₦airaland Forum

DapperGuy:
This is not necessary. Not all men treat their wives like slaves. He is not an ode! He is a thoughtful and considerate man.

Ehen. I did not know o!

AristocraticMe:
Why the insult if you dont have anything reasonable to say keep shut............. frustration is a bad thing. I pity you

Thanks, dear.

Brother I guess your wife is angry over something.

SirMichael1:
She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

Lalasticlala, seun

You must be beaming with so much joy now that you finally got what you have always craved for.

Yeye boy.

tabithababy:
.

I don't understand The woman should kill herself on top food preparation. The caterer option is best for now.

So he should call his mother in law to inform her of how his wife refuse to cook for 25 people abi wetin

But he said he doesn't have the finance na,that she should at least give room for assistance. It's not like the guy is imposing it on her.

Funny but you seem to be the "Ode" in this context.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Lol. Ode.

SirMichael1:
I told her that I would assist her. I even asked to bring her a female church member to assist but she refused.

Your baby should be less than a year or 2 months above a year.....who will cater for the child while she does the work......who will wash the dishes and serve the guests?

My own opinion get a woman from the church explain things to her and give her little change once she is done. You can use your child as an excuse or you send your wife to travel for the weekend so that she wont be around during the get together stuff.

When next you have your meeting at the group tell them how inconvenient the party stuff is becoming so that you guys can find a way of contributing money and having the get together at a restaurant. Others can also be having this challenges and could not voice it out.

@ OP This is not an issue na....three options;
1. Do the cooking yourself and serve them...na you invite guest na. In fact, I have been in your shoes before, I invited 8 guest to my house. I no even bother ask my wife ( I already knew the response) . Baba, I cooked ooo....even my wife siddon chop like guest. Everyone was happy.
2. Outsource the cooking, forget about the complaint of not having enough money. Money go show.
3. Juts buy drinks and snacks and "lock-up". Dem no dey kill person na.

We men should know we married a wife, not a slave. You mentioned your wife is 5 month pregnant...and you want to be stressing her?
You don't have the fear of God ooo....

I think I understand why your wife is refusing.She was pregnant when you host your friends the last time.She went to market,peel the yams,cooked two different pot of soup for your friends and when they finished eating you sat down to gist with your friends while she did the cleaned the kichen and dishes alone.i am surprised that you were shocked she refused.That is how some people will expect their wife to cook for the whole neighborhood in the name of Christmas and because oga bought ram

Nooil:
It's your type that will get married five times and still end up lonely because you know nothing about human relation.

Are you serious? Five times? Lol well I see you and your degrees in human relations. If you only know one thing about human relations then you should know that compromise at times is essential in human relations... just go ahead... continue I pray your husband treats you like this. ISI Aku

tabithababy:
The Kick your wife out Nairaland crew will soon be here

Yes oo
We are here.


Op such a woman is not a wife material. She must refund the bride price you paid

SirMichael1

I don't see any problem here. Your wife says she won't cook for them, so what? Is she going to lock the kitchen? Can't you cook?
Good a thing, you can invite the church member to help you cook, serve and wash dishes. Leave your wife out of it, if that's what she wants.

Life is very simple.

Just pursue her...

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

Get the church member to assist "YOU" in the kitchen. Ignore your wife.

Maybe you could speak to your church members and simply tell them you can't afford to host the group. It should not be do or die.

royalfly:
Are you serious? Five times? Lol well I see you and your degrees in human relations. If you only know one thing about human relations then you should know that compromise at times is essential in human relations... just go ahead... continue I pray your husband treats you like this. ISI Aku

And you didn't see the wife has compromised once and it left her scarred for life. I'm advising the man on how to reduce her psychological trauma and you're here typing rubbish. Better receive sense o. Isi aki!

You pounded yam the last time abi? Who washed the plates after they where done and tidied up everything? You think the work is just in the cooking? Omo mehn, una no go kee me with laugh. Who still joins all these food oriented meetings and groups these days? I don't know why a human being will see stress sitting jejely, carry it and put on his head. Both of you will be fine

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Bros, be a man. Ask her one more time, if she refuses, pay a cater, do your hosting and lock up.
Dont force her, dont say anything to her about it. You were single before you got married, so you should be able to run packages independently should you be required of it

SocialJustice:
Crase husband, you want your wife to be cooking for your useless religious cult members frequently because she agreed to marry you.

Carry your evil load and get out of this place.

She’s not going to cook it alone now. The husband has offered to do at least 50% of it.

ebby9z:
Lol...the committee didn't choose him, it's a rotation. The other members have done the same thing. There's no big deal in hosting people.
No big deal in communal interaction, networking and all. There's no culture ( including the western culture) that doesn't host people.

Make una calm down with una over wokeness.

Yea!... read again!... they chose him! If was rotation... then he should know his turn was coming... after chopping all around for a year and a half... he had to be ready. But with one week notice?... they should know better. ... unless OP be flossing like his pockets got no bottom! They wrong him... and he trying to do same to wifey.

