(Posting for a friend )

My Nairalanders calm down observe this matter on ground abeg una......

I have this friend of mine who is a Muslim and he's dating a very pretty girl who's also a Muslim and also from a strong Muslim family (set awon Muslims together)

They love themselves so damn much , and they've never made love , the guy is 24, and the girl is 20 , they have the intention of having sex but the guy is the one who hasn't made up his mind yet but the girl is ready to give up her virginity for him anytime he wants it

The problem here is that the girl's father does not like the boy , they've never met face to face, he's only seen his picture
This girl's father is based in the United States of America , he's got money , like much money

The boy in question is a Malaysia based who comes to Nigeria time to time for business, which means he's not a golddigger

The girl's father's only point of the refusal of this boy is just because he's from Edo state , meanwhile this same man married an Edo woman who happens to be the mother of this girl in question

When the girl asked her father why he hates the Edo people, ,, her dad said it's because he do sees so many Edo girls prostituting abroad and their men misbehaving as well

One day her father came to Nigeria from the U.S , the girl tried all she could to make this man accept her boyfriend whom she loves so much , but the man insisted that she mustn't even get close to him , and he will never accept him
He made a tracker on the girl's phone so he'll be able to monitor all her conversations with the boy

He told the girl to cut the boy off completely, just one night , my friend called this girl on phone , only for the girl to tell him she's sorry , she can no longer stand her father , that she is done with my friend , my friend was deeply heartbroken as he drops tears lol (love ehn)

About 1 month and two weeks , this babe still chatted my friend again , it's obvious she missed him , this time around she bought a new sim card and got herself the business WhatsApp just so she could be able to chat him withohis dad tracking their conversation no more

The boy made it clear to this girl that he doesn't want any trouble from her father , if what the man wants is to separate them , the no problem
This my friend is the very calm type who doesn't like anything that bothers his mind at all , and he so much love this girl

Now the man has already reported the girl's involvement with an Edo guy to some of his family people, this man is a kwara man, that's also where he built his house (Offa to be precise)

His family started giving him different advises that it must be the girl's mother that must have hooked them up seems she's from Edo state , meanwhile this woman doesn't even know my friend, neither has she even seen his picture anywhere

Before you could say jack Robinson, this man has married a very young Offa girl of just 21yrs when he has a daughter of 20 , and this man is about 58
The wife was heartbroken for sure but she has no choice Than to stay because of her children

This man brought in a boy of 23 (relative) to stay with the wives at home , just to monitor everything happening in the house
Sometimes this boy will barge into the girl's room without knocking just to know what she's doing , and the girl won't tackle him because she's too respectful and takes her eyes off problems
He'll take her phone and be going through all the files without the girl's notice

Just yesterday the man called the girl's younger brother's number instead of calling the girl's line directly
Later on the boy passed on the phone to the girl to speak with her father

Dad: i always see you online and you have never thought of calling me right ? (She always chats him and he reads it without replying so what's the point)

Girl: I'm sorry dad

Dad: and I see all you've been doing ok , no problem

Now the girl is confused whether the man still tracks her new line which nobody else has except her boyfriend, and she's too scared to ask her dad

Now she's confused whether the man will ever accept her boyfriend
Some of her friends have advised her to get pregnant for this boy , maybe the man will have no choice than to be calm
Or run away to be with the boy
But she's too scared and this my guy don't want any trouble
And they love themselves too much to give up on each other

( Na so I say make I care the Tori come Hama my people for here ooo , my ogberaga them , wetin una think say e fit settle this matter na)

Your advises will be appreciated, he will be on the comment session reading them
And he's got 50k for the best adviser he'll get here
Thanks

Let me park here first.

Egbon throway the 50k bait.

So much drama in the family already.

The girl is still young, as you (your friend).

Maybe both of you can date low key for the time being and see how things will turn around with the very tribalistic daddy.

Those advising her to twist the father's hand by getting pregnant for you are ill-advising her. The thing about marrying/dating in rebellion (against parental consent) is that both of you really have to be matured, love and truly respect each other. Otherwise, it will always end in tears, as any small misunderstanding and you'll be making references to "Had I known" and your relationship will be riddled with apathy for one another.

If she is thru with her education, and is out of the dad's house now, she can push for her decision, but as she's still young, under her parents...seeking adventure, probably still exploring her self.

It's too early for her to make such life changing decision as is bearing on both of you.

The pressure shouldn't be on you. Face your life. Red pillers will say.. Find another woman and let the tribal dad marry his daughter

The earlier your friend leaves the girl the better for him,so he doesn't start life fighting battles his children will inherit.

