Hi, good afternoon.

For anonymity , my name is Lola (4th birth name) and this is my plight.
I met my husband during nysc camp in 2011 and for several years of our courtship till we got married.
I v constantly been reminded about his plans to relocate abroad someday but I never knew It would be at mercy of our marriage and my career years later.
Due to the high job demand in his field of study in school. He got a job not long after

nysc while I pushed my fashion designing business further, got a place in a good neighbourhood in Lagos and rebranded myself with the nysc money I was able to save.
During those times, I realized every phone and WhatsApp conversations of ours nd our once in blue moon date whenever he comes around often involves the relocation talk but I blindly thought it was something we could settle when we marry.

Note: He was living in porthacourt while I was in Lagos

After we got married, Him being the one with a good pay and the man, we mutually agreed for me to relocate to ph to settle and leave my fashion business and for some couple of years that we v been together. I observed his whole savings and investments have always been to raise enough money to sustain and perfect the relocation while on the other hand, i restarted my business and in a year+ i had a big boost in my fashion designing business.
I was able to gain a bit of popularity in porthacourt and good paying clients which led to an extreme work stress . While in search of how to balance my work routines, I luckily got some girls who wanted to learn and be their own brand later.
Few months after learning some basic things, they became the brain behind many designs of my fashion designing business and there after I rented a bigger space for my business, had a progress of clients and solid financial security.

Prior to the lockdown, our relationship was of the perfect one but weeks after it came into effectiveness and we all had to stay home. My husband came calling with his well structured plan and findings of the best country on his laptop for us to review and asked me to have it in mind and also plan ahead of informing some few friends and family ahead so it won't come as a surprise to them immediately full activities in the country resumes.
That was where the issue came from, I immediately cut him off with a "NO" I'm not relocating like that. He asked why ND I made it known to him, I v my career and life going perfectly well here. What will happen to me if I abandon my business and relocate with him. This looks like it's only about him cause of the obsession to push his career while I lose mine and then relocate to being a stay home mum. While I was ranting and letting him see my opinions. What if what if ? While trying not to be negatively minded but how certain is our career life there ? With the segregation of blacks, racism and the news of how the other side isn't always Greener than it seems.

He shouted with " i'v worked several years for this and you wouldn't be the reason to stop me" I should either choose between him and my career.

Been weeks we last got fully talking except some yes/no monosyllabic words quite necessary to say which I fully know its not ending soon.

I'm getting worried everyday, I love my husband and really want his progress but I don't want to abandon my booming business nd relocate to lose all. What career do I v waiting for me there ? Won't I end up being a stay home mum whose long time focus will end up in exile forever. I honestly don't mind him having the kids if possible and relocating alone while I shuttle between the two countries. I might end up agreeing with him buh what do I v waiting for me there ?

Kindly advice me.

Dis matter no be here ooo ... Elders should comment first

you know whats best for yourself not us！ MAKE THE DESCION

Why don't you chill and see how things go.
Relocation isnt a one day thing and wouldnt happen immediately like that. It may be in the next 6months to 1 year.
While waiting, start looking for how to go about getting your own business /shop abroad too. You can start making clothes from home. There are Nigerian communities everywhere in the world, and they always love their owambe. Infact, learn how to make clothes for men too. You might just be the go to person.
Infact, you can also do some certification courses abroad to get a better job with better pay than your business in Naija, and still be sewing clothes by the side too.
Relocating is not easy, but by the time you settle it might actually be better for your family
Why not give it a try, and leave one of the trusted girls in charge of your shop. Come visit your shop within 3 to 6months, and see if you would sell it or not. You would have had a taste of living abroad and can compare it to Naija.
You started from the scratch in PH. You've got what it takes to do same abroad too, if you put your mind to it.
Stay together as a family.

Juliusmomoh:
Dis matter no be here ooo ... Elders should comment first

as in

Ok

This country is not getting any better, please run away and thank me later, look for someone who is trusted to manage you business in Nigeria.

But fashion designing is a big business in foreign countries.

One of our neighbors who is a fashion designer recently relocated with her kids and even left her medical doctor husband behind.

I think you're a lucky woman. Just go with the flow.

eyinjuege:
Why don't you chill and see how things go.
Relocation isnt a one day thing and wouldnt happen immediately like that. It may be in the next 6months to 1 year.
While waiting, start looking for how to go about getting your own business /shop abroad too. You can start making clothes from home. There are Nigerian communities everywhere in the world, and they always love their owambe. Infact, learn how to make clothes for men too. You might just be the go to person.
Infact, you can also do some certification courses abroad to get a better job with better pay than your business in Naija, and still be sewing clothes by the side too.
Relocating is not easy, but by the time you settle it might actually be better for your family
Why not give it a try, and leave one of the trusted girls in charge of your shop. Come visit your shop within 3 to 6months, and see if you would sell it or not. You would have had a taste of living abroad and can compare it to Naija.
You started from the scratch in PH. You've got what it takes to do same abroad too, if you put your mind to it.
Stay together as a family.

