Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,152,441 members, 7,816,001 topics. Date: Thursday, 02 May 2024 at 11:15 PM

5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired - Family (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired (26609 Views)

Lessons Learnt From The NYC Man Shot Dead By His Neighbour / Love Is not always sweet .. 7 years marriage experience / Mother Of Eight Loses 40-year Marriage For Denying Husband Sex (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Stevenbright(m): 5:32pm On Nov 29, 2020
CalliDora1:
Nice one, op. Hope they listen.

You r already thinking u r in the class abi? Oya na take ur red pen and review the mark to A!
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by crackhaus: 5:40pm On Nov 29, 2020

3. When Your wife says Yes, she might mean No most of the times and vice versa:

Most of the times when you are doing the great job on the other room, if she is saying no,stop,etc pls don't stop oh. If you do she will turn back and say to you. Why did you stop? You will answer but you asked me to stop. She will ask you are you not man enough to know that I didn't mean stop? Immerging that someone asked you to stop something and she said she didn't mean it.
You must be man enough to know when she means what she is saying. You as a man must figure somethings out by yourself.

Isn't this sex without consent, something they call marital rape?

I'm surprised the thread has gone this far and none of our resident woke girls (some already present) identified this error.

The point was noted though...
Females could be quite confused about what they really want or what they really mean.

12 Likes 3 Shares

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Nobody: 5:45pm On Nov 29, 2020
Stevenbright:


You r already thinking u r in the class abi? Oya na take ur red pen and review the mark to A!

Hmm .
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Stevenbright(m): 5:53pm On Nov 29, 2020
CalliDora1:

Hmm .
hmm.....
is that all? that guy is an A student since. So, review is mark up now or.....
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Nobody: 5:56pm On Nov 29, 2020
Stevenbright:


hmm.....

is that all? that guy is an A student since. So, review is mark up now or.....

You, score him now.
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Stevenbright(m): 5:59pm On Nov 29, 2020
CalliDora1:

You, score him now.
OK, I will.
Let me have ur red pen, just for 5mins!
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Nobody: 6:00pm On Nov 29, 2020
[quote author=Stevenbright post=96565363]

OK, I will.

Let me have ur red pen, just for 5mins![/quote

[color=#990000][/color]

Here
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Stevenbright(m): 6:04pm On Nov 29, 2020
[quote author=CalliDora1 post=96565397][/quote]
That is good, thanks.
A++

1 Like

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Openbusiness: 6:51pm On Nov 29, 2020
mariahAngel:


Well, manipulative people deserve each other, so they can go on playing on each other's emotions, since it is what they enjoy doing.
As far as dating goes, is your love conditional or unconditional? If you have expectations like, Oh he must have a job, he must be handsome, he must have his own house or apartment, he must have a Master's degree, he must be tall, this or that etc, then those are essentially CONDITIONS. Which means your love is conditional. Conditional love is manipulative, because you are using those conditions to manipulate a relationship in your favor. Therefore, you are manipulative too!

16 Likes

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Openbusiness: 7:12pm On Nov 29, 2020
baby124:

Not true. It should be the other way around. The one who proposes marriage should love more. Especially if it’s the man, it helps anchor and stabilize the marriage better. Women tend to behave well if they are treated well. Men who love their wives truly, treat their wives well and have a good marriage, mostly.
Absolutely wrong! Marriage is essentially = family = home making. When it comes to a home / marriage working, a woman's role is more suited to keeping a marriage together. Women are more emotional than men, therefore a woman's emotions should be more invested in a marriage than a man's emotions, otherwise there will be crisis eventually.

For example, look at marriages in the past and marriages today. For our parents or ancestors marriages, it was common to find marriages like 50, 60 years old marriages, but marriages today hardly last. The older generations their marriages worked not because they were perfect or the husband didn't have flaws or was always wealthy etc. It worked because women of the past generations were more emotionally invested in their marriages than the men, and this kept the marriage going even when they had storms in their relationships.

If the man failed to provide, their wives didn't just walk away, or find another richer boyfriend outside. No, they stayed and endured the poverty with their husbands. Some of them their husbands would beat them, but they didn't divorce, they went through that phase, even if it was a lot of pain, they stuck through it all to work out their marriage at all costs. Why? Because they were more emotionally invested in the marriage. They loved their husbands more.

