₦airaland Forum

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pocohantas:
I didn’t miss your point. MOST women are married to men who are not in anyway socially or financially high, let alone HIGHER. It isn’t even an insult to them, it is the reality of Nigerian relationships/marriages. The one we see everyday, not NL.

Definitely not your reality,u will never marry someone who is equal to you financially. He must be higher

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

nah! Don't sin by profaning the principles and words of this great GOD,WE people are not literally observing the words of the bible or they doing wrongly...WATCH YOUR WORDS MAM

stagger:
OP,
If this is an attempt to ridicule the bible, then this has utterly failed. Many of you do not even understand what the bible says on many issues and it shows with all the shallow statements we see here.

Not every woman is wife material. Therefore you cannot expect to obtain favour from God when you marry a woman who is money conscious and contributes nothing to the house.

Secondly, any man who cannot sit down to analyze the conditions of the country and make adjustments to his life will put himself and his family into a lot of suffering. We live in a country where the best jobs are reserved for the children of the who is who. Look at all the politician today. Look at the NDDC guys including Cairo Ojuogbo. Cairo has been in politics since the late 80s. He is well connected. How else could he have got the job of NDDC Director of Projects? Where are his children?

Now ask yourself: what chances of securing a good job does the man you picked up have against the children of Isa Funtua, Godswill Akpabio, Cairo Ojuogbo, Timi Alaibe, all the generals who served in government under IBB and Abacha, etc, etc, etc? ZERO!

So why is the individual still looking for a job? What kind of job? A N50,000 job? Where will N50,000 go in Abuja?

In Nigeria of today, any average man with no connections who is still thinking of getting a good job is a dreamer. Such a person is better served starting a business, or learning a skill with global acceptance that can be used in the freelance community, where merit is still the order of the day. You cannot be looking for a job in a country where meritocracy has been sacrificed on the order of mediocrity, nepotism, tribalism and outright social injustice.

Las las, a woman can decide to bang her way to a job and up the ladder if the worst comes to the worst. Do men have such options except you are a gay who is lucky to meet another gay he can service?

These are the issues any man who is in university should start settling before attempting to jump into a marriage. The bible is very clear: he who does not work shall not eat. If you drag a woman into such a situation, then you will have to endure whatever you get out of it.

Hmmmm, this is deep really deep

emmanuelewumi:
If you must marry avoid leeches and in-laws with an entitlement mentality if you want to go far

Exactly you know the trick

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

. So because of this little problem, u want to finish us with grammar? Why are u like this? Thank God I go school Sha lolzzz.
Back to the topic, you eon point. Nobody should be subjugated to get married if one is not financially sufficient. Don't even marry out of pity. It's worse than plasmodiasis.
Hehehehehe

So many arguments here. Well, my own is that nobody is doing the other person (even the world) any good by breeding so many children than they can take care of. If you're not sure of how to financially take care of kids, don't go into child-bearing. On another note, taking care of kids is transcending financial obligations alone, time is one other important factor unless one is about to give the world some troubles.

pocohantas:
Please read again...



How does that mean the woman is financially and socially higher, when we talking of two broke people. Is there any difference between the man in this story and his wife?

In brokeness, there is level. Stop pretending,even u sef know dat women mostly marry men who are higher financially, even if na one step. You're an example and dats y we r waiting for shock

Klass99:
I like your entire take on this.

I will forever love the nairalander who first asked this question here - Dem use marriage swear for us in Africa?

So you're a dreamkiller, you agree with that

decatalyst:
You are good man for having solidarity with men!

We have suffered from each other... A man will decide to help the one with two holes rather assist both when presented with the option.

your wiser than Solomon for this saying

Well I agree with your conclusion

Godson201333:
It depend on your definition of success. No need to deviate from the topic or the OP opinion. but whatever!! another rule says'' If you cannot feed another adult with your current income or paycheck after deducting your bills and off-course, taking care of yourself, You are simply not qualified to marry and procreate. Is that too difficult to understand?? That rule does not require so much success, its all about saving yourself from some unnecessary headache. This is not 1920!

Yankee101:
Very important topic
Some men go into marriage and sink, never to rise financially again
You were managing, suddenly you want to marry, pay heavy bride price, borrow for a lavish wedding, do honey moon and kids follow immediately. No time to rethink your job, business or consider returning to school because you've got mouths to feed now
Treat marriage as a business startup. Do you have a long term plan? What will your partner bring on board? What's your prospect of growing your income as your family grows? Do you have emergency savings?

