₦airaland Forum

Poseidon000:
Sup guys. I've something that have always earned the acme of my discountenance. And that's how men crudely jump into marriage in other to conform to societal dictate or for some selfish satisfaction.
This have gotten me pensive and I'll make no ado in getting to the nucleus of the issue.

Yesterday, I was headed toward gwarimpa, and on my way I noticed a disheveled young guy around Efab estate trekking by the express.
As a rule, I always give such guys 'lift,' because i was once with a female colleague in a lonely path that seldom have cars coming our way, suddenly one private car stopped and when I tried entering after my female colleague boarded, the SIMPson bounced me out and zoomed off with an empty back seat.

That incident birthed in me a sense of solidarity and understanding of what men go through just for being men, but yesterday, I was so incensed by a botch job my mechanic did that I drove past. After about 4 hours when I had everything sorted and was heading back, I saw the same guy heading toward my direction again(it's a dual carriage way) and he was sweating profusely, so I beckoned on him to enter. We got talking and I inquired why he's trekking such a long distance. He said: he went to look for a job that wasn't successful and he's going back to Arab road.
But this is just a miniscule of the guy's travail. He grew up in abject poverty.In fact, they gave birth to him and his sister in an uncompleted building. His dad died in that building, his sister got pregnant for some riffraff and they started what we call "abuja marriage", his mom subsequently fell sick and died in the same uncompleted building. Then the owner of the building decided to complete it, and drove him away.

Now, this guy was able to get another uncompleted building to stay, and as I'm typing this, he's with wife and kids. This is a person that don't have food at home and can not afford N150 to and fro.

I gave him 10k but I was so mad with him; I mean, I was disconcertingly appalled that this guy will think of marriage in his privation. Why not be a little bit comfortable before considering marriage, instead to face life with the dignity of a breadline.

Sadly, this is the same mistake lot of guy's have been making thinking they'll fall into some stupendous money as soon as they marry, and this is mostly perpetuated by religious charlatans who say; a man's destiny is predicated on his future wife, that as soon as he gets married, the special blessing tied to marriage will start opening way for him.

That's a mendacious twaddle that will leave you in a precarious situation. Please guys, have 'comfort' afoot before you dabble into marriage.

What's your take on this?

You write so well .

When can u say you are financially OK.there is no time a man is financial OK
Like me ,I am in my late 20s have a land have a rented house but still not convinced I am financial OK.because all this things are got through hustle

Prof0fficial:
"someone that wishes to be alone should remember his old age days"...

Bullest SHIT!!!

Paramount01:
When can u say you are financially OK.there is no time a man is financial OK
Like me ,I am in my late 20s have a land have a rented house but still not convinced I am financial OK.because all this things are got through hustle

Things can be better. Don't relent on your oars, but need to do what you have to do when you have to do them

You are financially okay if you have a sustainable cash flow from a job, business or Investment that can take care of your expenses like rent, transport, clothing and feeding of a minimum of two people, and you will still have a reserve after all these expenses for future Investments

thesicilian:
Life is never black and white, there are many grey areas.
Some marriages actually bring good fortune in terms of opportunities, but that's usually when you get married to someone from a higher social class, or at least someone with vision and ambition, not a chronic liability.

Sure but one needs to have some level of Independence before getting into a relationship.
Not just to be compliant with society's demands.
Sorry to say but a lot of people don't have a solid vision for their lives to keep them on course and so they are at the mercy of their society and environment.

Olawrites:
Stop misleading people with your nasty view.


You failed at marriage doesn't mean others will.

... Are you God that determines when one should marry or not?

My bro married when he has nothing. Today he is Madly in wealth.

Just so you know, marriage give you this hustling mindset to be on your toes.

Look for someone understanding,and plan towards a future.

There's some certain age man will seek companionship

God determines one's destiny.. Sh.it happens in a jiffy.

@bold

Rubbish! May be your brother is super lucky and belongs to 0.005% of the population of married men in today’s Nigeria.

The guy you quoted is 200% correct!

And I observe his comments hit you really hard!
The truth is bitter.

>>What's your take on this?

Karma tingz .... someone in his family (ancestor/s) may have done some awful evil for him to be catching this much hell on earth.

Pray hard, do good deeds, and treat ppl right. dats all i have.

Most men reason with their dicks first.

And the only thing some educated women are good at is, to spread their legs to East and West as they lay themselves down for some gullible men to peruse their periphery

Poseidon000:
If this is your idea of recrimination, then you suck at it. Just so we're clear; it's been eon I last had a relationship. I'm comfortable, but I presently don't have a woman friend not to talk of a wife, so, your postulation is balderdash.

