Izabel:

Maybe you should focus on self development rather than looking for someone to "complete" you.

I'm not the type anybody can complete, all the feats I achieved I achieved alone. If independent was a man it would be me.
I just don't understand how a woman rendered me hopeless by the mere thought of life without her. That's the point, how did that happen?

SegFault:

Unfortunately Nigerian men (mostly noticed the trend with igbo men) don't want to allow their wives to be independent, my father did this to my mom, now the man is dead and we are here suffering, that is why anytime my grandmom starts whining trash about my mom, I will just be laughing in my head knowing that it's her sons fault.

I thought igbo women were happy being sit at home wives. The man worked while she took care of the home and enjoyed her husband's money. Women need to wake up and have their own income. It is hard to do it while taking care of the home at the same time though.

Klass99:
@ OP, my neighbours (married couple) need to see this but I doubt if it will have any impact on the man, sighs!

I am an adult but whenever I hear their shouting match, it affects me mentally/emotionally and I feel unsettled. I only hear them o! I can't imagine what it's like for the kids who see and hear them.

After one of their tirades, I went out to empty the trash and jammed the husband in the parking lot of our compound. For some reason I can't even explain, I turned around in a bid to avoid him.

I kind of felt embarrassed and uncomfortable by the fight I had over heard and I didn't want him to feel some sort of way, seeing me soon after that fight. I don't even know if that was a rational reaction on my part.

The wife has said on two different occasions, that her husband is a very nice man. In my mind I was like , not from where I stand or what I see.

All their fights are started by him, he is incapable of speaking in polite tones, he is so rude and disrespectful to his own wife, nice is not a word I will ever use to describe that man, abeg!

And yet the woman still cover him up by lying he is a nice man. The thing some of we married woman do in other to paint our husband well hen.

SocialJustice:
I thought igbo women were happy being sit at home wives. The man worked while she took care of the home and enjoyed her husband's money. Women need to wake up and have their own income. It is hard to do it while taking care of the home at the same time though.

My mom isn't that kind of person, she was a free spirited person before she met my dad, even when she was married to him she sold cakes but my father's constant abuse because of that put an end to that dream. That's why I don't believe in marriage.

Zimzy:
Please do not go into that fight with her or him. Yes am talking to you, because if you do, it will only get worse. I thank God who gave me a father that never laid a hand on my mother all the 30 and plus years I knew them together before daddy left this world. I have vowed to have a better home than my parents by the grace of God and am having it already.

Nice one, and from what i see, most of our generation are gonna do better in parenting activities (not necessarily marriage) than our parents did. Though Our parents did better in staying together in marriage for long time but not necessarily in parenting, which has really affected most of youths in many ways.

I grew up in a abusive home. My dad would beat my mum such that nobody not even our tenants will look our side. To make it worse, i began to feel inferior among my peers whose parents never do that.
As i grew older, I'll pray to God everyday to please give me a man who will understand me and never resort to abuse or violence to resolve marital issues and He answered my prayer.
That shit will mess a child up in everyway you can think of.
My neighbour and his wife are another typical example, it is always a test of whose voice is the loudest once they start unfortunately their children are towing same path using unprintable words on each other.

Klass99:
@ OP, my neighbours (married couple) need to see this but I doubt if it will have any impact on the man, sighs!

I am an adult but whenever I hear their shouting match, it affects me mentally/emotionally and I feel unsettled. I only hear them o! I can't imagine what it's like for the kids who see and hear them.

After one of their tirades, I went out to empty the trash and jammed the husband in the parking lot of our compound. For some reason I can't even explain, I turned around in a bid to avoid him.

I kind of felt embarrassed and uncomfortable by the fight I had over heard and I didn't want him to feel some sort of way, seeing me soon after that fight. I don't even know if that was a rational reaction on my part.

The wife has said on two different occasions, that her husband is a very nice man. In my mind I was like , not from where I stand or what I see.

All their fights are started by him, he is incapable of speaking in polite tones, he is so rude and disrespectful to his own wife, nice is not a word I will ever use to describe that man, abeg!

You have put all the blame on the man, however, from what you have described it is Not entirely the man's fault.
A discerning woman who knows how her husband behaves and even goes as far calling him nice, would not respond to his insults or rude behaviour.

You see, one of the reasons couples have problems in marriages is because the wife usually rises to the bait.
I've heard of women(through sermons) who have husbands that shout at every single turn, but the wives refuse to rise to the bait, when the man realises that he is the only mad person in the house he keeps shut.

i know a woman personally whose husband is hot tempered any small thing he is angry, they have been married for years, how is she able to cope, well she does not reply him. She even said the man is even calm now, when they were younger he was worse.

