₦airaland Forum

Useless write up.

Most men will marry some Ladies and Lil the purpose and wealth of those ladies in the name of marriage

chiol:
In as much as I support some of your points, you should be mindful of the fact that in this part of the world, there are no provisions for the aged by the government. They do not pay ordinary pension talk more of making provisions.

As you are enjoying your youthful age, also be thinking of your life when you get old. In Nigeria, it is solely your own children that can take care of you at your old age.


Children grow very fast nowadays. If you marry now, in the next 16 - 25 years your children will be independent and even be helping you. Don't wait till your retirement before getting married. A stitch in time saves nine!

Actually, what you described - the black tax - actually perpetuates poverty by depriving those children's families of financial resources to improve their lives. What is required is proper planning by today's parents through:

- Procreating the number of children they can adequately take care of. It's more easier to take care of two children than three children on a joint income of 200K (how many families these days have such across Nigeria?). Through that, they can provide the best 200K can afford to these two kids. Add another, and it becomes stressful and financially difficult.

- Fortunately, there are many investment opportunities these days and with the power of the Internet, individuals can proffer their services to a wider market. Additionally, with this new information parents have, they can utilise them to sustain themselves in the future.

Relying on one's children to sustain them in the future in a country that has the highest number of poor people in the world, declining government's revenues, wanton corruption by public officials, anaemic economic growth but ballooning population is a wrong way to plan.

Op my own be say ur female colleague no try and she no too like u, she can influence that guy to lift u,.

Gerrard59:
Actually, what you described - the black tax - actually perpetuates poverty by depriving those children's families of financial resources to improve their lives. What is required is proper planning by today's parents through:

- Procreating the number of children they can adequately take care of. It's more easier to take care of two children than three children on a joint income of 200K (how many families these days have such across Nigeria?). Through that, they can provide the best 200K can afford to these two kids. Add another, and it becomes stressful and financially difficult.

- Fortunately, there are many investment opportunities these days and with the power of the Internet, individuals can proffer their services to a wider market. Additionally, with this new information parents have, they can utilise them to sustain themselves in the future.

Relying on one's children to sustain them in the future in a country that has the highest number of poor people in the world, declining government's revenues, wanton corruption by public officials, anaemic economic growth but ballooning population is a wrong way to plan.

Money is not everything. By the time you are old or sick, you will understand that family really matters. Also, having a family doesn't stop one from making more money and investments

Farki:
That's rare, most women see it as an insult to consider marrying a man who isn't socially and economically higher than than her.

U are right, unless de woman is above 37 she will start reconsidering

Musty112:
17.31. Do not kill your children for fear of poverty; it is We Who provide for them as well as for you. Killing them is surely a grave sin.
Marriage is never a reason for poverty. Just use your brain, u might not be rich but you will be mildly comfortable in the least. The God that created you has created what you will eat until ur death. That guy could use that same energy to find menial things to do

Well, Nigeria has the highest number of poor people in the world. Same place where the number of people who have at least 500K in their accounts is less than 10%.

chiol:
Money is not everything. By the time you are old or sick, you will understand that family really matters. Also, having a family doesn't stop one from making more money and investments

If you read my post to understand, you will not see where I mentioned people shouldn't procreate rather they should birth children they can take care of. Birthing five children on an income that can adequately take care of two is ridiculous. Doing Tumbo-tumbo on these five children to take care of you and your wife when old in a place of high youth unemployment is balderdash.

Zoie:
How can I even agree to be a wife to a man with no structures in his life? Fvck "grow together". That slang was good in the 70s and 80s..
I am striving for financial independence. My man should be five or ten steps better than I am financially.

