₦airaland Forum

I would appreciate some contribution on this. How feasible is it for a guy to get into a relationship that works in Nigeria if he totally subscribes to gender equality?

Embracing equality would include things like:

*going dutch on dates (or better still, alternating who funds the outings),
*expecting the lady to be fully responsible for herself just as he is for himself, and
*not aligning with the idea that it is the man's sole responsibility to provide, and thus perennially baffled at the trite "my money is my money, your money is our money" expression.

The above do not, in any way, preclude acts of generosity. Such acts would however be seen and appreciated as privileges and not as rights.

I highlight seemingly financial matters because those are usually the sore points.

Thoughts please.

My two cents:

It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for the aforementioned to happen.

Somebody wake me up if that happens

That won't roll my dear...

Love gives ....if yhure too stingy to give...then yhure not ready

Godada:
My two cents:

It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for the aforementioned to happen.

Somebody wake me up if that happens

Lol.. On the contrary, I don't think it's "impossible", just rare.

Jodha:
That won't roll my dear...

Love gives ....if yhure too stingy to give...then yhure not ready

I'm sure I said it does not preclude acts of generosity.

TSBO:
I'm sure I said it does not preclude acts of generosity.

If yhu really care/love someone...yhu wouldn't bother about such frivolities ...

TSBO:
Lol.. On the contrary, I don't think it's "impossible", just rare.

Wake me up when you do

Jodha:
If yhu really care/love someone...yhu wouldn't bother about such frivolities ...

I wouldn't call them frivolities. But, if they indeed are, why then would you bother about them? And why wouldn't it "roll" as you said earlier? I mean, if they are frivolous, would you enter into a relationship where you are "responsible" for the guy? Since you love him.

Let's keep the logic tight.

TSBO:
I wouldn't call them frivolities. But, if they indeed are, why then would you bother about them? And why wouldn't it "roll" as you said earlier? I mean, if they are frivolous, would you enter into a relationship where you are "responsible" for the guy? Since you love him.

Let's keep the logic tight.

I would .....but it's not supposed to be that way....if he's struggling I'll surely support him in every way I can....

That's not the point sha....

Those should be things yhu do with love.... without thinking... it's not compulsory ..but it's mandatory

Jodha:
I would .....but it's not supposed to be that way....if he's struggling I'll surely support him in every way I can....

That's not the point sha....

Those should be things yhu do with love.... without thinking... it's not compulsory ..but it's mandatory

I agree with you in principle. However, that is not the crux of my post.

Let me clarify. Depending on your culture, things that seem like the norm in Nigeria, e.g., paying for a lady on a date, may even be considered offensive. Everyone is expected to carry their weight etc. My point is, if a guy subscribes totally to gender equality as stated in my original post (not because he is stingy or vengeful or anything of the sort, but probably due to his background or thinking pattern), can he successfully get into a relationship in Nigeria?

Everyone knows that you'd do stuff for people you like/care about from time to time, just to surprise em, make em happy, celebrate em, and so on. So that's not the point.

:That won't roll my dear...Love gives ....if yhure too stingy to give...then yhure not readyI'm sure I said it does not preclude acts of generosity.

Jodha:
If yhu really care/love someone...yhu wouldn't bother about such frivolities ...

Exactly. What U said goes both ways.
Why should a man only give?
To love is not bout giving.
It's bout loving someone unconditionally.
It's giving AND receiving.
It's to encourage, inspire, stand by each other thru good times and bad.
So if a man doesn't buy you frivolities and buy your food n pay your bills he doesn't love you? What has love got to do with material things?
Yes a man should look after his wife n his children the same way a woman should take care of her husband n children, but if a man is only dating you why should he have to support you lol.
I can imagine the stress of struggling to support himself aswell as help his family if they need it plus support a girl he's only dating would turn a man off from dating a girl who has that kinda logic I expect it has soured many a man's feelings toward women he could of loved unconditionally.
Just because we are women it doesn't make us entitled to sit on our ass n make a man struggle to support us.
Especially if the woman expects it and acts entitled to it.
This kinda logic gets me angry because in Nigeria every day is a struggle n women should be doing their fair share instead of just expecting a man to love a burden.
Relationships here are more like an escort transaction. U pay me sir n I will let you think you're my boyfriend! I can imagine how much stress, struggling and heartbreak alot of men have gone thru just to try have a girlfriend.
No wonder I see how on here nairaland men constantly have no respect for women in this country.