Spot on. Well said.

thesicilian:
Karma in itself is a function of your actions. So I guess it's kind of paradoxical to say there's no karma, and at the same time opine that our actions have consequences.
However I quite agree that the consequences do not necessarily have to be commensurate with the actions that provoked them.

When I say no karma, I mean not in the way that we think it.
Most people will tell u that if we do good, good things will happen to us and of we do bad, bad things will happen to us.

Well that's not always the case, that's why I say there is nor karma.

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

You are so soul-looted that the only thing you have to mention here is Bible instead of your anti-Bible, warped cuktures, traditions and influences send you deep down on miserable options.
There's nowhere here ever hinted that the guy in question is a Christian or married because of Christian belief. He might have even impregnated the so called wife.
Take your pains to another place.

Poseidon000:
Amen!!!

Poseidon.... I really need you to contact me through this no. Before the end of today. Please. 07066012233

ImaIma1:
Some people here castigating the poor man are the same people that still encourage someone with 20k salary to get married.

The irony!

Nairalandmonika:
When I say no karma, I mean not in the way that we think it.
Most people will tell u that if we do good, good things will happen to us and of we do bad, bad things will happen to us.

Well that's not always the case, that's why I say there is nor karma.

Oh, I get it now. @bolded: I've always viewed that opinion as ridiculous as well.

Nezero:
This is fantastic

you took time to outline these? wow nice u too. i thought i was the only one that was awed at his lovely cum awesome use of words and expressions

titusmichael27:
You expose the level of your understanding about life. study from the life of Late Dr Myles Munroe. How much he earned when he got married, and his networth later on in life. For the fact that you used the "suffer" in trying to get that point to me tells me..

Myles Munroe does not live in Nigeria. Stop acting like an illiterate. This is how many of you fool.ishly get deceived by stories written by others. Whether the person was being honest or not, you don't care you just gullibly follow blindly. Go ahead and marry broke then use your foolishness to start disturbing your siblings and uncles to help you feed and when they don't give you money, you call them evil. It is common sense. If the money you earn is not enough for you, why foolishly add another person to your liabilities.

Nice one, you said it all. But next time try to use simple English we’re not fighting, or you used the anger to try people. Bless up ✌️

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

hmmmmmm

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

My sister please leave the words of the most high out of this and lets look into its fundamentals. And the ultimate debate here should be how does one/he get out of the situation. Ideas can be shared and people will learn. We can not live out in this world without encountering problems, even if you employed professionals. Na solution to problems we Younger generation should phantom out and not bashing and condemnation.

D guy in question was already in strong poverty. His so-called marriage didn't plunge him into it. He was already there.

If you arrange marriage/cohabit on "nothing" foundation,hand go meet you
Grey hairs go appear by force even if you be young man.
If you be man wey dey struggle,nor near any girl or lady wey nothing gum am.
You go hear whinnnnn, if you try am.
Nor let dem deceive you o, say nor worry ,marriage go bring luck.
Na lie!
If e nor dey,e nor dey.
Check ya foundation before you talk to any single woman because dem too get entitlement mentality especially the jobless ones or the so-called slay queens dem.
Nor do o!

emmanuelewumi:
Children to help out keh, children that are still struggling to stand up on their feet. It is the expectation of help from children that makes it difficult to get out of the poverty cycle.


How about having a legacy, giving the right values and education to our children. Solid investments made should be able to sustain us at old age and also give a good head start to our children. Which will enhance generational wealth in the family.

A neighbour graduated 22 years ago from a polytechnic, his late father had investments in real estate and shares of blue Chip companies. The instructions given to the Trustees and executors of his will, was that half of the childrens inheritance should be given to the four children after completion of their NYSC. The remaining half should be given to them 10 years after graduation.

This young guy got shares in blue Chip companies and cash worth over N2 million in 1999 which he used in starting a construction company. Ten years after graduation the guy has built a Networth of over N100 million for himself. All these happened because of the headstart he got.

The Bible equally expects us to leave good legacy and inheritance for our children, not responsible to be a liability on our children.