BluntNigerian:
I don't know who needs to read this...
But then, if you are a parent seeing this, then it is very important that you read it, and understand it, and digest it.
...
If you (as parents or guardians) are always fighting in front of your children, then you are seriously abusing those kids emotionally.
..
It might not be any of my concern at the moment, but it will definitely affect me indirectly later in the future, when those kids of yours might get in contact with my kids.
And that's why it is giving me great concerns at the moment.
..
..
The other day, I was in my friend's house. One thing led to the other, and they started arguing. Before I knew what was happening, they were already shouting at themselves. I had to start listening in order to know where to come in.
Next thing I noticed was that their two-years old baby came out and started crying. On noticing that both of them didn't want to stop their shouting, the little baby started beating two of them with her little hands.
That was the time my friend's wife carried the baby, while still shouting. Baby continued crying.
I quietly took the baby from her, and then started trying to see how I still get to the root of whatever they were shouting about.
Anyways, they had always been like that, so I wasn't much bothered about them.
I always laughed at them whenever they quarrel like that, because, before you know it, they are already laughing again, over those same issues that caused their quarrels in the first place.
But then, their kids are not aware of all these.
They are seeing the people they love falling out of love, and they are broken by that.
..
Let's mind how we do things in front of our kids.
They see things differently.

Front page worthy. You have done well with this post.

emeijeh:
Why would 2 people who claim to love each other fight themselves?

It doesn't make sense

That is because the supposedly love is KARMA.


Life is balancing of karma.

What brings people together most times is karma. People are here to settle their karma both good and bad karma. That is why, sometimes you see a gentle cool man gets marry to a "wicked" woman, then the fights, argument, shouting and all source of things start happening. it is vice versa .Its deeper than what we see with the physical eyes.

Trouble at home started after my jss3, I dropped academically cos I was either thinking too much or scared of some hours of the day.

Despite my drop I still made science class list but was academically dysfunctional but still I was brilliant.

I left home immidiately after sec school and my intelligence bloom, my uni I was a star but still av d scar cos I still hear bad need from home

After uni, I couldn't get parental support for a job so I missed good opportunities but still cos I was sharp I still land s good start and job

At work I became a star but home still brings it's trauma, till the cause of all the issues died (father)

This reprieve shoots up my concentration and intelligence that I got varied appointment in places.

U see bad home may not leave ones mind but it's a reality one has to live with

Today marriage is good but still has its own travails.

Life's a tough road

SegFault:

My mom isn't that kind of person, she was a free spirited person before she met my dad, even when she was married to him she sold cakes but my father's constant abuse because of that put an end to that dream. That's why I don't believe in marriage.

Lol, how does it relate? Marriage is sweet with the right person for you. Are you male or female? If female then you have to only settle for guys who will allow you do your business. Cutting a woman's source of income is how men render women useless and dependent on them.

it's true I lived with an uncle who occasionally fight and quarrels with the wife and each time they quarrels the one at fault wouldn't want to apologise and they will be keeping malice, the wife will be coming home early cook eat and go to sleep while the husband will be coming home late in the night and will be going out as early as 5am when he doesn't have any cause to go out that early because he's a trader.During those times I and my second will be at the receiving end of their fight while their malice lasts because sometimes they don't talk to each other for about a month or even more whilst living under the same roof and the husband don't normally eat at home during those times and the wife will mandate us to collecting money for food gas even the children' s school fees or any money at all and Any time we failed to collect the money or the husband refused to give the money na big wahala for me and my second be that oh . The worse is that the wife is well to do and most of the time they quarrels she doesn't give a damn about reconciliation ,at the beginning of every school section she will give me money to pay for her children's school fees and she will mandate me not to collect my school fees from my uncle until I collect her children s school fees which she had already paid before i talk about mine

Many children from these kinds of homes will become very violent as well when they finally get married and start raising children of their own

1b8m:
I'm not the type anybody can complete, all the feats I achieved I achieved alone. If independent was a man it would be me.
I just don't understand how a woman rendered me hopeless by the mere thought of life without her. That's the point, how did that happen?

Cause you've built your world around her.
Start by obliterating that wall,
the mere thought that she's married and cheating on her husband with you should be enough motivation for you.
Let's assume she leaves her husband for you (which is a rare possibility) she would cheat on you too with the next person that catches her fancy.

GreaterFuture1:
In a third world/Developing society like Nigeria, Damaged People are everywhere. left right and centre, most people are damaged. Just in varying degrees, Forms and Levels. Many do or may not even know that they are damaged. Nairaland is a Strong Evidence of that

i strongly reject this claim.

SocialJustice:
Lol, how does it relate? Marriage is sweet with the right person for you. Are you male or female? If female then you have to only settle for guys who will allow you do your business. Cutting a woman's source of income is how men render women useless and dependent on them.