Aunty hope say u fyn. Outside and inside count in choosing life partner. If u no too fyn manage de one way u see, make u no end up like my neighbor way de call every body wowor buh end up single

poltergeist:
I feel you.

as it is often the case, people cave under under societal pressures and expectations. it's sad but also an indictment on the our personal resolve or lack thereof.

personally, I'd never think of getting hooked with a person until I can take care of myself, a wife and a child.

talking about a child, the problem extends into childbearing because you see people, already strained financially by marriage, going on to have multiple kids ranging from three to five.

that's stupid and ultimately selfish because your inability to care for your wards would take its toll on the society i.e crime, homelessness, dwarfed human capital etc.

while we're at this, I should mention that sometimes the unfortunate situation of losing one's means of livelihood after marriage may occur and there's really not a lot of ways to handle that situation to a positive outcome.

as such, while married, even when comfortable, keep a fair margin of error for exigencies i.e don't take on too many responsibilities (i.e children) that would hamper your savings for the rainy day.

if earning a decent 100K monthly, there's really no reason to do more than a kid.

many of us didn't come from much; we had little growing up but with good planning in marriage, we can have one or two kids and provide comfortable care for them (decent schools, money for self-development in gaining skills etc).

don't play yourself - marriage doesn't come with pre-installed financial bliss.

if you must get married from little, do but don't strain your little by assuming responsibilities for selfish and self-obsessive reasons of wanting to be parents like everyone else.

if you find a wife earning 50K, get married but you don't have to bear kids immediately - save for two year towards childbearing and until you see a significant surge in your income, don't have another kid.

STOP AT TWO WHEN YOU GET AN INCREASE IN WAGES.

be responsible; give birth to kids you can care for - don't leave everything to chance and providence.

with little money, you can have a fine marriage as long as you don't take on more than you can manage.

@Chiol: This poster has elaborated on my earlier comment. Show me where he or myself stated that people shouldn't procreate?

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

Shut up your gutter mind.
The Bible did not ask anyone to marry "unprepared".
"He who that finds a wife" is not same as "he that finds a woman". She can only be a wife when you are responsible and have done all the rites necessary.
THAT GUY HE DESCRIBED MIGHT JUST BE CO-HABBITING

Frezhkid10:
...too much sense in this...I currently earn 30k monthly at my place of work. I have being working for two years now and to say the truth, I have been able to save far more than what my other colleagues who ventured into marriage with the quote "Nah God dy take care of pickin"..I used my savings to start up a business early dis year and now my income has increase exponentially...I barely think of the next payday whereas my colleagues who ventured into raising kids just because they had a job paying 30k can't feed comfortably for a full month talkless of providing for their family..

Are you a graduate?

Olawrites:
Are you a graduate?

..yup...do you have job for me??..

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

Like they say...."The only source of enjoyment a poor man has is his wife ". You will notice that its the poor people that always have multiple children. Again this is because they believe that atleast one of them will grow up to be rich and influential.

Most poor people carry what I called "borrowed-brain". They don't have a brain of their own. They are the ones most of these fake men of God easily target. The need to get rich so quick via unexpected and miraculous means is all they think off. So all these fake men of God started preaching prosperity to them. You see them every weekend hoping on Nairabet and Betnaija jackpots.

You can hardly sell dignity to them.

You are very correct.
One of the reasons Nigerians suffer so much is ignorance. Ignorance compounded by morbid religious and cultural beliefs.

I insist that a man is disentitled to marriage until he finds a reliable means of livelihood or finds a wife who has one that can cater for a family. To do otherwise is to sign a long time contract with poverty.

You go sweat for nose.

chiol:
Money is not everything. By the time you are old or sick, you will understand that family really matters. Also, having a family doesn't stop one from making more money and investments

True. family matter. But how many families in this age of late stage capitalism are really dependable to hope to fall back on. Many but not much.

Think of it this way. It's better to act as though nobody is coming to save you and then if you ultimately have a need you fall back on them because no other solution exists, than to 'think' you have a dependable family somewhere and end up disappointed.
The later is much more disappointing than the former.

Nice of you for helping out the guy, FYI no one is pushed into a marriage at least not men, it was his choice, its all a matter how how he was brought up or orientation.

People who live in uncompleted buildings and batchers do this especially the poor , jobless ones, a young man brought up in that that environment will just do that cos that's what he sees everyday and he thinks its normal.

Lazy men see impregnating their wives as a job, since they have more free time they tend to have many babies and often don't look at the cost implication of raising kids.

Abuja marriage is not restricted to poor pips, even well educated working class women engage in it, its simply a marriage of convenience.

Nezero:
This is fantastic

Yeah it's good to see something refreshing other than the cliché NL grammar: SIMP, CRETIN,etc

Onlinebar:
I can never pick a female to help in the presence of my fellow guy....na abomination

Some sissy men are just absurd to watch o jare

Asour:
True. family matters. But how many families in this age of late stage capitalism are really dependable to hope to fall back on. Many but not much.