But women who are not more emotional invested, usually at the first sight of any ish, they jump ship. They are already always packed and ready in their minds, just waiting for any opportunity to jump ship and not put in the work to keep their marriage together. Everything must be rosy or they jump ship. But a woman who is more emotionally invested, she is like a Captain, she will rather sink with her ship. She will stay and put in the work to make her marriage work.

13 Likes 2 Shares

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by 9icest: 7:16pm On Nov 29, 2020
Mature write up! I learnt something new
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by udemzyudex(m): 7:21pm On Nov 29, 2020
Openbusiness:
Just follow these 2 simple rules and there's a 97% chance everything else will fall in place and your marriage will be an enjoyable and lovable marriage:

1) Don't marry a woman you love more than she loves you. Marry a woman that loves you more than you love her. She must love you more. Don't even settle for 50/50. Maybe like 40/60, 30/70, 20/80 etc but don't be too extreme with it like 5/95, or you will end up running after your office secretary with big yansh grin

2) Never forget Rule #1

Lol.. Abeg who we go come marry ooo?

A woman will say the same thing you post, marry a man that loves you more, don't settle for 50/50 lol.

Na wa oooo

7 Likes

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by baby124: 7:23pm On Nov 29, 2020
Openbusiness:
Absolutely wrong! Marriage is essentially = family = home making. When it comes to a home / marriage working, a woman's role is more suited to keeping a marriage together. Women are more emotional than men, therefore a woman's emotions should be more invested in a marriage than a man's emotions, otherwise there will be crisis eventually.

For example, look at marriages in the past and marriages today. For our parents or ancestors marriages, it was common to find marriages like 50, 60 years old marriages, but marriages today hardly last. The older generations their marriages worked not because they were perfect or the husband didn't have flaws or was always wealthy etc. It worked because women of the past generations were more emotionally invested in their marriages than the men, and this kept the marriage goes even when they had storms in their relationships.

If the man failed to provide, their wives didn't just walk away, or find another richer boyfriend outside. No, they stayed and endured the poverty with their husbands. Some of them their husbands would beat them, but they didn't divorce, they went through that phase, even if it was a lot of pain, they stuck through it all to work out their marriage at all costs. Why? Because they were more emotionally invested in the marriage. They loved their husbands more.

But women who are not more emotional invested, usually at the first sight of any ish, they jump ship. They are already always packed and ready in their minds, just waiting for any opportunity to jump ship and not put in the work to keep their marriage together. Everything must be rosy or they jump ship. But a woman who is more emotionally invested, she is like a Captain, she will rather sink with her ship. She will stay and put in the work to make her marriage work.
A man is responsible for keeping his home together. Not the woman primarily. The woman should cooperate but that responsibility of marriage and keeping a home together is largely dependent on the man. He has to provide shelter, security and food for his family. That is the traditional role since you want to pretend to be a traditionalist. In modern society the women have stepped up and are helping out tremendously. So, don’t bring this nonsense to me. Traditionally women only need to take care of the home but a man builds his own home by building his house, marrying a wife and providing for her so she can take care of his children. You better stop falling for misogynistic lies where men are encouraged to abscond responsibility.

The man should even be the prayer leader and warrior in the home, when he claims to be the head. If you don’t have a true male figure around you, then you need to change your circle because all what you wrote there does not align with your own cultural beliefs and you know it. grin

I come from a home where my father understood this clearly and my brothers have carried it on. The respect from their wives no be here. They understand that leadership, true leadership requires showing by example. This includes behaving yourself in marriage, taking time out for your children and taking on the responsibility to ensure your home is stable first and foremost and everyone is happy. Absolutely no excuse for bad behavior and they no there is none, none of our family will ever support them either when they behave badly. So they behave themselves.

7 Likes 4 Shares

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Ikennamurphy: 7:25pm On Nov 29, 2020
3. When Your wife says Yes, she might mean No most of the times and vice versa:

Most of the times when you are doing the great job on the other room, if she is saying no,stop,etc pls don't stop oh. If you do she will turn back and say to you. Why did you stop? You will answer but you asked me to stop. She will ask you are you not man enough to know that I didn't mean stop? Immerging that someone asked you to stop something and she said she didn't mean it.
You must be man enough to know when she means what she is saying. You as a man must figure somethings out by yourself.
This your number 3 doesn't make sense.. If you're a woman reading this, stop this nonsense, we're all humans and not mind readers, say exactly what u mean to your spouse and stop suffering him for no reason to understand what u mean,.. I still believe is an immature gal that will say no and mean yes..

