₦airaland Forum

Sixfeetbelle:
Even without being a housewife, a woman can help around the house and pick up financial responsibilities which Op's girlfriend already said she'd do. Why does he need her to pick up stipulated responsibilities, i.e. having divided financial roles? And what happens to that divided responsibilities and roles peradventure he becomes broke? Will she be expected to take up more roles in the time being? Will she agree to it willingly?


I ask this cause I notice men are always eager to push for the 50/50 financial role in the home but fail to imagine what the wife might do if he can't cover his own part of the expenses.

He needs her to pickup stipulated financial roles because he's planning on investing a reasonable amount of money on her. Or didn't you read that part?

If she wants to remain a housewife, then there's no need for him to spend such money on her. He can use it to expand his business then use the proceedings to take care of her and the family.

The reason he's investing so much on her is because he wants financial relief, someone that can help him absorb petite domestic responsibilities.

lekki1444:
some men because of their karmic debt are put down on this planet to work in affliction taking care of their wives. its like a punishment. I can check if you fall into that category by looking at your star alignment. what is your date of birth and what is hers ? so i can look at both of your star alignments

Can you check my star alignment to discover wether I will marry this year?

Dbeautifulme:
Sit her down and make her reason your own way bro.
My wife said more than this before we got married... As a patient man
I didn't like it but I was just watching back then
Even my mum supported her to my annoyance lool...

But what do we have today?
When I don't really have too much with me she supports on virtually Everthing as she even earns more than me sef
And when I have I take control as well.
See heen marriage is a long time thing
It's pointless when your partners Purpose dosent align wif yours o
Me am enjoying mine to the best God is helping us and we give glory to God.

Oh God another lucky man that find a good wife in present Nigeria. Good luck we are left now send me 2k

stacyadams:



Shebi na for this nairaland, I read story of one man wey go burn him wife shop as she no d contribute anything for house.


I support OP from now till Jesus come

Haha Wicked boy

Nazgul:
If that's your mindset then you're selfish.

Besides any man doing such would be a chronic cheat. Mark my words, what makes men responsible is the role of the woman in their lives.

I've seen men who send their wives abroad and spend their life here in Nigeria sampling various vaginas. They feel the woman has nothing to offer them aside birth their kids.

If all you do is to open your legs and pop out children, why should he be faithful to you when you're not adding value to his life?

It's common sense.

Wow, just wow!

So you think men who don't cheat do so because their wives contribute financially

Nothing wey person no go see for Nairaland

Wetlink:
Wow, just wow!

So you think men who don't cheat do so because their wives contribute financially

Nothing wey person no go see for Nairaland

Never ever quote me if you don't understand the context of my post...I don't have the strength to keep explaining myself over and over again.

Go back to my conversation with her and read the replies it's so easy.

JayReeMai:
or when the money is no longer there. My uncle is facing something like this, he’s regretting ever getting married.

What happened bro share with us now so that we can learn that's why we are reading comments

Nazgul:
Never ever quote me if you don't understand the context of my post...I don't have the strength to keep explaining myself over and over again.

Go back to my conversation with her and read the replies it's so easy.

I should never ever quote you on a public forum?
You think this is your bedroom?
Are you okay at all?

You type utter nonsense and say I shouldn't quote you because you are who?

Move away abeg.

Nazgul:
He needs her to pickup stipulated financial roles because he's planning on investing a reasonable amount of money on her. Or didn't you read that part?

If she wants to remain a housewife, then there's no need for him to spend such money on her. He can use it to expand his business then use the proceedings to take care of her and the family.

The reason he's investing so much on her is because he wants financial relief, someone that can help him absorb petite domestic responsibilities.

She already said she'd help around the house, without having that stipulated responsibilities hanging over her head. But if his idea of investing in her business is to assign specific roles to her, then he should invest it in himself and leave her be. I hope he knows if he ever goes broke, he shouldn't expect her to bail his ass out.




You didn't answer this question.

And what happens to that divided responsibilities and roles peradventure he becomes broke? Will she be expected to take up his roles also in the time being till he comes back to his feet? Will she be capable and willing to?