Think of it this way. It's better to act as though nobody is coming to save you and then if you ultimately have a need you fall back on them because no other solution exists, than to 'think' you have a dependable family somewhere and end up disappointed.
The later is much more disappointing than the former.

In life, you have to balance things. Don't pursue money and leave marriage and don't marry and forget money. Both are necessary. If you are of the age, marry and keep hustling. Regulate the number of children you will bear according to your financial capability.

queenfav:
Your question that " 'how does a poor man manage to have erection...even sustained enough to donate a baby'? is funny but very valid.I keep saying it, don't have babies if you are struggling.Stress will just kill that person because babies are expensive to raise.

Yes o!

It's your duty to ensure your kids have better life or privileges than you ever had. No point bringing them into this world when you are not prepared. It's an act of callousness to do so!

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favqour his obtaining from d Lord now..

It's not a lie, indeed he who find a wife has found a good thing but he must be ready for marriage. The bible also says faith without works is dead, you can't just believe you'll get d money 2 cater for ur family without having somtin in mind to start up. That's stupidity, manner will not fall from heaven.

chiol:
In life, you have to balance things. Don't pursue money and leave marriage and don't marry and forget money. Both are necessary. If you are of the age, marry and keep hustling. Regulate the number of children you will bear according to your financial capability.

There's nothing like balance in life really though.

What matters is what you want and how much(not money but sacrificing other things) are you willing to pay for it.

By the way the OP never said to 'forget marriage'

Well, the truth is marry a woman that has vision. Things was not as good as it is for me currently before I got married. All glory be to God now, I’ve attempt what a man should at least have in terms of physical achievements. Mind you, Just 30 recently

pocohantas:
38 actually,

You and these your admirers sha. Una dey always make me laugh. As far as were concerned you are 41.

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

Yet to read but I already love the topic. Right now i am on the verge of dumping my marriage. I was so pained when my suppose wife didn't let me rest after hustling and coming home to relax this woman just dey nag me over money for pad. I just had to rethink the entire thing. And wonder is it really worth it. Guys think am well oh don't let society push you into what will kill you. Because if u die another man go shine that Congo.

chiol:
Money is not everything. By the time you are old or sick, you will understand that family really matters. Also, having a family doesn't stop one from making more money and investments

Family is everything, it is also very good when the grand parents are making millions at old age based on sound investment decisions such people made when they are young.

There are grand parents who give gifts worth hundreds of thousands of Naira to their grand children.

Old age is sweet when you are financially independent and not a burden on your children and grandchildren

Luxurydriverng:
Yet to read but I already love the topic. Right now i am on the verge of dumping my marriage. I was so pained when my suppose wife didn't let me rest after hustling and coming home to relax this woman just dey nag me over money for pad. I just had to rethink the entire thing. And wonder is it really worth it. Guys think am well oh don't let society push you into what will kill you. Because if u die another man go shine that Congo.

I beg buy the pad for her jor

emmanuelewumi:
I beg buy the pad for her jor

It's not about the pad, it is sometin more.

Luxurydriverng:
It's not about the pad, it is sometin more.

The Lord will continue to provide for you.

I believe there are somethings you guys did not clarify while dating.

You have been the sole provider all along, it will be difficult to alter the status quo at this point in time

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

You're right... Guys should stop getting married to women and bringing kids into the world and hence more poverty...

But OP, why do guys also dislike ladies who goes for financially okay guys and they're called all sorts of names?

Omoluabi16:
You and these your admirers sha. Una dey always make me laugh. As far as were concerned you are 41.

50 sef no go bad. Someone’s son loves me like that. Nothing spoil...

merieam16:
Okay buh d truth is d poor will always b among u. at least u helped out dat wat matters

You can choose 2 remain poor by nt doubling ur hustle buh der some people hustle or no hustle dey er destined 2 b poor.Not everytime u see a poor person nd u say he or she is lazy or hasnt taken steps buh time nd chance happen 2 dem all. They will still av 2 get married nd do wat oda people do cos dey are still humans


ti o ban ri se, ma se pe padi e lo lè

O pari! E don finish!!

Foolishness and stupidity continues.

They have to marry? Says who?