Let me pretend to believe what you said about your brother: that your brother have a different story, does not mean it's the prevalent case. In fact, his case is miniscule on the scale of 1/10 as obtainable in our society. Now, no sensible man will predicate his future on the probability of 'one' against 'nine.' That's akin to looking for a needle in a haystack. Not that there's no needle in the haystack, but what are the odd of finding it.

* No, I'm not God, but even the Christian Bible says: "A man who can't provide for his family, is worse than an infidel."

Just so you know, marriage give you this hustling mindset to be on your toes.
The highlighted is one of the major lies I aforementioned.
Let's put it into perspective. If as a bachelor you earn 4k per day, then spend 1k for feeding and another 1k for miscellaneous, leaving you with 2k to save for future investment that will avail you the financial laxity to venture into other enterprise or expand existing one, thus increasing your earning power to say 10k per day. At this juncture, you're to a large extent impervious to the cost implication of running a family. So, it's fine.

Now, let's say you got married with an earning of the same 4k per day. Remember you were spending 2k as a bachelor and saving the remaining 2k for the future. What you'll discover as a married man, is that; 4k will be barely enough to service the family, leaving you on the path of stagnancy, cause you'll be feeding from hand to mouth with no savings to venture into new waters of financial promise. Basically, you'll be retrogressing with the rise in inflation and graduating family expenses. In no time, you'll be wizened with dejection and suffering, consequently embroiling the innocent children you sired, in your self inflicted debacle.


Nuff said.

Ogbeni! I am seriously enjoying this write up but please don’t put me off with your big grammar. There is a convention on “simple English”. Please try to use simple English words and simple expressions.

Frezhkid10:
...too much sense in this...I currently earn 30k monthly at my place of work. I have being working for two years now and to say the truth, I have been able to save far more than what my other colleagues who ventured into marriage with the quote "Nah God dy take care of pickin"..I used my savings to start up a business early dis year and now my income has increase exponentially...I barely think of the next payday whereas my colleagues who ventured into raising kids just because they had a job paying 30k can't feed comfortably for a full month talkless of providing for their family..

. Can you give me insight on the type of business you are running?

Olawrites:
Your opinion. Naso una go do till u enta late 40's

Mumu, get lost and let others learn. Go and ask your wretched uncles and middle aged me on the streets of any city or towns in Nigeria, they will tell you how far. Or just visit the mortuary and count the number of men dying between the ages of 50 - 60 year old.

donlystra:
The word of God is a lie? may God forgive and deliver you from that spirit that is speaking through you and leading you to eternal destruction.

SHUT THE HELL UP! Who told you the bible is the word of GOD?

You believe it does not make it the truth!

nokatakata:
Did you read this rubbish before posting it? They are telling you to make sure you a financially okay before marrying and bringing children to the world and you are yapping trash. People like you like to disturb others with problems you created for yourself. Later you'll open your mouth and say people are wicked because they refused to give you their hard earned money to cater for your irresponsible behaviour.

Quit whining and grow up! There are millions of ‘financially okay’ dunces like u who went nosedive into poverty soon after marriage... and there are not so much financially okay guys whose marriage brought plenty of blessings for. Marriage life works differently for everyone; sometimes getting married before making money gives you the extra push to become more resourceful and ambitious, which later turn into wealth for u. Just few days ago, a talented kid (whose parent are poor by the way) was discovered by a Swiss company, the boy and his parent will be moving to Zurich by end of the yr, they’re just waiting for go-ahead after this pandemic thing ni.
Besides, marriage and and chasing money are two different things; even when we get married we don’t stop chasing money, do we?

As for me coming to ‘disturb you with my problem’ if u no wan marry at least u go fit help me cater for my own 3 wives and a dozen kids na!

GboyegaD:
In as much as I agree with your position, I have learned that you cannot win such battles with Nigerian youths. People believe in having children no matter what and an interesting conclusion would be "God who created the mouth would make provisions on what the mouth will feed on".

Not true, they just love to have sex. The children on Nigeria’s streets are mere by-product of the sex they love to have.

SweetCunt97:
Take it easy with the grammar Bro. The man you helped knows no better. His life revolves around that uncompleted building, no dream, no ambition. If he's not careful he'll die in the uncompleted building. Life has simply been unfair to him and he probably needs a divine helper at this point.

Not everyone who marries plunges into poverty, some women bring their special innovation, business ideas, good fortune to a man.

True but damn too few. So few that you just disregard this.

Komu1048:
God give them children to compensate their lack n hence putting smile on their face. That’s why the Bible said Many are the children of the desolate....

Olosi!!!