14 Likes

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by ModestGal(f): 7:25pm On Nov 29, 2020
Useless post to belittle women
Only dumb people would think twice about the rubbish you wrote, irritating post

1 Like 1 Share

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Bluffly: 7:26pm On Nov 29, 2020
Englov:
28.11.2020 marked it 5yrs marriage anniversary for me and my spouse.

The experiences are as follows:

5. Never marry a lady because of what she told you:
When you finally decide to marry as a man, marry because of your own reasons. Never marry because the lady told you that anyone who married her will be entitled to this or that. Pls never fall for that cheap scam. Any lady above 30yrs wants to marry by all means. You don't know the pressure she is passing through so she will do anything possible to bring you in.
Lady's knows men wick point most of the times than we know their own. Remember they can talk to each other and share their experiences with men in their discussion than men do.

I can still remember a girl friend that told me that she will be changing wardrobe every month. I told her for what and she said I shouldn't worry that anyone who marries her will be rich. I showed her the exit door sharparly.




6. Women are strong than men but don't know:

Believe or not women are very strong being. Brother, one weekend try and stay at home and tell her to leave all her work for you. Try and do it, guy I bet you 90% of the men will not do 60% off the work women do at home.
They will do all this things go to work and come back, carry their baby, etc.

For this, women aren't stronger. Strength is relative. They have strength in their own niche that doesnt mean they are stronger. Most women house chores kill men due to the boredom. Except you are a man that goes to a white collar job every day and does nothing at home or any other manly job and choose to call artisans is when such will marvel you

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Oizee(f): 7:27pm On Nov 29, 2020
Nice one
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Traininghub(f): 7:31pm On Nov 29, 2020
Openbusiness:
Just follow these 2 simple rules and there's a 97% chance everything else will fall in place and your marriage will be an enjoyable and lovable marriage:

1) Don't marry a woman you love more than she loves you. Marry a woman that loves you more than you love her. She must love you more. Don't even settle for 50/50. Maybe like 40/60, 30/70, 20/80 etc but don't be too extreme with it like 5/95, or you will end up running after your office secretary with big yansh grin

2) Never forget Rule #1
Lol, I laugh in Kiswahili and you think women also want men who love them less than they love the men?! No! Marry the one who reciprocates the same energy you give, love that you profess and show. Someone who is as supportive and you are. Marry someone who gives you peace of mind. For me, love is give-give, take-take. If you don't love me as much as I love you then I can't deal.

3 Likes

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Nobody: 7:31pm On Nov 29, 2020
Openbusiness:
That's the ROOT of the problem with most men having problems with marriage. They married the women they were dying for, but the problem is most of those women were not dying for them too grin. They marry the woman they love like crazy, but the woman just barely loves him. Or for some unfortunate guys, the woman just likes him, not even love; and then the super-unfortunate guys, the woman doesn't even love him at all, and she doesn't like him either but she only likes what he has, and that's why she chose to accept him.

There's nothing wrong with marrying a woman you're dying for. But before you marry that woman you love like CRAZY, just make sure she loves you CRAZIER than you do. Otherwise, na One Chance u don enta so oh grin
one cold star for you. grin

1 Like 1 Share

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by georgekingsley: 7:32pm On Nov 29, 2020
Englov:
28.11.2020 marked it 5yrs marriage anniversary for me and my spouse.

The experiences are as follows:

1. Do not marry because of beauty:

Beauty they say is to the eyes of the beholder. My wife was and is still beautiful in my eyes but that was not only the reason I married her.
I took my time and visited her place one time they had burial ceremony in her village. This was even before I proposed to her for marriage. I wanted to see her Mum and I did. I wanted to see how my wife will look like when she start aging. I equally wanted to know how peaceful her mum lives with the Dad because she won't tell me all this things.


2. In marriage it might not work always with your plan:

I remember a friend of mine told me that once he gets married, he will relocate from Nigeria to USA with the help of the wife's family staying in USA. I can remember I asked him; what if it didn't work as you have planned it? His answer was: I have never taught of it that way.
My man is marriage now with that lady. They have gotten 2 kids but they have not moved out till now. He no longer talk about moving to USA anymore though he could even afford it.
This doesn't mean you will not plan for yourself and your family. However, as you make your plans always have a plan B in case it didn't work out the same way you had planned it.
I have learned to always have plan B even as I work so had to make plan A possible.

