₦airaland Forum

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

We met in 2005 while i was in secondary school and he was working in a bakery then, we started dating and i saw him as a man with vision because of his leniency and a very bright man.
In year 2007, he got admission to pre degree in the university , i was at home ans i later got admitted into polytechinic for ND program in 2009. i came back from poly in 2011 and started looking for IT placement while waiting for
for It placement i lost both of my parent and became an orphan. a month after my parent death i was able to get placement in a bank and that how i started the IT, after one year i was to go back to school for HND / Direct entry, luclily i applied for the two and got admitted but
i consider who will finance it since i have no parent and my siblings are not capable of sponsoring me, i dont want to be a burden on anyone even if i am to start the programme with the little saving i have while doing IT
but it wont be sufficient to see me through. so i took a tellering job in a bank and thats how i left our house and rented an apartment very close to my office then.
I started living alone and he almost done with his study in the university too about going for NYSC, anytime he is in town he always stay in my place, then i was transfered to another branch of the bank which made me move to
another place that is more comfortable and he always joined me. He proposed we take the relationship to the next level and ask if we could start our life in this small apartment and i agreed since i know he was a serving corp
member and things will get better. thats how we started life in 2015, had our introduction in my brothers house in 2016 and got married in 2017.
He served in Lagos and he tried to secure job in lagos but he was able to get a menial job which he is not comfortable with, until sept 2018 that he got a job with a telecoms in lagos. meanwhile, i couldnt concieve on time not
for about 2 years after the wedding but later concieved and gave birth to a baby boy in june 2019. when he got the telecoms job he felt a little relief and comfortable staying in lagos and stop coming to ibadan to see me like
he always did before. he several complains and he said i need to move to lagos.

I tried to persuade him to be patient with me and allow me to finish a degree programme i put in for in UI at least to get the certificate and start a better life if i get to lagos. he wouldnt listen, his attitude changed towards
me in the house whenever he is around and i became cold too.

One faithful day, i was sick at work and went to the hospital and i was given injection and they told me to come the following day for the remaining injection and on getting home that night i met him in the house, i wouldnt know if he is coming
around or not because he has stopped talking to me at all not even on phone and i dare not call him, he wouldnt pick up. so, i met him in the house and the following morning i left to working after preparing my baby food
and little sister staying with me tp take care of my baby during the pandemic period. getting to work i took permission to go and get the remaining injection at the hospital and get some rest at home, on getting home i met his
two brothers in our compound and i entered but he has locked the bedroom , he ran out and i ran after him to give me the key to my room to get some rest . he told me i cant access the room, i forced myself into the room andi discovered he
has started parking stuffs , he has removed the matrimonial bed, unpacked the all the clothes wardrobe, i was surprise as i dont have the idea of what is about happen. I called his father, i called my brother and my big sister too too and they said they are on their way to
our house, he came in and heard i was talking to the father,his father called that he is not coming again that we should both should come and meet him in his house. i called my brother back that my father in law commanded me to meet in his house and my brother said he will join me there
he left the house before me with his brother but i was surprise i got to his father house before him, he later met me discussing with the father and later my brother and big sister joined us . his father insisted i must move to lagos with him now or nothing and i made them understand i
have to seek permission and get approval in my work place before i move. as we are discussing my husband stood up and said he is going that all stuff in the house has already been moved to lagos as he was speaking.
he left and we started calling him but he will not picked , my brother sent him atext to return stuff that belongs to me as he cannnot forcefull take me to lagos but he didnt answered, i went to police to report and we were advised
to arrest his brother that helped him pack the load while none of us is present there.
The police arrested the brother and the DPO said they shouldnot release him until he brings my stuff back to ibadan as i dont know his new address in lagos, he brought at the third day and thats when the brother was released,
alot of mu stuff got missing and he refuse to bring some back from lagos as i was advised to let go some stuff. since then he stopped communicating and the next thing i get is a petition from his lawyer and he is seeking for divorce.

Your Kind advise will go a long way. Thank you

Realashbobby:
He wasn't at work at the time of visit, it's a rotational work, he was off that day and he told me he is not within Lagos that I should go back to where I came from

GboyegaD:
There's no need to apologize if the brother doesn't apologize for coming into someone else's home to carry away their belongings.