Wetlink:
I should never ever quote you on a public forum?
You think this is your bedroom?
Are you okay at all?

You type utter nonsense and say I shouldn't quote you because you are who?

Move away abeg.

Yes never quote me cos you lack comprehension skills, and I don't have that time to keep explaining to you when what I wrote I there for you to read.

Next time learn to read and understand before objecting to what a person says. Speaking without understanding makes you sound foolish.

Psoul:
My brother, let me advise you.
First of all, are you ready to get married?
If the answer is yes, then listen.
The question you asked the lady is the most irresponsible question to ask a woman and especially at this point.
Secondly, bringing this to ur mother's attentions shows un-manliness and a man not yet capable to handle his family affairs.
What if your mother happened to be one of those women that belived that their daughter inlaws, should be asslickers. She would've condemned ur to be wife and u start from the beginning to look for another woman.

Now listen, I think you should be praying for more opened doors and the strength to make more money.
When u have all the money you want, will u be asking your wife which of the family financial responsibilities she will undertake.
Real men feel happy when they are able to provide everything their family need.
Real men don't ask their wives how much did she make from her business or have u received ur salary.

Women are not wired to take care of family financial responsibilities just the same way men are not wired to take care of family domestic chores.
A man will prefer to stay under the sun to make money to sitting in the house baby-sitting his child vice versa.

Never ask your wife which financial responsibility will she take up. When the money comes, she will definitely help out i the family and you will be happy. Never tell her to come and account for money she makes from her business.
Open the business for her and take ur eyes off from it.

Let me tell you this.
When I met my wife, she was in her final year in the university. We started courting. I noticed that she has this flare for a particular biz. She went for service. Without her knowing, I secured a big shop for her. She came back. I told her that, I want her to continue with that biz she was doing as a student but in a bigger way. Took her to the shop I secured. Gave her money to stock it up.
My brother, for many years now, I have never collected a dime from her from that shop. I still from time to time give her No-interest loan to improve the shop and pay back gradually.

The benefits.
Sometimes, when I want to give her money for the family upkeep, she will tell me never to worry that she has some money.
I can't remember the last time I went to market to buy any of my wears. She knows the sizes of everything I wears from undies to corporate wears. She buys them without even asking. She does same for our kids and houshelp.

In some occasions, she had come to tell me that she has paid for all our kids school fees that I should no longer bother about them. That I should concentrate with more serious investments.

My brother, two things u should pray for are:
More money for you and let the woman be a good person.

Asking her that question will frighten and and make her to start hiding her money from you.
So be properly guided.


@Zzor, what do u have to say

Another lucky man from another planet, for you to get a woman that buys you clothes in Nigeria bro you should fast for one month and thank almighty God

Webmannigeria:
You bn dating her, so you should know the kind of person she is and the question wouldn't arise. You will know the one that will naturally help and the one that won't.....

I use to have a girl then whenever she notices that I don't have and she has, she will without my asking transfer or put her own money to my wallet and then I know another that regardless of what she has, she will constantly be looking for means to GET MORE from me..........

So base on what you know about her, take your decision

Another lucky guy where do you get such kind of girlfriend abeg in Nigeria form great beyond?

Sixfeetbelle:
When she's willing to be the second head, not when it is forced on her.

If she's being expected to cater for some roles because he insisted on it, what do you think she'll do if peradventure the husband can't cater for his own roles?

that is why she's works in the first place. To lend an helping hand in times of crisis till he's financially capable

Sixfeetbelle:
She already said she'd help around the house, without having that stipulated responsibilities hanging over her head. But if his idea of investing in her business is to assign specific roles to her, then he should invest it in himself and leave her be. I hope he knows if he ever goes broke, he shouldn't expect her to bail his ass out.




You didn't answer this question.

And what happens to that divided responsibilities and roles peradventure he becomes broke? Will she be expected to take up his roles also in the time being till he comes back to his feet? Will she be capable and willing to?

Do you even understand the meaning of marriage?