3. When Your wife says Yes, she might mean No most of the times and vice versa:

Most of the times when you are doing the great job on the other room, if she is saying no,stop,etc pls don't stop oh. If you do she will turn back and say to you. Why did you stop? You will answer but you asked me to stop. She will ask you are you not man enough to know that I didn't mean stop? Immerging that someone asked you to stop something and she said she didn't mean it.
You must be man enough to know when she means what she is saying. You as a man must figure somethings out by yourself.


4. Child birth:
This in most cases does not go as planned. You might say you want boys as a man and she said she want girls or boys as the case maybe. It is only God that has ultimate say on this.
It took us 3 years to get our first baby and we are expecting another soon. In that first 3 years, we went to different hospitals me and my spouse was certified ok. She use to take in but after 2-3 months miscarriage will be experienced. In this experience months became years.
We spent a lot of money looking for solution and she was restless because of that until God gave us one.
Child birth during marriage is a different ball game all together to compare when you are in a friendly relationship. When you are in a relationship, you see pregnancy come and stay but after marriage the real business starts.


5. Never marry a lady because of what she told you:
When you finally decide to marry as a man, marry because of your own reasons. Never marry because the lady told you that anyone who married her will be entitled to this or that. Pls never fall for that cheap scam. Any lady above 30yrs wants to marry by all means. You don't know the pressure she is passing through so she will do anything possible to bring you in.
Lady's knows men wick point most of the times than we know their own. Remember they can talk to each other and share their experiences with men in their discussion than men do.


6. Women are strong than men but don't know:

Believe or not women are very strong being. Brother, one weekend try and stay at home and tell her to leave all her work for you. Try and do it, guy I bet you 90% of the men will not do 60% off the work women do at home.
They will do all this things go to work and come back, carry their baby, etc.


7. She Doesn't want competition:

No woman wants to see her man with another woman. She doesn't like competition oh! A woman would do anything possible to protect her home. Women are more spiritually inclined than men. If you really want to know a visit to spiritual homes will convince you. They believe that most of the things happening around us is more spiritual than physical.

8. Shape and Size:
Before our wedding I was 66kg in weight while she was 64kg that was 2015. But now in 2020, 5years after am 64kg and she is 76kg. She has gained 12kg and I have lost 2kg such is life. That slim fight girl you see today once you marry her she will gain weight this is natural to them.
If you must marry bear it in mind that she must gain weight and as she gains weight she might start losing shape.
I have bought so many weight loss medications and even waist trainer belt but it's still there.
I have learned to live with it.


9. Buying things:
Impulse buying is their hubby. Women can buy things that they will never use. Most of the times my wife bought she doesn't even know what they are used for. Most a times they buy because it looks good not even because they want to use it.


10. Gift:
Though everyone likes gift but women cherish gift so much. You want to get something from her buy her a gift more especially that thing she likes.


11. Love life:
Once you have a baby a portion of your love will be taking away from you and given to your babe. As you number of babies increased so as the love life shift hands to the babies. The more babies you have the less attention you get from your wife.

Modified:


12. Decision Making:
Never put your wife on autopilot decision Making. Never allow your spouse to always take decision without consulting you. If you allow this from the beginning changing it will be very difficult.
Say you are working in an offshore and you have to hand over your salary ATM card to your wife to spend on without a proper spending plan, then sorry is your nike name.
Even when you are not available, you can have a lay down plan for her. In case of eventuality do this or that.


13. Third party interference:

Never allow the interference of family members into your family affairs. This is dangerous to your family life. From the first day of my marriage, I told my wife that not my mum ,Dad or her parents must hear about our quarrel as I know is inevitable. This can only be possible if you know how to settle quarrels so I advise you learn this as it will help you. No quarrel should be allowed to stay too long without settling it.


14. Work/Job:
Your wife must know what you do for a living and she must be proud of it if not there is problem. I own a phone repair and parts sales center in PH and I am in this business with my wife. Am a graduate, she is as well and both of us are happy doing this business. She helps me a lot in the business. You must not force your wife to do what she didn't like doing, if you do you will not get a good result. You as a man must be proactive in your decision Making concerning work/job selection.