Ugaboy:
How can u be poor and still interested in a woman that will solely depend on you. Marriage is not a poverty alleviation scheme, that when u tend to be open to more responsibilities than just being a single guy.
may GOD take him out of his poverty state. I.J.N

there's this stigma in being single unfortunately

You are so daft. So the word of God is a lie?

kestolove95:
Don't blame them, they wia brainwashed by the lies in the Bible dat says "he who find a wife has found a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" that is the favour his obtaining from d Lord now..

The Bible is the word of who?

mrchineke:
SHUT THE HELL UP! Who told you the bible is the word of GOD?

You believe it does not make it the truth!

scokoro:
Why are you guys blaming the young man, is he not some lady that accepted him to be her husband. Does the lady not have parents or relatives who supported her to go on with him?
The wife and the kids are not his problem but his inability to get hooked with something before settling down. So, if one is dragged in my the life's web, he should wait till when he is off it and settle down then. Who knows what tomorrow brings? We all live by hope and the hope if structured well leads us get something substantial. Back to marriage, though society demands one should get married at some point in their lives, the truth of the matter is that we must bring someone here before we leave. I know many people that are not married that can not feed themselves. Life woes come to everyone in one way or to other. I encourage people to marry and procreate and leave a legacy behind. He who must die must die regardless of whether married or not.
When we reach the age of walking as babies, we start walking...
When we reach age of running, we walk too
In the same manner, when we get to the age of marrying, we must marry and fulfill our destiny
That is how it is in Africa .

Reason your Africa is so wretched and pitiful!

Wolgrace:
This post is a total mockery when it comes to grassroot assessment and understanding. It is a total rubbish wrapping up that married men with a poverty stricken background who are still poor is as a result of the marriage they plunged themselves into.

I totally disagree with this aggressive analyses without first knowing and understanding the system or pattern of the society they were born into. Is he the cause of the stinky and rotten system polluting the society?

General view, some are born into an ugly system where they face disastrous disasters where they have no power or means to control and tame them like flood, tsunami, hurricane, famine, lack of education and basic amenities, physical and mental diseases, other darkened abject situations. But all these don't stop them from reproducing because how long will they wait to change the ugly system affecting them? Is there no government? Is our tax not meant to take care of them like empowerment, education, etc? WHERE ARE THE BLESSED MERCIFUL HELPERS TOO??

You make me laugh!!!

Use your brain, assess yourself and your environment before you commit to a life changing decision. If you are poor, without financial security or stability and you decide to marry, you are one your own - na OYO you dey!

SeanBeezy:
Hey, you can say anything to credit your claims but don't in your life ever disrespect the Bible!

See useless Christian! Did God ask you to fight someone for him?

merieam16:
so is only poor people dat become arm robber abi?

That was not the point.

Poverty is not the actual reason people birth many children. Illiteracy (ignorance) is. Arrogance is another. Well most illiterates are arrogant.

What's the population of literate Nigerians? How many Nigerians understand the concept of "safe period" for sex, contraceptives or family planning?

Illiteracy is why an unprepared man and woman will open their eyes and their private parts for unsafe sex even while they're not financially and mentally prepared for the kids.

And by the way, where are the so called Nigerians desiring countless children because children bring blessing? Never met anyone in my life with that mentality and, if at all people like that exist, they're still a few among the populated illiterates. The idea that people want kids for some futuristic purposes is no longer prevalent. That era died some 3 to 5 decades ago.

The basic truth is that majority of families with many kids today never planned for such. Ask any family man or woman with 5 or 6 kids today and wait for the true response. At least 2-3 just came by "mistake" -- ignorance.

Another significant proportion found themselves in that situation as a result of arrogance.

Now mix illiteracy with arrogance and you'll see a larger proportion of Nigerians doubting even the existence of HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis, and Covid-19. You would even see yourself taking so many senseless risk like engaging in unsafe sex with prost.itutes, not minding whether they're hepatitis- or hiv- positive.

In fact, some f00lish ediots believe they're experts of withdrawal methods, reason they go on having condom-less' sex at a time the woman is ovulating, yet they're not ready for kids and don't want to be babydaddies and babymamas. Really?

Google is free, yet they won't use but would rather sit back and believe that as soon as they hustle, do fraud, and make some money, their problems will cease to exist.

Men you made perfect sense

harsysky:
Life is a risk. like a reader commented up there, time and chance happen to people whether you choose to up your game or you choose to marry when not buoyant. If I had not seen a poor man who rose to wealth , and a wealthy man who became poor, I would certainly think a man has 100% influence on how their lives go .

