₦airaland Forum

thanks for helping him with the 10k.
I ask a guy just 5k, he blatantly say to my face that he does have , as we keep talking , he mistakenly told he just transferred 30k to a bitch I knw in the street.
this my guy is married and his wife is seriously flashing me green light.
so what will do?

Acidosis:
How did marriage plung him into poverty? Let's start from there.

He had a Lexus 2020 model and a duplex in Ajah before he got married? And suddenly after he got married, he relocated to an uncompleted building in a remote area in Nassarawa axis? Is that the story?

You didn't even ask this young man about his marriage but somehow you concluded in your mind that marriage plunged him into poverty.

You didn't ask him whether the food he ate earlier that day was prepared by his wife without any contribution from the young man. Somehow, you're indirectly blaming his wife and kids for his misfortunes. Do you know whether the same wife has been the one contributing and saving his life?

What about the emotional support? Do you know whether his kids and his wife are reasons the young man hasn't commited suicide?

Take away marriage from that young man and one thing has remained constant in his life since birth - poverty. If you're poor, you're poor.

The Op an still small boy in terms of life, make he grow up first.

He just dey mislead people.

I wouldn't say marriage has any thing to do with your financial status but, kids does. The thing is that we're not well informed on how to do it. In fact, u shld get married after u've secured small job dat can earn u up to 35,000 or more, she also doing something dat can fetch up to 30,000 or more, then plan together, get a family planning training until you're ready to bring kids into this world. Leaving alone is not the best option trust me, except u don't know the power of two heads. During the lock down, one of my friends, the wife can sew really well, so they made a lot of samples of facemask and took it the government officials and they love it, order was placed and, that's how they fed themselves throughout the lockdown. There is always something around to use. Stay away from lagos, it isnt a good place for a fresh start. Think about those fornicators at school called "couple" what are they doing? Just imagine if u were to calculate the money wasted on girls & foods outside. moderation is the key!

Poseidon000:
You're correct, but if we should put it into perspective; such scenario happen 1/10. That's on the infinitesimal.

Would you build your future on a precarious foundation?

Nigerians do not like to accept the truth and face reality, how will majority of these marriages work when resources required for their success and happiness have been looted by a handful of people.

One person owning 100 houses (this is equivalent to 100 families).

olawonder:
First of all, stop using unnessestri stupid English! Why so many grammatical jargons simply because you wanna ridicule some poor guy?

Second of all, your assertions seem childish! When you grow old enough to be a man you’ll know what life is all about; not just in matrimony but in all aspects of survival! Even if you ‘make am’ before getting married, dealing with third party needs when they are emotionally attached to you require extra effort. Keeping a family intact is a constant battle that sometimes money wouldn’t even be the issue... u no go understand, u still dey street guy level

Did you read this rubbish before posting it? They are telling you to make sure you a financially okay before marrying and bringing children to the world and you are yapping trash. People like you like to disturb others with problems you created for yourself. Later you'll open your mouth and say people are wicked because they refused to give you their hard earned money to cater for your irresponsible behaviour.

pls you can help a brother whose mini electronic firm has collapsed due to this pandemic, with a little token to survive this pandemic hour. Thank you and God bless.account no:0024995086 bank name: Union Bank phone no: 08146995561. Thank you once again.

tunize:
So true the fact is that luck and circumstances usually plays a role in so many people's life that are not doing well not laziness per say.
Back to you topic sometimes it amazes me how a guy that has not finished feeding himself will jst go and add anoda grown human to himself, and the funiest aspect of it is that u will even get to see the well to do guys not even jumping into marriage unlike the shattered ones running into it as if marriage is "Olympic that issues out Gold medal" justifying it even more with Children brings open doors! children are blessings no doubt, is best the right thing is done at the right time.

Asour:
I understand your position BUT that's clearly NOT true.

This may be true within the scope of your relationships but it is certainly NOT true for most of society.


Note that the word 'most' means at least more than half. So Conversely you are saying that in more than half of Nigerian marriages, the Wife is financially/socially more successful. If this is true then what's up with the Rhetorics about Women marginalization?

Please read again...

Asour:
You said earlier that in most Nigerian marriages, the Man is NOT the more Financially successful partner.Except I got you wrong.

How does that mean the woman is financially and socially higher, when we talking of two broke people. Is there any difference between the man in this story and his wife?