15. Financial status:

Your wife must know your financial status though not in details. This will help the family to stay in peace. Though you should be in charge of the spendings so as to work within your plans. Make provision for her pocket money because whether you like it or not she must get it from you more especially if she is not a working class.



It is really a wonderful experience. I love my wife and we are happy with each other.


Disclaimer:
The experiences learned and knowledge acquired are mostly personal to me and my spouse. This experiences may or may not be applicable to you and your spouse.



I would like you to add your own experience or knowledge acquired in your marriage life to guide those that wants to go into this.

Nice one. Am based in ph too and won't be a bad idea if we get to know each other,I could learn somethings from you
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Tecks10: 7:32pm On Nov 29, 2020
I'm glad to read this!

Marriage has been painted so badly nowadays. One thing we fail to understand is that there are so many people with happy marriages or in the least, not so bad marriages. But as we all know, bad news gets more publicity and that is why it is as though marriages, these days do not work out.

2 Likes

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by babajeje123(m): 7:36pm On Nov 29, 2020
baby124:

A man is responsible for keeping his home together. Not the woman primarily. The woman should cooperate but that responsibility of marriage and keeping a home together is largely dependent on the man. He has to provide shelter, security and food for his family. That is the traditional role since you want to pretend to be a traditionalist. In modern society the women have stepped up and are helping out tremendously. So, don’t bring this nonsense to me. Traditionally women only need to take care of the home but a man builds his own home by building his house, marrying a wife and providing for her so she can take care of his children. You better stop falling for misogynistic lies where men are encouraged to abscond responsibility.

The man should even be the prayer leader and warrior in the home, when he claims to be the head. If you don’t have a true male figure around you, then you need to change your circle because all what you wrote there does not align with your own cultural beliefs and you know it. grin

I come from a home where my father understood this clearly and my brothers have carried it on. The respect from their wives no be here. They understand that leadership, true leadership requires showing by example. This includes behaving yourself in marriage, taking time out for your children and taking on the responsibility to ensure your home is stable first and foremost and everyone is happy. Absolutely no excuse for bad behavior and they no there is none, none of our family will ever support them either when they behave badly. So they behave themselves.
A wise woman builds her home while the foolish one pulls it down. So primarily, it is the responsibility of a woman to build her home and keeps it together. However, it is the responsibility of the man to supply the materials for building.

3 Likes

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Ikennamurphy: 7:37pm On Nov 29, 2020
Openbusiness:
Just follow these 2 simple rules and there's a 97% chance everything else will fall in place and your marriage will be an enjoyable and lovable marriage:

1) Don't marry a woman you love more than she loves you. Marry a woman that loves you more than you love her. She must love you more. Don't even settle for 50/50. Maybe like 40/60, 30/70, 20/80 etc but don't be too extreme with it like 5/95, or you will end up running after your office secretary with big yansh grin

2) Never forget Rule #1
No general rule, I personally see it as pestering for a woman that loves me more, I prefer to love my woman bc that's what can make me to keep her, everyone knows himself

1 Like

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Sixfeetbelle: 7:39pm On Nov 29, 2020
This thread go still long pass river Nile so let me save my contribution for later tongue
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by baby124: 7:39pm On Nov 29, 2020
babajeje123:

A wise woman builds her home while the foolish one pulls it down. So primarily, it is the responsibility of a woman to build her home and keeps it together. However, it is the responsibility of the man to supply the materials for building.
No, that’s Christian beliefs. Not African beliefs

1 Like

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by matingo(f): 7:39pm On Nov 29, 2020
All I can deduce from your write up is that you're an okay guy

1 Like

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Frenzyboy(m): 7:40pm On Nov 29, 2020
grin grin grin grin
Openbusiness:
That's the ROOT of the problem with most men having problems with marriage. They married the women they were dying for, but the problem is most of those women were not dying for them too grin. They marry the woman they love like crazy, but the woman just barely loves him. Or for some unfortunate guys, the woman just likes him, not even love; and then the super-unfortunate guys, the woman doesn't even love him at all, and she doesn't like him either but she only likes what he has, and that's why she chose to accept him.

