₦airaland Forum

I have heard some women say " I am still in this marriage because of the children" when they complain about how terrible their husbands are.

Domestic violence is now common in many marriages and I am not specific to any sex as both are victims of it. Apart from domestic violence, there are other reasons one may become fed up in a marriage..

Inasmuch as some religious folks will speak against separation in marriage, there is still a point one can draw the line to let go.

My question now is, would you rather remain in a psychologically uncomfortable marriage because of your children or let go irrespective of how it affects the children?

no, yes 50/50

Only a sane being can take care of children. While endurance is good,it shouldn't be done at the detriment of one's sanity and health. If you die today, another person will take over and your children might suffer more.

A broken home is not just only when a couple have gone their separate ways, it is also when they are under the same roof but toxic.

Some women use their children as an excuse to remain, to cover up their fear of their inability to provide, re-establish their identity etc.

A toxic family setting is more likely to groom children who would become dysfunctional adults

Pocohantas, you have been eavesdropping for sometime now. Waiting for who to throw rebuttals at?

xynerise:
Pocohantas, you have been eavesdropping for sometime now. Waiting for who to throw rebuttals at?

Nah. If I talk wetin I go do, them fit block my IP.

To your question;

Domestic violence - I’ll leave immediately.

Cheating or whatsoever - I won’t leave immediately.

None of this has to do with the kids, because most times women say that, it is mostly due to finance. So, substitute children for money.

Poor women excuse.
Well to do woman go pack out with the children and lay better proximity clause(restraining order) on the husband with full mopol with hilux and covered plates prado moving her and the kids around in a convoy.
If you think say you get craze,try her make she shock you.
In this life,have money ooo....

pocohantas:
Nah. If I talk wetin I go do, them fit block my IP.

To your question;

Domestic violence - I’ll leave immediately.

Cheating or whatsoever - I won’t leave immediately.

None of this has to do with the kids, because most times women say that, it is mostly due to finance. So, substitute children for money.

So money is the reason most women won't leave?

That's degrading

Mindlog:
A broken home is not just only when a couple have gone their separate ways, it is also when they are under the same roof but toxic.

Some women use their children as an excuse to remain, to cover up their fear of their inability to provide, re-establish their identity etc.

A toxic family setting is more likely to groom children who would become dysfunctional adults

Word! Very insightful!

I used to think in that direction until the day i heard of a woman whose marriage wasn't working yet stayed on because of her kids.

Eventually, the man succeded in killing her! The Children though motherless now are still alive while the woman is no more.

I will rather leave and play my motherly roles from a distance.

iyatrustee:
I used to think in that direction before until the day i heard of a woman whose wedding wasn't working yet stayed on because of her kids.

Eventually, the man succeded in killing her! The Children though motherless now are still alive while the woman is no more.

I will rather leave and play my motherly roles from a distance.

Through WIFI?

xynerise:
Through WIFI?

How skydeep dey do for Andy?

iyatrustee:
How skydeep dey do for Andy?

She is comfortable with me. No issues

pocohantas:
Nah. If I talk wetin I go do, them fit block my IP.

To your question;

Domestic violence - I’ll leave immediately.

Cheating or whatsoever - I won’t leave immediately.

None of this has to do with the kids, because most times women say that, it is mostly due to finance. So, substitute children for money.

LMAOO! this your I won’t leave immediately sounds like you'd kill your husband first, then leave

Ok

Its a matter of choice but best 21st century advice has it that its better to be alive as a single mum and watch your kids grow with you than to die in marriage that is not working just because of what the kids will say when they grow up

It depends, let's not forget that life itself is all about sacrifices especially to what one holds dear.

A lot of evils happens when husband and wife divorced and the children are usually the one that suffered the most.

Give it two years, an average Nigerian man would remarry and his children from the previous wives would be neglected and relegated to the background. A man only love the children of the woman he's in love with. The present wife and her children has more advantage.
We all know that there are more of bad stepmoms than the good ones who fear God. The children will be subjected to all kinds of maltreatment and not all would survive it.

The divorced wife would mostly likely remarried in say five years or less. Most men do not want to raise another man's children. If she's the senseless type she would choose her new husband over her children and leave them at the mercy of a stepmom/relatives. The few men that would accept step children might abuse them physically, sexually, emotionally. There are bad stepfathers too.


For the rich folks, after divorce, they usually rent a separate apartment for their kids or send them to boarding school. So both parents would have access to visit them whenever they desired. While the parents continued living their lives, the kids are at the mercy of maids and servants. Some of these kids grow up to be drug abusers and you find them mostly in mental health institution.

If the mom had stayed put, she would have been a shield for her kids till they are adult(I know a woman who divorced her husband when her three chidren were in the Unis. She moved to her new house).

P.S: Please divorce him if he physically abuse you. We all have different thresholds, not all of can stand abuse of any form (physical, emotional etc). Please leave for your sanity sake.

So far no threat to life.. It isn't

Yes, but the problem is that you would be call a deadbeat dad as a man if you do it, but for women it's understandable....what a double standard world we leave in.

Yes, its wrong.
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
Man departs from those people/things he holds in high esteem (a)
and (×)
Cleave unto his wife (b)
Shall be (=)
One flesh (married/marriage, m)
: . a × b = m

Meaning at every point in time, ignore distractions (children, work, friends but not work/business) and remain attached to your spouse if it is still a marriage.
Work or business is the exceptions to the general rule!

The moment the cleaving part is absent, then it's no longer marriage. Call it co-habiting or whatever....

Yes our mothers endured because us the children despite all the physical and verbal assault on them by our fathers and because they don't want their children to be trained by another woman.

As children we witness all these abuses on our mother so we grow up to love them over and above our fathers and some of us even go as far as dealing with our fathers anytime they try that rubbish on our father.

The above is also vise versa

It's for better for worst.

truthsayer009:
LMAOO! this your I won’t leave immediately sounds like you'd kill your husband first, then leave

The " I won’t leave immediately" should make a man tremble convulsively because something is "cooking".

xynerise:
I have heard some women say " I am still in this marriage because of the children" when they complain about how terrible their husbands are.

Domestic violence is now common in many marriages and I am not specific to any sex as both are victims of it. Apart from domestic violence, there are other reasons one may become fed up in a marriage..

Inasmuch as some religious folks will speak against separation in marriage, there is still a point one can draw the line to let go.

My question now is, would you rather remain in a psychologically uncomfortable marriage because of your children or let go irrespective of how it affects the children?

To answer your question Yes it is a bad idea.

Not a very bad idea if there is no threat to life.

It's bad when one has to deal with emotional blackmail and end up living like flat mates.

I still prefer separation/ divorce than living in the same house with one I can't share my feelings with because of the kids involved.

All those of you afraid of marriage but are married, indicate
Those yet to married but are in limbo, indicate
Those who believe and are in marriage for the whole Nine yards, indicate.....
It's for better or worse.....
Keep counting those ducklings before they come out of the hen

xynerise:
So money is the reason most women won't leave?

That's degrading

If she is a housewife with no external income, with young children and from a not well to do family, where do you want her to go?

Yes.
- normalizes lack of love in a marriage
- frustration could be taken out on children
- may affect productivity in work
- likelihood of mental breakdown
- children lose faith in the institution of marriage.

TransAtlanticEx:
Poor women excuse.
Well to do woman go pack out with the children and lay better proximity clause(restraining order) on the husband with full mopol with hilux and covered plates prado moving her and the kids around in a convoy.
If you think say you get craze,try her make she shock you.
In this life,have money ooo....

Yes ooooo