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

He probably forget to keep the rule that says '' A broke dude have no reason to even think of sex'' Unfortunately, I heard that many poor folks have tons of sex than the rich ones.. Hmmmmm

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

I don't really know why people like you decided to be blind to the truth, how does what u said correlate with what the op was saying? Cus I can't see where he mentioned religion, or how are u even sure the man op was referring to is a Christian? Do I need to remind u that such marriage is common mostly in the northern part where almost everyone there is a Muslim. Did your own bible or rather the one u borrow to read just to find fault says men shouldn't make money before getting married? Selah!

titusmichael27:
I wouldn't say marriage has any thing to do with your financial status but, kids does. The thing is that we're not well informed on how to do it. In fact, u shld get married after u've secured small job dat can earn u up to 35,000 or more, she also doing something dat can fetch up to 30,000 or more, then plan together, get a family planning training until you're ready to bring kids into this world. Leaving alone is not the best option trust me, except u don't know the power of two heads. During the lock down, one of my friends, the wife can sew really well, so they made a lot of samples of facemask and took it the government officials and they love it, order was placed and, that's how they fed themselves throughout the lockdown. There is always something around to use. Stay away from lagos, it isnt a good place for a fresh start. Think about those fornicators at school called "couple" what are they doing? Just imagine if u were to calculate the money wasted on girls & foods outside. moderation is the key!

You just like to suffer. That's it. 30k or 35k and you want to get married? Are you happy that you are living with 30k monthly salary? Can you honestly cope with 30 to 50k alone. Why do people like to put themselves in difficult situations. At the end of the day you hear all sort of strange news about domestic violence and people committing suicide out frustration. Please stop encouraging people to suffer and cause avoidable pains for themselves. It is not by force to marry and there is nothing wrong in staying alone especially when you know you are struggling. If you are broke and must marry, then marry a partner that is very rich. That way you can multiply the wealth together with your ideas.

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

I would like to reply this OP but for your unnecessary bully of the Bible.Who tells you such lies? It is people like you that have nothing to do with God that gives the false notion on what have been divinely planned!
At what point do we say the Marriage becomes a blessing? Since you don't know- that Marriage is a Covenant of God -at thepoint of joining -two different individuals together to become 1,only God makes such Mathematics!
For OP, you tried, but only that you are annoyed because of the man's situation and predicaments which may not be his making,afterall,he did not choose his Mother o Father, If indeed your love has no bound,you should have sat him down so that you are able to know his next level plan instead of giving him fish,teach how he can fish for the rest of life he would be grateful!

If you like have money if you rush in you will rush out.

Marriage is finding a help mate who helps you become more productive and wealthy (vision And action)

Some of you abandon the one with vision for the air condition o pari

McTobe:
poseidon000 and others that think like him, you went to the extreme with your conclusion. Go and look for a well educated financially successful elderly man that is not a hardcore Christian or Muslim maybe a freethinker or someone on esoteric path and tell him exactly what you posted and your conclusion I am sure he will disagree with you.
1. Life is not as straightforward as you put it. Hustle get successful and then get married. in the first place it’s not the best hustlers that are the most successful
2. There is more to life than just the so called financial stability, there are people that are born into wealth but they are looking for happiness and joy that comes from a family
3. Op there are people that married when they are average and today they have blown beyond imagination
4. You can only see life as far as the path you are on, do you know that there are cycles in people’s life and if you observe families very closely you may notice their cycle. Some people will become highly successful in their late twenties, thirties, others in their fifties and yet others in their sixties. Once that person keep working and not being idle (you don’t even need to be extraordinary) at about that time little things that others have overlooked can blow the person financially.
While I agree with your post no one should wait for when they are successful before getting married. Marry when you think it’s about time for you but just understand that it goes with a serious responsibility of taking care of your family. Just do your best and plan your life your best way and leave the rest...what must be must be. Agbakam mbo bu ego nri onu, ogalanya si na chi.(I too hustle na just for sustenance, wealth comes from sources that are beyond your grasp as a human) Believe it or not.
Op have you not seen very successful people that crashed overnight? Both corporate climbers and hustlers alike. Everything get WHY

It depend on your definition of success. No need to deviate from the topic or the OP opinion. but whatever!! another rule says'' If you cannot feed another adult with your current income or paycheck after deducting your bills and off-course, taking care of yourself, You are simply not qualified to marry and procreate. Is that too difficult to understand?? That rule does not require so much success, its all about saving yourself from some unnecessary headache. This is not 1920!

decatalyst:
1. Thank you for lending help to that frustrated man and for at least alleviating his misery for a few days with the 10k.