Nigeria is not Europe.
Though it's difficult to let go,but it's better to let go

The guy should go and meet the mother of the lady and talk to her about the situation since he hasn't done that.

With her mother's blessings, once she accepts the union, she will either change the heart of her husband or advise both of them to leave the country when international flights return.

A man that has sworn never to accept you no matter what,some battles are not just worth fighting, the heart of the man is desperately wicked if he can go ahead to marry a new wife just to spite his old wife because he thinks she has a hand in what is going on.... Nobody chooses which tribe or state or religion to be born into and also nobody chooses what perception someone should have about a person's tribe,state or religion... The best solution is to let the girl be and move on, the most important blessings needed in a marriage, after God's blessings is the blessings of the parents,move on,allow your heart to heal find someone else and get married to, and still be friends with the girl, instead of you both living the rest of your lives trying to get approval from her father whom for the onset has told you he will never accept you... Peace

First, be informed that her getting impregnated is not a guarantee they'll end up together: in fact, it can become a liability.
.
Second, using the knowledge I know about tracking, if it's installed on the phone, then I suspect it's a key-logger submitting all she does to the parent receiver.
.
I call her father's attitude discrimination. Do all Edo girls prostitute? Didn't he marry one? His conjoining prostitution with a whole tribe is very insensitive.
.
Now, what to do.
.
We need to tackle the keylogger tracker. What to do? Do nothing. Why? Because there's really no tracker in it! If there was, there would be no need for a human bodyguard bumping her room and still checking her phone.
.
What if there was a tracker? Or what if prevention is better than cure? Get a new phone and a new sim to discuss the next plans I'll enlist below.
.
Will the dad accept the boy and girl still?
No, he mayn't. But there's one thing you have to do. The girl has to prove to him the boy is different (perhaps, it's girls he saw prostituting not boys) beyond all reasonable doubts -- a father-daughter discussion.
.
I'd have advised meeting the mum but it clearly seems the dad has little respect for her hence his marrying a girl his daughter's age (clearly as payback for the rumour...so childish).
It's also clear the father is so authoritative and like a demigod in his 'palace.'
.
Does he want to marry her?. If yes and he's Muslim, he should go with an elder Muslim cleric for marriage strictly and let dating alone (in my place, it's called introduction).
.
What if the dad still doesn't accept? He is not going to marry his daughter. If after he goes physically and still the father rejects him, the father dey kolo.
.
Let him leave her alone so far it's her dad who determines her happiness.
OR
Let him tell her which part of her cot the ball is by letting her know it's now her family causing disunity for no justifiable reason.

Don't do the Romeo-Juliet replica cos even Juliet lost it.
.

It's both rational and sensible to marry sb who loves you and you love them with family approval to avoid futuristic clashes as the father saying you eloped with their daughter or probably kidnap. It wouldn't even bring peace because the guy will be fed up and notice the whole fight wasn't worth it -- he would not win.
.
Besides, there are myriad of good girls around.
.
No one can make you sad without your permission.

What they have to do now is blind dating.
Be in contact for some times, have break for sometimes without letting anyone know they are together.

The girl should act as if she's not interested in anyone, 1 half years the lover birds should come together and stand their ground. This is how to win the battle.

The girl needs her dad support and can't do other wise such as: getting pregnant, enlopping etc if that happen's it worsen the case and the guy who don't need problem will be draged here and then!

just lower standard, act as if nothing is happening later on stand on the yes/ that's all

guy...all i can say is that since they are both big boys and girls with cash...they should go ahead and do the wedding if they truly love themselves....or he should jus get her pregnant, the news may win her dad over..

Well its obvious he loves her & doesn't want to loose her.. Therefore he has two options.. Either he loves her enoughf to let go.. Or find a way to contact her father, setup a meeting, Go visit With probably either his parents, elderly relatives, or maybe a religions cleric..
Explain yourself & let him know your intentions.. & Convince him on how different & unique you are from how he veiws Edo people....
Pending on the outcome of the meeting he should then finalise his decision..

Note: He should prepare for the worst & brace for impact
He should be brave & prayerful.. About his expectations..
Thanks.... & i wish you the best of luck!

Magic hint: before going for the meeting he should Research about his potential father in-law Ask the girl, About her father's likes & dislikes.. Dress smartly & neatly..
Say your words wisely.. & be humble
Good luck �

Summary.

A girl's father is against a boy marrying the girl.

let the girl try to talk to her mum to convince her dad. Provided her mum is not wayward and she should pray fervently. If her dad has a close friend or relative that her dad respect so much, she can also involve them, but if her dad still doesn't want, then your friend should leave her alone. He should never impregnate or run away with the girl to avoid problem.