There's nothing wrong with marrying a woman you're dying for. But before you marry that woman you love like CRAZY, just make sure she loves you CRAZIER than you do. Otherwise, na One Chance u don enta so oh grin

1 Like

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by Nobody: 7:43pm On Nov 29, 2020
baby124:

Not true. It should be the other way around. The one who proposes marriage should love more. Especially if it’s the man, it helps anchor and stabilize the marriage better. Women tend to behave well if they are treated well. Men who love their wives truly, treat their wives well and have a good marriage, mostly.

Well you will prefer to be with a guy who loves you more and I will prefer to be with girl who loves me more. We all have our reasons why we chose it that way.
So just agree to disagree.

1 Like

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by frog12: 7:44pm On Nov 29, 2020
stop posting nonsense like this.
Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by DexterousOne(m): 7:44pm On Nov 29, 2020
Openbusiness:
Absolutely wrong! Marriage is essentially = family = home making. When it comes to a home / marriage working, a woman's role is more suited to keeping a marriage together. Women are more emotional than men, therefore a woman's emotions should be more invested in a marriage than a man's emotions, otherwise there will be crisis eventually.

For example, look at marriages in the past and marriages today. For our parents or ancestors marriages, it was common to find marriages like 50, 60 years old marriages, but marriages today hardly last. The older generations their marriages worked not because they were perfect or the husband didn't have flaws or was always wealthy etc. It worked because women of the past generations were more emotionally invested in their marriages than the men, and this kept the marriage goes even when they had storms in their relationships.

If the man failed to provide, their wives didn't just walk away, or find another richer boyfriend outside. No, they stayed and endured the poverty with their husbands. Some of them their husbands would beat them, but they didn't divorce, they went through that phase, even if it was a lot of pain, they stuck through it all to work out their marriage at all costs. Why? Because they were more emotionally invested in the marriage. They loved their husbands more.

But women who are not more emotional invested, usually at the first sight of any ish, they jump ship. They are already always packed and ready in their minds, just waiting for any opportunity to jump ship and not put in the work to keep their marriage together. Everything must be rosy or they jump ship. But a woman who is more emotionally invested, she is like a Captain, she will rather sink with her ship. She will stay and put in the work to make her marriage work.

Interesting
Even though I dont agree.
What you are posting is what dooms marriages today
Because the man subconsciously think he has a free pass to "screw things over " and somehow the wife will "captain the ship" like u said
I have come to learn that life is not a straight line, but a scatter graph
So even tho I dont agree
I wont invalidate your point

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by babajeje123(m): 7:44pm On Nov 29, 2020
baby124:

No, that’s Christian beliefs. Not African beliefs
In African beliefs, women are builders of their homes. The guy you quoted explained that. And of course, men were providers.

3 Likes

Re: 5-Year Marriage Experience: Lessons Learnt & Knowledge Acquired by tweakdude1: 7:48pm On Nov 29, 2020
Englov:
28.11.2020 marked it 5yrs marriage anniversary for me and my spouse.

The experiences are as follows:

1. Do not marry because of beauty:

Beauty they say is to the eyes of the beholder. My wife was and is still beautiful in my eyes but that was not only the reason I married her.
I took my time and visited her place one time they had burial ceremony in her village. This was even before I proposed to her for marriage. I wanted to see her Mum and I did. I wanted to see how my wife will look like when she start aging. I equally wanted to know how peaceful her mum lives with the Dad because she won't tell me all this things.


2. In marriage it might not work always with your plan:

I remember a friend of mine told me that once he gets married, he will relocate from Nigeria to USA with the help of the wife's family staying in USA. I can remember I asked him; what if it didn't work as you have planned it? His answer was: I have never taught of it that way.
My man is marriage now with that lady. They have gotten 2 kids but they have not moved out till now. He no longer talk about moving to USA anymore though he could even afford it.
This doesn't mean you will not plan for yourself and your family. However, as you make your plans always have a plan B in case it didn't work out the same way you had planned it.
I have learned to always have plan B even as I work so had to make plan A possible.

3. When Your wife says Yes, she might mean No most of the times and vice versa:

Most of the times when you are doing the great job on the other room, if she is saying no,stop,etc pls don't stop oh. If you do she will turn back and say to you. Why did you stop? You will answer but you asked me to stop. She will ask you are you not man enough to know that I didn't mean stop? Immerging that someone asked you to stop something and she said she didn't mean it.
You must be man enough to know when she means what she is saying. You as a man must figure somethings out by yourself.