Marriage always ends the same way, let's not go there. I am a man by the way.

oluwaseyi0:
That's why I'm a strong advocate of divorce if the difference becomes unresolvable and tension is always high in the home

But most religion will rather couple pretend all is well even when the best thing is divorce

A woman getting steady beating from the husband and claiming she is staying for her children will just die a useless death, a man that the wife has given hypertension but still staying because of what pastor and church will say will just die for nothing

It must not be divorce, the couples can just separate from each other instead of divorcing. Because divorce will result in child custody battles which still hurt the children emotionally.
For me, I am a strong advocate of separation. Instead of emotionally abusing the kids from constant quarrels, they should just leave their lives separately!!

.

SegFault:

Marriage always ends the same way, let's not go there. I am a man by the way.

Lol, OK.

Klass99:
@ OP, my neighbours (married couple) need to see this but I doubt if it will have any impact on the man, sighs!

Your neighbors would kill themselves one day o. Make one of them get sense and commot for the wrestling ring na.

If his wife calls him a nice man, despite knowing that you hear them fight- then he is indeed nice in some way. Probably a good father, but not the best husband. Their case is still salvageable, I like to think it is.

My father and mother fought each other everyday. Me and my brothers would sit quietly and watch them make a mess of themselves publicly. Their palavar wasn't our business. We weren't affected in anyways whatsoever. Though they stayed married till the end.

Almunjid:
If parents who Always fight are abusing their children emotionally, what about parents who never got married? Their children were abandoned by their irresponsible father, and their mother single handedly raised them. Can u imagine the emotional and psychological problems the children would pass through? That's y the children of nowadays r inhumane.
To be married is to be responsible, if u don't want to be responsible in ur life, don't bring any child to life and abandon them with their mothers.

Peace

U are right though, buh some women wants jst kid

We live in a soft generation of overpampered souls and weak psychological entities. If life/marriage was simple then it would be a fairy tale, people can fight, argue etc, there's nothing emotionally damaging about it as long as they reconcile and allow the good times to outweigh the bad times. A 2 year old kid will not remember NADA! Heck I barely remember anything before my 6th birthday.

Furthermore, if seeing parents fight scars children for life then such children would be crushed by the harsh realities of life! From failing a class to broken hearts, from stress on the job to having a family of their own. Life is not a bed of roses and rather than raising a physically and emotionally weak child through over sensitivity training, I would rather the child experience life as it is and be better prepared to tackle ANYTHING!

.

angelfallz:


i strongly reject this claim.

There is no "Claim" there. What do you disagree with or "reject"?

Klass99:
@ OP, my neighbours (married couple) need to see this but I doubt if it will have any impact on the man, sighs!

I am an adult but whenever I hear their shouting match, it affects me mentally/emotionally and I feel unsettled. I only hear them o! I can't imagine what it's like for the kids who see and hear them.

After one of their tirades, I went out to empty the trash and jammed the husband in the parking lot of our compound. For some reason I can't even explain, I turned around in a bid to avoid him.

I kind of felt embarrassed and uncomfortable by the fight I had over heard and I didn't want him to feel some sort of way, seeing me soon after that fight. I don't even know if that was a rational reaction on my part.

The wife has said on two different occasions, that her husband is a very nice man. In my mind I was like , not from where I stand or what I see.

All their fights are started by him, he is incapable of speaking in polite tones, he is so rude and disrespectful to his own wife, nice is not a word I will ever use to describe that man, abeg!

Aproko woman

Klass99:


Poco, I like your wit and way with words I swear!

You may be right about him being a good father, but not the best husband. However, even that gives me pause because pre-covid I always knew when he was around, the children stop playing and having fun loudly.

Lol, but it is true na. It is one thing to be a good father, another to a good husband. It is tough to be both. If he is paying the fees, rent and all, the woman would see him as a good father, she would find a way to manage the deficit on her end.

Nigerians underrate therapies. They think the solution to every is prayer(s). I wish they can talk to someone, not a religious leader please. Those ones will just tell the woman to pray and submit more.

Love is never enough, sometimes the flimsiest thing may not align and you just have to do the needed when it is still early. It doesn’t make the other person bad, he/she is just not good for you. Peace of mind is every...

GreaterFuture1:

You seem like a sensible teacher.
When I was in Secondary school, some teachers knew what I was going through yet still added to my problems and treated me badly, they gossiped me, made fun of my situation etc. (Nigerian Schools are Rubbish! especially private secondary schools). To put it mildly, That seriously affected me academically, emotionally and Psychologically

Oh sorry about that bro.

And many of these teachers had their own problems they were nursing which could be worse than yours

Izabel:

Maybe you should focus on self development rather than looking for someone to "complete" you.

Seconded.
Learn from (your parents) history... Don't let it repeat itself in your own life.
Cc: 1b8m

I still carry the emotional trauma, shame and pain of this singular act of my parent , I don't even know how well to relate to people, there's nothing so bad or sad that moves me... .. in fact when they talk to me now (something that is of advantage to me) their word irritates me

very true, I suffered this. My children won't suffer it in Jesus name, Amen