How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. - Family (7)

How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. - Family (7) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Family › How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. (79727 Views)

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Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by 22brains(m): 12:49pm On Jul 21, 2020

Ugaboy:
people like this dont have enough sense. I swear.

dont bother yourself. He is a Muslim. Check his signature.

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by DexterousOne(m): 12:49pm On Jul 21, 2020

Poseidon000:
Lol

I trekked mile's that day, because I didn't get a car and it was already late on a path that usually have ritual kidnapping.
I don't have the capacity to bear grudge, but if I have that guy at my mercy, I'll collect my own pound of flesh trifold.

Some guys are mindlessly stupid when they see women.

Unfortunately so

1 Like

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by joyandfaith: 12:50pm On Jul 21, 2020

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

if your parents are poor and you are still treading the same path, then poverty genes are engrained in your family

1 Like

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by SarkinYarki: 12:50pm On Jul 21, 2020

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

Marriage and child bearing is the greatest dream killer and vehicle for generational poverty in the world but people don't know

7 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Reference(m): 12:51pm On Jul 21, 2020

You pick up someone on the streets and the result is an attack on the institution of marraige and of course the soft underbelly of life, the Scriptures all in 5 minutes of the sorry man's testimony... you must be exceptiotnally brilliant.

6 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Eeghe(f): 12:51pm On Jul 21, 2020

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by emkz: 12:51pm On Jul 21, 2020

If you want to get married, get married.

When I wanted to get married, some ill-informed folks "ordered" me not to. Some even ordered me to have a certain amount of money before getting hooked. Some even said I should travel out and receive the citizenship of another country before getting married. I looked at some of the people dishing advise and looked at their lives and their children's lives. Look, if your life succeeds, many would spring up and claim to have played a role in it. If it fails, not one person who gave you wrong advise would empathise with you. At all times, do what makes you happy. OP, you did well in giving him money, you'd have done better in giving him links and referrals to secure a job. That way, you'd have changed his life forever. If I was in your shoes, this is what I would have done.

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Nobody: 12:54pm On Jul 21, 2020*

1 Like

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Nobody: 12:54pm On Jul 21, 2020

A good way to raise consciousness.

For one, I think a lot of people find themselves in forced marriages, because one party or both gave the zip the duty of reasoning, rather than the mind.

Also, as someone pointed out -it is still the assured source of social insurance in our society. Think of Old Pas and Mas in the villages -they litter large so that one can at least can have an odd of being something, and thus helping the whole bunch.... not to say it works all the time

One more, when you are poor you'll know that money is not evil. No money, no friend. And some, in the name to have someone to share their lives and their many fears and pains with end up in marriage -if they find who they think will give them joy...

All are debatable, and that is even better. In so we can learn better of our situations and grow.

Well done Thread creator

1 Like

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by tunary(m): 12:54pm On Jul 21, 2020

Ugaboy:
How can u be poor and still interested in a woman that will solely depend on you. Marriage is not a poverty alleviation scheme, that when u tend to be open to more responsibilities than just being a single guy.
may GOD take him out of his poverty state. I.J.N

Amen

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by AdaoraNK(f): 12:54pm On Jul 21, 2020

@Poseidon000

Well done. Do you have his number? Some people might want to help.

I have stopped blaming people who gets into trouble waters as a result of wrong calculations or miscalculations. The thing there is how can the person get out from such situations.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Trumpcard05: 12:55pm On Jul 21, 2020

tunjilana:
Firstly marriage isn't for fools but u can look foolish if you marry wrongly without a plan

If that poor guy marries a fellow poor girl and they both believe in hustling together, delaying childbirth e.t.c., they may come out of poverty faster than doing it singly. The real issues is that men often marry women who still sees them as someone they should take from rather than someone whom they should plan,strategize and partner with.

Gbammest!!

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Onlinebar: 12:55pm On Jul 21, 2020

decatalyst:
You are good man for having solidarity with men!

We have suffered from each other... A man will decide to help the one with two holes rather assist both when presented with the option.

I can never pick a female to help in the presence of my fellow guy....na abomination

2 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by pafo(m): 12:57pm On Jul 21, 2020

The only thing i noticed drom this thread is that that "righteous" dude had nothing of importance to say here and didn't book space. I can bet you his life is quite miserable from the nonsense being spread by the Hebrew book he preaches about so often.

3 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by timifaithus(m): 12:59pm On Jul 21, 2020

Work.before pleasure.