Or don't see where it's clearly written in your Bible that the two become one. Meaning if one party is down the other must support and encourage the other party till he/she gets back on their feet.

Or you think marriage is all about you?

Do you think marriage is easy in Nigeria? You ladies just want to get married but have no clue or idea of what marriage is all about.

Even if you're earning up to 500k per month, by the time you remove household expenses from that money you'll discover that you need help and when your wife isn't willing to come into the picture for reasons best know to her isn't that selfishness?

Like I said if the woman in question isn't ready to assist the home, then there's no need for the man to invest in her period.

onyenatruchi:
is she a yoruba woman if she is a yoruba woman it will end in premium tears

I'm a fulani boy but I will never agree with you Yoruba women are the most hardworking and supportive when it comes to marriage my dear.

Liposure:
that is why she's works in the first place. To lend an helping hand in times of crisis pending when he's financially capable

You're misunderstanding my point.

He wants her to be supporting the family based on a particular assigned role. Eg she pays for water and light, he pays for school fees and rent. The girlfriend doesn't want that. She wants to maybe pay for water bill if his salary for the month doesn't cover that because something else came up (such that if he ever runs out of cash, she will step in but she doesn't want to be required to be doing it everytime)

Now if she's being forced to be responsible for water and light bill every month with proceeds from her business, do you think she'll be willing to cover any other expenses if by bad luck, husband can't come through? Will she be able (financially) to step in?

thinkmoney:
It's risky to go into marriage with such people. One can't be sure of anything in the future. There are countless examples of even aged women that just leave there husband to live in a beggerly state often when the old man isn't working again because of age. She faces her business (shop, that the husband set up way back), do what she can for the now matured children (that the husband obviously trained) and for her own immediate family. At this stage the husband probably gets lucky if he gets sex once in a year.
A responsible and truly educated woman will know child rearing and home building is a joint venture. Everybody brings what they are capable of to the table.
A good example is the industrious woman in Proverbs 31. She is said to buy linen, blanket etc

You sound sarcastic I swear, are you alpha male too? You mean once in a year?

Is she a good woman? What virtues does she hold dear? Is she committed even to very little things as little as fulfilling her promises? During the course of your relationship, has she helpedin all areas including financially?

Does she have a good heart? No good woman will sit around and wait for her husband to provide to for her children when she can provide as well. Most children prefer to ask mums first.

Asking that question wasn't a smart move. U should know her kind of person by now. Has she been contributing?

Her normal sense should tell her she should bring so much to the table.

What kind of woman is she? What does she stand for? These should answer your questions on whether she will leave u to foot all bills or not.

You didn't have to ask her to know or get your answer. All the moments u had is evidence enough!

OgechiUba21:
Ask her if she's a feminist, if she says "yes" and she still have this mentality then you should probably put a pause on the proposal and watch her closely, that's being greedy after identifying as a feminist, but if she says "No" then obviously she still has the old fashioned thinking that men are the head of the Family and are to shoulder all responsibilities. It's now you that would educate her that marriage is about " You scratch my back, I scratch yours".

But bottom line is if there's love and understanding, both of you would cater for different things in the home depending on capabilities even without asking or grudge.

Old fashioned thinking Don't kill me abeg

Nazgul:
Do you even understand the meaning of marriage?

Or don't see where it's clearly written in your Bible that the two become one. Meaning if one party is down the other must support and encourage the other party till he/she gets back on their feet.

Or you think marriage is all about you?

Do you think marriage is easy in Nigeria? You ladies just want to get married but have no clue or idea of what marriage is all about.

Even if you're earning up to 500k per month, by the time you remove household expenses from that money you'll discover that you need help and when your wife isn't willing to come into the picture for reasons best know to her isn't that selfishness?

Like I said if the woman in question isn't ready to assist the home, then there's no need for the man to invest in her period.

I need you to see this from my point of view without breaking a sweat, alright? I need you to reason with me here, and not get too involved, okay? Good.

He wants her to have specific roles, and she wants to help out if need arises. That's the fact on this post. Another fact is that he plans to invest in her business so she will have the money to take up predetermined roles in the home, while she plans to use the money from the business to help out if the home needs it.

