Anonnn:
(LONG POST)

Growing up, I have never seen myself to be someone that would one day get married and live with a partner (no, I don't have any unpleasant past experience). I have only had 2 serious relationships and let me just say I did that because I wanted to see if I could overcome my fears by having a taste/feel of what it's like to have a partner.

I'm currently in the second relationship which is gradually moving to marriage and I must say the guy is a very great person. The problem is, even though I have tried to suppress all the feelings that it is not what I want, people I share it with keep telling me that it is not normal for me to say I do not want to have a partner. I have come to realize that the reason why they are saying this is because society has made it look like getting married is a huge goal ( I don't know the word to even use here)!

I'm left to wonder, why has society made it look like it is "compulsory" to have a partner?


Mama Partnership is not a must. We can choose to remain single for Life

Why has it been normalized in our society? Like, anyone who is probably "of age", or done with school, or has a stable source of income is expected to have a partner, or planning to get settled down with one (well except you are going the religious/clergy way). Sometimes, people do not even want you to finish school or have a stable income before they come with the question of when you want to get a marriage partner and settle down.

Why is it sometimes termed abnormal when someone thinks or says they do not want to have a partner?
Why is there also some stereotypes hanging over people who decide not to get married (I can't go into all that to not make this post longer than it already is)?

So, I'm really concerned, can't one just decide to live a single life without getting married or going the religious way? Of course, if one is scared of dying alone, there is always an option to adopt a family or an orphaned child you can train and grow old with.

Can't one just choose to stay dedicated alone; focus on themselves, live a good life, build a great career, render help when necessary and just not bother about having a partner?

Is there really any consequence for not deciding to settle with a partner or go the religious way?

Why has society made it look like you need a partner to be "complete"? Or to even be respected in some settings no matter your class/status?

Why are people who decide they do not want to have a partner always looked at like they are not normal?

I am yet to see where it is stated that it is actually compulsory that one must have a partner or be in the religious line as the case may be (please, let me know if I'm wrong).

__

Yeah, I know I have asked many questions already, but they have all been pressing on my chest for long and I really needed to get them off to make a longterm decision.

I also apologize if some people see this as rude, I don't mean it to be that way.
And, if you do not have an open-minded comment/response, please, don't bother.
Thanks.

BronzeMajik:
Do whatever makes you happy.. marriage is not as Rosy as it seems.
Rules are man made and would be broken by same men.

Anonnn:
(LONG POST)

Growing up, I have never seen myself to be someone that would one day get married and live with a partner (no, I don't have any unpleasant past experience). I have only had 2 serious relationships and let me just say I did that because I wanted to see if I could overcome my fears by having a taste/feel of what it's like to have a partner.

I'm currently in the second relationship which is gradually moving to marriage and I must say the guy is a very great person. The problem is, even though I have tried to suppress all the feelings that it is not what I want, people I share it with keep telling me that it is not normal for me to say I do not want to have a partner. I have come to realize that the reason why they are saying this is because society has made it look like getting married is a huge goal ( I don't know the word to even use here)!

I'm left to wonder, why has society made it look like it is "compulsory" to have a partner?

Why has it been normalized in our society? Like, anyone who is probably "of age", or done with school, or has a stable source of income is expected to have a partner, or planning to get settled down with one (well except you are going the religious/clergy way). Sometimes, people do not even want you to finish school or have a stable income before they come with the question of when you want to get a marriage partner and settle down.

Why is it sometimes termed abnormal when someone thinks or says they do not want to have a partner?
Why is there also some stereotypes hanging over people who decide not to get married (I can't go into all that to not make this post longer than it already is)?

So, I'm really concerned, can't one just decide to live a single life without getting married or going the religious way? Of course, if one is scared of dying alone, there is always an option to adopt a family or an orphaned child you can train and grow old with.

Can't one just choose to stay dedicated alone; focus on themselves, live a good life, build a great career, render help when necessary and just not bother about having a partner?

Is there really any consequence for not deciding to settle with a partner or go the religious way?

Why has society made it look like you need a partner to be "complete"? Or to even be respected in some settings no matter your class/status?

Why are people who decide they do not want to have a partner always looked at like they are not normal?

I am yet to see where it is stated that it is actually compulsory that one must have a partner or be in the religious line as the case may be (please, let me know if I'm wrong).

__

Yeah, I know I have asked many questions already, but they have all been pressing on my chest for long and I really needed to get them off to make a longterm decision.

I also apologize if some people see this as rude, I don't mean it to be that way.
And, if you do not have an open-minded comment/response, please, don't bother.
Thanks.

Anonnn:
(LONG POST)

Growing up, I have never seen myself to be someone that would one day get married and live with a partner (no, I don't have any unpleasant past experience). I have only had 2 serious relationships and let me just say I did that because I wanted to see if I could overcome my fears by having a taste/feel of what it's like to have a partner.

