have broken.

I am a digital marketing strategist and business coach. I help small business owners find clarity in their business & make sales online. If you are trying to start a business and don't know how to go about it, stuck in your business, want to make sales or just generally finding things difficult in your business, reach out to me. I can help

Thank you so much. I thought I was fighting a war alone. As a matured young guy I was really dreading and shaking during the meeting this morning but what you told me has helped my stance

superemmy:


Thank you so much. I thought I was fighting a war alone. As a matured young guy I was really dreading and shaking during the meeting this morning but what you told me has helped my stance

You are welcome.

chatinent:

I bet you didn't read the entire post hence your lack of understanding. Your action is really not worth the blind bullet.

He's Igbo. Comprehension is like calculus to them.

Mods move this to frontpage
Im kinda having the same type of issue with my man

I thank God my parents are the enlightened type. I married from another ethnic group. I used to tell friends before I got married that if I had parents that would not accept my choice I'd ask them for their choice, marry her and keep her with them. Then I'd marry my choice and live with her as my wife.

I can never marry a Yoruba woman, The are too treacherous .
And Yorubas don't like us Igbos, If you have stayed with them you will understand. They are too greedy and the can't be trust worthy.

Bro, ur parents ain't Christians at all.. Na just fancy dem dey go church for

Think9ja:
Discrimination has been in existence since the days of Judas Iscariot.

I personally cannot marry a Yoruba girl, even if she's virgin Mary and I'm no Igbo. I just don't like them.

Biko gwam, what is the difference between you and the Op's parents?

You say you love the greatest master Jesus that even your fore-father's of 15 generations back where not even in existence when he walked this Earth, but your brethren you see with your site you hated.


Some people abuse the word Christianity.

There's an old song we sang at church back then in the 90s when I was still a boy


You say you love Jesus, you hate your brother

You say you love Jesus, you hate your sister

I won't say more than this

It is almost never an easy ride for anyone who tends to go into interethnic relationship. Ethnic stereotpes and prejudices run deep in Nigeria. If the parents of the lady do not oppose, your parents might be the opposition, giving raft of reasons why the union is ill-fated.

Since you have decided to marry her, just stick to your guns and show them in clear terms why she is the best. It might seems difficult in the beginning, but if you persist, their resistance will collapse and you will have your way.

It doesn't aid your case to designate your parents in such unpalatable term. If anything and no matter how you view it, they are fighting for your interest.

HedwigesMaduro:
I thank God my parents are the enlightened type. I married from another ethnic group. I used to tell friends before I got married that if I had parents that would not accept my choice I'd ask them for their choice, marry her and keep her with them. Then I'd marry my choice and live with her as my wife.

Lol, I love this your idea �

Phenom10101:
I can never marry a Yoruba woman, The are too treacherous .
And Yorubas don't like us Igbos, If you have stayed with them you will understand. They are too greedy and the can't be trust worthy.

If you have nothing sensible to say, why not keep quiet

mrblessed:


It doesn't aid your case to designate your parents in such unpalatable term. If anything and no matter how you view it, they are fighting for your interest.

They think they're fighting for his interest, but honestly THEY ARE NOT

You dated your girl for three years but never considered your family's view on inter tribal Marriage?.... Lol

Well whatever happens, never marry that lady against your family's wish. Yoruba are very concerned when it comes to relationship with in-law , don't give that lady a battle she will spend the rest of her life fighting. Until your family accept her, don't marry her.