4. Child birth:
This in most cases does not go as planned. You might say you want boys as a man and she said she want girls or boys as the case maybe. It is only God that has ultimate say on this.
It took us 3 years to get our first baby and we are expecting another soon. In that first 3 years, we went to different hospitals me and my spouse was certified ok. She use to take in but after 2-3 months miscarriage will be experienced. In this experience months became years.
We spent a lot of money looking for solution and she was restless because of that until God gave us one.
Child birth during marriage is a different ball game all together to compare when you are in a friendly relationship. When you are in a relationship, you see pregnancy come and stay but after marriage the real business starts.


5. Never marry a lady because of what she told you:
When you finally decide to marry as a man, marry because of your own reasons. Never marry because the lady told you that anyone who married her will be entitled to this or that. Pls never fall for that cheap scam. Any lady above 30yrs wants to marry by all means. You don't know the pressure she is passing through so she will do anything possible to bring you in.
Lady's knows men wick point most of the times than we know their own. Remember they can talk to each other and share their experiences with men in their discussion than men do.


6. Women are strong than men but don't know:

Believe or not women are very strong being. Brother, one weekend try and stay at home and tell her to leave all her work for you. Try and do it, guy I bet you 90% of the men will not do 60% off the work women do at home.
They will do all this things go to work and come back, carry their baby, etc.


7. She Doesn't want competition:

No woman wants to see her man with another woman. She doesn't like competition oh! A woman would do anything possible to protect her home. Women are more spiritually inclined than men. If you really want to know a visit to spiritual homes will convince you. They believe that most of the things happening around us is more spiritual than physical.

8. Shape and Size:
Before our wedding I was 66kg in weight while she was 64kg that was 2015. But now in 2020, 5years after am 64kg and she is 76kg. She has gained 12kg and I have lost 2kg such is life. That slim fight girl you see today once you marry her she will gain weight this is natural to them.
If you must marry bear it in mind that she must gain weight and as she gains weight she might start losing shape.
I have bought so many weight loss medications and even waist trainer belt but it's still there.
I have learned to live with it.


9. Buying things:
Impulse buying is their hubby. Women can buy things that they will never use. Most of the times my wife bought she doesn't even know what they are used for. Most a times they buy because it looks good not even because they want to use it.


10. Gift:
Though everyone likes gift but women cherish gift so much. You want to get something from her buy her a gift more especially that thing she likes.


11. Love life:
Once you have a baby a portion of your love will be taking away from you and given to your babe. As you number of babies increased so as the love life shift hands to the babies. The more babies you have the less attention you get from your wife.

Modified:


12. Decision Making:
Never put your wife on autopilot decision Making. Never allow your spouse to always take decision without consulting you. If you allow this from the beginning changing it will be very difficult.
Say you are working in an offshore and you have to hand over your salary ATM card to your wife to spend on without a proper spending plan, then sorry is your nike name.
Even when you are not available, you can have a lay down plan for her. In case of eventuality do this or that.


13. Third party interference:

Never allow the interference of family members into your family affairs. This is dangerous to your family life. From the first day of my marriage, I told my wife that not my mum ,Dad or her parents must hear about our quarrel as I know is inevitable. This can only be possible if you know how to settle quarrels so I advise you learn this as it will help you. No quarrel should be allowed to stay too long without settling it.


14. Work/Job:
Your wife must know what you do for a living and she must be proud of it if not there is problem. I own a phone repair and parts sales center in PH and I am in this business with my wife. Am a graduate, she is as well and both of us are happy doing this business. She helps me a lot in the business. You must not force your wife to do what she didn't like doing, if you do you will not get a good result. You as a man must be proactive in your decision Making concerning work/job selection.


15. Financial status:

Your wife must know your financial status though not in details. This will help the family to stay in peace. Though you should be in charge of the spendings so as to work within your plans. Make provision for her pocket money because whether you like it or not she must get it from you more especially if she is not a working class.



It is really a wonderful experience. I love my wife and we are happy with each other.


Disclaimer:
The experiences learned and knowledge acquired are mostly personal to me and my spouse. This experiences may or may not be applicable to you and your spouse.



I would like you to add your own experience or knowledge acquired in your marriage life to guide those that wants to go into this.


Thank you and God bless your marriage

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (Reply)

Promiscuous Dad / Annoying Attitudes Some Women Display / My Husband Was Beaten Mercilessly When Caught With Another Man’s Wife —wife

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 142
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.