I'm currently in the second relationship which is gradually moving to marriage and I must say the guy is a very great person. The problem is, even though I have tried to suppress all the feelings that it is not what I want, people I share it with keep telling me that it is not normal for me to say I do not want to have a partner. I have come to realize that the reason why they are saying this is because society has made it look like getting married is a huge goal ( I don't know the word to even use here)!

I'm left to wonder, why has society made it look like it is "compulsory" to have a partner?

Why has it been normalized in our society? Like, anyone who is probably "of age", or done with school, or has a stable source of income is expected to have a partner, or planning to get settled down with one (well except you are going the religious/clergy way). Sometimes, people do not even want you to finish school or have a stable income before they come with the question of when you want to get a marriage partner and settle down.

Why is it sometimes termed abnormal when someone thinks or says they do not want to have a partner?
Why is there also some stereotypes hanging over people who decide not to get married (I can't go into all that to not make this post longer than it already is)?

So, I'm really concerned, can't one just decide to live a single life without getting married or going the religious way? Of course, if one is scared of dying alone, there is always an option to adopt a family or an orphaned child you can train and grow old with.

Can't one just choose to stay dedicated alone; focus on themselves, live a good life, build a great career, render help when necessary and just not bother about having a partner?

Is there really any consequence for not deciding to settle with a partner or go the religious way?

Why has society made it look like you need a partner to be "complete"? Or to even be respected in some settings no matter your class/status?

Why are people who decide they do not want to have a partner always looked at like they are not normal?

I am yet to see where it is stated that it is actually compulsory that one must have a partner or be in the religious line as the case may be (please, let me know if I'm wrong).

__

Yeah, I know I have asked many questions already, but they have all been pressing on my chest for long and I really needed to get them off to make a longterm decision.

I also apologize if some people see this as rude, I don't mean it to be that way.
And, if you do not have an open-minded comment/response, please, don't bother.
Thanks.

BronzeMajik:
Do whatever makes you happy.. marriage is not as Rosy as it seems.
Rules are man made and would be broken by same men.

SarutobiEky:
abeg who read this epistle. Make them summarise am for me.

Shortyy:
No. There's nothing wrong with that.

Anonnn:

Lol... Just answer from the title

Ikennablue:
you are probably in your twenties and presumably, you are well Educated. You have you have to be careful in decisions like this. Am not a very religious person but I'll advice you to be careful how you write religion off in matters like this.

Ikennablue:
As much as your happiness matters, you can't change what the society accept as normal and abnormal. You can't change how the society see you. Marriage is not a bed of roses that you go into to be happy. It is the original plan of God for everyone. The truth is, there are so many failed marriage these days that the idea of marriage doesn't sound serious anymore. Just go for what will make you happy, especially when or as you get older

Fmghewzy:
What I will say is ,this life you have only one chance to live.
Live your life to the fullest, enjoy life to the fullest,so far you don't stop others from living theirs.

If you don't feel like having a partner, Don't force yourself into doing so.
Even if the society would castigate you ,it better .
Imagine forcing yourself to have a partner,who is most likely to wanna have kids.
problems would still arise in future, since you forced yourself,
Divorce
Not loving your kids the way you should.
And so many things the society would still blame you.
Just do what you want

Anonnn:

Thanks for this.

TecM0:

Many are married to fulfil societal norms, not like they truly want to

I have many married friends whose only greatest life regret is Marriage and having babies, they feel trapped and their life completely snatched from them.

TecM0:

On the flip side, marriage brings respect and responsibilities in African settings, and if you understand marriage and have a partner that understands marriage, you guys can enjoy the cohabitation without much expectations or stress
.

nwaezeemmanuel:
Being single is not a problem. I will be very frank with you.

The notion of marriage in Nigeria is quite twisted. Parents largely impose it on their kids because they want grandkids. What most people ignore is that it is a choice to make and never mandatory.

Uzomacharles:
I guess you're in your 20's

Na when you 40's you go rush into marriage

Shortyy:


You're welcome. Just do the right thing and live a healthy and righteous life.
Don't be promiscuous.

As for children, you can always adopt. So many motherless children out there looking for love and care.

Rev sisters don't marry, they dedicate theirs lives in serving God and taking care of the less privileged.

Mother Theresa never married. But she was mother to all.

Anonnn:

I do fear this exact reason whenever I think of marriage - feeling trapped.

TecM0:


It's your choice ultimately

But if you love your freedom from Nigerian cultural prison or want more than just the marriage cage, just strive hard to relocate abroad, this would be the best investment you make, ...

Because in Nigeria , your parents would judge you, your pastor, your coworkers , infact everybody and they would guilt trip you


.

Anonnn:

Yes, I am considering doing that if I ever pull through with this.

Shortyy:

Goodluck