2. Someone can be a victim of circumstance and choose to remain a victim of the circumstance or jakpa from it! Like the common saying 'how does a poor man manage to have erection...even sustained enough to donate a baby'?

3. Clearly, the man is not living a purposeful life, neither does he have any plan to change his fortune. How can you go ahead and marry/cohabit with a lady that will largely depend on you, in that present state? Why should they choose to add or compound their misery by having a baby in that state? Gosh! No iota of reasoning!

4. As for yielding to some hogwash acceptable societal teachings of "there is blessing in marriage" is utter nonsense! Lemme use the word of this dude on Nairaland "a real niggerr" takes charge of his life and decides which way/path he want to follow.


He is simply not a man! The child should demand for "accountability" when he/she is grown!

I chose to view it in another perspective.

This is a man born and raised in an uncompleted building.

This is a man with little or no access to information, experience, education, exposure... that can transform his life...

This is a man who never wanted to live a solitary life and found a companion........

Everything in life is about privilege ..

That you are able to think this way is a privilege

Olawrites:
Eggxactly... Lol

If you're 30 years old, you should marry a visionary lady and start your life in peace.

No be say you go come dey useless going to beer parlor, brothel and hotel unto say you dey form single man till money come.

Marriage is companionship

Truth where are the companionship in today's women

Ask yourself na when olosho don finish Dem brain

Op, thank you for your reasonable discuss

Apart from the things you mentioned here, that plays a bad control on most guys, I think people should be wise, realistic and always weigh their life challenges. Hardly eating two average meal per day and thinking of marriage doesn't make sense unless you are old enough for that.

While praying to God to bless you abundantly; don't forget to face the reality on ground

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

[color=#006600][/color]

Brother, marriage or not, a man without vision is likely to be poor in life.
Many young unmarried guys are living a miserable life already. Clueless of what to do. Some just alleviated themselves by going into all dubious means to get wealth (yahoo and so on) that's a proof marriage is not responsible for anyone's predicament.

pocohantas:
Please read again...

You said earlier that in most Nigerian marriages, the Man is NOT the more Financially successful partner.

Except I got you wrong.

pocohantas:
It can’t be my story, I pick one premium man and stick to him. That I have done.

I don’t need to flatter myself, you do all the flattery as my favourite troll. Still your 38years old evening newspaper. Have a nice day.

Why am i not surprised, your choice of words "premium man" if elementary knowledge is anything to go by .. . premium is only attributable to billing, so papito naa atm afterall ... boya ko ni nice nite

He's married. Probably with kids. Are u married?

Nairalandmonika:
Nothing brings good or bad fortune. There's no karma. We are just leaving n exiting.

The only thing is that there are consequences for every of our actions.
The consequences could be good or bad regardless.
That's why good things happen to good people and bad people.
Bad things also happen to good people n bad people.

Karma in itself is a function of your actions. So I guess it's kind of paradoxical to say there's no karma, and at the same time opine that our actions have consequences.
However I quite agree that the consequences do not necessarily have to be commensurate with the actions that provoked them.

pocohantas:
Please read again...



How does that mean the woman is financially and socially higher, when we talking of two broke people. Is there any difference between the man in this story and his wife?

Hahahahah! True though. You could say so.

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

decatalyst:
1. Thank you for lending help to that frustrated man and for at least alleviating his misery for a few days with the 10k.

2. Someone can be a victim of circumstance and choose to remain a victim of the circumstance or jakpa from it! Like the common saying 'how does a poor man manage to have erection...even sustained enough to donate a baby'?

3. Clearly, the man is not living a purposeful life, neither does he have any plan to change his fortune. How can you go ahead and marry/cohabit with a lady that will largely depend on you, in that present state? Why should they choose to add or compound their misery by having a baby in that state? Gosh! No iota of reasoning!

4. As for yielding to some hogwash acceptable societal teachings of "there is blessing in marriage" is utter nonsense! Lemme use the word of this dude on Nairaland "a real niggerr" takes charge of his life and decides which way/path he want to follow.