Getting married early enough is one of the good legacies you can give to your children, so you can train them well. Don't train your kids as a pensioner. Getting married doesn't stop you from working hard and keeping legacies for your family. If you have a source of income and are up to age, marry. Don't wait till 60 before you marry. Waiting till 60 is not a guarantee that money will come.

decatalyst:
1. Thank you for lending help to that frustrated man and for at least alleviating his misery for a few days with the 10k.

2. Someone can be a victim of circumstance and choose to remain a victim of the circumstance or jakpa from it! Like the common saying 'how does a poor man manage to have erection...even sustained enough to donate a baby'?

3. Clearly, the man is not living a purposeful life, neither does he have any plan to change his fortune. How can you go ahead and marry/cohabit with a lady that will largely depend on you, in that present state? Why should they choose to add or compound their misery by having a baby in that state? Gosh! No iota of reasoning!

4. As for yielding to some hogwash acceptable societal teachings of "there is blessing in marriage" is utter nonsense! Lemme use the word of this dude on Nairaland "a real niggerr" takes charge of his life and decides which way/path he want to follow.


He is simply not a man! The child should demand for "accountability" when he/she is grown!

word

chiol:
Getting married early enough is one of the good legacies you can give to your children, so you can train them well. Don't train your kids as a pensioner. Getting married doesn't stop you from working hard and keeping legacies for your family. If you have a source of income and are up to age, marry. Don't wait till 60 before you marry. Waiting till 60 is not a guarantee that money will come.

Not against getter married early, I am against getting married when you are still struggling to provide basic necessities for yourself, no steady source of income or Investments and having extra funds that can conveniently feed an extra mouth after normal monthly expenses

DisLifeSha:
Them go tell you say na God give them the pickin. One woman wey dey born football team close to me here dey talk say children full her belly

lolz

Poseidon000:
If this is your idea of recrimination, then you suck at it. Just so we're clear; it's been eon I last had a relationship. I'm comfortable, but I presently don't have a woman friend not to talk of a wife, so, your postulation is balderdash.

Let me pretend to believe what you said about your brother: that your brother have a different story, does not mean it's the prevalent case. In fact, his case is miniscule on the scale of 1/10 as obtainable in our society. Now, no sensible man will predicate his future on the probability of 'one' against 'nine.' That's akin to looking for a needle in a haystack. Not that there's no needle in the haystack, but what are the odd of finding it.

* No, I'm not God, but even the Christian Bible says: "A man who can't provide for his family, is worse than an infidel."

Just so you know, marriage give you this hustling mindset to be on your toes.
The highlighted is one of the major lies I aforementioned.
Let's put it into perspective. If as a bachelor you earn 4k per day, then spend 1k for feeding and another 1k for miscellaneous, leaving you with 2k to save for future investment that will avail you the financial laxity to venture into other enterprise or expand existing one, thus increasing your earning power to say 10k per day. At this juncture, you're to a large extent impervious to the cost implication of running a family. So, it's fine.

Now, let's say you got married with an earning of the same 4k per day. Remember you were spending 2k as a bachelor and saving the remaining 2k for the future. What you'll discover as a married man, is that; 4k will be barely enough to service the family, leaving you on the path of stagnancy, cause you'll be feeding from hand to mouth with no savings to venture into new waters of financial promise. Basically, you'll be retrogressing with the rise in inflation and graduating family expenses. In no time, you'll be wizened with dejection and suffering, consequently embroiling the innocent children you sired, in your self inflicted debacle.


Nuff said.

...too much sense in this...I currently earn 30k monthly at my place of work. I have being working for two years now and to say the truth, I have been able to save far more than what my other colleagues who ventured into marriage with the quote "Nah God dy take care of pickin"..I used my savings to start up a business early dis year and now my income has increase exponentially...I barely think of the next payday whereas my colleagues who ventured into raising kids just because they had a job paying 30k can't feed comfortably for a full month talkless of providing for their family..

zimdante:
No they don't don't have to bring innocent children into the world to come and suffer or to become armed robbers, thiefs , kidnappers e.t.c

so is only poor people dat become arm robber abi?

SmartPolician:
Haven't you noticed that most Nairalanders make and write complete sentences?

You still write like you were in kindergarten.

What does it cost you to spell a word correctly?

pele o professor,so wif ur writing completely hw much do u in ur account. Elenu gborò