This is a lesson

1 Like

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by 2special(m): 1:00pm On Jul 21, 2020

harsysky:
Life is a risk. like a reader commented up there, time and chance happen to people whether you choose to up your game or you choose to marry when not buoyant. If I had not seen a poor man who rose to wealth , and a wealthy man who became poor, I would certainly think a man has 100% influence on how their lives go .

The overall advice would be to have a source of income before dabbling into marriage, then get other sources of income to complement whatever cometh. At all times, pray without ceasing because real wealth isn't made, it is inherited from anybody. Take a look at majority of those who are billionaires, you would agree with me that they never believed they would be what they are now. If we all understand the way things work in this world, which isn't possible, we will be able to predict the future.

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by AsawanaDgreat: 1:00pm On Jul 21, 2020

No be lie sha

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Freeeanijor: 1:01pm On Jul 21, 2020

chiol:
In as much as I support some of your points, you should be mindful of the fact that in this part of the world, there are no provisions for the aged by the government. They do not pay ordinary pension talk more of making provisions.

As you are enjoying your youthful age, also be thinking of your life when you get old. In Nigeria, it is solely your own children that can take care of you at your old age.

In Nigeria, family seems to be the only thing that is a bit constant. One can be rich today and poor tomorrow and vice versa. So, don't rely solely on being rich before having your own family. If you are up to 30- 40 and have a source of income, whether you have billions or not, try and have your own family.

Children grow very fast nowadays. If you marry now, in the next 16 - 25 years your children will be independent and even be helping you. Don't wait till your retirement before getting married. A stitch in time saves nine!

Change your mind set, it's not always the case. Many people who had this believe always fall into depression because of disappointment and eventually curse and die. Don't set yourself up for that but plan your future without depending on anyone.

7 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Farki: 1:02pm On Jul 21, 2020

pocohantas:
I didn’t miss your point. MOST women are married to men who are not in anyway socially or financially high, let alone HIGHER. It isn’t even an insult to them, it is the reality of Nigerian relationships/marriages. The one we see everyday, not NL.

Women bring less to the table, expect more, yet have an easier time finding relationships. So a woman can afford to have several lists of demands, of which she may only satisfy a few or even none herself but will still have an easier time getting into a relationship because it's a buyer's market as far as men are concerned.

As a man can expect to be called stingy for not spending money on her while she is broke and jobless. We don't expect a woman to be our Davido and pamper us regardless of our economic situation.

12 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Abdulramana3(m): 1:03pm On Jul 21, 2020

Dating a girl lasan is expensive not to talk marriage

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Damianwest19: 1:04pm On Jul 21, 2020

Sometimes age is a key factor that pushes a guy that is not yet financially okay to dive into marriage because , like the saying goes ; time waits for nobody, especially when you see the children of your contemporaries ..

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by ObaKlaz: 1:06pm On Jul 21, 2020*

The unproductive Christian deceives himself by quoting "One shall chase a thousand and two shall put ten thousand to flight"

You dey single sef, u nor fit chase common fly away. U kon add anoda unproductive female join body, dey expect to chase a thousand! Wisdom is profitable!

I've spent some years in Osun state, for example, and the kind of life that OP mentioned is like the norm there! They forget that they have an adage which says, Eni ti ko tii 'ready' kii 're idi'. Dem nor dey even do proper marriage sef. Fvcking go become unwanted bele. Next, na to rent one room, begin breed more pikin inside am and raise dem inside poverty. Dem don bekom baba Fuwad or iya Tawa be dat.

10 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Malawian(m): 1:06pm On Jul 21, 2020

decatalyst:
1. Thank you for lending help to that frustrated man and for at least alleviating his misery for a few days with the 10k.

2. Someone can be a victim of circumstance and choose to remain a victim of the circumstance or jakpa from it! Like the common saying 'how does a poor man manage to have erection...even sustained enough to donate a baby'?

3. Clearly, the man is not living a purposeful life, neither does he have any plan to change his fortune. How can you go ahead and marry/cohabit with a lady that will largely depend on you, in that present state? Why should they choose to add or compound their misery by having a baby in that state? Gosh! No iota of reasoning!

4. As for yielding to some hogwash acceptable societal teachings of "there is blessing in marriage" is utter nonsense! Lemme use the word of this dude on Nairaland "a real niggerr" takes charge of his life and decides which way/path he want to follow.

He is simply not a man! The child should demand for "accountability" when he/she is grown!

The man needed a son, otherwise his fathers line will die off. His parents probably married the wife for the son, as he seems an only son.