Do you live in my brain? This was the same advice I was about to share with her

Your joy is obsessively attached to your booming career more than your family which is a good trait of a focused woman.
I understand how you feel, if it was a case of gender play. Would he have quit his job to follow you to abroad too ?
For years, women have always been made to compromise their dreams and plans for men's own.
You know what's good to keep your marriage regardless.

Whats the obsession with traveling at all costs?

He seems to have a well paying job & you are doing great. You guys can plan to visit a new country every year or two instead of packing things up here to go & settle in one.

Though he always had the plan but situation has also changed. Its clear what your choice should be since he's already picked abroad over you but dont be like him - selfish.

Talk to him & speak to people he listens to so he can consider. I cant tell you what to do if that fails, its your decision to make.

lt's very wrong of you to have played along all this while then end up having change of plan.

Thank God he made his intentions known right from inception and you played along.

Your worries are not out of place but the way and manner they are presentated with a 'NO' is disresprctful.

Apoligize for that harsh response and see how you both can come to a compromise.

You can disagree with him or ask for more time after his explanation of what will be your plight after relocation is unsatisfactory

Lay the facts on the table and let him lead the discussion. By this, whatsoever decision is taken will be for the benefit of you both.

Sorry to say but you are callous, unreliable and selfish. This man (your husband) has been honest with you from the jump and made his future aspirations of moving abroad very clear! Yet you went ahead and married him knowing fully well you didn't want that for yourself. Now you expect him to ditch his own dreams because of your petty tailoring business?

Secondly, when you both finished service, he was able to get a job and provide for you - you sat there and leeched off this man as you were jobless at the time - but now that you're making small change from your tailor work, you're now feeling like some "strong independent kween" abi?

Lastly, I couldn't help but notice that the below statement from you which highlights traits of laziness and irresponsibility on your part, that you would want your husband to move abroad with the kids so that you can be free to galivant around Nig, living the baby-girl lifestyle without the responsibility of taking care of your own children! So basically he should go abroad and be working like a slave whilst also playing babysitter for children you both created as if he's a single father - or he should be spending all earnings on childcare abroad because you, the mother has an inflated sense of importance because of some coins you're making from being a blawdy tailor in Nigeria

BeyondGrace:
I honestly don't mind him having the kids if possible and relocating alone while I shuttle between the two countries.

Well done ma!

I am not among the, 'leave this country' gang. But since your hubby is hell bent on leaving this shore, just flow with him. That's what is meant by sacrifice in marriage..

.

You called your fashion career in PH a booming one? If you are still in Lagos, would you see PH as the booming one?

Look! Talent and location are entirely different.. Destined talent has the potency to transform your business at any environment, it doesn't matter where you are, it is your handwork talent that will speak for you. If you succeed in Lagos and PH, what makes you think can't succeed oversea?

I sense lack of understanding. Your hubby is showing you the best countries to live and succeed, instead you should likewise cooperate with him and search one with the higher demand of fashion designers where you can exhibit and maximise your inbuilt potentials, since he wants you to choose..

Both of you are destined for greatness together, but don't allow the faint crumbs you're getting today to steal your bright future with your destined husband.

Your fashion prosperity is attached with your husband's master plan. NO GO DO LIKE EVE O! She messed up everything!

Your husband ALWAYS told you his dream was to relocate.

That dream has come true now.

Instead of fighting him, why don't you engage and find out what his plans are and contribute?

It is easier to get your husband to listen to you when you are on his side.

You dey make chicken change you think say you don arrive abi

You know nothing about fashion abroad,any get together either wedding, naming ceremony or whatever that involves Nigerians coming together,95% put on native wear,so madam, learn how to sow male wears and see how you will be among those that will be yabbing Nigerians and Nigeria when you don dey make your cash in dollars

Dx case needs to be treated with caution.

Am dumbfounded for now....will read in between lines and drop my piece of advice soon

U had beta relocate with ur husband 2 avoid stories dat touch. U er an artisan, y worrying?u can fit into any country's economy.

The major thing in my opinion is that you guys think through and also, the path to relocate to this country so that you don't end up stranded.

No matter how much you make in Nigeria if you have an emergency in Nigeria can you comfortably relax and say you will be safe in any hospital? How do you even get to the hospital?