Why not take a chance on your skill? Watch one or two Youtube videos from popular Naija chefs, go to the market and use the videos as guide to doing the cooking yourself. Since you can make the semo, also do it.

I'm sure once she sees you doing it, she'd join in. The worst that can happen is your friends will laugh at your dishes outwardly and purge silently

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

rawfact:
I was about saying the same to the "Mr Canadian"

Some people will manage to go overseas for higher education or work, maybe courtesy of their family's contribution in Africa; and the moment they spend few months/years over there, they start doing "waka" over the good norms and practices in Africa, claiming better exposure.

While I agree that Oyinbos beat Africans in the area of science and technology, I would always maintain my stand that Africans beat Oyinbos hands down, in the area of family structure and organization, so I agree with you that Ogbeni CanadianNaija needs to shut up keep quiet on this.

Back to the topic, everything about Food Department at home starts and ends with the wife. All that is required by the husband is to simply provide the money, irrespective of the number of people to be served. Any African Lady that is not comfortable with that structure should await the Oyinbo man that would ask for her hand in marriage or google up the likes of CanadianNaija through dating sites.

Something that should excite OP's wife, so much she would call up her friends to come assist her display her cooking skills in such a way that would make her husband stand out (proud) among his friends; turned into a contentious matter. Shakes head. I guess the woman belongs to the clique of feminists who are not excited about kitchen matters because they set out to go compete with gullible men that married them in the first place.

Enter a nearby bar take your brand.I will pay when minister for disasters pay me my palliative. .

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

You are the only one that understands what the marriage is all about &what the husband is trying to say, my brother try to talk with her in a good manners not command

You're just like a coach who has lost his dressing room ...you sure know what that means right?

SirMichael1:
She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

Lalasticlala, seun

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

You're the lost one

How about he cooperate with his wife by choosing a less stressful meal like snacks.

Must he make his wife passed through stress just to satisfy some church members?

He's talking about her cooking the soup only. What about the cleaning??

At Op, no stress your relationship because of church GATHERING. If they can't pie and Pepsi, then it ain't worth it.

You're already stressing about one gathering and you're putting the stress on her

Amen

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

CanadianNaija:
Abeg she’s right to refuse. You’re just inconsiderate.
Did you plan to invite people with her or you just invited them and informed her as the cook you have at home?

You think she doesn’t have a life because she’s married to you? You like to play host but you don’t have money.

Just go and hire a caterer and stop stressing the woman abeg!

You didn't read the entire post. He offered to split the cooking and even invite someone to join them.

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

many of them are not married

LadySarah:
She said she can't. Leave her nw. Because she did the first one you now readily accepted the second again.That'swhy they say don't start what you can't finish. Nigerian wives really suffer oo.



But must you cook in this economy wey keep face lyk this?
You can buy drinks with meat pie
or
pepper soup and order for agidi(Eko) that's less stressful
or
use the caterer
or
even cook it yourselves to foster the unity more.

What about him that has been pounding yam for guests? You are talking as if he didn't offer any help at all. He only needs her to help with the soup.

eyinjuege:
I wonder why many are trying to trivialise the stress the wife says ahe cannot face cooking for 20 people.
Are you her? Is she you? Is you she?
Her excuse is legitimate and shouldn't be trivilaised and swept under the rug of marriage/love.
I would advice OP to get a cheaper caterer to come and just cook, while he buys the foodstuff. Ask your wife what she is willing to contribute to help make it a success- her time if she could help with buying the foodstuff and staying with the caterer to help with the cooking.
You cannot force a grown adult to be what she is not. Why do you want to force her to go through the stress she has said loud and clear that she cannot cope with? If she breaks down physically or mentally over this, las las you will go and drop her with her parents to sort it out.
Please learn to listen, hear and understand other people's view points especially your spouse.
OP, you admitted the last time was stressful for her despite being pregnant. Now she has a child/toddler to also look after which is equally stressful on it's own especially with a lot of crowd about the house. If she has said she can't cope, then look for an alternative arrangement. You could equally ask her for her own suggestions about the matter.

She is being unreasonable.

I sense, she is richer than the husband but doesn't care about burden sharing. The husband is complaining of paucity of funds and you want her wife to encourage the husband to spend the little saving for a labour the wife can do freely?

Nawaa for Nairalanders

SirMichael1:
She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

Lalasticlala, seun

1. What kind of casted get together is that?
2. When they say learn how to cook as a man, you all said cooking is for women!
3. Leave your wife alone and arrange with the nearest Booka for the mass food preparation.(you better go and borrow in order not be topic of discussion among the men cult oooo)..........this is where men like us that know how to cook do shakara for our wife.....if it were to be me, I will tell her to go rest in her parents house for the week because i can handle the cooking alone.....women always get jealous when their man can cook