Disappear into the sun and tell no one
Fall in love and tell no one
Be happy and tell no one
Get married and tell no one
Grow old together and tell no one
People spoil happiness

Keep the relationship secret.

You guys are not ready to marry yet.

Remove family interference.

Girl should focus on herself and esteem in that house.

You continue to make money.

Things will change in few years.

From experience

* either you low key date her until she mature to the point where the father has no choice but to accept

Or

* you leave her now before y’all get too deep in it and e pain you

No parent can tell u who to Marry. No parent can. This is your life not theirs. If you still need your parents financially, be on d low with your boyfriend till you are financially independent. Then u can go ahead n marry the love of your life, not looking for anybody's approval.

Tell that your guy to leave that girl he should look forward for his own wife
Rich people can do an undo stay away from her!!!
E get why

Walk away..... If it's yuhs it would come around.... Some issues are better left for karma..

Headlesschicken:
Walk away..... If it's yuhs it would come around.... Some issues are better left for karma..

Stop mentioning me, headless chicken.

In life!There are battles we fight,and some other battles we avoid for peace and for our own sanity.
I will be looking at the following,in the cause of proffering a solution to your friend's dilemma through the following steps.
Age: From the write up! it was stated that the girl in question is just 20 years of age. While it is generally stated that at age 18,one has attained adulthood,it still doesn't stop parents from dictating to their wards. When taking the age into consideration,it is safe to say u will lose this battle.
The girl's Mum:What do you know about her mum? What has she said so far?Does she has a hold on her husband?Can she convince him to let the lovebirds be?(Your answer to this question will go a long way). It is a tie here.
The girl: How much can she hold on?What is her means of survival?Does she has the mental capacity to deal with issues that will eventually come up,if her dad remains Adamant!
Your friend (the lover man):Is he someone that values the extended family relationship?How long can he keep trying?
The girl's father: Why is he the one against the relationship,as against what is generally obtainable,(the women in this case).Is there any hope,that he will eventually change his stance in the nearest future?
I intentionally asked those questions above,as only an honest answer from the affected person will help him make an informed decision.
Love as sweet as it is, isn't always enough in a relationship. make your decision,and take responsibility for it.

If the love is as strong as the story implies.
I believe they are both still young.
They can continue with their love life low key. Someday God willing they will be together forever.
I wish them both all the best.

And if the father insists on separating them, either now or the future, let both parties seek for peace and happiness abeg. It is only God that is irreplaceable.

maybe to assume that the mother of the girl did something to her hubby(the girl's father) else this classic case of ethnic stereotype(edo state) would not have been this strong, this is just a gentle guess, I may be wrong but its worth looking into.
Religious discrimination is more stronger than this, and in this case both partners( your friend and the girl) are Muslims, so why should the man keep insisting on refusing to accept your friend.
I feel there is more to the reason the girl's dad is refusing your friend than the quote unquote ethnic stereotype, and if at all there is going to be a way out, the girl must try to speak to her Dad to open up about the real reason why he doesn't like the guy.

Kraytur:
From experience

* either you low key date her until she mature to the point where the father has no choice but to accept

Or

* you leave her now before y’all get too deep in it and e pain you

op choose btw dis two options
e get why!

Blood of Zachariah

My man my only advice for this your friend is to leave this girl, because it will all end bitterly.
The girls father is not in support of this relationship ,if ur friend goes ahead with this relationship it won't go well, because this is Nigeria and most people are really fetish, lets say he goes ahead with the relationship, marries d girl and things starts getting rough for the guy, cause if the girls father is rigid in nature trust me he will do the unthinkable to make his daughter leave ur friend ,and since ur friend doesn't like trouble it's best for him to leave that girl alone, it will be tough for him cause from ur right up he really loves the girl, but my man there's something called peace of mind and it's very good.the way I am even picturing the girls father he can send thugs to inflict serious damages on ur friend or use fetish means to chase him away..
Let him leave her alone.

Abeg share d money 5 thousand EAch for US way don comment already...


Leave d girl alone as d papa no like u ,and may never like u..or buy d girl Nokia torch phone wit New sim, ,u can text each other and can't be monitored....

Or u smoke away ur life and move on or u and girl jst disappear

pain is love...and love is pain...time they say heals everything....I know it will very hard or impossible to let her go...but you have to for your safety and future...a bad wife they say you can keep but not a bad in-law...one day you will learn to move forward n go on without her....time they say waits for no one....

What you should think about..........