TSBO:
I agree with you in principle. However, that is not the crux of my post.

Let me clarify. Depending on your culture, things that seem like the norm in Nigeria, e.g., paying for a lady on a date, may even be considered offensive. Everyone is expected to carry their weight etc. My point is, if a guy subscribes totally to gender equality as stated in my original post (not because he is stingy or vengeful or anything of the sort, but probably due to his background or thinking pattern), can he successfully get into a relationship in Nigeria?

Everyone knows that you'd do stuff for people you like/care about from time to time, just to surprise em, make em happy, celebrate em, and so on. So that's not the point.

The answer to your question is simply "YES" It's possible to meet Nigerians both males and females who won't have a problem with that kind of gender equality to the core in its practicality.

Jodha:
That won't roll my dear...

Love gives ....if yhure too stingy to give...then yhure not ready

Why is it always give for you? You never say what you will contribute

TSBO:
I agree with you in principle. However, that is not the crux of my post.

Let me clarify. Depending on your culture, things that seem like the norm in Nigeria, e.g., paying for a lady on a date, may even be considered offensive. Everyone is expected to carry their weight etc. My point is, if a guy subscribes totally to gender equality as stated in my original post (not because he is stingy or vengeful or anything of the sort, but probably due to his background or thinking pattern), can he successfully get into a relationship in Nigeria?

Everyone knows that you'd do stuff for people you like/care about from time to time, just to surprise em, make em happy, celebrate em, and so on. So that's not the point.

Short answer - No
Long answer - If you carry big man daughter or sugar mummy.

Activist001:
Short answer - No
Long answer - If you carry big man daughter or sugar mummy.

Hahaha. You "almost" spoke my mind on the matter. The small part left is because I have met a few ladies like that. However, I realise that even those who claim to be independent still have some level of entitlement (the independence is usually in not voicing it out lol).

In my view, entitlement is a very cultural here. Hence, it might be difficult for ladies brought up within the Nigerian culture to break away from it.

Mrscarter:
Exactly. What U said goes both ways.
Why should a man only give?
To love is not bout giving.
It's bout loving someone unconditionally.
It's giving AND receiving.
It's to encourage, inspire, stand by each other thru good times and bad.
So if a man doesn't buy you frivolities and buy your food n pay your bills he doesn't love you? What has love got to do with material things?
Yes a man should look after his wife n his children the same way a woman should take care of her husband n children, but if a man is only dating you why should he have to support you lol.
I can imagine the stress of struggling to support himself aswell as help his family if they need it plus support a girl he's only dating would turn a man off from dating a girl who has that kinda logic I expect it has soured many a man's feelings toward women he could of loved unconditionally.
Just because we are women it doesn't make us entitled to sit on our ass n make a man struggle to support us.
Especially if the woman expects it and acts entitled to it.
This kinda logic gets me angry because in Nigeria every day is a struggle n women should be doing their fair share instead of just expecting a man to love a burden.
Relationships here are more like an escort transaction. U pay me sir n I will let you think you're my boyfriend! I can imagine how much stress, struggling and heartbreak alot of men have gone thru just to try have a girlfriend.
No wonder I see how on here nairaland men constantly have no respect for women in this country.

Ma'am.. I wish I could give more likes. It is unbelievable. There are ladies I've really liked, regardless of their financial status, but just couldn't cope with the entitlement mentality. I'm always baffled, cos it is very (and I mean very difficult) for me to make sense of it. Prolly cos of my background. No one in my family is allowed to be entitled, not parent, not siblings. So when I meet people and they act that way, o ma n shock mi bakan. And I have really tried, I have, but I have realised I cannot cope with it.

The irony is that, a lady that is nonentitled benefits even more from me cos I don't feel used. I do things I'll never do with entitled folks.. My lifestyle has always been "live well below your means", so I cannot even accommodate someone that's not contented.

I blame guys though, cos it seems many have their self esteem tied to their ability to spend.. I don't have such issues, or better still, my disdain for entitlement is stronger than my desire for "purchased admiration/love".