He is simply not a man! The child should demand for "accountability" when he/she is grown!

Brother , konji na bastard.

Lordswazz:
Poor people often make that mistake. It's almost like they find solace in the thought that even in their misery, they have something they "own" or have "achieved", which is that poverty-battered woman and child(ren) that they've deliberately ushered into their world of lack and colossal suffering.

Even if you want to believe a stupid gamble that's stacked against you 10-to-1 that marriage will automatically open doors for your financial breakthrough, why not put off giving birth until those "hoped-for" breakthroughs begin rolling in? I've never seen a poor couple who stayed without having kids 3 years post-marriage, except the lady hasn't just been able to take in naturally. People of means sometimes decide to stay 3-5 years after marriage just to enjoy the companionship of each other before deciding to give birth; but for the poor, it's like a curse (and na them born pass sef). I won't even be surprised if they don't know what family planning is, and that it's cheap, and even free in some healthcare centers.

Poor people would always seem to be prolific breeders cos as human beings, whether rich or poor, we are social beings and entertainment is a big part of life for us. All social animals must somehow engage in one pastime or the other to maintain social bonds. So poor people do not really have many options when it comes to entertainment and so sex is most times the only option they have and worse still, they may not be able to afford contraceptives even condoms. Next thing is pregnancy and parturition. My opinion tho.

merieam16:
Okay buh d truth is d poor will always b among u. at least u helped out dat wat matters

You can choose 2 remain poor by nt doubling ur hustle buh der some people hustle or no hustle dey er destined 2 b poor.Not everytime u see a poor person nd u say he or she is lazy or hasnt taken steps buh time nd chance happen 2 dem all. They will still av 2 get married nd do wat oda people do cos dey are still humans


ti o ban ri se, ma se pe padi e lo lè

so they should get married and bring kids that they are unable to look after

nokatakata:
You just like to suffer. That's it. 30k or 35k and you want to get married? Are you happy that you are living with 30k monthly salary? Can you honestly cope with 30 to 50k alone. Why do people like to put themselves in difficult situations. At the end of the day you hear all sort of strange news about domestic violence and people committing suicide out frustration. Please stop encouraging people to suffer and cause avoidable pains for themselves. It is not by force to marry and there is nothing wrong in staying alone especially when you know you are struggling. If you are broke and must marry, then marry a partner that is very rich. That way you can multiply the wealth together with your ideas.

You expose the level of your understanding about life. study from the life of Late Dr Myles Munroe. How much he earned when he got married, and his networth later on in life. For the fact that you used the "suffer" in trying to get that point to me tells me..

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

You are very stupid, for insulting another people's religion.
You are very stupid

Lordswazz:
Poor people often make that mistake. It's almost like they find solace in the thought that even in their misery, they have something they "own" or have "achieved", which is that poverty-battered woman and child(ren) that they've deliberately ushered into their world of lack and colossal suffering.

Even if you want to believe a stupid gamble that's stacked against you 10-to-1 that marriage will automatically open doors for your financial breakthrough, why not put off giving birth until those "hoped-for" breakthroughs begin rolling in? I've never seen a poor couple who stayed without having kids 3 years post-marriage, except the lady hasn't just been able to take in naturally. People of means sometimes decide to stay 3-5 years after marriage just to enjoy the companionship of each other before deciding to give birth; but for the poor, it's like a curse (and na them born pass sef). I won't even be surprised if they don't know what family planning is, and that it's cheap, and even free in some healthcare centers.

You can never be more correct. I fell into the scam ,only re-strategising save my ass.

merieam16:
so er u sayin people born into poverty dont make it in life or becos dey er poor dey should die cos dey ve suddenly become an outcast?

No...we are it you are and no prospect of ever being rich, don't compound your problems by getting married and having children

Very important topic


Some men go into marriage and sink, never to rise financially again


You were managing, suddenly you want to marry, pay heavy bride price, borrow for a lavish wedding, do honey moon and kids follow immediately. No time to rethink your job, business or consider returning to school because you've got mouths to feed now.


Treat marriage as a business startup. Do you have a long term plan? What will your partner bring on board? What's your prospect of growing your income as your family grows? Do you have emergency savings?

.