We all want our parents to approve of our choice in a partner. The desire for this kind of affirmation is natural, and during stressful times we need our family. But, when making a lifelong decision such as marriage, it’s important to remember that you are the one who has to live with that decision—not your mom and dad.
This is not to say that your parents' opinion should be disregarded when considering a life partner. Oftentimes they know you just as well as, if not better than, your partner and they also often have the life experience to know what a good marriage looks like. That said, your parents' disapproval of your future mate puts you in a sticky situation. You don’t want to stubbornly disregard the opinions of the people you value most.
So, how much weight do you place on your parents’ opinion when deciding whether to link up for life with the man you love? Be really honest with yourselves about these three questions, and you will be in a good place.
Are their complaints something you can live with?
If your parents do object to your partner and you decide to marry him anyway, then you are most likely in for a long and bumpy ride. In the best-case scenario, your parents will learn to respect your decision and support you both. In the worst case, your parents will struggle to move past your decision and will make their discontent known for the rest of your lives together. You need to ask yourself whether or not you can live with this latter dynamic since consistent tension with your parents can lead to frustrations, anger, and eventual bitterness. If you do decide to marry your partner and you are reasonably certain that your parents will negatively react, then you need to make sure that you have the proper boundaries in place to protect your marriage from the influence of your parental relationship.
if your parents’ approval will make or break you, then what does that say about your ability to really be a united couple?
A wise person once told me that we are free to make our own decisions in life, but that we have to own up to both the positive and negative consequences of those decisions. That means that we have to accept that our parents will not always be able to bail us out of our problems. You will have to make choices with your spouse that your parents may disagree with, and if their approval makes or breaks us, then we really haven’t reached the maturity and independence necessary for marriage. Indeed, if your parents’ influence drives your opinions in your marriage, then you may find that your marriage is among four people instead of between two. You and your spouse need to be a unit, stand by your decisions, and then do your best to make good come out of a bad situation if necessary.
It’s helpful to receive proper advice when deciding if and whom we should marry, but our choices are ultimately our own. Your parents are not the ones who have to live with him—you do.

What your girlfriend can do in this situation

Help Your Parents Get to Know You
More together-time might help your parents become more comfortable with your partner and see him or her as you do. Look for and encourage such opportunities. Invite them out to dinner or to a religious service or sporting event.
Encourage your partner to discuss childhood memories, dreams, and goals, so your parents can get to know them better. Seeing the two of you together and witnessing your love can help convince them that your significant other will be a supportive and committed life partner—someone they can gladly welcome into the family.
Consider Counseling
An objective third party, such as a licensed marriage and family therapist or clergy member, may be very helpful in getting all of you to improve communication and find viable solutions to this disagreement. A counselor can also help facilitate the forming of a new family structure that includes your spouse.
Another option: You and your partner might agree to attend premarital counseling or an "Engaged Encounter" weekend. This may help alleviate your parents' fears that you're marrying too quickly, marrying for the wrong reasons, marrying too young, or marrying the wrong person.
Don't ignore second thoughts. If you're having reservations about your relationship , postpone your wedding until you're confident you're making the right decision. Be assured that it's less traumatic to call off a wedding than it is to get a divorce.
Plan for the Future
If your parents continue to disapprove even after your marriage, talk about the boundaries and limits you both need to set in your relationship with your parents. It's important that their disapproval doesn't become a wedge between you and your spouse.
Decide together, for instance, whether or not your spouse will attend your family gatherings or visit your parents with you. But don't allow your spouse to distance you from your parents.
You may choose to attend functions and events alone (or with your children) in order to protect your spouse. But if your partner isolates you from friends and family, that is a red flag in your marriage.
Tactics to Avoid
Don't allow your parents' reservations to destroy your relationship with your fiance or spouse. Studies show that parental disapproval of a spouse can
create distrust, criticism, and conflict in a marriage. It can also be a recurring topic of your arguments that can drive a wedge between you both. If this happens, consider seeing a marriage counselor.
Don't permit the conflict to escalate to the point of destroying your relationship with your parents. Consider the consequences of a long-term estrangement from your parents and possibly your grandparents, siblings, and other extended family members. Realize that holding grudges and anger can harm your own health as well.
A Word From Verywell
A parent who disapproves of your partner choice is not a new concept. It is, however, a painful one. Don't expect your parents to embrace someone who has an addiction, is dependent on you, hurts you in any way, or treats you with disrespect. But if there are concerns that can be ironed out, you and your partner as a team can do your part to improve the situation.

The most important
The only thing I can tell you to do since that you are same religion both should fast and pray to almighty God, Pray to God should make union work if it is in her wil, one thing I know God is superior than your parents and God is the creator of the universe............. God is not the God of confusion.
It is let to you to make decisions but one I things I know if it in will God, you will be next couple in town.

Keep walking butt nut...

Walk:
Stop mentioning me, headless chicken.