You talk about racism tribalism here nko? Police can arrest your sons and declare them Yahoo you will be going back and forth trying to get them safe.

Lets not talk about herdsmen and insecurity

U can stay back and enjoy your booming business.. While he too, can relocate and continue his career..
Life be nor dey hard, na we humans dey complicate issues..

Madam upgrade ur thinking to see the possibility of establishing U fashion factory in the preferred country of relocation. Make ur findings and ur feasibility studies to see how U ll key in. Ur husband wants the best for you. Do it for ur kids and they ll live to thank you. This country no get direction.

I know of a girl on my Instagram she lives in Italy she is my friend and you know what she does? She sow just akara hair bonnet and sells it for 13,15,17 euros she ships it anywhere in the world to you! Do you know how much you will making in Europe or America too much! What you should do is talk to your husband how you could start your business there again you will make so much money

You will make so much money ehn!! You can even turn a celebrity designer!! Think about the opportunity and support your man instead making him regret!! Your husband is my kind of Man!! He means good for you and you should go with the flow!! You have opportunities to do anything go back to nursing or fashion designer try your best and don’t make husband regret for marrying you...you should be happy you hve a man like this who thinks about the future and stop thinking about just today and think about a long term future of your kids too

I really don't see why anybody on this thread is trying to convince you to do something you already agreed to do with your husband years ago.

Your options are simple and clear: stay back and continue flourishing in your business or go when your husband is going, and start again.

Uyi168:
U can stay back and enjoy your booming business.. While he too, can relocate and continue his career..
Life be nor dey hard, na we humans dey complicate issues..

As in I don't get the purpose of this thread

Belafonte:


As in I don't get the purpose of this thread

.

The thing tire me..

BeyondGrace:
Hi, good afternoon.

For anonymity , my name is Lola (4th birth name) and this is my plight.
I met my husband during nysc camp in 2011 and for several years of our courtship till we got married.
I v constantly been reminded about his plans to relocate abroad someday but I never knew It would be at mercy of our marriage and my career years later.
Due to the high job demand in his field of study in school. He got a job not long after

nysc while I pushed my fashion designing business further, got a place in a good neighbourhood in Lagos and rebranded myself with the nysc money I was able to save.
During those times, I realized every phone and WhatsApp conversations of ours nd our once in blue moon date whenever he comes around often involves the relocation talk but I blindly thought it was something we could settle when we marry.

Note: He was living in porthacourt while I was in Lagos

After we got married, Him being the one with a good pay and the man, we mutually agreed for me to relocate to ph to settle and leave my fashion business and for some couple of years that we v been together. I observed his whole savings and investments have always been to raise enough money to sustain and perfect the relocation while on the other hand, i restarted my business and in a year+ i had a big boost in my fashion designing business.
I was able to gain a bit of popularity in porthacourt and good paying clients which led to an extreme work stress . While in search of how to balance my work routines, I luckily got some girls who wanted to learn and be their own brand later.
Few months after learning some basic things, they became the brain behind many designs of my fashion designing business and there after I rented a bigger space for my business, had a progress of clients and solid financial security.

Prior to the lockdown, our relationship was of the perfect one but weeks after it came into effectiveness and we all had to stay home. My husband came calling with his well structured plan and findings of the best country on his laptop for us to review and asked me to have it in mind and also plan ahead of informing some few friends and family ahead so it won't come as a surprise to them immediately full activities in the country resumes.
That was where the issue came from, I immediately cut him off with a "NO" I'm not relocating like that. He asked why ND I made it known to him, I v my career and life going perfectly well here. What will happen to me if I abandon my business and relocate with him. This looks like it's only about him cause of the obsession to push his career while I lose mine and then relocate to being a stay home mum. While I was ranting and letting him see my opinions. What if what if ? While trying not to be negatively minded but how certain is our career life there ? With the segregation of blacks, racism and the news of how the other side isn't always Greener than it seems.

He shouted with " i'v worked several years for this and you wouldn't be the reason to stop me" I should either choose between him and my career.

Been weeks we last got fully talking except some yes/no monosyllabic words quite necessary to say which I fully know its not ending soon.

I'm getting worried everyday, I love my husband and really want his progress but I don't want to abandon my booming business nd relocate to lose all. What career do I v waiting for me there ? Won't I end up being a stay home mum whose long time focus will end up in exile forever. I honestly don't mind him having the kids if possible and relocating alone while I shuttle between the two countries. I might end up agreeing with him buh what do I v waiting for me there ?

Kindly advice me.

wives submit to your husband says the good book.