Jossyfine:
She can always go for her project stuff from Lagos, at least she will have some where to put up until she finishes what she came for.

She should apply diplomacy in dealing with the matter, you don't fight a man because of this, wisdom is needed to tackle the situation.

From my experience,she should relocate to Lagos with immediate effect.

Shalom

abimbola74:
So sorry about your ordeal. It’s obvious your so called husband is not been reasonable here cos I wonder why will a man treat someone that stood by you during your trying times like that. It’s annoying aswear. He is not handling the whole issue well, reasonable conversation would have saved him all this stress buh he rather chooses to forcefully make you bend to his will. It’s so disheartening aswear cos I wonder what he tends to gain with all this. What’s there in coming to Ibadan on weekend basis abi to live in Lagos is a must ni. The father too no try aswear cos as an elderly man I don’t know expect him to be unreasonable. What about his mum? Ask the father straight question that if you were to be his daughter and got treated that way, how will he feel? It’s annoying olohun cos I wonder why people will do what they wouldn’t want for their siblings. God will see you through , be strong . I am with you on this, send a dm if you need someone to talk too.

Realashbobby:
His mum is nothing to write about as she has left them and she has remarried to 2 different men with four children after he had 3 sons for my father in law. The father has children from 3 other woman aside my mother in-law. Such a dramatic family.

AnonymousRebec:
This matter no be Agidi oo. Leave pride alone and apologise to the brother. Who apologise first no matter at all. The brother can even help her to beg the husband.

GboyegaD:
Did you read how she knelt and cried and the brother walked out on her. No need giving people unnecessary power over us.

AnonymousRebec:
If all is left is the peoject defense, then please move to Lagos with your husband. I thought you stilled had like a year or 2 years to go. Talk to you project supervisor about your situation. I'm sure he/she will understand.

Tell you supervisor you will prefer to work remotely until whenever there is need to come to school. This way you can save your marriage.

For the job, I think you should take a leave and talk to you husband. Let him know that you are putting effort into lrelocating. Except if you want to live in Ibadan by force, then that will be bad for your marriage

Realashbobby:
His mum is nothing to write about as she has left them and she has remarried to 2 different men with four children after he had 3 sons for my father in law. The father has children from 3 other woman aside my mother in-law. Such a dramatic family.

Klass99:
I told my neighbour the other day that if I were married to her husband, we would have been divorced by now - because I cannot tolerate for too long someone disrespecting me and talking down to me, the way he does.

It's a marriage of about 11 or 12 years (cos their first kid is 11) Even her 9 year old daughter asked her one day, mummy if daddy is treating you like this, why did he marry you? His treatment of her is still better than wetin dem dey do this OP, but for a lady like me it is still a deal breaker.

When something becomes a significant source of stress, I think it's time to let it go or just take a break from it for a while.

I felt oppressed and bullied reading OP's story and some of the comments here. It's as if women are expected to take whatever BS in marriage and not have any personal goals or aspirations of their own.

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

We met in 2005 while i was in secondary school and he was working in a bakery then, we started dating and i saw him as a man with vision because of his leniency and a very bright man.
In year 2007, he got admission to pre degree in the university , i was at home ans i later got admitted into polytechinic for ND program in 2009. i came back from poly in 2011 and started looking for IT placement while waiting for
for It placement i lost both of my parent and became an orphan. a month after my parent death i was able to get placement in a bank and that how i started the IT, after one year i was to go back to school for HND / Direct entry, luclily i applied for the two and got admitted but
i consider who will finance it since i have no parent and my siblings are not capable of sponsoring me, i dont want to be a burden on anyone even if i am to start the programme with the little saving i have while doing IT
but it wont be sufficient to see me through. so i took a tellering job in a bank and thats how i left our house and rented an apartment very close to my office then.
I started living alone and he almost done with his study in the university too about going for NYSC, anytime he is in town he always stay in my place, then i was transfered to another branch of the bank which made me move to
another place that is more comfortable and he always joined me. He proposed we take the relationship to the next level and ask if we could start our life in this small apartment and i agreed since i know he was a serving corp
member and things will get better. thats how we started life in 2015, had our introduction in my brothers house in 2016 and got married in 2017.
He served in Lagos and he tried to secure job in lagos but he was able to get a menial job which he is not comfortable with, until sept 2018 that he got a job with a telecoms in lagos. meanwhile, i couldnt concieve on time not
for about 2 years after the wedding but later concieved and gave birth to a baby boy in june 2019. when he got the telecoms job he felt a little relief and comfortable staying in lagos and stop coming to ibadan to see me like
he always did before. he several complains and he said i need to move to lagos.