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by mmadu4: 1:07pm On Jul 21, 2020

Olawrites:
Your opinion. Naso una go do till u enta late 40's

i just dey observe your comments you be real mumu .I'm sure your suffering in your slavery called marriage

5 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by seguno2: 1:09pm On Jul 21, 2020

CHOPbeating:
One mistake can take a life time.

As we have found out with the pretentious rogues in APC led by Bubu huh

1 Like

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Nobody: 1:09pm On Jul 21, 2020*

I feel so sad reading this. Why is there so much sorrow, suffering and pain in the world?
God, I'm grateful for all the privileges I've ever enjoyed. People are suffering!
Poseidon000 thanks for helping out even in your pissed state.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by sharone21(f): 1:09pm On Jul 21, 2020

EVILFOREST:
U have said it all.
Dis is exactly what I scream everyday on NAIRALAND.
I hate POVERTY....
I hate BEGGING....
I have always tried to program myself in such a way that I will be the last person to beg on earth.
Do you know why...?
The ANSWER is simple:
I am always contented with what I have.
..... and I always try to save.
Always envisage the number of kids you plan to have. Stop having unnecessary erections as a man.

MY ADVICE:
As a struggling hard working man, never never marry a Lady who lacks vision compounded with enormous BURDEN.
No matter how beautiful she is, just avoid her.
I can assure you that, you will never see that beauty again 2 months into your marriage with her.
It's better to marry a visionary WIDOW than marry an empty beautiful VIRGIN.

IF you Fail to PLAN, you have already planned to FAIL.

You are TOO MUCH..

1 Like

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by jornwhite: 1:10pm On Jul 21, 2020

pocohantas:
If a lady tells you people to be financially stable before marriage, you will start crying. You will say she is broke-shaming you. You will ask how much her father had before marrying her mum. You will ask if she is a liability. You will na tell us how you sef wan marry DJcuppy.

Now you are saying same thing women have been telling you.

I have come to realize men know the truth. They just hate to hear it from women.

Una go dey alright ehn. Cuties

As for the ladies telling guyz what to do, if they had thinking faculty ... they would av known such advice is unnecessary ... how many guyz are even ready to propose, can't even rmember d last time i attended a wedding
Poco is almost 36 n still single, n she thinks she is in d right position to tell men to be stable b4 marriage ... when are life is an affirmation already grin

aunty that is what most guyz are doing, stable b4 marriage n that why lots of you ladies are still single, una mama go dey blame village pple.
Maybe you don't know most elite guyz want to own mansions, drive rangee,own businesses & have millions in there accounts before settling grin

... maybe the ladies need an advice tew .. ladies brace up cos d wait will be long tongue

10 Likes

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by Kaypols(f): 1:12pm On Jul 21, 2020

francesco01:
You mumu oo. Must you bring religion into this?. Does the topic or the situation applies only to Christain?. Why must you quote the Bible?. And this practices is rampant among you Mumuslims, especially the Northern part of this failed country. Your god "Mohammed too, during his lifetime,he impregnated a lotta young and underage girls while leaving in poverty, before he was sent back into the pit of hell, which is where his followers too will be heading too, sooner or later. If we check you now, na one yeye and mumu man marry you put for house. Both of you will be totally useless to your families, nothing to show at all .Nonsense and ingredients.

what is this one saying now
person talk A u dey talk Z

Re: How Guys Use Marriage To Plunge Themselves Into Perpetual Poverty. by seguno2: 1:12pm On Jul 21, 2020*

Lordswazz:
Poor people often make that mistake. It's almost like they find solace in the thought that even in their misery, they have something they "own" or have "achieved", which is that poverty-battered woman and child(ren) that they've deliberately ushered into their world of lack and colossal suffering.

Even if you want to believe a stupid gamble that's stacked against you 10-to-1 that marriage will automatically open doors for your financial breakthrough, why not put off giving birth until those "hoped-for" breakthroughs begin rolling in? I've never seen a poor couple who stayed without having kids 3 years post-marriage, except the lady hasn't just been able to take in naturally. People of means sometimes decide to stay 3-5 years after marriage just to enjoy the companionship of each other before deciding to give birth; but for the poor, it's like a curse (and na them born pass sef). I won't even be surprised if they don't know what family planning is, and that it's cheap, and even free in some healthcare centers.

Most comfortable people forget that the poor only have sex as recreational sports.
Without family planning, that means plenty of babies.
QED!

9 Likes 1 Share

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