Let's keep this in mind too.

If we go by your marriage is one and there's no selfishness mantra, we understand that he wanting her to have specific roles will ultimately stop her from helping out if need arises because she already has a predetermined role to achieve by the end of the month. And if her savings is going to these roles, she won't have extra to 'step in and help' when it calls for it. See my point.

So I reiteriate my question thus:

What happens to that divided responsibilities and roles peradventure he becomes broke? Will she be expected to take up his roles also in the time being till he comes back to his feet? Will she be capable and willing to?

Hassanmaye:
Haha Wicked boy

My manci

citee:
I really wonder where this man has to do everything in the house mentality came from.

In modern families where income comes from both the husband and wife, the wife should deliberately take on some responsibilities in the home. It doesn't have to be 50 - 50, even if it is 90 - 10, at least that way the man knows he has support.

I see a lot of selfish women these days some of whom even earn as much if not more than the husband but refuse to make any financial contribution to the home.

This is why a lot of men die before their time due to the financial the burden they are left to bear alone.

This attitude has to stop!

Correct alpha

Dameland:
Your childish behaviour shows how much you have been influenced by listening to all the nonsense from those immature relationship experts on Nairaland forum. Welcome to the Real world.
Which man asks of his wife how much she will be contributing to the family when they marry.

Thank God for your correct parents and mother-in-law. There is hope for you. You better wake up.

You mean our alpha male advising us here on nairaland are children abeg stop this

Sixfeetbelle:
I need you to see this from my point of view without breaking a sweat, alright? I need you to reason with me here, and not get too involved, okay? Good.

He wants her to have specific roles, and she wants to help out if need arises. That's the fact on this post. Another fact is that he plans to invest in her business so she will have the money to take up predetermined roles in the home, while she plans to use the money from the business to help out if the home needs it.

Let's keep this in mind too.

If we go by your marriage is one and there's no selfishness mantra, we understand that he wanting her to have specific roles will ultimately stop her from helping out if need arises because she already has a predetermined role to achieve by the end of the month. And if her savings is going to these roles, she won't have extra to 'step in and help' when it calls for it. See my point.

So I reiteriate my question thus:

What happens to that divided responsibilities and roles peradventure he becomes broke? Will she be expected to take up his roles also in the time being till he comes back to his feet? Will she be capable and willing to?

You're still moving in circles.

Let me make it very easy for you so you'll understand much better.

You're living with your sibling, both of you agreed to contribute to pay the house rent, and some other bills. Then your sibling looses his/her job, as a person would you turn a blind eye to his/her predicament and demand his/her divided share of the agreed contribution or would you sort it out yourself since you have the money and you know they don't have it at the moment?

Kindly answer that question directly without beating around the bush.

Sixfeetbelle:
You're misunderstanding my point.

He wants her to be supporting the family based on a particular assigned role. Eg she pays for water and light, he pays for school fees and rent. The girlfriend doesn't want that. She wants to maybe pay for water bill if his salary for the month doesn't cover that because something else came up (such that if he ever runs out of cash, she will step in but she doesn't want to be required to be doing it everytime)

Now if she's being forced to be responsible for water and light bill every month with proceeds from her business, do you think she'll be willing to cover any other expenses if by bad luck, husband can't come through? Will she be able (financially) to step in?

we are both saying the same thing tho i understand your perspective. Its a choice

Nazgul:
You're still moving in circles.

Let me make it very easy for you so you'll understand much better.

You're living with your sibling, both of you agreed to contribute to pay the house rent, and some other bills. Then your sibling looses his/her job, as a person would you turn a blind eye to his/her predicament and demand his/her divided share of the agreed contribution or would you sort it out yourself since you have the money and you know they don't have it at the moment?

Kindly answer that question directly without beating around the bush.

But I won't have the money to sort it out. That's the point here!

Normally, I would have the money if my sibling was the only one taking care of everything before that incident. But since I share the responsibilities with him, I won't.