The overall advice would be to have a source of income before dabbling into marriage, then get other sources of income to complement whatever cometh. At all times, pray without ceasing because real wealth isn't made, it is inherited from anybody. Take a look at majority of those who are billionaires, you would agree with me that they never believed they would be what they are now. If we all understand the way things work in this world, which isn't possible, we will be able to predict the future.

Mcadamson:
Why would a man in poverty procreate like chicken? It's quite sardonic situation. If you are not financially buoyant as a man, it's better you suspend marriage till you are able to pay its financial responsibility.
The only exception is if the woman is working and bringing something to the table and she's understanding too then you can seal the marriage.
Check all developed countries even China, they don't procreate children like Africans. We are too gullible in this country. We believe that children are like future investment or assets. Don't just procreate children without taking care for them financially and morally so that they won't turn to Agberos, thuggs and Almajiris.
A word is enough for the wise...

China and Indian procreate like rats.It was so bad that at a time there was population explosion in china that the authority had to step in and enforce a draconian law of one family one child policy . The poor still produce like rats in Indian.
I don't know why poor people can't control the number of children they bring to the world knowing that they cannot feed them.
Another factor in Africa especially Nigeria is religion . Some religious doctrine kick against using contraceptive and their followers are brainwash to believe that God/Allah is the one that gave them the children so he will be there to provide for them. This is applicable to both Christian's and muslims .I do not know about other religion

omoharry:
China and Indian procreate like rats.It was so bad that at a time there was population explosion in china that the authority had to step in and enforce a draconian law of one family one child policy . The poor still produce like rats in Indian.
I don't know why poor people can't control the number of children they bring to the world knowing that they cannot feed them.
Another factor in Africa especially Nigeria is religion . Some religious doctrine kick against using contraceptive and their followers are brainwash to believe that God/Allah is the one that gave them the children so he will be there to provide for them. This is applicable to both Christian's and muslims .I do not know about other religion

So, as soon as they make money, the problem will fail to exist?


We are too money conscious, we fail to identify the main problem.

nokatakata:
You just like to suffer. That's it. 30k or 35k and you want to get married? Are you happy that you are living with 30k monthly salary? Can you honestly cope with 30 to 50k alone. Why do people like to put themselves in difficult situations. At the end of the day you hear all sort of strange news about domestic violence and people committing suicide out frustration. Please stop encouraging people to suffer and cause avoidable pains for themselves. It is not by force to marry and there is nothing wrong in staying alone especially when you know you are struggling. If you are broke and must marry, then marry a partner that is very rich. That way you can multiply the wealth together with your ideas.

the thing self baffle me .

chiol:
In as much as I support some of your points, you should be mindful of the fact that in this part of the world, there are no provisions for the aged by the government. They do not pay ordinary pension talk more of making provisions.

As you are enjoying your youthful age, also be thinking of your life when you get old. In Nigeria, it is solely your own children that can take care of you at your old age.

In Nigeria, family seems to be the only thing that is a bit constant. One can be rich today and poor tomorrow and vice versa. So, don't rely solely on being rich before having your own family. If you are up to 30- 40 and have a source of income, whether you have billions or not, try and have your own family.

Children grow very fast nowadays. If you marry now, in the next 16 - 25 years your children will be independent and even be helping you. Don't wait till your retirement before getting married. A stitch in time saves nine!

Disappointment and depression awaits anyone with this mindset.

Early grave things!!!

Westernlove:
A large percentage of Shiithole people are still In "Mental Slavery Mode" These kind of people are at every corner of Nigeria, be It elite, wealthy, rich, poor etc. The thing Is the poor people stupidity and foolishness Is In Abundance. Let me give you an example,
I'm currently renovating my apartment, painting and bringing In new appliances. One of my neighbors who Is quite educated came to felicitate with me and the next thing Is, Bros you suppose don marry naw. You have all the capacity to be a well comfortable family man. I just smiled and tell her my wife Is overseas and I'm planning on meeting her over there. Naso talk end.....Me that I'm planning and focusing on great things ahead.
See You can't help Nigerians, most especially the "Poor Nigerians" A lot of them have a faulty faculty of reasoning I swear......I do say It, I'm saying It again, Currently I have 3 families who seek assistance from me often. I'm only assisting them because of the Innocent children. Na these kind people dey sabi fvck pass lol......

We've almost the same experience. I've had people ask me the same obnoxious question.

In Nigeria, people consider success by one's ability to get married, whether you're capable of fending for your family or not. And it's the very societal dogma that have wrecked a lot of people

In this part of the world, we so much believe in this thing called marriage. Marriage is more or less a destiny for all. The truth remains that it's not everyone who should be married, or even be a parent. You see aside from money, there are other things that would determine your readiness.