I tried to persuade him to be patient with me and allow me to finish a degree programme i put in for in UI at least to get the certificate and start a better life if i get to lagos. he wouldnt listen, his attitude changed towards
me in the house whenever he is around and i became cold too.

One faithful day, i was sick at work and went to the hospital and i was given injection and they told me to come the following day for the remaining injection and on getting home that night i met him in the house, i wouldnt know if he is coming
around or not because he has stopped talking to me at all not even on phone and i dare not call him, he wouldnt pick up. so, i met him in the house and the following morning i left to working after preparing my baby food
and little sister staying with me tp take care of my baby during the pandemic period. getting to work i took permission to go and get the remaining injection at the hospital and get some rest at home, on getting home i met his
two brothers in our compound and i entered but he has locked the bedroom , he ran out and i ran after him to give me the key to my room to get some rest . he told me i cant access the room, i forced myself into the room andi discovered he
has started parking stuffs , he has removed the matrimonial bed, unpacked the all the clothes wardrobe, i was surprise as i dont have the idea of what is about happen. I called his father, i called my brother and my big sister too too and they said they are on their way to
our house, he came in and heard i was talking to the father,his father called that he is not coming again that we should both should come and meet him in his house. i called my brother back that my father in law commanded me to meet in his house and my brother said he will join me there
he left the house before me with his brother but i was surprise i got to his father house before him, he later met me discussing with the father and later my brother and big sister joined us . his father insisted i must move to lagos with him now or nothing and i made them understand i
have to seek permission and get approval in my work place before i move. as we are discussing my husband stood up and said he is going that all stuff in the house has already been moved to lagos as he was speaking.
he left and we started calling him but he will not picked , my brother sent him atext to return stuff that belongs to me as he cannnot forcefull take me to lagos but he didnt answered, i went to police to report and we were advised
to arrest his brother that helped him pack the load while none of us is present there.
The police arrested the brother and the DPO said they shouldnot release him until he brings my stuff back to ibadan as i dont know his new address in lagos, he brought at the third day and thats when the brother was released,
alot of mu stuff got missing and he refuse to bring some back from lagos as i was advised to let go some stuff. since then he stopped communicating and the next thing i get is a petition from his lawyer and he is seeking for divorce.

Your Kind advise will go a long way. Thank you

Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

We met in 2005 while i was in secondary school and he was working in a bakery then, we started dating and i saw him as a man with vision because of his leniency and a very bright man.
In year 2007, he got admission to pre degree in the university , i was at home ans i later got admitted into polytechinic for ND program in 2009. i came back from poly in 2011 and started looking for IT placement while waiting for
for It placement i lost both of my parent and became an orphan. a month after my parent death i was able to get placement in a bank and that how i started the IT, after one year i was to go back to school for HND / Direct entry, luclily i applied for the two and got admitted but
i consider who will finance it since i have no parent and my siblings are not capable of sponsoring me, i dont want to be a burden on anyone even if i am to start the programme with the little saving i have while doing IT
but it wont be sufficient to see me through. so i took a tellering job in a bank and thats how i left our house and rented an apartment very close to my office then.
I started living alone and he almost done with his study in the university too about going for NYSC, anytime he is in town he always stay in my place, then i was transfered to another branch of the bank which made me move to
another place that is more comfortable and he always joined me. He proposed we take the relationship to the next level and ask if we could start our life in this small apartment and i agreed since i know he was a serving corp
member and things will get better. thats how we started life in 2015, had our introduction in my brothers house in 2016 and got married in 2017.
He served in Lagos and he tried to secure job in lagos but he was able to get a menial job which he is not comfortable with, until sept 2018 that he got a job with a telecoms in lagos. meanwhile, i couldnt concieve on time not
for about 2 years after the wedding but later concieved and gave birth to a baby boy in june 2019. when he got the telecoms job he felt a little relief and comfortable staying in lagos and stop coming to ibadan to see me like
he always did before. he several complains and he said i need to move to lagos.