Sixfeetbelle:
But I won't have the money to sort it out. That's the point here!

Normally, I would have the money if my sibling was the only one taking care of everything before that incident. But since I share the responsibilities with him, I won't.

Lol...you ladies are so funny and self centered. This your answer is the reason why so many marriages crash before it even begins.

Work on your mindset. If you don't know the meaning of sacrifice then there's no need going into marriage. Just become a career person have a kid or two and live your life happily.

RichAbujaGuy:
Op, so she thinks one income will suffice a new family in the 21st century and during a global pandemic?
Dump her immediately with that selfish mindset!!!!!!! No talk, no reasoning or negotiating, just rubbish her and find a nice babe that wants to contribute from the start and give you peace of mind. This one signals future mental pain, stress, and suffering.

Humour time.
WTF, is she bringing to the table?

Haha another wicked boy Don't kill me before my time

Nazgul:
Lol...you ladies are so funny and self centered. This your answer is the reason why so many marriages crash before it even starts.

Work on your mindset. If you don't know the meaning of sacrifice then there's no need going into marriage. Just become a career person have a kid or two and live your life happily.

Why are you going off tangent? I'm being practical here and I need a practical solution too.

Which mindset do I need to work on? How am I being self centered? I like being realistic so please humor me. If most of my salary go into the running of the home as do my husbands, whose will he borrow when the need arises?

Sixfeetbelle:
Why are you going off tangent? I'm being practical here and I need a practical solution too.

Which mindset do I need to work on? How am I being self centered? I like being realistic so please humor me. If most of my salary go into the running of the home as do my husbands, whose will he borrow when the need arises?

You're the one going off point.

So where will your salary go if not your home?

And why should your husband borrow money from you to run a home which you belong to?

If he tells you his problem and you remain mute waiting for him to borrow from you doesn't that make you self centered?

What stops you from cutting the cost of the household expenses and supporting him however you can without asking for a refund pending when he'll get back on his feet?

If you the one who runs into financial crisis and he gives you money and asks you to pay him back how would you react, wouldn't you call him a stingy fellow and all manner of degoratory names?

Why must everything be about you?

Hassanmaye:
You sound sarcastic I swear, are you alpha male too? You mean once in a year?

I read signs dear. I don't like wishing away bad signs in relationship. I trust you are good

shomutuski:
Boss you valid, it is a well known fact that during the course of marriage trials would come and go, sapaa will come and go and it won't be all rosy. As a man like you my investment in my girlfriend/wife to be is only to cushion the effects of whatever test that comes our way but i have to the realization that women don't think this way maybe not all shaa but the bulk of them. they want to eat their cake and have it. They want a serial provider and don't want to provide even relationships of today you'll see girls not doing shii for their bf and they ask ask ask and bicker like the bvthces they are when you can't provide. some even go as far as sleeping with men outside for rewards or switching up in their marriages.

back to your matter! I'll share a word my dad told me and he said whatever you do for a woman, do it out of the kindness of your heart because it's like pouring water inside a basket. Don't expect nothing in return. If another man comes and best all your doings, she'll forget you in an instant. They are monkey branchers by nature.
I'll advise you to support and business by providing her with a little sum for startup make she Hussle the rest sabi sey street no easy and use your money as you intend to earlier. let the investment be the failsafe contingency incase shii wan rub you cus lack of money go make woman disrespect man for marriage wella.

Personally I think it's high time we menfolk start dating or looking or looking to settle with women who are capable to help us or our marriages, women do it everytime and call it hypergamy. she'll leave you once you can't provide. Let's do the same, nobody wan marry woman wey no fit help.

Imagine giving your wife monthly upkeep and feeding money plus she works and earn, you go broke one period and she no fit even borrow you 50k talk less of dash you sef. which kind woman be that.

We sef come life to enjoy ooo, no be every time give give give

Lol I tell you bro most women think men are stupid, the moment a woman has money she doesn't need a man, or she wants a man from higher social standing, but you will see rich man marrying a poor girl, some to the extent of coming from abroad and marry his old time girlfriend, which woman will do that?