₦airaland Forum

SirMichael1:
I don't need anyone to condemn my wife, the mother of my kids. I just need insight on how to get her to do it.

encourage your wife to look around you for a local cook Brosand pay the bill . Be at peace with your wife abeg

GoodFaith:
Get a life bitch
smelling dog
Take a shower fool
Please use your head not your pussy

see this one. have u eaten today? frustrated soul. jobless. idiot. take sniper and kill yourself

royalfly:
Damn, na wa o. Prayer can do all things. And at this point he needs lots of prayers.

One could make several inferences about the wife. First, she isn't someone who doesn't cook, she only turned down the work to cook and feed about 25 people. Why? The previous time she did, it was a lot of stress and she didn't get much help from her husband. She probably reacted because the husband isn't domestically supportive, which you could deduce from his concern as well.

Do you think prayers could change her mind? Most likely not. Every woman wants a supportive man. Every woman wants a man who would assist while they cook. Imagine making dishes with talking about different issues. That sounds helpful. He be that kind of man and watch her do the dishes and feed the guests wholeheartedly.

So, man, prayer won't do all things; common sense would.

Wasky101:
Beg wetin, when I perform my duties to make d family happy does anybody beg me? If she wont I will employ someone who can, if I cant afford it, i will bring girlfriend to come cook it.
I hate nonsense.

You have point though............... but not about the girlfriend part................. it will really be preferable to just employ someone to do the cooking

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

Only reasonable comment here!!!
This man is trying hard to protect the image of his family, if the wife dont want to do anything fine, but she could supervise and not expose their differences in public, just supervise give salt or maggi to who needs it and pretend. so if in a style in my organization I will just quite because of my wife stubbornness, She better travel and give them breathing space. tomorrow they will come here to tell us stories that touch, rubbish!

Two were supposed to become one

Differences swallowed up by mutual understanding and love

Sacrifice and selflessness being the banner

In all things and in all decisions agreeing, so shall two chase a thousand

Maybe you two should pray more together, go out more together.

This shouldn't be a problem at all, I think there's been a crack somewhere.

Exactly. There's an underlying issue at play here

to give monkey water no be problem na to collect cup be the koko, you make that mistake from the beginning, na so woman de take chase they husband friend away

Cooking for your husband's guests is not a big deal na provided she was informed on time.I'm even surprised at some of the comments here seriously.
That woman has a grudge against you from the last time you hosted them. That was when she made the decision that she won't Cook for them again. Talk to her, find out what made her unhappy the first time, sort it out and I tell you she will do the cooking.

urchcoded:
I'm shocked at the comments I read here. I'm not a Christian and hate church gatherings but I'm shocked that a man's wife would refuse to help with cooking for his friends occasionally. What's the point of marriage then?

That is the new world we find ourselves in. One day they will say they can't cook at home for the family.
It started with men helping with the kids, then helping in the kitchen and the next will be that the men should be the one doing do family cooking, all in the name of civilization.

Husband and wife must be very considerate of each other
Be respectful of each other
If the shoe is on the other foot?

I am not going to read this epistle because it is too long. My one piece is you should stop all guests family and friends alike from both sides from coming to the house on a long hours visit or even weeks and months visit. Make it clear no member of your family or her family must visit whether you are around or not and see if she asks why you will do that. Then answer her to the effect that it is a shame on you if visitors can't get something to eat in your house as they will tag you stingy so it is better no one from either sides should come at all.

joyandfaith:
see this one. have u eaten today? frustrated soul. jobless. idiot. take sniper and kill yourself

jobless for real
sorry
I get paid very well
and my investment are very good to me
I am blessed
Please use your head
marriage is not me but we ( a team)
Be a team player

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

God bless you for this wonderful piece. I feel blessed with this, having seen some comments before you. I was about to cry

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

I like your submission. The woman is just being stubborn and unreasonable. There is nothing wrong in hosting one's husband guest

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Although her decision not to be part of it at all is not a good one, but these are my observations which I think you and your men group members need to appropriate into your mode of operations:
1. Involve your wives by inviting them to such get together.
2. Some of the wives like 3-5 should be designated to go assist the host's family with the cooking.
3. During your regular meetings, you guys should develop a system of doing small contributions from which a support fund can be given to the host family to offset their expenses.

With these improvements, you guys will enjoy a better and happier get together and also get the privilege of improving individual family bonds.

Originalsly:
Bro.... you seem to forget the purpose of this committee for married men. Shouldn't the committee be the one proffering solutions to your problem? Instead of Nairaland?... a loose committee of men and women... married and unmarried... locals.and foreigners .... Christians... Muslims... Atheists .. Spiritualists from Shrines of various powers... ritualists ....not forgetting boys and girls...literates and illiterates .... tribalists, touts and trolls.... why come to this committee?