I tried to persuade him to be patient with me and allow me to finish a degree programme i put in for in UI at least to get the certificate and start a better life if i get to lagos. he wouldnt listen, his attitude changed towards
me in the house whenever he is around and i became cold too.

One faithful day, i was sick at work and went to the hospital and i was given injection and they told me to come the following day for the remaining injection and on getting home that night i met him in the house, i wouldnt know if he is coming
around or not because he has stopped talking to me at all not even on phone and i dare not call him, he wouldnt pick up. so, i met him in the house and the following morning i left to working after preparing my baby food
and little sister staying with me tp take care of my baby during the pandemic period. getting to work i took permission to go and get the remaining injection at the hospital and get some rest at home, on getting home i met his
two brothers in our compound and i entered but he has locked the bedroom , he ran out and i ran after him to give me the key to my room to get some rest . he told me i cant access the room, i forced myself into the room andi discovered he
has started parking stuffs , he has removed the matrimonial bed, unpacked the all the clothes wardrobe, i was surprise as i dont have the idea of what is about happen. I called his father, i called my brother and my big sister too too and they said they are on their way to
our house, he came in and heard i was talking to the father,his father called that he is not coming again that we should both should come and meet him in his house. i called my brother back that my father in law commanded me to meet in his house and my brother said he will join me there
he left the house before me with his brother but i was surprise i got to his father house before him, he later met me discussing with the father and later my brother and big sister joined us . his father insisted i must move to lagos with him now or nothing and i made them understand i
have to seek permission and get approval in my work place before i move. as we are discussing my husband stood up and said he is going that all stuff in the house has already been moved to lagos as he was speaking.
he left and we started calling him but he will not picked , my brother sent him atext to return stuff that belongs to me as he cannnot forcefull take me to lagos but he didnt answered, i went to police to report and we were advised
to arrest his brother that helped him pack the load while none of us is present there.
The police arrested the brother and the DPO said they shouldnot release him until he brings my stuff back to ibadan as i dont know his new address in lagos, he brought at the third day and thats when the brother was released,
alot of mu stuff got missing and he refuse to bring some back from lagos as i was advised to let go some stuff. since then he stopped communicating and the next thing i get is a petition from his lawyer and he is seeking for divorce.

Your Kind advise will go a long way. Thank you

Bonjovi13:
My take maybe different from most people because I taken time to read between the lines.
Your husband loved his family enough to desire that you all live together in Lagos. His job could provide for you all.

You refused to move to Lagos until you got a certificate from UI. You didnt tell us you had gotten admission but that you applied.

I get that you want to further your education but there are schools in Lagos.
It is curious that you would prefer to live by yourself in Ibadan and than live as a family in Lagos.
Most men would have issues living like a bachelor after marriage especially for years.

You even said he had stopped coming to Ibadan to see you as regularly as he used to. How long did you expect him to keep moving to and from lagos.

When he had failed to convince you to move to Lagos, he started wearing a long face.
You said you too became cold. I find that very odd. You know why your husband started showing you that he was not happy about your decision. Most wives would plead and entreat him to bear with you but you went cold yourself and you are proud to say it. Not because he beat you, or cheated, or couldnt provide but because he was unhappy that you choose not to live together with him in Lagos.

Thirdly, you could have easily found out where your husband lived in Lagos and gone with a family member to talk to him when he carried some properties you felt were yours to Lagos or you could have gone to see his father. Yet you immediately went to report your own husband in the police station. To make matters worse you got them to arrest his brother till he brought back your properties.
My sister I dont know what exactly went wrong in your marriage but love and respect had flown out and especially on your own part in the later part of the marriage.

Maybe there were other things that happened that you did not say but believe me your reactions to everything did not show that you loved the man

Ghengiskhan:
You should go and apologize to your husband and his family, then move to Lagos and repair the damages done to your relationship, when things are calm you can transfer from that school in ibadan to a school in Lagos. I wish you all the best going forward.