You need to be get some spine bro. Your wife is telling you flat out no. You are afraid to bring someone without her prior knowledge because you're afraid of her reactions. Your wife is not flexing because she knows there is nothing you can do about it. She sees you as a weak man. Your fellow committee members see you as a weak man.... the reason they chose you. They know times are tough and will not accept to do same. You know you are not financially buoyant enough.... but yet you said nothing. Same way you trying to convince your wife... use the same effort to convince your members that you are not in a position to provide meals on Sunday... some drinks fine... but not food. After all... is it not a meeting?...or is it a feast? They just need something to wet their throats which no doubt will get dry from talking. Better... suggest they bring food from home... and all can share.... one man catering is not good during this COVID Times. Swallow your pride and let them know it's not happening. The earlier the better.
Lastly... I guess to this point of writing... you see absolutely nothing wrong for having your 5 month pregnant wife be cooking for 18 plus grown married men. Doesn't she now have a nursing baby? I can see why she would even refuse to boil just one egg for your committee members. Let her be bro... she is still traumatized!

Lol...the committee didn't choose him, it's a rotation. The other members have done the same thing. There's no big deal in hosting people.
No big deal in communal interaction, networking and all. There's no culture ( including the western culture) that doesn't host people.

Make una calm down with una over wokeness.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Nothing stops you from also cooking the food actually. Since you can't afford a caterer now, and your wife is bound on not preparing the food.

So on the nutshell, you can wake up by 4/5am on that day and cook the food. Or just hire a caterer. Simple!!!

patani:
Are u married?... I doubt

Married with kids. Why did you ask and why did you doubt?

JustcallmeFavou:
Nothing stops you from also cooking the food actually. Since you can't afford a caterer now, and your wife is bound on not preparing the food.

So on the nutshell, you can wake up by 4/5am on that day and cook the food. Or just hire a caterer. Simple!!!

I hope you are young
If not you need to grow up fast, fast

SocialJustice:
Crase husband, you want your wife to be cooking for your useless religious cult members frequently because she agreed to marry you.

Carry your evil load and get out of this place.

I need to see your medical certificae of mental fitness because you don't sound mentally balance. Ori e ti daru patapata porogodo.

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

. talk to her maybe you offended her try to find out what you did to her .I think you will get her to do it .but if she refuse after the begging try to get people to help out..her consence will judge her..pls don't fight or Force her

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.


Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Seeing you have offered her assistance and still she rejects, that tells me there is more to her refusal. Why not ask her.

1. Could it be she has requested for money for something yet you refused by claiming not enough funds yet you are about to spend money in feeding 20 men?

2. Could it be there is something she wants you guys to save for/buy as a couple and she believes this feeding affair is coming at the wrong time?

3. Seeing she has cooked before, is she trying to let you know she is not willing to make it a habit?

4. Did you assist her with the cleaning up after the first visit? Could it be she was unhappy about the cooking and cleaning first time around?

Just ask her

First of all, this can never even happen to me. Let's just get that clear first.
However, IF I were to be in your shoes, I'd find money by all means and get a professional caterer and ensure the guests see that it's a caterer that did everything. I won't even allow the wife touch a spoon.

I'll even start cooking my own meals.

Then we'll see how it goes from there. Depending on women for anything is a precursor to disrespect.

I'm sorry poster but your problem lies in the foundation of your relationship. When you were looking for a wife, what qualities were you looking for? If you married a "wife not cook" then you have a bigger problem than the issue you just raised. If you had actually married a virtuous woman on the other hand, this issue would not even come up at all. I am afraid that you are NOT married to a woman who understands her role as a HELP-MATE.

DPricey1:
Laslas, don't allow a group created to solve problems now bring Problems in your home. Peace .

SirMicheal1 please note the bolded, if you are not careful this matter might escalate to a serious issue that will shake the very foundation of the marriage.

In all honesty the reason is not worth it.

SmileDance:
I will give an advise when you answer my questions
1. Who will serve the 18-25 men after she cooks for them?
2. Who will pack the plates after the 18-23 men have finished eating?
3. Who will wash the dishes and clean the house after the 18-25 men have left?
Are you sure some of the 18-25 men will not eventually feel entitled to having your wife cook for them later on?
4. Are you sure you are not bringing see finish into your house laidis

If na me them wan force make she cook laidis if the men no chop rat poison na small e go remain. I'm just saying my own

rat poison,come o ,na so u wicked

simpleseyi:
I need to see your medical certificae of mental fitness because you don't sound mentally balance. Ori e ti daru patapata porogodo.

Mumu, speak English, this is nairaland not yorubaland.

sharpwriter:
Dear, he may not be trolling. In one church I attended while in Ibadan (a RCCG Church), it's the same pattern. In fact, I was initially tempted to ask him if he resides in Ibadan. It was the first of its kind I will see in RCCG.

Unless OP took up someone else's story to come troll for here.

Dear, he is trolling, because I know him personally. Dude does not even have a girlfriend let alone a wife. He just got off a heartbreak about five months ago.

I already told him to enjoy the cruise.

Sailor22:
This is so wrong of you bro

How?

He is my personal person.

Mcmafia:
Thats rude and harsh

Seriously?